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"  There  dashed  suddenly  past  us,  in  the  rear  of  the  blazing  fire, 
a  white  horse  bearing  a  gigantic  female  form  with 
flowing  garments  and  long  white  hair." 


JOHN'S  ALIVE; 


OR, 

THE  BRIDE  OF  A  GHOST, 

AND 

OTHER  SKETCHES. 

Bv 

MAJOR  JONES,  of  Pineville,  Ga., 

AUTHOR  OF  "MAJOR  JONES'S  COURTSHIP,"  "  MAJOR  JONES'S 
TRAVELS,"  ETC.,  ETC. 

TEN  ORIGINAL  FULL-PAGE  ILLUSTRATIONS, 

By  H.  T.  Cariss. 


PHILADELPHIA: 

DAVID  MCKAY, 

No.  23  South  Ninth  Street. 

1883. 


Copyright,  1883,  by  David  McKay. 


PREFACE. 


The  sketehes  of  which  this  book  is  composed,  were 
written  by  the  late  Colonel  William  T.  Thompson,  whose 
reputation  as  the  author  of  the  inimitable  and  popular 
Major  Jones's  Courtship  is  national. 

They  are  based  upon  incidents  of  his  personal  expe- 
rience, and  were  prepared  by  him  to  pass  away  a  few 
leisure  hours. 

After  his  death,  these  sketches  were  carefully  sought  for, 
and  collected  as  a  labor  of  love,  by  his  daughter,  Mrs.  M. 
A.  Wade,  who  conceived  the  idea  of  publishing  them  in 
their  present  shape. 

The  sketches,  while  written  in  a  humorous  vein,  are  not 
in  the  rustic  Georgia  dialect,  and  the  style  is  somewhat 
different  from  that  adopted  in  the  work  that  made  the 
name  of  "  Major  Jones  "  famous ;  nevertheless  his  friends 
will  have  no  difficulty  in  recognizing  in  them  the  crea- 
tions of  the  same  genius. 

With  the  hope  and  confidence  that  the  sketches  will 
meet  with  a  kind  and  pleasurable  reception  from  the 
public  at  large  on  their  literary  merit,  it  is  believed  that 

579262  (V) 


vi 


PREFACE. 


many  will  find  an  additional  interest  in  the  historical  inci- 
dents related  of  the  Florida  campaign  against  the  Seminole 
Indians,  in  which  the  author  was  a  participant.  The  pa- 
thetic background  of  truth,  but  half  hidden  behind  the 
humorous  fancies  of  the  writer,  will  add  much  to  their 
value  in  the  eyes  of  those  who  would  find  instruction 
even  in  their  hours  of  recreation. 


CONTENTS. 


JOHN'S  ALIVE,  OE  THE  BKIDE  OF  A  GHOST;  BEING  A 
TKUE  HISTOKY  OF  TRUE  LOVE. 

PAGE 

Chapter  I. — John  commences  his  narrative — Declines  giving  the 
usual  pedigree,  but  sets  off  at  once  with  his  story — Offers  a 
plea  in  extenuation  of  his  prevailing  faults — A  brief  allusion 
to  his  youth — A  description  of  his  first  and  only  love — Elysian 
days — Rivalry — Coquetry — Jealousy — Lovers'  quarrels — The 
party — Mr.  Thaw's  Daguerreotype — The  caricature — Hitting 
a  profile—The  ladies'  man — Blighted  hopes — Despondency,    .  17 

Chapter  II. — John's  malady  increases  until  it  becomes  a  settled 
melancholy — Lackadaisical  philosophy — Revenge  meditated 
— Thoughts  of  suicide— Funeral  procession — The  graveyard — 
A  plan  conceived — The  farewell  letter — Graveyard  at  mid- 
night— The  doctors  surprised — The  interview — Bribery — The 
resurrection — The  Dutchman  and  the  corpse — Drowning  by 
proxy,  34 

Chapter  III. — J ohn's  compunctions  of  conscience— The  announce- 
ment in  the  papers — Wavers  in  his  purpose — conflicting  emo- 
tions— Attends  his  own  funeral — Makes  many  interesting  ob- 
servations there— Determines  to  leave  Philadelphia— His  de- 
parture for  New  York — Doleful  reflections— Sails  for  New 
Orleans — Sea-sickness— The  dandy — The  lieutenant's  remedy 
— John's  preventive — Happy  effects  of  the  voyage,  .      .  .45 

(vii) 


V1U  CONTENTS. 


Chaptek  IV.-John  tries  merchandising  in  New  Orleans-Soon  ^ 
relapses  into  his  former  despondency-Seeks  to  "drown  it  in 
thebowl»-Gets  into  a  fight  on  the  levee-is  lodged  in  the 
Calaboose-With  difficulty  obtains  his  release-Fortnnes  at  a 
low  ebb-Sans  money,  sans  friends,  sans  everything-Enlists 
in  the  army  of  General  Gaines-Sail.s  for  Florida-Improved 
state  of  feeling,  the  effect  of  hard  marching-Hnman  natnre 
with  the  bark  off-Camp  courtesy-Dade's  battle-ground- 
John's  partiality  for  the  General  expressed,     ,  5o 

CHAPTEBV.-TheWithlacoochee-Thefirstfight-John'speculiar 
sensations  on  that  occasion-The  second  encounter-Attack  in 
the  breastworks-The  music  of  a  rifle-ball  an  exception  to  the 
rule-Seminole  dentistry-Battle  at  night-John  is  wounded- 
Short  rations  and  hard  fighting-Desperate  onset-The  armis- 
tice-The  council- A  dainty  morsel-The  surprise-The  re- 
lief—Eeturn  to  Camp  Smith, 
Chapter  Vl.-John  becomes  weary  of  camp  life-Expedient  for  " 
relieving  its  monotony-The  hunting  party-Florida  scenery 
-A  mimic  Eden-The  rural  lounge-Thoughts  of  pastoral 
life-Influence  of  association-Mankind  an  element-Pastoral 
recreation-The  attack-The  escape-Night  in  the  swamp- 
Search  for  the  camp-The  surprise-The  chase-John  becomes 
amphibious, 

Chapter  VIL-John  emerges  from  his  concealment-Fever^De'  ^ 

hnum-Insensibiiity-Eecovery-Despondency-Eeviving 
Influence  of  the  brightening  dawn-Morning  repast-A  new 
feelmg-His  wanderings-Second  night  in  the  wilderness- 
Dreams-The  evening  gun-Arrival  at  the  St.  Johns-Joyful 
emotions  on  first  reaching  the  army-Surgical  operation-Eule 
for  estimating  degrees  of  pain-Eecovery-Eeflections  upon 
the  past-Eeformation  resolved  upon -Eeturn  to  Philadel- 
phia, . 

 89 


CONTENTS. 


ix 


PAGE 


Chapter  VIII.— John  determines  to  reconnoitre  before  making 
himself  known— Ascertains  that  his  family  are  all  still  living 
—Visits  Mary's  residence— Discovers  his  old  rival  in  the  act 
of  pressing  his  suit— The  ghost  acts  an  important  part— Mr. 
Thaw's  encounter  with  the  ghost— His  discomfiture,        .       .  100 

Chapter  IX.— John  begins  to  apprehend  that  he  is  carrying  the 
joke  too  far— Seeks  an  interview  with  an  old  friend— With  dif- 
ficulty establishes  his  own  identity,  and  engages  him  to  prepare 
his  family  for  his  reception— The  meeting— Convinces  Mary 
that  he  is  no  ghost— Discovers  a  new  relative— The  wedding- 
day  appointed— Two  grooms  to  one  bride— The  wedding— The 
ghost  again— The  astonished  parson— The  explanation— The 
Consummation — The  end,   .113 

GOING  ASHOKE,  .125 

EECOLLECTIONS  OF  THE  FLOEIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836. 

Number  One. — The  Alarm,  139 

Number  Two.— Keturn  from  the  prairie— Moonlight  scene— Burial  , 
of  the  dead,  14g 

Number  Three.— Picket  guard— Stormy  night— Snug  quarters- 
Patrick  Fagan  and  the  Georgia  Stag,  159 

Number  Four— Fort  Drane— Night  in  camp— Patrick  Fagan 
and  Phelim  O'Brien— Johnny  Hogan  and  the  ghost,       .       .  175 

Number  Five— The  General's  horse,  187 

WHAT  HAPPENED  IN  THE  SUGAK  CAMPS  OF  THE 
MAHONING  VALLEY,      .  197 

THE  BUEGLAES  OF  IOLA;  A  FEONTIEE  SKETCH. 

Chapter  I.,   .219 

Chapter  II.,   .  233 

Chapter  III., .   242 

Chapter  IV.,        :   254 


LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS. 


PAGE 

"  There  dashed  suddenly  past  us,  in  the  rear  of  the  blazing  fire, 
a  white  horse  bearing  a  gigantic  female  form  with  flowing 
garments  and  long  white  hair,"      ....  Frontispiece. 

"  I'll  try  my  hand  at  your  profile,"  30 

"  Ain't  this  ship  turning  around,  mister?  "  54 

"I  grasped  him  by  the  ankles  and  .  .  .  tossed  him  into  the  street,"  108 

"John's  alive  !  I  exclaimed,  as  the  door  flew  open,"     .       .  .121 

"  A  faint c  Oh  Lordy  ! '  from  Mr.  Hill  was  succeeded  by  a  cry  of 

'man  overboard,'  "  133 

"A  form,  whose  snowy  whiteness  was  even  discernible  in  the 
darkness  of  the  night,  came  crawling  out  at  the  open  end  of 
the  barrel,"  165 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,  Mr.  Fagan,"  170 

"  Sthop,  gintlemen,  its  all  gone ;  divil  the  drop's  left  in  the  world,"  179 

"  Good  morning,  to  your  night-cap,"  252 


JOHN'S  ALIVE 

OB 

THE  BEIDE  OF  A  GHOST: 

BEING 

A  TRUE  HISTORY  OF  TRUE  LOVE. 


CHAPTER  I. 

John  commences  his  narrative — Declines  giving  the  usual  pedigree, 
but  sets  off  at  once  with  his  story — Offers  a  plea  in  extenuation  of 
his  prevailing  faults — A  brief  allusion  to  his  youth — A  description 
of  his  first  and  only  love — Elysian  days — Kivalry — Coquetry — 
Jealousy — Lovers'  quarrels — The  party — Mr.  Thaw's  Daguerreo- 
type—The caricature— Hitting  a  profile— The  lady's  man— Blighted 
hopes — Despondency. 

I  know  that  it  is  customary,  in  writing  one's  own  nar- 
rative, for  the  author  to  set  out  with  what  might  be  called 
a  complete  pedigree  of  himself ;  or,  in  other  words,  to  put 
his  readers  to  sleep  over  a  detailed  and  circumstantial  ac- 
count of  his  life,  birth,  parentage,  etc.  But  as  I  write 
neither  for  honor  nor  profit,  but  am  prompted  solely  by  the 
desire  of  doing  good  to  others,  by  exhibiting  to  the  world 
the  consequences  resulting  from  the  unrestricted  indulgence 

2  (17) 


18 


MAJOR  JONES. 


of  a  rash,  impetuous  temper,  I  shall  dispense  with  a  formality 
which  I  conceive  would  add  nothing  to  the  character  or 
interest  of  the  following  veritable  history,  and  leaving  my 
venerable  ancestors  to  repose  in  the  peaceful  oblivion  to 
which  mortality  has  long  since  consigned  them,  shall  pro- 
ceed to  cultivate  an  acquaintance  with  the  reader  on  my 
own  account. 

I  do  not  deserve,  nor  do  I  expect,  gentle  reader,  to  -scape 
your  censure.  I  know  that  your  good  sense  will  often  be 
shocked  at  my  rashness  and  folly ;  and  I  take  this  early 
opportunity  of  putting  in,  as  a  plea  in  extenuation  of  my 
greatest  foible— my  stubborn  waywardness  of  disposition— 
the  fact  that  I  was  the  only  son  of  fond  and  far  too  indul- 
gent parents,  and  that  the  sad  experience  and  extraordinary 
vicissitudes  through  which  I  have  passed,  were  probably  as 
necessary  to  teach  me  that  degree  of  humility  which  should 
temper  the  disposition  of  every  rational  being,  as  is  the 
training  and  chastening  which  others  receive  in  early  life, 
from  their  more  discreet  and  well-judging  guardians. 
Though  you  will  doubtless  feel  constrained  to  condemn  the 
spirit  which  prompted  many  of  my  acts  and  the  judgment 
which  dictated  others,  I  trust  that  you  will  concede  in  the 
end  that  I  have  received  my  full  deserts. 

Before  proceeding  with  my  < narrative,  it  will  be  necessary 
to  premise  that  I  was  born  in  Philadelphia,  as  that  city  of 
"  Brotherly  Love,"  as  it  is  often  miscalled,  is  to  be  the 
theatre  of  much  of  my  eventful  history.    With  the  reader's 


John's  alive. 


19 


permission — and  I  take  it  for  granted — I  will  skip  over  a 
period  of  about  sixteen  years,  during  which  time,  as  a  mat- 
ter of  course,  I  passed  through  the  various  vicissitudes  of 
babyhood,  childhood,  and  boyhood,  and  leaving  the  recol- 
lections of  that  happy  period  of  my  existence  where  they 
are,  enshrined  in  the  inmost  recesses  of  my  heart,  amid  the 
brightest  memories  of  the  past,  I  will  take  up  the  thread  of 
my  hapless  story  at  that  period  of  my  life,  when  the  bitter 
waters  of  experience  first  became  mingled  in  my  sparkling 
cup  of  dreamy  hopes. 

I  had  reached  my  seventeenth  year,  and  not  a  single  in- 
cident had  occurred  to  cast  a  shadow  upon  the  bright  sun- 
shine of  my  existence.  At  that  period  the  future  was,  as  it 
ever  is  with  youth,  all  bright  and  glowing— in  the  past  there 
was  nothing  to  regret,  and  the  present  was  but  the  ecstasy 
of  unalloyed  enjoyment.  But,  ah  !  how  little  does  he  know 
of  the  wild  tempest  and  rugged  waves  he  is  doomed  to  en- 
counter in  his  voyage  upon  life's  ocean,  who  turns  his  tiny 
sail  upon  the  glassy  tide,  and  watches  the  gentle  ripple  of 
the  placid  river  playing  in  the  sunbeam. 

As  I  have  said,  I  was  in  my  seventeenth  year,  when — I 
fell  in  love !  Start  not,  gentle  reader — for  though  love  was 
the  rock  upon  which  I  split,  the  catastrophe  is  more  to  be 
attributed  to  my  own  unskilful  navigation,  than  to  the  dan- 
gers of  the  ocean  upon  which  my  barque  was  launched.  It 
is  an  old  saying  that  "  the  course  of  true  love  never  did  run 
smooth."    Mine  was  a  case  in  point,  and  I  will  leave  it  to 


20 


MAJOR  JONES. 


the  reader's  candor  to  say  whether  the  progress  of  my  affair 
does  not  abundantly  verify  the  adage. 

My  Mary  was  an  object  to  love.  In  person  she  was  the 
very  embodiment  of  youthful  perfection— in  mind  all  I 
could  wish— and  in  disposition,  so  kind,  so  confiding,  so 
amiable !— to  know  her  was  to  love  her.  We  had  grown 
up  together— our  families  had  long  been  intimate,  and  as 
she  had  no  brother,  I  had,  when  we  were  children,  filled 
the  place  of  one  in  her  regard,  and  now  that  we  were  older, 
that  feeling  had  strengthened  to  a.  still  more  tender  senti- 
ment, and  that  sentiment  was  mutual.  She  became  my 
idol— the  theme  of  my  constant  thought.  Her  society  was 
my  only  enjoyment— 1  sought  no  other,  and  was  only  com- 
pletely happy  when  in  her  presence,  or  when,  in  her  absence, 
I  cherished  the  fond  belief  that  she  felt  towards  me  the 
same  devoted,  jealous  attachment.  Mary  was  but  just  en- 
tering her  fifteenth  year.  She  had  not  as  yet  made  her 
entree  into  society,  and  of  course  had  not  yet  inhaled  the 
pestilential  atmosphere  of  fashion.  She  knew  not  yet  what 
it  was  to  be  admired— to  be  flattered,  and  her  ingenuous 
heart  had  never  counted  the  power  of  her  superior  charms, 
nor  throbbed  to  the  emotion  of  female  vanity. 

Such  was  the  gentle  creature  to  whom  I  had  plighted 
my  faith,  and  from  whom  I  had  received  a  vow  in  return 
to  be  none  other's  but  mine.  Is  it  to  be  wondered  that  I 
loved  her  ardently?  We  were  young,  but  we  looked 
forward  with  bright  anticipation  to  the  period  when  our 


John's  alive. 


21 


union  was  to  be  consummated ;  and  when,  arm-in-arm  we 
sauntered  through  Washington  Square,  or  strolled  by  the 
banks  of  the  Schuylkill,  beneath  the  bright  moonlight,  we 
spoke  of  the  future  with  the  same  frankness  with  which  we 
had  plighted  our  mutual  loves. 

A  year  of  such  Elysian  days  passed  speedily  off;  but  we 
were  now  no  longer  children.  We  had  made  our  debut,  and 
as  we  yielded  to  the  requirements  of  fashionable  life,  in  our 
deportment  before  the  world,  I  did  not  fail  to  notice  a  ma- 
terial change  in  the  character  of  my  Mary.  She  seemed  to 
receive  my  marked  attentions,  especially  when  in  company 
with  others  of  her  sex,  with  an  air  of  triumph,  and  to  de- 
light, whenever  opportunity  presented,  in  awakening  my. 
suspicion  of  her  want  of  fidelity  and  attachment.  Such 
was  my  jealous  nature  that  I  not  unfrequently  manifested 
my  displeasure  on  such  occasions.  Indeed  I  was  too  selfish 
in  my  passion  to  allow  her  that  freedom  of  action  which 
her  own  good  sense  informed  her  she  had  a  right  to  enjoy, 
and  which  prudence  and  common  delicacy  dictated  that  she 
should  exercise.  Frequently  were  my  feelings  wrought 
upon,  when  in  truth  there  was  but* slight  cause;  and  as 
often  what  are  called  "  lovers'  quarrels  "  ensued  between 
us,  which,  of  course,  as  all  such  quarrels  do,  ended  in  re- 
newed protestations  of  immutable  attachment  from  both. 

"John,"  said  she  one  evening,  as  we  were  returning  from 
a  music  party,  which  we  had  attended  at  Fairmount, 
"  what  makes  you  so  serious  ?" 


22 


MAJOR  JONES. 


"Oh,  nothing,"  I  replied,  with  a  suppressed  sigh,  as  if  I 
thought  more  than  I  felt  disposed  to  say. 

"  Ah,  John,  you  are  too  jealous,"  said  Mary,  with  an 
ominous  shake  of  her  pretty  head. 

"Jealous!— oh,  no,  I'm  not  jealous;  I'm  the  last  man  to 
be  jealous.    What  makes  you  think  so?" 

"  Why,  you  seemed  so  melancholy  all  the  evening,  after 
I  sung  that  duet  with  Mr.  Thaw." 

"Pshaw!  you  only  thought  so;  that  was  nothing  to  be 
melancholy  about." 

"Yes,  you  did— the  girls  all  said  so;  and  you  don't 
know  how  they  plagued  me  about  it.  They  said  you  looked 
like  you  could  eat  him  up." 

"Well,  I  don't  like  that  Thaw;  he's  so  impudent  and 
such  a  consummate  dandy." 

"He  sings  beautifully  though;  doesn't  he?" 

"He  sings  like  a  strolling  player,"  I  remarked,  with 
affected  indifference. 

"  And  then  he's  so  graceful !" 

"  He  has  some  mountebank  flourishes,"  replied  I,  with 
difficulty  concealing  my  agitation. 
"  Well,  he's  pretty." 

That  was  enough  !  I  could  have  strangled  him  had  he 
been  before  me  at  that  moment.  It  was  not  the  first  time 
he  had  aroused  my  jealousy,  and  he  had  rendered  himself 
peculiarly  annoying  to  me  during  the  past  evening.  Then, 
to  hear  such  compliments  lavished  upon  him  by  her,  was 


JOHN'S  ALIVE. 


23 


more  than  I  could  bear.  We  walked  some  distance  be- 
fore I  could  sufficiently  subdue  my  feelings  to  utter  a 
reply.  Then,  in  a  voice  that  betrayed  my  agitation,  I 
remarked— 

"  Perhaps,  Miss  Mary,  new  faces  appear  to  better  ad- 
vantage than  those  that  have  grown  familiar.  It  may  do 
for  faces,  but  I  would  advise  you  to  adopt  a  different  rule 
when  you  come  to  make  a  choice  of  hearts/' 

"  Miss  Mary ! "  she  exclaimed,  and  casting  her  large 
blue  eyes  to  my  face,  with  an  arch  smile.  You  are  not 
jealous,  then — ah,  no,  you're  the  last  man  to  be  jealous ! 
Now,  what  did  I  tell  you,  John  ?  You  are  jealous,  and 
of  Mr.  Thaw,  whom  I  never  saw  before  this  evening." 
Then,  assuming  a  soft  and  more  serious  tone,  she  continued, 
"  John,  do  you  think — " 

"  I  didn't  think  you  were  in  earnest,  I  interrupted,"  my 
respiration  coming  freer,  and  my  heart  leaping  with  glad 
emotions  as  I  pressed  the  little  hand  that  had  somehow 
or  other  become  locked  in  mine. 

"  Ah,  John,  you  were  jealous,  and  you  ought  to  be — " 

"  Fm  convinced,  my  dear  Mary,  and — " 

"  You  ought  to  be  ashamed,  I  mean.  Why,  the  green- 
eyed  monster  will  eat  you  up  before  we're  married,  if  there 
is  any  truth  in  Shakespeare." 

I  confessed  the  truth,  but  plead  my  love  for  her  in  ex- 
tenuation of  my  fault,  and  promised  never  to  be  jealous 
again.    uBut,"  I  continued,  "you  must  promise  me  that 


24 


MAJOR  JONES. 


you  will  give  no  more  encouragement  to  Thaw.  He 
knows  I  despise  him,  and  seeks  to  annoy  me  by  thrusting 
himself  in  your  society." 

"  I  must  treat  him  with  politeness,  you  know,  so  long  as 
he  is  respectful  to  me.  But  as  to  any  farther  considera- 
tion from  me,  he  has  as  little  to  hope  as  you  have  to 
fear." 

Thus  ended  one  of  our  many  quarrels.  We  were  soon 
at  her  father's  residence,  a  neat  little  cottage  near  the  upper 
end  of  Arch  Street,  and,  as  it  was  late,  I  parted  with  her  at 
the  door,  and  directed  my  steps  homeward,  with  a  light 
heart,  since  I  no  longer  regarded  beau  Thaw  as  a  rival  in 
the  affections  of  the  angelic  being  I  had  just  left. 

But  I  was  not  long  to  enjoy  the  delightful  calm  to  my 
fears,  which  succeeded.  The  truth  is,  I  had  by  my  own  in- 
discretion contributed  to  spoil  one  of  the  sweetest  tempers 
that  ever  was  perverted  and  ruined  by  admiration  and 
flattery,  and  I  now  began  to  suffer  the  consequences  of  my 
folly.  Mary  did  derive  a  secret  pleasure  from  teasing  me. 
Like  most  of  her  sex  who  possess  any  claim  to  personal 
beauty,  she  was  not  entirely  destitute  of  vanity,  and  like 
far  too  many,  could  not  resist  the  temptation  to  gratify 
that  vanity,  by  testing  the  power  of  those  charms,  even  at 
the  cost  of  the  severest  inflictions  upon  my  feelings.  Many 
were  the  little  coquetries  and  mischievous  flirtations  in 
order  to  exhibit  the  abject  vassalage  in  which  she  held  my 


John's  alive. 


25 


affections;  and  many  and  severe  were  the  tests  to  which 
her  arts  had  subjected  me. 

One  evening,  not  long  after  our  Fairmount  excursion,  I 
accompanied  Mary  to  the  house  of  an  acquaintance,  where 
a  large  number  of  young  ladies  and  gentlemen  were  assem- 
bled. On  entering  the  parlor,  I  was  not  a  little  annoyed 
at  hearing  the  squeaking  voice  of  Mr.  Thaw,  who  was 
striding  about  the  room,  bowing  and  scraping,  grinning 
and  chattering,  as  if  he  desired  to  monopolize  the  attention 
of  all  the  ladies  present.  But  I  was  still  more  vexed  soon 
after,  by  his  incessant  attentions  to  Mary,  wTho,  I  thought, 
considering  what  had  passed  between  us  in  relation  to  that 
gentleman,  was  entirely  too  affable  in  her  encouragement 
of  those  attentions.  It  was  not  a  dancing  party,  but  one 
of  those  social  evening  assemblies  at  which  young  people 
generally  engage  in  unmeaning  plays  and  romps,  fit  only 
for  children,  or  pass  the  time  in  exchanging  "  small  talk," 
for  neither  of  which  amusements  I  had  much  relish,  but, 
with  a  view  of  making  myself  as  agreeable  as  possible,  I 
adopted  the  latter  as  the  choice  of  two  evils.  I,  however, 
soon  found  it  impossible  to  entertain  even  Mary,  while 
Mr.  Thaw  was  the  master  of  ceremonies.  He  was  per- 
fectly aufait  in  all  the  little  games  usually  performed  on 
such  occasions,  and  introduced  many  new  fooleries,  much 
to  the  gratification  of  the  company.  And  then  he  was 
such  a  ready  poet,  and  could  say, 


26 


MAJOR  JONES. 


"Well,  here  I  be, 
Under  this  tree, 
Miss  Mary  C, 
Come  and  kiss  me," 

in  a  style  so  unique,  and  always  had  something  so  pithy 
to  whisper  in  the  ladies'  ears,  and  made  such  rare  compari- 
sons, that  he  soon  became  the  "  observed  of  all  observers/' 
totally  eclipsing  every  other  gallant  in  the  room,  Mary 
readily  comprehended  the  expression  of  my  countenance. 
A  single  look  of  reproach  from  me,  and  a  few  of  her  new 
admirer's  prettiest  compliments  sufficed  to  excite  her  vanity; 
and,  encouraged  by  Mr.  Thaw,  she  had  in  the  course  of  the 
evening  wrought  me  up  to  such  a  pitch  of  jealousy  that  it 
was  with  difficulty  I  could  restrain  my  emotion  in  the 
presence  of  the  company. 

As  it  grew  late,  and  after  all  the  usual  amusements  had 
been  exhausted,  the  company  became  seated  around  the 
room.  Conversation  was  flagging,  when  Mr.  Thaw,  in  the 
exuberance  of  his  inventive  genius,  struck  upon  a  novel 
plan  of  entertaining  the  company  for  an  hour  longer. 

"  Ladies,"  said  he,  "  perhaps  you  have  not  heard  of  the 
new  science  recently  invented,  called  the  Daguerreotype. 
I  can  assure  you  that  it  is  a  very  wonderful  art,  by  which 
we  are  enabled  to  portray  the  human  face  divine  (here  he 
hemmed  once)  with  the  most  marvellous  accuracy.  I  shall 
be  very  happy  to  explain  the  principle  by  taking  copies  of 
some  of  the  beautiful  faces,  the  brilliancy  of  whose  charms 


JOHN'S  ALIVE. 


27 


illuminate  this  room*"  After  which  speech,  he  cast  a  con- 
ceited look  around  the  room,  as  much  as  to  say,  "  that's 
me." 

"  Oh,  you  do  flatter  the  ladies  so  much,  Mr.  Thaw,"  re- 
marked the  ugliest  girl  in  the  room. 

Mr.  Thaw  bowed  and  smiled,  and  brought  his  hand  to 
his  lips,  then  placed  it  upon  his  heart  and  bowed  again. 
"The  truth  is  no  flattery,  Miss  Julia,"  said  he. 

Miss  Julia  primped  her  mouth  and  smiled  back  at  Mr. 
Thaw. 

"  Light  and  shade  are  the  principles  of  the  science,"  con- 
tinued Mr.  Thaw,  with  the  air  of  a  modern  lecturer,  "  and 
though  it  has  not  yet  been  brought  to  perfection,  enough 
is  known  to  establish  the  great  utility  of  the  art.  I  will 
illustrate  it  to  you,  ladies,  if  you  please." 

Mr.  Thaw  then  took  a  sheet  of  white  paper  from  the 
table  and  tacking  it  to  the  papered  wall,  requested  one  of  the 
ladies  to  sit  for  her  profile,  the  outline  of  which  he  traced 
with  a  crayon-pencil  as  it  wras  reflected  upon  the  paper. 
Thus  Mr.  Thaw  went  on  illustrating  the  Daguerreotype, 
accompanying  his  performances  with  a  torrent  of  silly  gab, 
at  which  the  ladies  laughed  exceedingly,  until  nearly  all  the 
company  had  been  supplied  with  their  profiles.  He  was  quite 
skilful  with  the  pencil,  and  though  he  occasionally  amused 
himself  by  slightly  caricaturing  some  of  the  gentlemen, 
most  of  his  profiles  were  well  drawn. 

At  length  I  was  pressed  in  my  turn  to  sit  for  my  profile, 


28  MAJOR  JONES. 


and  as  none  had  refused  I  could  not  well  decline.  The 
light  was  placed  in  its  proper  position,  and  Mr.  Thaw  com- 
menced to  adjust  my  head  in  a  suitable  attitude. 

"Hold  up  your  head,  if  you  please,  Mr.  Smith," said  he 
in  a  very  polite  tone;  "turn  your  face  a  little  more  to  the 
left-a  le-e-tle  more,  if  you  please-there,  that  will  do, 
now  shut  your  mouth,  if  you  please,  Mr.  Smith,— that's  it,' 
now  hold  steady,  Mr.  Smith." 

All  was  quite  still,  and  I  could  hear  the  scratching  of 
the  pencil  upon  the  paper.  Presently  I  heard  a  suppressed 
laugh,  which  seemed  to  pervade  the  whole  company. 

'•Don't  move,  if  you  please,  Mr.  Smith,  or  you'll  spoil 
it,"  said  Mr.  Thaw. 

My  position  was  such  that  I  could  not  see  him  without 
moving  my  head.  Mary  was  sitting  directly  before  me, 
and  I  observed  her  face  became  flushed  as  the  laughing  in- 
creased. I  thought  she  looked  excited.  In  a  few  moments 
Mr.  Thaw  announced  that  it  was  done. 

"Ladies  and  gentlemen,"  continued  he,  "what  do  you 
think  of  the  likeness  ?" 

I  turned,  and  beheld  him  pointing  to  the  picture  of  an 
ass's  head,  with  ponderous  ears,  and  mouth  distended,  as 
if  in  the  act  of  braying.  The  blood  rushed  to  my  tem- 
ples, but  the  whole  company  were  convulsed  with  laughter, 
and  with  a  second  thought  I  endeavored  to  laugh  too,' 
though  it  was  decidedly  an  up-hill  business.  My  ears  burned, 
and  I  thought  my  laugh  sounded  more  like  a  bray— it  cer- 


John's  alive. 


31 


tainly  did  not  come  from  the  fountain  of  mirth ;  but  I 
might  have  forced  it  for  a  time  perhaps,  had  not  the  trium- 
phant artist,  in  the  vehemence  of  his  exultation,  carried  the 
joke  a  little  too  far.  Observing  Mary,  who  was  laughing 
with  the  rest,  he  remarked,  holding  up  the  drawing  to 
view : 

"  I  must  have  your  opinion,  Miss  Mary  ;  don't  you  think 
Pve  hit  the  gentleman's  features  ?" 

"  Oh,  of  course,  I  think  it  a  capital  likeness,"  exclaimed 
Mary,  turning  toward  me  with  a  searching  look. 

Thaw  chuckled  at  her  reply,  with  a  meaning  grin  which 
I  well  comprehended.  This  was  too  much — my  blood 
hissed  in  my  veins.  Choking  with  rage,  I  exclaimed : 
" Til  try  my  hand  at  your  profile"  and  with  a  blow  full  in 
the  face,  I  sent  the  gentleman  sprawling  among  the  chairs 
and  tables. 

There  was  a  sudden  rush,  and  a  loud  scream  from  the 
ladies.    The  aspect  of  affairs  was  changed  in  an  instant. 

«  Why,  John  !"  exclaimed  Mary,  grasping  me  by  the  arm, 
after  the  first  panic  had  somewhat  subsided,  "  why,  John, 
I'm  astonished  at  you !" 

I  already  regretted  what  I  had  done,  but  it  was  too  late. 
I  had  disfigured  Mr.  Thaw's  profile,  and  my  rage  had 
changed  to  chagrin.  I  grasped  my  hat,  while  Mr.  Thaw, 
with  his  handkerchief  to  his  bleeding  nose,  was  muttering 
something  about  "d — d  ungenteel  in  the  presence  of  ladies, 
pistols  at  ten  paces,"  etc.,  to  which  I  made  no  reply,  but 


32 


MAJOR  JONES. 


passed  to  the  door,  amidst  the  confusion  I  had  occasioned. 
The  ladies  were  throwing  on  their  shawls  and  bonnets. 
Mary  followed  me  to  the  door.   I  turned  from  her. 

"John,"  she  asked,  in  an  earnest  tone  of  voice,  "are  you 
going  ?" 

"  Yes,"  I  replied  doggedly. 

"John !"  repeated  Mary,  with  something  of  supplication 
in  her  tone. 

"  Never  mind,  Miss  Mary,"  I  replied,  "  you  nor  Mr. 
Thaw  shall  ever  make  a  laughing-stock  of  me  again." 

And  with  this  sullen  speech  I  walked  off,  leaving  her  to 
get  home  as  best  she  might. 

Through  the  interposition  of  my  sisters,  who  were  Mary's 
most  intimate  friends,  I  had  an  interview  with  her  on  the 
following  evening,  but  I  was  in  no  mood  to  effect  a  recon- 
ciliation with  her  upon  equitable  terms.  I  upbraided  her 
with  her  want  of  fidelity,  which  I  considered  was  abundantly 
evinced  by  her  partiality  for  Mr.  Thaw,  and  calling  to  my 
aid  all  the  firmness  of  my  stubborn  nature,  I  assured  her 
that  I  was  determined  no  longer  to  be  the  dupe  of  a  heart- 
less coquette. 

At  first  the  ingenuous  girl  endeavored  to  explain  her 
conduct  on  the  previous  evening,  denying  any  agency  in  Mr. 
Thaw's  attempt  to  throw  me  into  ridicule,  and  expressing 
her  disapprobation  of  that  gentleman's  general  deportment ; 
but  finding  that  I  was  disposed  to  attach  an  importance  to 
her  acts  which  she  conceived  they  did  not  merit,  and  that 


John's  alive. 


33 


in  my  pique  I  required  her  to  make  acknowledgments  too 
humiliating  for  her  to  concede,  her  spirit  became  aroused, 
and  I  suddenly  beheld  my  once  gentle,  simple-hearted 
Mary  transformed  into  the  proud  and  indignant  belle. 

I  soon  discovered  that  my  selfish  jealousy  together  with 
my  impetuous  temper  had  urged  me  to  an  unjustifiable  ex- 
tremity, and  the  consciousness  that  I  deserved  to  lose  the 
esteem  of  her  I  loved  added  its  poignancy  to  my  feelings, 
To  increase  my  mortification,  my  evil  genius  Thaw,  so  soon 
as  he  had  recovered  from  his  black  eye,  renewed  his  officious 
attentions  to  Mary,  and  seemed  to  derive  satisfaction  for 
the  injury  I  had  done  him,  by  exulting  in  the  ruin  he  had 
wrought  to  my  peace  and  happiness.  Mr.  Thaw  was  pre- 
cisely what  is  meant  by  the  term  "  a  ladies'  man."  I  will 
not  attempt  a  particular  description  of  him,  for  who  has 
not  seen  a  ladies'  man  ?  The  genus  is  confined  to  no  particu- 
lar meridian,  and  their  distinguishing  characteristics  are  too 
well  known  as  the  opposites  of  everything  manly  and  noble, 
to  need  a  description.  Though  by  no  means  good-looking, 
he  possessed  all  the  requisite  qualifications  of  an  accom- 
plished dandy,  and  having  mingled  much  in  female  society, 
and  studied  well  the  art  of  pleasing  the  young  and  giddy  of 
the  sex,  it  is  not  to  be  wondered  that  I  regarded  his  atten- 
tions to  Mary  with  a  suspicious  eye ;  or  that  she  found  it 
difficult  to  repulse  them,  even  though  she  held  his  charac- 
ter in  contempt,  Now  that  I  was  no  longer  her  gallant, 
and  we  had  absolved  each  other  from  our  early  vows,  and 

3 


34 


MAJOR  JONES. 


exchanged  rings  and  tokens,  he  became  the  ready  instru- 
ment of  her  wounded  pride,  which  prompted  her  to  receive 
his  addresses  with  much  apparent  satisfaction,  when  indeed 
she  detested  him  from  the  bottom  of  her  heart.  For  a  time 
I  affected  the  utmost  indifference  at  the  success  of  my  rival ; 
but  a  canker  was  gnawing  at  my  heart  which  soon  un- 
manned me  of  my  strength,  and  I  could  no  longer  disguise 
the  intensity  of  my  suffering.  I  felt  indeed  the  truth  of 
Bulwer's  beautiful  lines : 

"  There  is  no  anguish  like  the  hour, 
Whatever  else  befall  us, 
When  one  the  heart  has  raised  to  power 
Asserts  it  but  to  gall  us." 


CHAPTER  II. 

John's  malady  increases  until  it  becomes  a  settled  melancholy — Lacka- 
daisical philosophy— Kevenge  meditated— Thoughts  of  suicide- 
Funeral  procession— The  graveyard— A  plan  conceived— The  fare- 
well letter— Graveyard  at  midnight— The  doctors  surprised— The 
interview— Bribery— The  resurrection— The  Dutchman  and  the 
corpse — Drowning  by  proxy; 

In  vain  did  mutual  friends  seek  to  effect  a  reconciliation. 
If  I  was  obdurate  and  sullen,  Mary  was  not  less  proud  and 
unyielding ;  and  time  only  settled  deeper  and  deeper  the 


John's  alive. 


35 


-  sad  melancholy  to  which  I  had  become  utterly  abandoned. 
No  exertion  of  my  own,  nor  the  playful  railleries  or  friendly 
sympathies  of  my  intimates  could  dispel  the  gloomy  de- 
spondency of  my  thoughts.  Constitutionally  of  a  sombre 
cast  of  mind,  my  meditations  tended  greatly  to  increase  my 
mental  malady,  until  my  family  began  to  entertain  fears  for  A 
my  recovery.  Already  had  my  health  begun  to  fail,  and 
it  was  seriously  contemplated  to  submit  me  to  medical  treat- 
ment. But  I  did  not  desire  convalescence.  I  began  to 
enjoy  a  secret  satisfaction  in  the  thought  that,  let  what  might 
be  the  consequence,  the  worse  the  calamity,  the  more  com^ 
plete  would  be  my  revenge  upon  the  treacherous  fair  one 
who  had  caused  my  distress. 

I  agree  with  you,  reader,  that  I  was  very  silly  for  enter- 
taining such  a  thought  or  for  allowing  myself  to  become  such 
a  very  Lackaday.  But  as  that  prince  of  lovers  very  gravely 
observes,  "Human  natur's  human  natur,  Mr.  Curtis;" 
and  such  was  my  natur — the  peculiar  bent  of  my  disposi- 
tion. If,  like  him  or  me,  you  were  ever  "  balked  in  your 
perspiring  passion,"  you  will  be  the  better  able  to  appre- 
ciate my  feelings,  and  the  more  disposed  to  view  my  weak- 
ness with  charity. 

One  gloomy  afternoon  I  rose  from  my  seat  before  the 
grate, — from  which  I  had  poked  the  last  blackening  coal, 
as  I  sat  meditating  upon  the  various  modes  of  suicide,— 
and,  pressing  my  hat  nearly  over  my  eyes,  walked  out  into 
the  street,  and  with  my  hands  in  my  pockets,  and  my  chin 


36 


MAJOR  JONES. 


upon  my  breast,  sauntered  on,  I  cared  not  whither.  What 
a  glorious  revenge  it  would  be,  thought  I,  as  I  pursued  my 
ramble,  to  drown  myself,  and  then  haunt  the  cruel  girl  that 
had  caused  me  such  pain.    But  could  ghosts  return  to  this 
world?    That  was  an  important  question.    And  then  I 
wondered  how  it  would  feel  to  jump  into  the  river  at  that' 
season  of  the  year.    This  problem  was  more  readily  solved 
by  means  of  an  illustration,  for  the  next  moment  I  stepped 
plash  into  the  gutter,  which  was  running  ankle-deep  with 
cold  water !    There  was  an  end  of  my  project  of  drowning, 
unless  it  might  be  done  by  proxy,  which,  after  a  little  re- 
flection, I  discovered  was  by  no  means  impracticable;  and, 
as  I  only  wished  to  indulge  my  revenge,  such  an  expedient 
would  answer  my  purpose  infinitely  better  than  if  I  were 
to  put  an  end  to  my  life  in  reality.    I  had  only  to  deposit 
a  portion  of  my  clothing  upon  the  wharf,  to  write  a  letter  to 
Mary,  declaring  my  intention,  and  to  absent  myself  from 
the  city,  in  order  to  establish  my  death,  and  then,  should 
she  relent,  I  would  be  alive  to  enjoy  my  triumph.  My 
mind  was  made  up  to  the  deed,  and  my  thoughts  were 
busied  in  arranging  the  preliminaries,  when  I  was  startled 
from  my  reverie  by  coming  in  contact  with  a  lengthy 
funeral  procession.    I  was  just  in  the  vein  to  attend  a  fu- 
neral, and  as  it  passed,  I  fell  into  the  train,  without  knowing 
whose  mortal  remains  I  was  following  to  their  long  home. 

As  we  proceeded  to  Bonaldson's  beautiful  burying- 
ground,  I  learned  that  the  deceased  was  a  young  man  of 


John's  alive. 


37 


my  acquaintance,  who  had  died  rather  suddenly  on  the 
day  previous.  He  was  about  my  own  age,  and  what  was 
a  little  singular,  we  resembled  each  other  so  exactly  in  ap- 
pearance, that  those  who  were  best  acquainted  with  us  could 
scarcely  tell  one  from  the  other.  He  had  lived  in  a  differ- 
ent part  of  the  city,  and  we  were  only  slightly  acquainted, 
but  the  circumstance  of  our  near  resemblance  excited  my 
sympathy  for  his  death,  and  I  was  perhaps  not  the  least 
sincere  among  the  numerous  train  of  mourners  who  at- 
tended him  to  the  grave.  After  the  solemn  ceremony  of 
depositing  the  body  in  the  family  vault  was  concluded, 
I  lingered  by  the  place  so  well  suited  to  the  gloomy  tenor 
of  my  thoughts,  and  did  not  observe  the  departure  of  the 
procession.  It  was  long  after  the  sexton  had  closed  the 
gates,  and  not  until  the  marble  monuments  began  to  throw 
their  lengthened  shadows  upon  the  cold  ground,  that  I  dis- 
covered that  I  was  alone  in  that  solemn  place.  Suddenly 
arousing  from  my  gloomy  reverie  I  followed  round  the 
wall  in  search  of  a  place  by  which  to  escape  until  I  arrived 
at  the  northeast  corner,  where  I  discovered  a  board  placed 
against  the  wall,  by  means  of  which  I  was  enabled  to  gain 
the  street.  That  board,  which  had  doubtless  been  placed 
there  by  some  resurrectionist,  suggested  an  idea  which 
capped  the  climax  of  the  scheme  upon  which  I  had  been 
meditating  when  my  attention  was  attracted  by  the  funeral, 
and  I  resolved  at  once  to  put  my  plan  in  execution  that 
very  night. 


38 


MAJOR  JONES. 


Accordingly  I  returned  home,  and  going  to  my  solitary 
room,  wrote  a  long  letter  to  Mary,  in  which,  after  recur- 
ring in  a  very  feeling  manner  to  the  many  happy  hours  I 
had  spent  in  her  society,  when  I  had  indulged  the  fond 
hope  that  my  love  for  her  was  not  unrequited,  I  poured 
forth  the  agony  of  my  present  feelings  in  a  strain  of  elo- 
quence which  only  the  bitterness  of  my  deep  despair  could 
prompt.  Then  invoking  the  choicest  blessings  upon  her, 
I  freely  forgave  her  past  conduct  towards  me,  bade  her  an 
affectionate  adieu,  and  concluded  with  the  assurance  that, 
ere  she  broke  the  seal  of  my  farewell  letter,  the  hand  that 
inscribed  it,  and  the  heart  that  dictated  it,  would  lie  cold 
beneath  the  flood. 

Leaving  this  precious  production  upon  my  table,  duly 
addressed  to  "  Miss  Mary  Carson,  Arch  Street/7  I  muffled 
myself  in  my  cloak  and  sallied  forth,  unobserved  by 
any  member  of  the  family,  who,  perhaps,  owing  to  my 
strange  deportment,  had  for  some  weeks  past  endeavored 
to  keep  a  close  watch  upon  my  movements.  I  directed 
my  steps  to  the  old  Drawbridge,  where  I  purchased  a 
suit  of  sailor's  clothes,  in  which  disguise  I  then  proceeded 
to  the  graveyard.  I  had  provided  myself  with  every- 
thing which  I  thought  would  be  necessary  for  my  expedi- 
tion, such  as  a  dark-lantern,  a  crowbar,  a  pair  of  pistols, 
and  the  suit  of  my  own  clothes  which  I  had  just  taken  off. 

The  State-house  clock  struck  twelve,  as  I  approached 
the  solemn  city  of  the  dead.    At  any  other  time  my  heart 


John's  alive. 


39 


would  have  failed  me  in  such  a  place  and  upon  such  an 
errand.  But  now  I  was  insensible  to  every  rational  feel- 
ing. The  romance  of  my  nature  was  aroused  by  the  bold 
and  reckless  enterprise  in  which  I  was  embarked,  and  no 
consideration  could  sway  me  from  its  accomplishment.  It 
was  a  cold,  drizzling  night,  and  so  dark  that  I  could 
scarce  see  the  nearest  objects,  as  I  groped  my  way  amid 
the  solitary  tombs,  in  the  direction  of  the  vault. 

As  I  approached  near  to  the  dreary  charnel-house, 
whose  low  white  marble  walls  were  but  just  discernible  in 
the  midnight  gloom,  my  blood  curdled  to  my  heart,  and 
my  hair  sprang  on  end,  as  my  ear  caught  a  sound  proceed- 
ing out  of  the  vault.  I  stood  fixed  to  the  spot.  The  noise 
reached  me  again,  and  the  next  moment  the  low  accents  of 
a  human  voice  fell  upon  my  ear.  My  fears  subsided,  and 
I  approached  the  low  portal,  when  I  perceived  a  dim  ray 
of  light  proceeding  from  the  crack  in  the  door.  A  key 
was  in  the  lock,  which  I  noiselessly  removed,  and  looking 
through  the  key-hole  I  discovered  five  men,  whom  I  recog- 
nized to  be  doctors  and  students,  who  were  about  to  make 
an  examination  of  the  body,  which  they  had  already  re- 
moved from  its  coffin,  and  divested  of  its  shroud.  My 
course  was  soon  determined.  Giving  a  sudden  kick  against 
the  door,  I  exclaimed,  in  a  feigned  tone  of  voice : 

"  Touch  it  not !" 

In  an  instant  the  light  was  extinguished. 
"  Oh,  Lord,  let  me  out  I"  exclaimed  one. 


40 


MAJOR  JONES. 


"Hush-h-h!"  was  breathed  in  a  low  whisper,  and  all 
was  still. 

I  was  not  a  little  vexed  at  the  interruption  to  my  plans 
which  their  presence  had  occasioned,  and  I  resolved  to 
screen  myself  from  detection,  if  possible,  by  frightening 
them  from  the  premises ;  in  order  to  do  which,  it  became 
necessary  for  me  to  assume  a  character  very  much  at  vari- 
ance with  the  nature  of  the  business  which  had  brought 
me  to  the  spot. 

"  0h>  rve  g°t  you  !"  I  exclaimed,  "and  you  are  dead 
men,  every  mother's  son  of  you." 

"Let  me  out,  let  me  out  !"  groaned  a  terrified  student ; 
"  I  had  nothing  to  do  with  it,  sir." 

"  I  don't  care,"  I  replied ;  "  I  was  sent  here  to  watch  this 
vault,  and  I'm  to  get  a  hundred  dollars  for  shooting  any 
one  whom  I  catch  trying  to  steal  that  corpse— and  I'll  do  it." 

A  brief  pause  ensued,  during  which  I  could  overhear  a 
suppressed  whisper  among  the  doctors.  Then  a  grim 
voice  uttered  in  a  louder  tone  : 

"  Gentlemen,  we  must  defend  ourselves  from  this  ruffian; 
look  to  your  arms." 

"Oh,  ho!"  I  exclaimed,  in  a  swaggering  tone,  "is  that 
your  game?  Come  on,  then,  you  grave-robbin'  hyenas! 
Draw  your  thumb-lancets  and  rattle  your  pill-boxes ;  but 
you  can't  skeer  this  child.  You'll  find  me  a  six-gun  bat- 
tery, and  ready  for  action." 

A  deep  groan  from  within  told  the  effect  of  this  bluster- 


John's  alive. 


41 


ing  speech.  After  another  short  pause,  during  which  I 
could  hear  voices  in  low  consultation,  a  voice  from  the 
tomb  addressed  me  in  a  rather  more  pacific  strain  : 

"  You  certainly  will  not  be  so  rash  as  to  commit  violence 
upon  unarmed  men,  when  you  must  be  aware  that  our  only 
motive  is  the  advancement  of  the  medical  science,  and 
through  it  the  good  of  the  human  species.  We  desire  only 
to  make  an  autopsical  examination,  and  not  to  remove  the 
body  of—" 

"I  don't  care  a  d — n  for  your  medical  science,  nor  your 
autopsicals  nother,"  I  replied,  affecting  a  stupid  obstinacy; 
"  if  you  want  to  larn  anything  as  you  don't  know,  go  and 
cut  up  dogs  and  cats,  but  don't  go  about  robbing  people's 
graves  and  cutting  up  human  creatures.  But  you've  done 
your  last  job  in  that  way  now,  for  I'll  shoot  every  devil  of 
you,  and  get  a  hundred  dollars  a-head  for  it  too." 

"  I'll  give  you  ten  times  that  amount  to  let  me  oflF, "  said 
the  student. 

"  Will  no  consideration  induce  you  to  permit  us  to  de- 
part? We  have  not  marred  the  corpse,  and  if  you  will 
say  no  more  about  it,  you  shall  be  well  paid." 

I  was  aware  that  I  had  them  completely  in  my  power,  for 
I  knew  that  if  they  feared  my  threats,  they  feared  exposure 
worse ;  and  though  I  did  not  like  the  mercenary  character 
I  would  be  compelled  to  assume,  yet  it  was  necessary  that 
I  should  make  some  such  arrangement  of  the  matter  in 
order  to  screen  myself.    After  some  hesitation  I  conceded 


42 


MAJOR  JONES. 


to  their  own  terms,  which  were,  that  they  would  put  me  in 
possession  of  everything  they  had  of  value  about  them,  and 
even  more  if  I  required  it,  if  I  would  permit  them  to  de- 
part unmolested,  and  keep  their  secret  from  the  public. 

Accordingly  I  allowed  them  to  pass  out,  one  at  a  time, 
each  depositing  in  my  hat  as  he  passed,  his  watch,  and  such 
money  as  he  had  about  his  person;  which  to  my  surprise  I 
afterwards  found  to  be  no  inconsiderable  amount.  I  soon 
found  myself  once  more  alone  in  the  graveyard.  To  my 
great  gratification,  I  discovered  that  my  designs  had  been 
rather  assisted  than  embarrassed  by  the  interruption  to  my 
original  plan.  I  now  had  no  occasion  to  mutilate  the  door 
with  my  crowbar,  as  I  was  in  possession  of  a  key  that  would 
enable  me  to  leave  the  premises  in  such  a  manner  as  not  to 
excite  suspicion  of  the  vault  having  been  opened ;  and  the 
coffin  had  been  unscrewed  and  the  corpse  divested  of  its 
shroud  and  winding-sheet,  ready  to  receive  the  clothes  I 
had  brought  for  it. 

I  entered  the  vault,  taking  care  to  secure  the  key,  and 
lighting  my  lantern,  commenced  to  perform  the  offices  of  the 
toilette  for  the  corpse  which  had  just  been  so  unceremo- 
niously stripped  of  its  ghostly  attire  by  the  doctors.  Having 
dressed  the  body  in  a  full  suit  of  my  own  clothes,  and 
placed  the  coffin  in  its  proper  position,  I  sallied  forth  with 
my  substitute  in  my  arms.  On  reaching  Ninth  Street, 
which  I  did  with  some  difficulty,  owing  to  the  high  wall 
over  which  I  had  to  clamber,  I  paused  to  see  that  the  coast 
was  clear  and  to  arrange  my  plan  of  proceeding. 


john's  alive. 


43 


It  was  past  one  o'clock  and  the  street  was  as  silent  as 
the  gloomy  inclosure  I  had  just  left.  Not  a  watchman 
was  to  be  seen.  Taking  the  corpse  upon  my  back  under- 
neath my  cloak,  I  directed  my  steps  towards  the  Delaware. 
I  had  proceeded  as  far  as  the  corner  of  Ninth  and  Pine 
streets,  and  had  turned  down  the  latter  towards  the  river, 
when,  just  as  I  was  passing  the  gloomy  inclosure  of  the 
Pennsylvania  Hospital,  where  there  was  no  alley  or  court 
into  which  I  might  dodge,  I  heard  the  heavy  boots  of  a 
watchman  advancing  to  meet  me.  What  was  to  be  done  ? 
I  could  not  pass  without  exciting  his  suspicions,  nor  could 
I  outrun  him  with  my  burden,  and  to  relinquish  it  there 
was  to  insure  detection.  The  watchman  was  fast  approach- 
ing, and  nearly  in  sight,  when  I  hit  upon  the  only  expedi- 
ent that  appeared  at  all  practicable.  I  sat  the  corpse  upon 
its  feet,  hastily  threw  my  cloak  about  its  shoulders  and 
pulled  my  fur  cap  upon  its  head.  It  was  cold  and  stiff, 
and  stood  erect  with  little  assistance.  As  the  honest  old 
guardian  of  the  night  approached,  I  commenced  an  alter- 
cation, supplying  my  companion's  part  of  the  dialogue  in 
a  feigned  voice.  After  a  little  muttering,  I  broke  out  in  a 
louder  tone,  as  I  supported  the  corpse  with  one  hand 
against  the  fire-plug,  by  which  we  were  now  standing, 
"  You're  a  liar !"— "  You're  another !"— "  Pll  break  your 
mouth !"— "  You'd  better  try  it,  you  puppy !"— "  Call  me 
a  puppy!"  (here  the  footfalls  of  the  watchman  became 
more  rapid)  "  take  that,  you  infernal  scoundrel !"    Then  I 


44 


MAJOR  JONES. 


affected  several  groans  and  grunts,  and  made  as  much  noise 
as  possible  with  my  feet  upon  the  pavement. 

"  Sthop  dot !  sthop  dat  viten  !"  exclaimed  the  old  watch- 
man, hastily  approaching. 

When  he  had  almost  reached  the  spot,  I  relinquished  my 
hold,  and  ran  round  the  corner,  leaving  the  corpse  to  con- 
front the  watchman.  The  stiffened  body  still  stood  nearly 
erect  against  the  fire-plug,  muffled  in  my  cloak  and  cap,  when 
the  old  Dutchman  grasped  it  by  the  collar,  exclaiming— 

"  An  !  y°u  tarn  rascal ;  you  shall  go  mit  me;  come,  come, 
no  pullin  pack,  or  FI1  preak  your  heat." 

At  that  moment  the  corpse,  jostled  from  its  equilibrium 
by  the  watchman's  rudeness,  swung  round  to  the  opposite 
side  of  the  plug  against  which  it  was  leaning.  As  it  fell, 
and  the  infuriated  Dutchman  thought  was  endeavoring  to 
break  away  from  his  hold,  he  hit  it  a  severe  rap  over  the  head 
with  his  mace,  which  dislodged  the  cap,  and  revealed,  by  the 
pale  light  of  the  expiring  street  lamp,  its  ghastly  features. 

"  Oh,  mine  Got !  mine  Got !  vat  ish  I  done !"  exclaimed 
the  horror-stricken  Dutchman,  as  he  broke  away  up  the 
street,  impelled  by  the  awful  conviction  that  he  had  either 
captured  an  evil  spirit  or  killed  a  human  being. 

I  could  not  refrain  a  hearty  laugh,  for  the  first  time  in  a 
month,  as  the  fast-receding  sounds  of  the  Dutchman's  well- 
nailed  boots  died  away  in  the  distance. 

I  again  shouldered  the  body  and  succeeded  in  reaching 
one  of  the  lower  wood-wharves  without  further  interruption. 


John's  alive. 


45 


Before  committing  the  body  to  its  new  resting-place,  I  sat 
down  to  recover  my  almost  exhausted  breath,  and  to  medi- 
tate upon  the  adventures  of  the  night.  As  I  recurred  to  the 
past,  and  the  excitement  of  the  moment  gradually  subsided, 
my  mind  again  relapsed  into  its  wonted  gloom,  and  I 
would  have  tossed  up  "  heads  or  tails  "  with  the  corpse  to 
decide  which  should  make  the  plunge.  But  my  thirst  for 
adventure,  and  a  growing  desire  to  see  how  my  scheme 
would  work,  impelled  me  on  to  the  completion  of  my  orig- 
inal design ;  and  after  depositing  my  cloak  and  cap  upon 
the  wharf,  I  plunged  the  body  into  the  almost  congealing 
water,  and  then  directed  my  steps  to  a  remote  and  retired 
part  of  the  city,  where  I  might,  unobserved  by  my  friends 
and  acquaintances,  await  the  issue. 


CHAPTER  III. 

John's  compunctions  of  conscience — The  announcement  in  the  papers — 
Wavers  in  his  purpose — Conflicting  emotions — Attends  his  own 
funeral — Makes  many  interesting  observations  there — Determines 
to  leave  Philadelphia — His  departure  for  New  York — Doleful  re- 
flections—Sails for  New  Orleans— Sea-sickness— The  dandy— The 
lieutenant's  remedy — J ohn's  preventive— Happy  effects  of  the  voy- 
age. 


I  confess  that  I  was  not  without  some  compunctions  of 
conscience  when  I  reflected  upon  what  I  had  done.    But  it 


46  MlJOR  JONES. 

was  too  late  to  retract.  I  feared  the  consequences,  should 
the  deception  which  I  had  practiced  be  discovered,  and  now 
my  greatest  solicitude  was  to  escape  the  observation  of  those 
who  might  recognize  me;  and  though  I  was  extremely 
anxious  to  hear  the  gossip  to  which  my  suicide  had  given 
rise,  and  to  learn  how  my  scheme  had  succeeded,  the  follow- 
ing day  and  night  was  spent  in  concealment  and  suspense. 

On  the  morning  of  the  second  day  after  my  adventure,  I 
strolled  into  a  public  reading-room  in  the  Northern  Lib- 
erties, a  part  of  the  city  which  I  had  seldom  frequented, 
when  I  met  with  the  following  paragraph  in  one  of  the 
city  papers  : 

"  Suicide. — A  young  gentleman  of  very  respectable  con- 
nections, by  the  name  of  John  Smith,  committed  suicide, 
by  drowning  in  the  Delaware,  some  time  during  Wednes- 
day night  last.  He  had  been  in  a  state  of  mental  despond- 
ency for  some  months  past,  and  from  a  letter  which  was 
found  in  his  room,  it  is  supposed  that  disappointment  in  an 
affair  of  the  heart  was  the  cause  of  his  committing  the  rash 
act,  which  has  plunged  his  afflicted  family  into  grief  un- 
speakable. His  body  was  recovered  near  the  Navy  Yard 
last  evening.  His  funeral  will  take  place  from  his  mother's 
residence,  at  No.  — ,  Market  Street,  this  afternoon,  at  half 
past  four  o'clock." 

The  paper  fell  from  my  hands —I  could  have  sunk 
through  the  floor,  such  was  my  chagrin  and  mortification 
on  reading  that  paragraph.    I  had  never  before  reflected 


John's  alive. 


47 


upon  the  consequences  of  my  rash  and  wicked  act.  "  Plunged 
his  afflicted  family  into  grief  unspeakable !"  These  words 
pierced  me  to  the  heart.  What  had  I  not  inflicted  upon 
my  poor  old  mother  and  fond  sisters  ?  I  was  the  only  son, 
and  I  felt  that  I  had  murdered  my  mother.  Oh,  the  agony 
of  that  thought !  How  I  abhorred  and  execrated  myself. 
I  left  the  room  almost  resolved  to  go  to  my  distressed  family, 
and  disclose  all  that  I  had  clone.  In  the  frenzy  of  my 
mind  a  confused  mass  of  thoughts  rushed  through  my  brain. 
But  when  I  thought  of  the  cruel  treatment  I  had  received 
from  Mary,  and  the  triumph  she  would  enjoy,  were  I  to 
make  the  disclosure  which  I  had  just  contemplated,  all  other 
feelings  yielded  to  that  of  insatiable  revenge,  and  the  ten- 
der emotions  that  had  but  a  moment  before  arisen  in  my 
bosom,  at  the  thought  of  the  heart-rending  misery  I  had 
inflicted  upon  my  aged  mother,  were  soon  swallowed  up 
by  those  grosser  passions  of  my  nature,  which  were  now 
fanned  into  a  flame  of  raging  madness  by  the  combined  sen- 
timents of  love,  jealousy,  and  hate.  Besides,  I  knew  not 
to  what  extent  I  had  made  myself  legally  liable  as  well  as 
morally  culpable  by  what  I  had  done,  and  I  came  to  the 
hasty  resolve  to  see,  if  possible,  the  result  of  the  affair,  and 
then  leave  the  home  of  my  youth  never  to  return. 

Accordingly,  at  the  hour  appointed  for  the  funeral,  I  ap- 
proached the  residence  of  my  mother,  where  I  found  a  large 
concourse  of  people  had  assembled,  in  carriages  and  on  foot. 
In  my  well-studied  disguise,  I  mingled  with  the  crowd,  and 


48 


MAJOR  JONES. 


listened  to  the  various  stories  that  were  in  circulation  con- 
cerning my  sad  end.  The  feeling  of  sympathy  for  me,  and 
execrations  for  those  who  had  been  the  cause  of  my  calamity, 
was  almost  universal  among  those  who  pretended  to  know 
anything  of  the  circumstances.  This  was  a  balm  to  my 
wounded  heart;  and  I  will  confess  that  the  deep  sympathy 
and  universal  respect  which  was  manifested  for  me  on  that 
occasion  was  extremely  grateful  to  my  feelings.  Indeed,  I 
could  not  but  be  impressed  with  the  conviction  that  much 
of  the  bitterness  and  gloom  of  the  death  hour  would  be  dis- 
pelled if  the  departed  could  but  be  conscious  of  the  honors 
of  the  funeral  ceremony.  At  length  the  splendid  mahogany 
coffin  made  its  appearance,  and  was  conveyed  to  the  hearse. 
Immediately  after  it  came  the  mourners,  all  in  deep  black  ; 
but  judge  my  surprise  and  gratification,  when  I  discovered, 
arm-in-arm  with  my  two  grown  sisters,  Mary,  the  cause  of 
all  my  woe,  herself  in  tears,  and  to  all  appearance  the  most 
disconsolate  of  the  mourning  train !  With  what  triumph 
I  exulted  in  my  heart  when  I  heard  her  broken  sobs  and 
deep-drawn  sighs.  Such  a  moment  was  worth  a  life  of 
anguish,  and  I  could  scarcely  restrain  my  exultation. 
Slowly  the  hearse  moved  to  the  burying-ground.  Once 
more  I  joined  in  the  funeral  train— once  more  I  saw  the 
same  body  consigned  to  its  mother  earth  ;  and  now  I  turned 
away  from  my  own  funeral,  indeed  dead  to  all  my  early 
associations  and  enjoyments,  but  not  insensible  to  the  bitter 
miseries  of  life. 


JOHN'S  ALIVE. 


49 


I  returned  to  my  hotel,  where  I  had  taken  lodgings,  and 
where  I  passed  myself  as  a  young  gentleman  just  from  the. 
West,  and  in  the  loneliness  of  my  chamber  meditated 
upon  what  course  I  should  adopt.  That  I  must  bid  adieu 
to  Philadelphia,  and  that  forever,  was  a  settled  matter. 
But  where  should  I  go,  and  what  should  I  do?  were 
questions  not  so  easily  resolved.  I  had  no  trade  or  pro- 
fession, and  little  or  no  knowledge  of  business,  and,  though 
I  had  been  reared  with  good  expectations,  the  money 
which  I  had  obtained  from  the  physicians  now  constituted 
my  sole  resources.  I  could  now  look  for  nothing  from  my 
mother's  ample  estate;  and  the  melancholy  conviction 
forced  itself  upon  my  mind  that  I  must  expect  henceforth 
to  fulfil  the  original  curse,  and  earn  my  bread  by  the  sweat 
of  my  brow.  I  resolved  to  bend  my  course  to  the  South, 
where  I  hoped,  by  the  formation  of  new  associations,  and 
by  the  adoption  of  new  and  more  active  pursuits,  to  obliter- 
ate, in  some  degree  at  least,  the  memory  of  the  past,  and,  if 
possible,  to  wean  my  mind  from  the  contemplation  of  an 
object  which  must  now  ever  remain  a  source  of  misery 
and  regret. 

That  Mary  loved  me  in  spite  of  her  former  affected  in- 
difference, her  conduct  at  my  funeral  fully  assured  me,  and 
no  thought  carried  with  it  such  poignant  remorse  as  the 
conviction  that  I  had  lost  her,  and  plunged  myself  in  pov- 
erty and  misery  by  my  own  indiscretion.  Had  I  pursued 
a  different  and  more  rational  course  towards  her — had  I 

4 


50 


MAJOR  JONES. 


treated  as  they  merited  her  girlish  follies,  I  felt  assured 
that  all  might  yet  have  been  well.  But  my  indomitable 
temper  had  led  me  to  the  commission  of  an  act,  the  dire 
consequences  of  which  I  had  never  calculated,  and  which 
time  only  could  reveal.  But  regrets  were  vain — the  deed 
was  done,  and  could  not  be  recalled.  She  had  mourned 
me  dead ;  and  though  I  was  still  among  the  living,  I  was, 
and  must  ever  remain  dead  to  her. 

On  the  following  day  I  took  the  steamboat  for  New 
York.  Strange,  indeed,  were  my  reflections  as  I  mingled 
among  the  varied  throng  of  passengers  who  crowded  the 
decks  of  the  old  Burlington.  In  my  fate  the  natural  order 
of  things  seemed  to  be  reversed.  When  others  were  con- 
signed to  their  graves,  they  left  their  bodies  to  moulder  in 
the  tomb,  while  their  souls  passed  away  to  another,  and  it 
was  to  be  hoped,  better  world.  I,  who  had  been  followed 
to  my  grave  by  mourning  friends,  and  over  whom  sad 
tears  of  parting  had  been  shed,  had  left  my  heart  and  soul 
in  Philadelphia,  while  my  dull  body  was  doomed  to  wan- 
der alone  and  disconsolate  through  the  world.  As  the 
gallant  boat  glided  rapidly  up  the  Delaware,  I  sat  upon 
the  taffrail  and  took  a  last,  lingering  look  at  the  fast-reced- 
ing city.  No  hat  or  handkerchief  waved  an  adieu  to  me, 
and  my  heart  sank  within  me  as  the  last  faint  outline  of 
the  city  of  my  birth  faded  from  my  sight. 

In  New  York,  the  saddening  sense  of  my  isolated  con- 
dition only  became  more  forcibly  impressed  upon  my  mind, 


John's  alive. 


51 


as  I  looked  on,  an  idle  spectator  of  the  bustle  and  commo- 
tion of  the  great  commercial  metropolis.  I  was  alone  amid 
the  busy  throng,  and  as  I  sought  a  secluded  spot  upon  the 
wharf,  and  listened  to  the  clamor  of  the  draymen,  or  the  en- 
livening "oh-heavo !"  of  the  sailors,  I  could  not  but  think 
that  the  broken  cog-wheel  upon  which  I  was  seated  af- 
forded a  striking  illustration  of  my  own  situation.  Like 
it  I  had  lost  my  place  in  the  great  and  complicated  ma- 
chinery of  life,  which  was  moving  on  with  its  ceaseless 
hum  before  me. 

One  vessel  was  up  for  New  Orleans,  and  was  to  sail  with 
the  first  wind,  in  which  I  secured  my  passage.  On  enter- 
ing my  name  upon  the  books  of  the  office,  it  occurred  to 
me  that  I  should  assume  a  new  one  to  avoid  detection,  but 
a  moment's  reflection  assured  me  that  no  name  could  pos- 
sibly be  more  anonymous  than  my  own.  So  down  went 
John  Smith,  as  a  cabin  passenger  for  New  Orleans. 

It  was  a  beautiful  afternoon  when  our  little  brig  dropped 
down  the  North  Eiver,  and  with  a  favoring  tide  and  a 
light  breeze,  we  passed  out  of  the  Narrows  just  as  the  set- 
ting sun  was  gilding  the  gently  undulating  waves  of  the 
broad  Atlantic  with  his  departing  rays.  There  were  seve- 
ral passengers,  among  whom  were  some  that  had  "ploughed 
the  wave"  before,  but  most  of  our  party,  like  myself,  were 
now  for  the  first  time  on  salt  water.  The  sea  seemed  as 
calm  and  quiet  as  a  slumbering  infant,  and  yet  there  was  at 
intervals  of  about  half  a  minute  a  very  unpleasant  sensa- 


52 


MAJOR  JONES. 


tion  experienced  by  most  of  the  passengers,  who  still  lin- 
gered upon  deck  enjoying  the  beautiful  prospect  of  the 
scenery  of  Long  Island  and  the  Jersey  shore.  For  a  time 
conversation  passed  freely,  and  all  seemed  filled  with  new 
delight  and  animation  by  the  sudden  change  which  had 
taken  place  in  their  condition.  By  and  by  the  convivial 
spirit  evidently  began  to  flag,  and  faces  that  had  been  all 
life  and  animation  an  hour  before,  began  to  wear  a  serious 
aspect  as  the  shades  of  evening  drew  on.  Some  leaned 
over  the  bulwarks  in  moody  abstraction,  while  others  made 
but  a  feeble  effort  to  be  sociable.  One,  a  huge  old  grocer, 
who  would  have  answered  to  stand  for  Daniel  Lambert, 
had  early  withdrawn  from  the  quarter-deck,  and  sought  a 
comfortable  leaning-place,  but  where  he  seemed  to  be  greatly 
annoyed  by  the  chattering  of  a  cockney  dandy,  who  kept 
up  a  ceaseless  strain  of  interrogations  to  the  captain. 

"  Capting,"  said  he,  after  a  slight  pause,  during  which 
he  looked  uncommonly  serious,  "  capting,  what  makes  me 
feel  so  ;  eh  ?" 

"  I  don't  know ;  leaving  your  ma,  I  suppose,"  replied 
our  merry  old  skipper. 

"  Ain't  you  'shamed,  capting,  I  don't  mean  that,"  re- 
plied the  dandy,  gracefully  placing  his  hand  upon  the  pit 
of  his  stomach,  while  his  glassy  eyes  and  colorless  lips 
plainly  indicated  the  disturbed  state  of  his  craw, — "  every 
now  and  then,  I  feel  sort  o'  bad  right  here." 

"  Why,  you're  getting  seasick,  you  d — d  fool !"  growled 


(54)         "  Ain't  this  ship  turning  around,  mister  ?  " 


John's  alive. 


55 


the  churlish  old  grocer,  just  as  he  made  one  ponderous 
effort  to  heave  the  contents  of  his  ample  stomach  into  the 
sea. 

"  That's  it,"  nodded  the  captain. 

"Well,  I  thought  it  was  something  remarkable;  I  never 
felt  so  curious  before  ! "  replied  the  astonished  dandy,  as  he 
essayed  to  cross  to  the  other  side  of  the  deck,  doubtless  to 
avoid  his  uncivil  friend,  the  grocer.  The  first  step  seemed 
as  if  he  was  about  to  ascend  a  pair  of  stairs  ;  the  next,  as  if  he 
were  stepping  down  from  an  elevation  in  the  deck,  and,  as 
he  ventured  the  third,  the  corner  of  his  square-toed  boot 
caught  in  the  seam  of  his  pantaloons  with  such  violence  as 
to  split  them  to  the  knee,  while  he  went  lumbering  to  the 
opposite  side  of  the  vessel,  and  only  stopped  in  his  impetu- 
ous rush  when  he  "  brought  up  "  at  full  length  against  the 
bulwarks*  He  was  picked  out  of  the  scupper,  and  raised 
to  his  feet  by  an  old  tar  who  came  to  his  assistance. 

u  Thunderation  !  "  he  exclaimed,  raising  his  hand  to  his 
head,  which  had  come  in  rather  violent  contact  with  the 
woodwork ;  "  I  didn't  see  that  place  before.  Whew  !  I'm 
so  dizzy  !  AnH  the  ship  turning  round,  mister  f  " 

"  Never  mind,  never  mind,"  replied  the  kind  old  sailor, 
"  it'll  be  as  straight  as  a  marlinspike  when  you  get  your 
sea-legs  on  ;  but  you'd  better  drink  a  little  salt-water  ;  it'll 
help  you." 

"  What !  that  'ere  nasty  stuff?    Ugh !  it  makes  me  gag 


56 


MAJOR  JONES. 


to  look  at  it.  I'm  so  sick— oh,  I'll  die !  Where's  the  door  ? 
I  want  to  go  to  bed."  And  with  the  assistance  of  the  sailor, 
the  young  gentleman  with  the  torn  trousers  made  his  exit 
into  the  cabin. 

By  this  time  the  breeze  had  freshened  a  little,  and  its 
gentle  murmur,  as  it  breathed  through  the  cordage,  was 
broken  only  by  the  merry  jests  of  the  well,  or  the  long- 
drawn  groans  and  heaves  of  the  sick  portion  of  our  crew, 
which  latter  class  were  ranged  along  in  rows  on  either  side, 
paying  reluctant  tribute  to  the  ocean  god,  occasionally  giv- 
ing vent  to  their  splenetic  tempers  by  quarrelling  with  the 
others,  who,  instead  of  sympathizing  with  them,  made  their 
sufferings  a  subject  of  mirth. 

"E-e-eph!"  groaned  one,  "ain't  there  nothing  that'll 
stop  it?— e-e-eph  !— Oh,  I  shall  die !" 

"  E-e-eph  !"  in  another  tone,  came  from  the  opposite  side 
in  reply. 

"  E-e-eph  !— Oh,  Lord  !— e-e-eph  !— Oh  !  I  can't  stand 
it !"  groaned  a  little  tallow-faced  man,  who  threw  up  one  leg 
at  each  heave. 

"  Swallow  a  piece  of  fat  pork,"  said  one,  "  and  it'll " — 

"Oh,  go  to  h— 11  with  your  pork! — e-e-eph!"  retorted 
the  old  grocer. 

"  There  goes  my  hat  overboard  !"  whined  a  poor  fellow, 
who  had  just  risen  from  a  perfect  paroxysm  of  vomiting. 

"  That's  nothing,"  replied  the  fat  man.  "  'Spose  you 
had  to  throw  up  as  much  as  me !— I've  raised  the  waist- 


john's  alive. 


57 


bands  of  my  breeches  full  three  inches.  There  comes  that 
snipe  again — the  very  sight  of  him  is  enough  to — e-e-eph! 
e-e-eph!  Oh!"— 

"I  can't  stay  down  there,  capting,  it  smells  so — e-e-eph  ! 
Oh  dear,  I  shall  die  !"  exclaimed  the  poor  dandy,  as  he  came 
tumbling  up  the  companion-way, — "  e-e-eph  !  Capting, 
you  must  make  me  a  bed  up  here,  for  I  can't  sleep  down 
there — e-e-eph !  Oh,  Lord — I  know  it  will  kill  me.  I 
don't  see  how  people  can  laugh  when  we're  all  so  sick — 
e-e-eph! — Oh,  dear  Lordy  ! — e-e-eph !"  Here  the  poor  fel- 
low rolled  on  to  the  deck,  and  groaned  and  heaved  at  inter- 
vals, affording,  by  his  chatterings  and  contortions,  a  fit  sub- 
ject of  mirth  for  all  who  had  a  stomach  for  a  laugh.  Even 
the  old  grocer's  ponderous  sides  shook  with  laughter  when 
he  regarded  his  fellow-sufferer,  notwithstanding  that  he  had 
considered  his  presence  as  an  aggravation  of  his  disease. 

"  Here,"  said  one  of  the  passengers,  a  lieutenant  in  the 
navy,  "  take  this  and  swallow  it,  and  it'll  cure  you,"  hold- 
ing before  the  prostrate  dandy  a  piece  of  fat  pork  tied  to 
the  end  of  a  hempen  string. 

"  Will  it  though  ?"  asked  the  sufferer,  with  an  air  of 
credulity. 

"  To  be  sure  it  will,  if  you  repeat  it  two  or  three  times." 
"  How  ?" 

"  "Why,  swallow  it  and  pull  it  up  again  by  the  string." 
"  Well,  I'll  try  anything  to  save  my  life ;  but  it's  too 
big,  I  can't  swallow  that." 

5 


58 


MAJOR  JONES. 


"  Yes,  you  can — down  with  it !" 

By  this  time  the  eyes  of  the  whole  crew,  sick  and  well, 
were  directed  to  the  dandy.  He  made  one  desperate  effort 
to  swallow  the  chunk  of  greasy  pork,  which  had  no  sooner 
entered  his  mouth  than  he  was  again  seized  with  a  violent 
fit  of  vomiting. 

"E-e-eph!  e-e-eph— oh  lord !  lieutenant,  I  can't  go  that 
—it's  too  fat— e-e-eph !  Oh,  I  shall  die ;  take  it  away,  it 
makes  me  worse — e-e-eph  !" 

A  general  laugh  was  enjoyed  at  the  expense  of  the  poor 
dandy,  who  remonstrated  against  such  conduct  in  a  manner 
that  only  excited  the  risibility  of  his  hearers. 

Though  I  had  felt  the  effects  of  the  "ground  swell," 
which  was  all  that  produced  the  sickening  motion  of  the 
vessel,  yet  I  had  in  a  great  measure  escaped  the  effect  of 
the  epidemic,  which  raged  so  violently  among  my  fellow- 
passengers,  by  adopting  a  remedy  for  sea-sickness  which  I 
had  heard  of  when  a  boy,  and  which  I  soon  found  to  be 
an  admirable  preventive.  I  would  have  recommended  it 
to  my  fellow-passengers  but  that  I  doubted  its  efficacy 
until  I  had  given  it  a  trial.  On  the  first  slight  sensation 
of  nausea,  I  procured  from  the  steward  a  large  piece  of 
raw  cod-fish,  and,  taking  my  seat  at  the  foot  of  the  main- 
mast, where  of  course  the  motion  of  the  vessel  was  much 
less  to  be  felt  than  at  either  extremity,  I  kept  myself  as 
quiet  as  possible,  and  gnawed  my  cod-fish  with  an  excel- 


john's  alive. 


59 


lent  relish,  while  the  others  were  suffering  the  severest 
penalties  of  a  first  voyage  at  sea. 

It  was  several  days  before  all  the  seats  at  our  captain's 
table  were  filled,  and,  as  often  as  the  weather  became  a 
little  rough,  our  dandy  passenger  was  missed  from  his  ac- 
customed seat.  The  novelty  of  nautical  life  afforded  much 
relief  to  my  depressed  spirits,  and,  before  our  arrival  at 
our  place  of  destination,  the  exciting  events  incident  to 
our  voyage — a  recital  of  which  I  will  spare  the  reader — 
had  served  to  dispel  much  of  the  gloomy  despondency  to 
which  I  had  so  long  been  a  victim. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

John  tries  merchandising  in  New  Orleans — Soon  relapses  into  his  for- 
mer despondency — Seeks  to  "  drown  it  in  the  bowl " — Gets  into  a 
fight  on  the  levee — Is  lodged  in  the  Calaboose — With  difficulty  ob- 
tains his  release — Fortunes  at  a  low  ebb — Sans  money,  sans  friends, 
sans  everything — Enlists  in  the  army  of  General  Gaines — Sails  for 
Florida — Improved  state  of  feeling,  the  effect  of  hard  marching — 
Human  nature  with  the  bark  off — Camp  courtesy — Dade's  battle- 
ground— John's  partiality  for  the  General  expressed  * 

After  idling  about  a  few  days  among  the  various  places 
of  public  resort  in  the  Crescent  City,  I  applied  for  and  ob- 
tained a  situation  in  a  commercial  house  as  bookkeeper. 
Here  I  endeavored  by  close  application  to  business  to  draw 


60 


MAJOR  JONES. 


my  mind  away  from  the  contemplation  of  the  past,  in  the 
hope  that  it  might  once  more  regain  its  wonted  sanity  ;  for 
I  could  only  account  for  my  rash  conduct  on  the  ground 
that  my  reason  had  become  impaired.  For  a  time,  while 
everything  was  novel  and  strange,  I  was  not  without  hope. 
But  ere  six  months  had  rolled  off,  my  mind  began  to  relapse 
into  its  former  channels  of  thought,  and  I  again  became 
restless  and  miserable,  despite  my  exertions  to  shake  off 
the  gloomy  despondency,  which  I  was  too  sensible  was 
again  stealing  upon  me.  Before  the  term  of  my  engage- 
ment, which  was  one  year,  had  expired,  I  relinquished  my 
very  lucrative  situation,  from  a  consciousness  that  I  was  in- 
competent in  my  present  state  of  mind  to  fill  so  important 
a  trust ;  and  in  order  to  blunt  the  poignancy  of  my  feelings, 
abandoned  myself  to  the  worst  excesses  of  dissipation.  But 
with  me,  as  with  Cassio,  wine  could  not  drown  remorse, 
and  the  inebriating  cup  only  excited  me  to  madness. 

On  one  occasion,  while  brutally  intoxicated,  I  encountered 
some  sailors  on  the  levee,  wTith  whom  I  had  a  quarrel,  and 
by  whom  I  was  severely  beaten  and  robbed  of  nearly  every- 
thing I  had  of  value  about  me.  I  was  carried  almost  frantic 
to  the  calaboose,  where  I  found  myself  on  the  following  morn- 
ing in  a  most  deplorable  condition,  both  of  mind  and  body. 
It  was  with  much  difficulty  that  I  procured  my  release  from 
the  authorities,  who  regarded  me  as  a  very  suspicious  per- 
son, as  I  could  give  no  satisfactory  account  of  myself.  On 
my  first  examination,  they  insisted,  in  spite  of  all  my  re- 


john's  alive. 


61 


monstrances  and  denials,  on  retaining  me  in  custody  as  an 
old  offender,  and  read  to  me  a  long  list  of  offences  docketed 
upon  their  records  against  John  Smith,  some  of  which 
would  have  sent  me  to  the  gallows,  or  penitentiary  for  life, 
had  I  not  succeeded  ultimately  in  establishing  my  personal 
identity  by  respectable  witnesses,  who  had  known  me  since 
my  arrival  in  New  Orleans. 

Once  more  at  liberty,  I  found  myself  without  money, 
and,  of  course,  without  friends;  and,  worse  than  all,  in- 
capable of  business  by  which  to  obtain  a  livelihood.  I 
began  to  look  upon  my  fortunes  as  approaching  to  a  des- 
perate crisis,  and  seriously  meditated  an  escape  from  ills 
which  I  could  not  bear  by  a  suicide  in  earnest. 

Such  was  my  condition,  and  such  the  tenor  of  my 
thoughts,  when  that  gallant  old  soldier,  General  Gaines — 
whose  name  I  ever  loved  to  honor — arrived  in  the  city 
on  his  way  to  Florida  to  subdue  the  Seminoles,  who 
were  then  spreading  havoc  and  destruction  throughout 
that  devoted  land.  I  felt  that  I  was  indeed  "fit  food  for 
the  rifle's  mouth."  With  eagerness  "I  longed  to  follow 
to  the  field  some  warlike  lord,"  and  when  the  call  was 
made,  through  the  city  papers,  for  troops,  John  Smith's 
name  was  among  the  first  enrolled  upon  the  list  of  gallant 
Louisiana  volunteers.  A  few  days  were  spent  in  making 
preparations,  and  on  the  morning  of  the  4th  of  February, 
1836,  I  found  myself  on  board  the  steamer  "Watchman," 
a  soldier,  on  my  way  to  the  theatre  of  war. 


62 


MAJOR  JONES. 


On  our  arrival  at  Tampa,  General  Gaines  found  himself 
in  command  of  about  1100  as  good  troops  as  ever  entered 
a  battle-field,  but  almost  entirely  destitute  of  the  muni- 
tions of  war,  and  the  disparaging  alternative  presented 
itself  of  either  returning  to  New  Orleans  in  our  transports 
or  marching  to  meet  the  enemy  without  those  necessaries 
which  we  had  so  confidently  expected  would  be  at  our 
command  on  our  arrival  at  Fort  Brook— where  indeed 
we  found  large  quantities  of  government  stores,  but  no 
means  of  transportation,  so  indispensable,  and  yet  so 
cumbrous,  to  an  army  in  a  country  like  Florida. 

The  latter  expedient  was  insisted  upon  by  the  troops, 
who  were  willing  to  bear  their  provisions  for  the  march 
to  Fort  King,  a  distance  of  more  than  one  hundred  miles, 
upon  their  backs,  and  to  brave  every  danger  and  hardship 
incident  to  such  an  expedition,  inspired  as  they  were  by 
the  presence  of  a  leader  in  whom  they  reposed  such 
unbounded  confidence. 

Those  who  are  not  prepared  to  concede  the  oft-repeated 
dogma  that  a  man  is  but  the  creature  of  circumstances, 
have  only  to  pass  a  few  months  in  the  camp  to  have  their 
skepticism  on  this  point  entirely  removed.  In  ordinary 
life  we  are  artificial  characters,  and  take  our  distinctive 
shade  or  caste  from  the  sphere  in  which  we  move.  But 
in  the  camp  these  artificial  distinctions  are  soon  lost.  In 
the  rude  vicissitudes  of  camp  life  each  is  thrown  upon  his 
natural  resources,  and  though  the  polish  of  refinement  may 


John's  alive. 


63 


for  a  time  hold  its  gloss,  the  rugged  contact  in  which  it  is 
brought  with  the  sternest  necessities  of  animal  life — which 
as  a  comrade,  now  no  more,  used  to  remark — knocked  the 
very  bark  off  his  human  nature — will  soon  remove  its 
restraints,  and  place  prince  and  peasant  upon  a  level  for 
the  time.  On  our  voyage  to  Tampa,  and  for  some  time 
after  our  encampment,  there  was  a  courteous  bearing,  a  sort 
of  chivalric  deportment  observable  among  the  volunteers, 
which  induced  me  to  believe  that  I  had  fallen  into  an 
association  of  the  elite  of  the  South.  The  most  formal 
politeness  was  observed  on  all  occasions.  Every  man  was 
a  general  in  his  bearing,  and  touched  his  chapeau  as  he 
passed  his  fellows  with  the  air  of  a  French  gen  d'armes. 
If  anything  was  missed  or  mislaid  the  word  was  passed : 
"Has  any  gentleman  seen  my  tin  cup?"  or,  "What  gentle- 
man's got  our  coffee-pot?"  And  when  the  article  was 
discovered  in  the  possession  of  another,  there  was  a  pro- 
fusion of  bowing  and  scraping — "I  beg  your  pardon,  sir." 
— "O,  no  matter,  sir." — "I'm  much  obliged." — "You're 
very  welcome,"  etc.,  etc.  But  a  few  days'  short  rations, 
and  a  hard  march  or  two,  soon  changed  the  tone  of  our 
camp  society.  Now  the  cry  was :  "  What  gentleman's 
stole  my  coffee-pot?"  And  this  inconsistency  was  changed 
to  "What  d — d  rascal's  stole  our  frying-pan?"  or,  "I 
can  whip  the  man  that  took  my  pork !"  And  it  was  not 
unfrequently  that  a  poor  fellow's  head  came  in  contact 
with  a  frying-pan  or  camp-kettle,  if  found  in  his  possession 


64 


MAJOR  JONES. 


without  his  ear-marks.  The  word  gentleman  was  soon 
discarded  from  our  vocabulary,  and  in  its  stead  other 
familiar  titles  were  substituted,  which  would  not  look  so 
well  in  print.  The  kindly  feelings  were  soon  smothered, 
selfishness  became  the  order  of  the  day,  and  he  was  to  be 
pitied,  indeed,  who  did  not  adopt  the  maxim  of  the  camp, 
which  was,  "  Every  man  for  himself,  and  the  Indians  for 
us  all." 

The  change  in  my  life  was  a  happy  one.  The  camp, 
with  its  bustle  and  excitement,  its  pageantry  and  parade, 
was  new  to  me,  and  the  hardships  and  dangers  to  which  we 
were  at  all  times  exposed,  as  we  marched  over  the  arid  sands, 
or  penetrated  the  gloomy  forest  in  search  of  the  foe,  effec- 
tually dispelled  the  ennui  with  which  I  had  so  long  been 
beset ;  and  as  I  bent  beneath  my  heavy  burden  in  the  day, 
or  stretched  my  weary  limbs  upon  the  ground  at  night,  I 
was  far  happier  than  I  had  been  since  I  first  awoke  from 
"  love's  young  dream." 

Our  march  was  exceedingly  severe,  and  though  nothing 
occurred  to  test  my  nerve,  my  sinews  were  put  to  their  trial 
during  our  scout  in  search  of  the  enemy  upon  the  Alapia, 
and  our  subsequent  movements  in  the  direction  of  Fort 
Drane.  But  my  first  initiation  into  the  frightful  horrors  of 
war  was  afforded  by  the  awful  spectacle  presented  on  our 
arrival  at  the  place  where  Major  Dade  and  his  gallant  band 
had  been  surrounded  and  cut  to  pieces  on  the  20th  of  the 
previous  December.    The  field  of  Waterloo,  after  that  san- 


JOHN'S  ALIVE. 


65 


guinary  conflict  doubtless  presented  a  much  more  imposing 
spectacle,  but  certainly  was  incapable,  with  all  its  vast  heca- 
tomb of  promiscuous  dead,  of  harrowing  up  such  emotions 
as  heaved  the  breast  of  every  beholder  of  the  melancholy 
spectacle  before  us.  The  loneliness  of  the  spot — the  deep 
gloom  of  the  trackless  forest — the  sombre  shade  and  melan- 
choly music  of  the  sighing  pines — all  contributed  to  the 
mournful  solemnity  of  the  scene.  And  then  the  ghastly, 
mutilated  forms  that  strewed  the  ground,  the  innumerable 
evidences  of  the  fierceness  of  the  death-struggle  of  that  little 
band — away,  then,  in  those  lonely  wilds,  where  the  roar  of 
their  artillery  only  startled  the  wolf  from  his  den,  as  it 
reverberated  through  the  still  depths  of  the  forest,  and  their 
battle-cry  was  drowned  in  the  demoniac  yell  of  their  merci- 
less foe — all  were  calculated  to  impress  the  mind  with  a  sad 
sympathy  for  the  fallen  braves.  In  the  rude  triangular 
breastwork  which  marks  the  spot  where  the  remnant  of  the 
devoted  band  made  their  last  stand  against  such  over- 
whelming odds,  a  grizzly  wolf  and  a  vulture  lay  prostrate 
with  the  bodies,  upon  which,  perhaps,  they  had  over-gorged 
their  long-starved  appetites.  On  every  pine,  the  turpentine 
was  glistening  in  the  sun,  as  it  came  seeping  from  innumer- 
able ball-holes,  and  at  a  little  distance  from  the  inclosure 
stood  a  cart,  to  which  were  still  attached  the  skeletons  of 
two  oxen  and  a  horse,  who  lay  as  they  had  been  shot  down, 
with  the  harness  still  upon  them.  The  track  of  the  little 
column,  from  the  spot  where  the  attack  first  commenced, 


66 


MAJOR  JONES. 


back  to  where  the  death-struggle  had  ensued,  was  strewed 
with  the  wreck  of  battle.  Cartridge-boxes,  shoes,  coats, 
and  caps,  lay  strewed  upon  the  ground,  all  perforated  with 
balls,  and  not  unfrequently  still  stained  with  blood.  Even 
the  veteran  Gaines  could  not  disguise  his  emotion,  as  the 
men  were  busied  in  their  sad  task  of  collecting  the  bodies 
for  burial.  They  were  interred  with  all  the  solemnity  of 
military  usage,  in  three  graves,  the  men  in  two  large  ones, 
and  the  officers,  who  were  easily  identified  by  their  dress, 
in  another  of  smaller  dimensions.  Planting  their  cannon 
at  the  head  of  the  latter,  to  mark  the  spot,  we  resumed  our 
march,  leaving  them  to  sleep — not  upon  "the  field  of 
glory,"  the  soldier's  last  and  proudest  privilege,  but  like  all 
who  fall  by  the  savage  foe,  in  the  gloom  of  forgetfulness ; 
where  the  tall  pines,  that  alone  witnessed  their  valor  and 
prowess,  shall  cast  their  ever-green  shade  over  their  isolated 
resting-place,  and  sigh,  as  they  toss  their  aged  arms  to  the 
skies,  their  never-ceasing  requiem. 

On  the  following  day  we  arrived  at  the  pine  pickets  of 
Fort  King,  where  we  were  again  disappointed  in  our  ex- 
pectation of  obtaining  provisions,  baggage-wagons,  ammu- 
nition, etc.  We  were,  however,  speedily  supplied  by  General 
Clinch,  from  Fort  Drane,  so  far  as  was  in  his  power  to 
afford  us  assistance,  and  after  a  brief  rest,  again  took  up 
our  line  of  march,  with  five  days'  provisions  upon  our  backs 
and  upon  the  backs  of  the  few  pack-horses  which  we  were 


John's  alive. 


67 


able  to  procure,  for  the  point  on  the  Withlacoochee  where 
it  was  supposed  the  enemy  was  in  force. 

It  has  been  urged  by  those  who  have  lamented  the  dis- 
astrous result  of  this  campaign,  that  General  Gaines  was  to 
be  blamed  for  rashly  entering  the  enemy's  country  without 
the  necessary  preparations  for  a  protracted  campaign.  I 
have  no  objection  that  others  should  enjoy  their  own  opin- 
ions in  regard  to  this  matter ;  nevertheless,  I  am  disposed 
to  take  a  very  different  view  of  the  conduct  of  that  officer, 
and  so  far  from  visiting  him  with  censure,  I  feel  that  he 
merits  the  esteem  and  gratitude  of  the  country  for  his  gal- 
lant and  soldier-like  deportment  in  Florida.  He  was  anx- 
ious to  give  the  people  of  that  Territory  relief,  and  promptly 
placing  himself  at  the  head  of  an  efficient  force,  and  know- 
ing well  the  Indian  character,  he  hastened  at  once  to  the 
field,  as  one  who  came  to  chastise  not  to  frighten  or  entreat. 
And  had  he  been  sustained  with  the  resources  then  in  the 
country,  and  which  could  as  well  have  been  hastened  to  his 
aid  as  consumed  at  Picolata,  and  on  the  way  between  that 
post  and  Fort  Drane,  or  had  the  gallant  Clinch  been  per- 
mitted to  co-operate  with  him  as  he  desired,  and  as  the  lat- 
ter would  cheerfully  have  done,  the  annals  of  our  country 
would  never  have  been  marred  wTith  the  history  of  the  pro- 
tracted and  disgraceful  Indian  war  which  has  ensued,  and 
in  which  has  been  spilled  some  of  the  best  blood  of  the  na- 
tion. But  I  may  not  digress,  even  to  poise  a  lance  in  de- 
fence of  my  old  general. 


68 


MAJOR  JONES. 


CHAPTER  V. 

The  Withlacoochee— The  first  fight— John's  peculiar  sensations  on  that 
occasion — The  second  encounter— Attack  in  the  breastworks— The 
music  of  a  rifle-ball  an  exception  to  the  rule — Seminole  dentistry- 
Battle  at  night— John  is  wounded— Short  rations  and  hard  fighting- 
Desperate  onset— The  armistice— The  council— A  dainty  morsel— The 
surprise — The  relief— Keturn  to  Camp  Smith. 

It  was  early  on  the  second  day  after  our  departure  from 
Fort  King,  that  our  advance-guard  reached  the  bank  of  the 
Withlacoochee.  As  we  approached  to  the  bank  of  that 
wild  stream,  whose  tawny  waters  glide  with  a  lazy  current 
amid  cypress  swamps  and  sleepy  lagoons  on  to  the  ocean,  as 
still  and  calm  as  if  its  glassy  surface  had  never  been  ruf- 
fled by  human  power,  suddenly  the  sharp  crack  of  the  rifle 
pealed  upon  our  startled  ears,  and  from  a  thousand  throats 
came  the  terrific  warwhoop  of  the  savages,  who  lay  con- 
cealed upon  the  opposite  bank.  I  felt  a  thrill  of  excitement 
run  through  every  nerve.  It  was  the  first  time  that  I  had 
ever  heard  that  blood-curdling  yell,  and  I  was  soon  to  par- 
ticipate, for  the  first  time,  in  mortal  combat.  I  cannot  de- 
scribe my  feelings  at  that  moment.  It  was  not  fear ;  it  was 
not  anger  made  me  tremble ;  but  my  mind  was  oppressed 
with  a  strange  compound  of  mingled  emotions.  There  was 
an  indefinite,  indescribable  sense  of  imminent  peril,  a  feel- 
ing of  suspense,  the  more  painful  because  of  its  uncertain 


john's  alive. 


69 


brevity.  Perhaps,  my  last  breath  was  in  my  nostrils !  It 
was  but  for  a  moment ;  but,  in  that  brief  moment,  a  life- 
time of  thought  ran  through  my  brain.    All  the  unfinished 

business  of  an  ill-spent  life  pressed  itself  upon  me  

One  volley — a  shout  of  defiance — and  my  agony  was  over  ; 
and  the  next  moment,  when  a  riderless  horse  came  dashing 
past,  his  flank  all  stained  with  blood,  I  felt  at  ease  amid 
the  danger  and  din  of  battle,  and  snuffed  the  sulphury  at- 
mosphere with  as  much  composure  as  a  veteran.  A  sharp 
fire  was  kept  up  on  both  sides  for  near  an  hour,  when,  find- 
ing it  impossible  to  cross  the  stream  at  that  point  without 
the  aid  of  boats,  the  army  fell  back  to  a  little  distance  from 
the  river,  and  passed  the  night  in  the  breastworks  thrown 
up  by  General  Clinch  on  the  night  previous  to  the  battle 
of  the  Withlacoochee. 

At  sunrise,  on  the  following  morning,  we  were  again  in 
line,  and  moved  down  the  river  a  distance  of  about  two 
miles,  where  it  was  understood  there  were  less  natural  obsta- 
cles to  prevent  our  crossing  the  stream.  On  again  approach- 
ing the  bank,  which  we  did  about  nine  o'clock,  we  met  with 
a  reception  similar  to  our  first  greeting,  which  we  returned 
with  a  free  good-will,  and  the  spirited  interchange  of  com- 
pliments was  kept  up  without  intermission  until  near  one 
o'clock  in  the  afternoon,  when  the  red  rascals,  for  reasons 
best  known  to  themselves,  declined  the  sport.  During  this 
spirited  affair  many  of  our  men  were  killed  or  wounded. 
Among  those  mortally  wounded  was  the  gallant  Lieutenant 


70 


MAJOR  JONES. 


Izard,  a  gentleman  and  soldier  deserving  a  better  fate. 
Retiring  a  short  distance  from  the  river,  we  threw  up 
breastworks,  and  passed  the  night  without  interruption. 
About  ten  o'clock  on  the  following  morning,  the  enemy 
paid  us  a  call  on  our  own  side  of  the  river,  and  for  the 
space  of  two  hours  their  rifles  kept  up  as  enlivening  a  t&te- 
a-tete  with  our  yagers  and  muskets  "  as  one  might  wish  to 
hear."    For  a  time  the  rifle-balls  whistled  about  us  like 
hail,  and  many  of  our  men  were  obliged  to  acknowledge, 
some  with  a  groan,  others  with  a  curse,  the  receipt  of  those 
"  leaden  messengers  of  death."     But  to  me  there  is  no 
"  c}iarm  to  soothe,"  in  the  music  of  a  rifle-ball,  and,  in  spite 
of  all  my  philosophy,  I  found  it  difficult  to  bear  in  mind, 
at  the  moment,  the  well-attested  fact  that  "they  are  harm- 
less so  long  as  one  can  hear  them  whistle."    Another  name 
or  two  were  added  to  our  list  of  killed  and  wounded.  Among 
the  latter  was  that  of  our  brave  old  general  himself,  who 
was  indebted  to  the  enemy  on  this  occasion  for  the  perform- 
ance of  a  novel  dental  operation— a  rifle-ball  having  passed 
through  his  nether  lip,  removing  one  of  his  front  teeth.  The 
old  general  is  not  in  command  of  more  than  a  corporal's 
guard  of  this  class  of  troops,  and  so  was  rather  vexed  at  the 
rascal  for  thus  depriving  him  of  one  of  his  veteran  front 
rank  men. 

It  was  night— the  many  notes  of  the  tattoo  had  but  just 
ceased  to  send  back  their  joint  echoes  from  the  surrounding 
gloom,  when,  as  if  by  appointed  signal,  the  whole  woods, 


JOHN'S  ALIVE. 


71 


on  every  side,  were  lit  up  by  the  blaze  of  their  rifles,  while 
the  welkin  rang  with  the  rattling  report,  mingled  with 
that  horrid  Indian  yell,  to  me  more  terrible  than  their 
weapons.  For  a  time  the  blaze  of  fire-arms  almost  il- 
lumined the  dark  scene,  while  the  solemn  woods  for  miles 
around  reverberated  with  the  deafening  peals  of  our  mus- 
ketry, or  the  sullen  roar  of  our  single  field-piece,  which, 
like  the  hoarse  voice  of  the  mastiff  amid  the  yelping  ken- 
nel of  lesser  throats,  towered  above  the  din  at  intervals. 
I  was  in  the  act  of  rising  from  my  knee,  in  which  posi- 
tion we  had  been  ordered  to  fire,  when  I  felt  a  sudden 
twinge  in  the  left  arm. 

"I  wish  you'd  keep  your  ramrod  to  yourself/'  I  re- 
marked to  my  file-leader,  who  was  loading  as  if  he  had  a 
covey  of  partridges  in  his  eye. 

"  Take  that,  and  be  d — d  to  ye,"  said  he,  as  he  dis- 
charged his  piece  and  commenced  reloading,  too  much  en- 
gaged to  hear  me.  "  I'll  bet  that  cut  some  of  your  fur, 
you  d — d  yelling  panters,  ye." 

"  Zip,"  exclaimed  one,  as  a  ball  whistled  past  his  head ; 
"  a  miss  is  as  good  as  a  mile — " 

"  I  wish  I  had  a  pair  of  cast-iron  boots  that  came  up  to 
my  shoulders,"  remarked  the  third  man  on  my  right,  as  he 
bent  upon  his  knees. 

"  Stand  up  to  your  rack,  Bob,  and  never  mind  the 
length  of  your  boots,"  replied  his  file-leader. 

"  Oh,  my  God !"  groaned  one,  and  the  next  moment  two 


72 


MAJOR  JONES. 


men  were  seen  dragging  a  poor  fellow  towards  the  surgeon's 
quarters. 

"  There's  a  man  got  an  Indian's  commission  in  his 
pocket,  Pat/'  said  a  reckless  fellow  in  my  hearing. 

"  Come,  boys— it's  no  time  to  be  indulgin'  in  levity ; 
load  and  fire  in  quickest  time's  the  order/'  replied  our  old 
Irish  corporal. 

"  They're  coming  closer— see !  the  flash  of  that  rifle  was 
not  thirty  paces  off." 

"  Here  goes  the  lead-colic  in  that  fellow's  neighborhood/' 
said  another,  as  he  let  fly  the  contents  of  his  piece  in  that 
direction. 

I  had  paused  for  a  moment,  not  seeing  anything  to 
shoot  at,  but,  as  the  enemy  were  evidently  advancing,  and 
their  fire  seemed  to  take  more  effect,  I  attempted  to  seize 
my  gun,  but  my  left  arm  refused  to  perform  its  office,  and 
my  hand  hung  benumbed  and  useless  at  my  side.  Upon 
examination,  I  found  the  blood  streaming  profusely  from 
a  wound  in  the  fleshy  part  of  the  arm  just  below  the 
elbow.    It  was  a  rifle-ball,  instead  of  my  friend's  ramrod, 
that  had  attracted  my  attention  but  a  few  moments  before. 
Though  the  wound  was  slight,  it  incapacitated  me  for  ser- 
vice, and  I  was  ordered  to  the  centre  of  the  inclosure, 
where  I  was  compelled,  much  against  my  will,  to  remain 
inactive  amid  surrounding  strife  and  confusion.    It  was 
late  when  the  enemy  retired. 

Daybreak  was  their  signal  for  renewing  the  onset.  Owing 


John's  alive. 


73 


to  the  great  disparity  of  force,  and  the  scarcity  of  ammu- 
nition, it  was  not  deemed  prudent  to  make  a  sortie,  espe- 
cially when  it  was  evident  that  such  an  expedient  could 
only  result  in  dispersing  the  enemy,  who,  we  were  too 
well  assured,  were  concentrated  at  this  point,  and  whom  it 
was  the  object  of  our  general  to  entertain  and  keep  together 
until  reinforcements  and  a  concerted  action  with  General 
Clinch  would  enable  him  to  make  a  decisive  movement. 
An  express  had  been  dispatched  to  Fort  Drane,  and  while 
a  part  of  our  force  kept  the  enemy  at  bay,  numbers  were 
employed  in  constructing  boats  with  which  to  cross  the 
river  when  we  should  receive  the  necessary  supplies.  But 
no  succor  came,  our  provisions  were  soon  exhausted,  and, 
after  a  few  days,  a  more  formidable  enemy  than  the  savage 
foe  stared  us  in  the  face.  Famine,  with  its  lean  and  hag- 
gard aspect  and  sunken  eye,  stalked  through  the  camp,  dis- 
piriting the  brave,  and  unnerving  the  strong.  Another 
express  was  dispatched,  and  yet  no  relief.  Still  was  Gaines 
the  same  resolute  and  intrepid  leader  that  he  had  been  in 
younger  and  more  glorious  days,  and  his  noble  example 
cheered  and  encouraged  his  suffering  soldiers  when  precept 
would  have  failed.  The  wily  savages  were  not  ignorant  of 
our  condition,  and  at  the  time  when  we  were  reduced  to  the 
extremity  of  eating  our  poor  horses,  who  reeled  as  they 
walked,  many  of  them  suffering  from  wounds,  and  all  per- 
ishing for  food,  they  renewed  the  fight  with  redoubled 
energy,  and  the  most  determined  desperation.    They  had 


74 


MAJOR  JONES. 


grown  bolder;  they  set  the  tall  grass  and  leaves  on  fire, 
and  while  the  volumes  of  flame  and  smoke  curled  over  our 
heads,  they  made  one  desperate  effort,  as  if  they  would  scale 
our  works,  which  we  could  not  repel  only  in  the  last  ex- 
tremity, owing  to  the  scarcity  of  our  ammunition.  When 
they  approached  near  enough,  under  cover  of  the  smoke,  to 
bring  them  almost  within  pistol-shot,  the  Louisianians  gave 
them  a  reception  that  made  them  recoil  like  vipers  from 
the  fire.   During  the  night  of  the  5th  of  March,  the  seventh 
since  our  encampment  in  the  breastworks,  a  voice  hailed 
our  sentinels  from  the  opposite  side  of  the  river,  and  in- 
formed us  that  (to  use  the  speaker's  own  words)  «  de  Injan 
say  him  done  tired  fight,  and  want  to  make  treaty,"  and  on 
the  following  morning,  their  delegates,  under  the  protection 
of  a  dirty  white  flag,  made  their  appearance,  and  were  met 
by  a  corresponding  number  of  our  own  officers  at  some  dis- 
tance from  the  breastworks,  where  a  palaver  ensued.  While 
this  sage  council  was  sitting  cross-legged  upon  a  log,  en- 
gaged in  their  efforts  to  effect  a  diplomatic  adjustment  of  the 
difficulties  which  had  embroiled  the  two  nations  in  war,  a 
respectable  showing  of  the  bulwark  of  the  red  nation  was 
paraded  in  full  view  of  the  camp. 

I  sat  upon  a  log  with  my  wounded  arm  in  a  sling,  de- 
vouring a  dog's  heart,  roasted,  without  salt,  while  the  treaty 
was  going  on.  I  was  meditating  upon  the  probable  result 
of  the  armistice,  when  I  observed  a  sudden  commotion 
among  the  red  gentry,  and  immediately  a  loud  volley  of 


John's  alive. 


75 


musketry  broke  upon  my  ear.  The  next  moment  the 
woods  were  red  with  flying  Indians,  shouting  "  Clinch  ! 
Clinch!"  as  they  dashed  headlong  in  the  direction  of  the 
river.  The  gentlemen  of  the  council  stood  not  upon  the 
order  of  their  going,  but  went,  abruptly  deferring  all  further 
deliberations  until  "  to-morrow"  The  whole  camp  was  in 
commotion,  joy  lit  up  the  smoked  and  haggard  counte- 
nances of  the  men,  and  I  dashed  my  dog's  heart  to  the  dogs, 
and  threw  up  my  cap  with  joy,  as  I  saw  through  the  smoky 
woods,  the  blue  jacket  of  the  gallant  Clinch,  approaching 
at  the  head  of  his  brave  Georgians,  and  knew  that  relief 
had  come  at  last. 

After  delaying  a  few  days, — during  which  time  it  rained 
incessantly — in  order  to  give  the  Indians  an  opportunity  of 
renewing  the  negotiations  which  his  van-guard  had  so  sud- 
denly interrupted,  but  which  they  did  not  do — General 
Clinch,  who  no  longer  enjoyed  supreme  command  in  Florida, 
obeyed  the  instructions  of  the  commander-in-chief,  by  with- 
drawing the  army  from  the  Withlacoochee  to  Fort  Drane. 
Arrived  at  his  post,  our  own  general,  having  resigned  his 
command  into  the  hands  of  General  Clinch,  took  his  leave 
of  those  who  had  been  his  associates  in  his  brief  but  ar- 
duous campaign. 


76 


MAJOR  JONES. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

John  becomes  weary  of  camp  life— Expedient  for  relieving  its  mo- 
notony—The  hunting  party— Florida  scenery— A  mimic  Eden— 
The  rural  lounge-Thoughts  of  pastoral  life-Influence  of  associa- 
tion-Mankind an  element— Pastoral  recreation— The  attack— The 
escape— Night  in  the  swamp— Search  for  the  camp— The  surprise— 
The  chase— John  becomes  amphibious; 

A  life  of  inactivity  was  but  illy  suited  to  my  peculiar 
temperament,  and  I  had  remained  in  our  snug  quarters  in 
the  vicinity  of  Fort  Drane  only  a  few  days,  during  which 
time  my  wound  had  become  entirely  healed,  before  I  began 
to  feel  restless  and  dissatisfied ;  and  notwithstanding  the 
privations  and  hardships  I  had  just  endured,  I  was  ex- 
tremely anxious  to  exchange  the  dull  tedium  of  the  camp 
for  the  excitement  of  the  field.    We  were  to  remain  in  this 
state  of  inactivity  until  General  Scott  should  be  enabled  to 
complete  his  arrangements,  prior  to  a  simultaneous  move- 
ment against  the  enemy  from  different  points,  by  which 
means  that  officer  hoped  to  put  an  end  to  the  war.  The 
time  wore  heavily  off,  and  I  determined  to  adopt  some  ex- 
pedient to  relieve  the  dull  monotony  of  a  life  in  camp. 
Accordingly,  one  day  I  proposed  to  four  others  of  my  com- 
panions to  violate  the  standing  order  of  the  day  by  stealing 
out  into  the  woods  and  taking  a  hunt.    My  proposition  was 
agreed  to,  and  we  set  out  with  our  yagers,  in  search  of  the 


JOHN'S  ALIVE. 


77 


deer  and  wild  turkeys  which  abound  in  almost  every 
thicket  or  swamp  in  Florida.  Our  departure  was  unob- 
served by  the  guard,  and  we  hastened  away  from  Camp 
Smith,  as  our  new  encampment  was  called,  intending  only 
to  go  so  far  that  the  report  of  our  guns  might  not  reach  the 
camp. 

We  had  strayed  far  away,  amid  the  picturesque  wilds  of 
that  delightful  country,  ere  we  were  aware  of  our  remote- 
ness from  the  army.  The  scenery  was  enchanting,  and 
even  at  that  early  season  of  the  year,  wore  an  aspect  of 
luxuriance  and  freshness  that  could  not  fail  to  inspire  the 
beholder  with  a  love  for  the  wild  beauties  of  nature.  Now 
we  strayed  through  open  meadows  of  waving  grass,  start- 
ling the  herds  of  wild  cattle  from  their  browsing  beside 
meandering  rivulets,  or  descending  into  the  thick  groves 
of  fragrant  orange  and  magnolia,  where  the  wild  vines 
wrought  a  network  over  our  heads,  and  the  rich  drapery  of 
spring  hung  in  graceful  festoons  from  every  bough.  Then 
perchance  we  stood  beneath  the  widespread  ing  shade  of 
the  evergreen  live-oak,  whose  gnarled  arms,  laden  with 
long  pendant  moss,  had  battled  with  the  storms  of  centu- 
ries ;  or  pressed  with  our  feet  the  green-carpeted  banks  of 
some  beautiful  lake,  whose  transparent  waters  mirrored 
upon  its  placid  surface  the  stately  forms  and  dark-green 
foliage  of  the  lofty  trees  that  skirted  it  on  every  side. 

Occasionally  pausing  to  examine  the  rarer  wild  flowers 


78 


MAJOR  JONES. 


that  attracted  our  attention,  or  to  quench  our  thirst  in  the 
cool,  gurgling  springs  that  gushed  from  many  a  hillside, 
we  wandered  on,  forgetful  of  every  danger,  and  even  un- 
mindful of  the  object  of  our  pursuit,  until,  becoming  weary, 
we  threw  ourselves  upon  a  mossy  bank,  close  by  a  spring 
of  delightful  water,  to  rest  and  partake  of  the  scanty  repast 
we  had  brought  with  us.    Though  we  had  apprehended 
little  or  no  danger  from  Indians  so  close  to  Fort  Drane, 
yet  we  had  no  disposition  to  separate,  and  as  we  stalked 
through  the  woods,  generally  in  free  conversation,  we  could 
not  expect  to  surprise  much  game.    Indeed,  we  felt  too 
sensibly  the  calm  influence  of  the  mimic  Eden  through 
which  we  had  strayed,  to  think  of  the  rude  sports  of  the 
chase,  and  the  spot  upon  which  we  had  accidentally  paused 
afforded  a  prospect  too  richly  endowed  with  all  the  charms 
of  nature  to  admit  of  any  other  thoughts  than  those  of  ad- 
miration and  delight.    There  'were  no  rugged  mountains 
nor  frowning  granite  cliffs  to  give  grandeur  and  sublimity 
to  the  view,  but  the  gently  undulating  hills,  clothed  with 
the  rich  verdure  of  the  spring,  the  placid  lake,  the  mur- 
muring rivulet,  the  richly  tinted  flowers,  nodding  to  the 
soft  breath  of  the  fragrant  zephyr,  and  the  sweet  music  of 
the  birds,  lent  an  air  of  pastoral  beauty  to  the  scene,  and 
imparted  a  feeling  of  tranquillity  and  peace  to  the  mind, 
delightful  to  experience  but  impossible  to  describe.  It 
was  indeed 


John's  alive. 


79 


"A  happy  rural  seat  of  various  view ; 
Groves  whose  rich  trees  wept  odorous  gums  and  balm, 
Others  whose  fruit  burnished  with  golden  rind 
Hung  amiable,  Hesperian  fables  true, 
If  true,  here  only,  and  of  delicious  taste ; 
Betwixt  them  lawns  or  level  downs,  and  flocks 
Grazing  the  tender  herb,  were  interposed; 
Or  palmy  hillock ;  or  the  flow'ry  lap 
Of  some  irregulous  valley  spread  her  store, 
Flow'rs  of  all  hues,  and  without  thorn  the  rose  ; 
Another  side,  umbrageous  grots  and  caves 
Of  cool  recess,  o'er  which  the  mantling  vine 
Lays  forth  her  purple  grape,  and  gently  creeps 
Luxuriant ;  meanwhile  murm'ring  waters  fall, 
That  the  fringed  bank  with  myrtle  crown' d 
Her  crystal  mirror  holds,  unite  their  streams. 
The  birds  their  choir  apply ;  airs,  vernal  airs, 
Breathing  the  smell  of  field  and  grove,  attune 
The  trembling  leaves." 

"  Is  not  this  a  lovely  spot  ?  "  said  one  of  our  party,  in  a 
tone  of  enthusiastic  admiration. 

"It  is,  indeed!"  replied  my  sentimental  friend  Sam, 
surveying  the  enchanting  scene  as  he  spoke.  "How  will- 
ingly would  I  end  tny  days  in  such  a  place.  Truly  happy 
indeed  must  have  been  the  estate  of  those  primitive  people 
who  lived  in  the  golden  age;  whose  days  were  passed  amid 
such  rural  scenes  as  this,  and  whose  sole  employment  was 
to  guard  their  grazing  flocks.  With  hearts  scarce  less 
simple  and  innocent  than  those  of  their  lambs  and  kids, 


80 


MAJOR  JONES. 


they  passed  their  days  in  dreams  of  love,  equally  contented 
and  happy.  Unsophisticated  in  their  manners,  temperate 
in  their  desires,  and  unrestrained  by  conventional  forms, 
they  roved  the  green  fields  of  earth  in  the  full  enjoyment 
of  natural  liberty ;  while  the  pure  felicity  of  their  exist- 
ence flowed  on,  uninterrupted  by  any  of  the  thousand 
vexatious  cares,  mortifications  and  disappointments  which 
embitter  the  cup  of  life." 

"  By  George  !"  exclaimed  one,  cocking  up  the  brim  of  his 
hat,  and  looking  wildly  about  as  he  spoke,  "  if  there  is  any 
such  a  thing  as  the  influence  of  association,  a  fellow  would 
soon  turn  to  a  witch-hazel  or  black-jack,  if  he  were  to  make 
his  home  in  this  wild  region." 

"  That's  a  fact,"  said  Crockett,  as  he  stooped  to  dip  a  cup 
of  water,  "  my  legs  begin  to  feel  sort  o'  woody  already." 

"  I  have  somewhere  seen  mankind,"  continues  Sam,  in  a 
serious  tone,  "  called  a  vegetable ;  and  though  I  am  not  pre- 
pared to  say  that  there  are  not  some  scions  of  father  Adam's 
stock  that  seem  to  warrant  the  comparison,  yet  I  am  more 
inclined  to  class  him  with  the  elements.  The  element  of 
flesh  is  not  unlike  that  of  water,  at  least  in  one  characteris- 
tic. In  small  communities  it  is  passive  and  harmless,  but 
in  proportion  to  its  immensity  it  becomes  turbid,  vicious, 
and  depraved.  Yon  glassy  lake  or  this  gurgling  rill,  like 
man  in  his  primeval  state,  is  pure,  tranquil,  and  beautiful ; 
but  is  not  the  turbulent  ocean,  carrying  death  and  destruc- 
tion in  its  restless  surges,  with  its  treacherous  quicksands 


John's  alive. 


81 


and  hidden  rocks,  a  fit  emblem  of  our  densely  populated 
cities,  where  every  vice  that  can  corrupt  and  debase  the 
species  is  practiced,  and  where  treachery,  sin,  and  misery 
roll  their  dark  waves  over  the  moral  sea  of  human  rela- 
tions?" 

All  but  the  speaker  enjoyed  a  hearty  laugh  at  Sam's 
strained  philosophy. 

"  It's  a  fact,"  said  he ;  "  show  me  a  city,  and  I'll  show 
you  vice  and  misery  in  all  their  various  hues ;  a  rural  cot, 
and  if  not  exalted  virtue,  truth,  and  purity,  at  least  sim- 
plicity and  happiness.  Man,  though  an  intelligent  being, 
formed  for  social  life,  is  corrupting  in  his  influence  upon  his 
fellows,  and,  when  viewed  in  the  aggregate,  resembles  the 
element  of  which  I  speak,  in  more  ways  than  one." 

"  Well,  Sam,  you  moralize  first-rate,  but  you'd  have  to 
preach  a  better  stave  than  that,  before  you'd  get  me  to  agree 
to  run  wild  again,  like  they  say  them  old  chaps  were.  I 
believe  in  civilization  and  good  society,  and  thar  an't  no 
place  like  Natchez,  that  ever  I  seed  yet." 

Sam  made  no  reply  to  Crockett,  but  throwing  himself 
over  upon  his  back,  with  his  arms  crossed  under  his  head, 
commenced, — 

"  Oh,  that  the  desert  were  my  dwelling-place." 

"  Well,  every  fellow  to  his  liking,"  interrupted  Crockett, 
"  but  I  couldn't  live  where  there  wan't  no  gals,  no  how — 
God  bless  'em." 

6 


82 


MAJOR  JONES. 


The  enraptured  ruralizer  continued  : 

"  With  one  fair  spirit  for  my  minister, 
That  I  might  all  forget  the  human  race, 
And  hating  no  one,  love  but  only  her." 

"  Ah,  that  might  do j  with  a  right  pretty  gal  for  a  minis- 
ter, I  don't  know  but  I  might — " 

"  Become  an  anchorite/'  interrupted  one. 
"A  whaterite?"  asked  Crockett,  with  a  stare. 
"  An  anchorite — a  recluse." 
"  What's  them  ?— sailors  ?" 

"  Oh,  hush,  Crockett,  you  don't  know  what  you're  talk- 
ing about,"  replied  Sam.  Then,  after  gazing  a  moment 
abstractedly  into  the  thick  canopy  of  overarching  branches, 
through  which  the  declining  sun  scarce  penetrated,  he  broke 
forth  with  one  of  Pope's  sweet  pastorals : 

"  Hear  how  the  birds,  in  every  bloomy  spray, 
With  joyous  music  wake  the  dawning  day ! 
Why  sit  we  mute  when  early  linnets  sing, 
When  warbling  Philomel  salutes  the  spring? 
Why  sit  we  sad  when  Phoebus  shines  so  clear, 
And  lavish  nature  paints  the  purple  year?" 

To  which,  catching  the  inspiration  of  my  friend,  I  replied: 

"Sing,  then,  and  Damon  shall  attend  the  strain, 
While  yon  slow  oxen  turn  the  furrow'd  plain ; 
Here  the  bright  crocus  and  blue  violet  glow, 
Here  western  winds  on  breathing  roses  blow ; 
Fll  stake  yon  lamb  that  near  the  fountain  plays 
And  from  the  brink  his  dancing  shade  surveys." 


John's  alive. 


83 


Sam  continued,  raising  aloft  his  tin-cup,  upon  which  his 
name  was  carved,  with  many  an  odd  device  by  way  of  orna- 
ment : 

"  And  I  this  bowl,  where  wanton  ivy  twines 
And  swelling  clusters  bend  the  curling  vines ; 
Four  figures  rising  from  the  work  appear, 
The  various  seasons  of  the  rolling  year  ; 
And  what  is  that — "  

"Ingins,  boys!  Ingins  !" — exclaimed  Crockett,  as  he 
sprang  towards  his  gun.  Each  seized  his  yager,  but  ere 
we  had  risen  to  our  feet,  a  volley  of  rifle-balls  whistled  over 
our  heads,  slightly  wounding  Crockett  in  the  cheek. 

"  Oh,  boys,  my  beauty's  sp'ilt,"  blubbered  poor  Crockett. 

The  next  moment  a  loud  yell,  that  sent  the  blood  curd- 
ling to  our  hearts,  resounded  through  the  woods,  and  as 
we  hastily  sprang  behind  the  nearest  trees,  two  more  shots, 
which  had  been  kept  in  reserve,  were  directed  towards  us 
from  the  adjacent  thicket,  which  had  served  to  screen  our 
lurking  foe.  We  did  not  immediately  return  the  fire,  but 
waiting  until  the  Indians,  in  their  attempt  to  reduce  the 
distance  between  us,  became  exposed  to  our  aim,  we  gave 
them  a  well-directed  fire  from  our  five  yagers,  three  of 
which  took  effect,  which  somewhat  reduced  the  number  of 
our  assailants.  The  Indians  by  this  time  had  reloaded 
their  pieces,  and  still  greatly  superior  in  number,  rushed 
madly  towards  us,  incensed  to  desperation,  if  such  demons 
needed  incitement,  by  the  loss  they  had  sustained.    In  this 


84 


MAJOR  JONES. 


dilemma,  flight  was  our  only  hope,  and  calling  to  my  com- 
rades to  keep  together,  I  led  the  way  from  our  covert. 
While  thus  exposed,  the  Indians  fired,  and  two  of  our  party 
were  seen  to  fall.  Sam,  exclaiming,  "  The  devil  was  in 
Paradise ! "  dashed  down  his  yet  unloaded  gun  to  free  him- 
self from  all  incumbrance,  but  ere  he  had  made  a  dozen 
paces  from  the  spot,  he  too  fell  groaning  by  my  side. 
,  Our  party  was  now  reduced  to  two,  and  my  companion 
and  myself  still  retained  our  guns,  and  dashed  through  the 
open  wood  with  the  reckless  speed  of  men  who  fled  from 
death  in  its  most  horrid  form.  The  Indians  were  not  slow 
in  their  pursuit,  and  it  was  long  after  their  hideous  yell 
had  died  upon  our  ears,  and  not  until  we  had  reached  the 
midst  of  a  dense  and  almost  impenetrable  swamp,  that  we 
felt  that  we  had  eluded  their  search,  and  that  we  were  for 
a  time  free  from  danger.  We  passed  the  night  in  the  dis- 
mal swamp,  which  had  afforded  us  concealment  from  our 
pursuers,  by  climbing  into  the  top  of  a  large  tree,  where 
we  sat  out  the  long  gloomy  hours,  our  ears  only  greeted  by 
the  doleful  howl  of  the  hungry  wolf,  the  fierce  scream  of 
the  prowling  panther,  or  the  startling  hoot  of  the  owl;  all 
of  which  tended  little  to  relieve  the  sombre  cast  of  our 
reflections* 

As  the  day  was  breaking  in  the  east,  on  the  following 
morning,  we  clambered  down  from  our  hiding-place,  and 
set  out  in  what  we  hoped  to  be  the  direction  of  our  camp, 
though  we  knew  not  whether  each  step  carried  us  nearer 


john's  alive. 


85 


to  or  farther  from  the  point  which  we  so  anxiously  wished  to 
gain.  Keeping  constantly  a  sharp  lookout,  that  we  might  not 
again  be  surprised,  we  travelled  on  with  rapid  strides,  con- 
stantly hoping  that  we  might  meet  some  familiar  object 
which  would  confirm  us  in  our  course.  In  the  anxiety  of 
our  minds,  we  had  forgotten  every  other  consideration  but 
that  of  our  personal  safety,  and  though  we  had  neither 
eaten  nor  slept  since  the  previous  day,  yet  we  flagged  not, 
such  is  the  elasticity  and  vigor  imparted  to  the  physical 
frame  by  extreme  exigency  of  circumstances  operating  upon 
the  mind.  Onward  we  travelled,  now  in  despondency, 
and  now  with  reviving  hope,  as  some  peculiar  aspect  of  the 
distant  view,  an  apparent  opening  or  a  smoky  horizon, 
seemed  to  indicate  our  proximity  to  some  place  of  human 
abode.  Once  we  thought  we  heard  the  report  of  firearms, 
but  at  a  distance  so  remote,  that  we  could  not  distinguish 
whether  it  was  that  of  the  musket  or  yager,  or  of  the  rifle 
of  our  enemies ;  in  which  latter  case  there  was,  to  us,  cer- 
tainly nothing  very  luring  in  the  sound. 

The  sun  was  already  half  hidden  among  the  tree-tops, 
when  we  discovered  far  away  in  the  direction  in  which  we 
supposed  our  camp  to  lie,  a  cloud  of  rising  smoke,  which 
we  hailed  with  as  much  joy  and  gratitude  as  did  the  Israel- 
ites their  cloud  and  pillar  of  fire  in  the  wilderness.  As 
the  shades  of  evening  thickened  around  us,  we  hastened 
on  in  the  direction  of  the  camp,  whose  blazing  fires  now- 
sent  up  their  cheerful  light,  and  by  which  we  directed  our 


86 


MAJOR  JONES. 


course,  felicitating  ourselves  upon  our  fortunate  escape, 
fully  resolved  within  our  hearts,  that  if  it  was  our  evil 
fortune  again  to  encounter  the  Indians,  it  should  not  be 
without  our  host.  Such  was  our  eagerness  to  join  our 
friends,  that  we  did  not  even  pause  for  the  challenge  of 
the  sentinels,  but  hastened  forward  in  the  direction  of 
the  fires. 

We  had  almost  penetrated  into  the  camp  when,  to  my 
utter  horror  and  dismay,  I  discovered  that  we  had  rushed 
into  the  very  den  of  the  enemy.  u  Hi-e-lah  !  este-had- 
hah  !"  exclaimed  a  dusky  form,  springing  up  before  us. 
apparently  not  less  terrified  than  ourselves.  On  the  wings 
of  terror  we  rushed  from  the  place ;  but  we  had  been  dis- 
covered, and  now  a  legion  of  yelling  devils  were  in  hot 
pursuit  of  us  through  the  open  pine  woods.  It  was  a 
cloudless  night,  and  the  moon,  which  had  risen  above  the 
trees,  sent  its  calm,  pale  rays  into  the  open  woods,  yielding 
a  light  scarce  less  brilliant  and  clear  than  that  of  the  sun, 
affording  our  pursuers  every  advantage  which  daylight 
could  have  given  them.  Shot  after  shot  pealed  through  the 
woods,  and  so  close  did  they  press  upon  us  that  we  had  no 
time  to  elude  them  by  dodging,  and  no  thicket  presented 
itself  as  far  as  the  eye  could  reach.  A  spent  ball  pene- 
trated my  thigh,  but  it  only  added  fleetness  to  my  gait 
as  I  dashed  impetuously  on.  Once  I  cast  a  look  behind. 
Two  Indians  were  abreast,  far  in  advance  of  the  howling 
pack.  I  turned  behind  the  next  pine,  and  taking  deliberate 


jqhn's  alive. 


87 


aim,  fired.  "Wall!"  exclaimed  one,  as  he  fell  forward 
upon  his  face.  I  saw  his  companion  stoop  over  him,  while 
the  wood  echoed  with  the  yells  of  those  in  the  rear.  Re- 
loading my  piece  as  I  dashed  on,  endeavoring  to  keep  each 
tree  that  I  passed  between  myself  and  my  pursuers,  I  again 
began  to  increase  the  distance  between  us.  Again  I  cov- 
ered myself  by  a  tree,  and  again  the  foremost  Indian  halted 
from  the  chase.  Reloading  as  before  I  hastened  on,  my 
companion  a  little  in  my  rear,  when  suddenly,  to  my  con- 
sternation and  surprise,  I  found  myself  close  on  the  margin 
of  a  broad  lake,  extending  far  on  either  side.  To  alter  my 
course  would  only  bring  me  nearer  to  the  Indians.  All 
escape  seemed  hopeless.  A  heavy  volley  whistled  past,  as 
the  infuriated  savages  approached,  yelling  in  hideous  con- 
cert. I  turned  to  meet  my  fate  at  the  moment  my  com- 
panion fell  to  the  ground.  Half  rising  and  calling  to  me 
in  the  most  piteous  tones,  he  was  grasped  by  the  ruthless 
savages,  who  clustered  around  him.  Amid  the  shouts  and 
din  I  heard  the  tomahawk  cleave  his  skull,  and  heard  his 
expiring  groan.  In  their  midst  I  fired,  and  dashing  my 
gun  into  the  lake  rushed  into  the  thick  tall  weeds  that  grew 
far  out  into  the  water,  determined  at  least  to  escape  the  ap- 
palling fate  of  my  companion.  As  I  looked  back  I  felt  a 
numbing  sensation  in  my  breast,  and  the  warm  blood  gushed 
upon  my  hand.  I  was  falling  from  the  stunning  shock 
when  I  grasped  among  the  tall  iron-weeds  for  support, 
some  of  which  broke  off  in  my  hand.    They,  were  hollow, 


88 


MAJOR  JONES. 


and  placing  one  in  my  mouth  I  sank  beneath  the  surface, 
where,  not  without  difficulty,  I  succeeded  in  drawing  a 
breath  or  two  through  the  weed.  After  moving  to  some 
distance  from  where  I  had  first  disappeared,  and  to  where 
the  water  was  deeper,  I  was  forced  to  raise  my  head  to  the 
surface  in  order  that  I  might  enjoy  a  freer  respiration.  The 
cold  water  soon  coagulated  the  blood,  and  the  severe  wound 
which  I  had  received  in  my  breast  ceased  to  bleed,  and 
though  I  cannot  say  that  I  felt  comfortable  in  my  new  ele- 
ment, yet  the  sense  of  even  temporary  security  from  my 
merciless  pursuers  was  no  small  relief  to  my  mind.  Luckily 
the  position  which  I  had  attained  was  thickly  grown  with 
tall  weeds  and  pond -lilies,  so  that  while  I  had  an  opportu- 
nity of  observing  the  movements  of  the  Indians,  I  re- 
mained completely  screened  from  their  view.  They  were 
nearly  all  gathered  around  some  two  or  three  whom  I  had 
either  killed  or  wounded  by  my  last  lire,  while  some  three 
or  four  of  their  number  were  prodding  among  the  weeds 
and  water  in  search  of  my  body. 

I  remained  in  my  concealment  until  they  gave  over  the 
search,  and  departed,  yelling  like  so  many  fiends  from  a 
hellish  carnival,  to  their  camp. 


John's  alive. 


89 


CHAPTER  VII. 

John  emerges  from  his  concealment — Fever — Delirium — Insensibility 
— Recovery — Despondency — Reviving  influence  of  the  brightening 
dawn — Morning  repast — A  new  feeling — His  wanderings —Second 
night  in  the  wilderness — Dreams — The  evening  gun — Arrival  at 
the  St.  Johns — Joyful  emotions  on  first  reaching  the  army — Sur- 
gical operation — Rule  for  estimating  degrees  of  pain — Recovery — 
Reflections  upon  the  past — Reformation  resolved  upon — Return  to 
Philadelphia. 

The  moon  had  risen  high  in  the  heavens  ere  I  ventured 
to  emerge  from  my  uncomfortable  concealment.  I  was 
chilled  to  the  very  vitals,  and  a  cold  shudder  ran  over  my 
whole  frame  as  I  attempted  to  drag  my  stiffened  limbs  along 
the  beach.  Fearing  that  the  Indians  might  possibly  be 
lurking  in  the  vicinity  I  determined  to  lose  no  time  in  quit- 
ting the  place  which  had  been  the  scene  of  so  much  horror, 
and  if  possible  to  reach  some  spot  of  greater  safety.  But 
my  limbs  refused  to  perform  their  office,  and  I  sank  down 
upon  the  ground,  shivering  and  cold,  unable  to  proceed. 
The  wound  in  my  breast  commenced  to  bleed  afresh,  and 
soon  a  burning  fever  seized  me,  and  I  crawled  to  the  beach 
to  quench  my  parching  thirst.  A  dimness  came  over  my 
eyes,  accompanied  by  a  dreadful  nausea.  My  head  became 
dizzy,  and  lake,  ground,  trees  and  bushes  wheeled  round 
and  round  till  darkness  shut  them  out  from  my  view. 


90 


MAJOR  JONES. 


The  tall  pines  threw  their  lengthened  shadows  far  over 
the  moonlit  lake,  and  their  tops  tossed  to  and  fro  in  the 
chill  wind  with  a  sullen  roaring  sound  when  I  rose  from 
the  cold  earth.  Eagged  white  clouds  were  passing  swiftly 
overhead,  and  occasional  gusts  of  wind  startled  me  as  they 
rustled  the  leaves  and  bushes  at  intervals.  How  long  I 
had  lain  there  I  could  not  tell,  but  it  was  evident  from  the 
position  of  the  moon  that  many  hours  had  passed  during 
my  unconscious  slumber.  With  difficulty  I  regained  my 
feet,  and  binding  my  handkerchief  as  well  as  I  could  upon 
the  frightful  wound  in  my  breast  I  again  essayed  to  leave 
the  spot.  Slowly  and  stealthily  I  plodded  my  way  along 
the  lonely  beach  until  I  reached  the  extremity  of  the  lake, 
then  striking  into  the  woods  I  travelled  on,  unconscious  of 
the  course  I  was  pursuing,  until  I  reached  a  small  thicket, 
into  which  I  turned  and  sat  me  down  to  rest. 

I  suffered  excessively  both  from  loss  of  blood  and  hun- 
ger, and  I  sank  back  against  the  trunk  of  a  tree,  where  I 
hoped  I  might  die  in  peace.  Filled  with  the  most  despond- 
ing thoughts  I  sat  out  the  dark  hour  which  preceded  the 
approaching  day;  but  when  the  streaks  of  amber  light 
began  to  ascend  the  east,  and  shortly  after,  when  the  glo- 
rious sun  sent  up  his  cheering  rays,  dispersing  the  gloomy 
shadows  of  the  night  and  tinging  the  dewy  leaves  with 
gold,  while  the  hymn  of  nature  rose  upon  the  morning 
breeze  from  every  glittering  spray,  imparting  life  and  ani- 
mation to  the  scene,  my  subdued  and  broken  spirit  seemed 


john's  alive. 


91 


to  take  its  hue  from  the  brightening  prospect,  and  I  remem- 
bered that  "  while  there  is  life  there  is  hope." 

My  first  business  was  to  obtain  something  wherewith  to 
satisfy  my  craving  appetite.  With  my  large  knife  I  was 
enabled  to  procure  an  abundant  supply  of  palmetto  and 
other  nutritious  roots,  upon  which,  and  a  few  crawfish,  I 
made  a  hearty  meal.  By  this  time  my  wounds  began  to  be 
very  sore,  and  on  examination  I  found  I  had  received  other 
slight  injuries  besides  those  in  my  breast  and  thigh.  But 
having  partaken  of  a  hearty  meal,  I  soon  felt  sensible  of  my 
returning  strength,  and  though  but  illy  calculated  in  my 
crippled  condition  to  survive  a  journey  through  the  wilder- 
ness, much  less  to  combat  the  foe  which  surrounded  me  on 
every  side,  I  was  encouraged  by  the  past  to  hope  for  the 
future.  I  felt  that  my  destiny  was  in  the  hands  of  an 
overruling  Providence,  to  whom  I  was  alone  indebted  for 
the  preservation  of  my  unprofitable  life.  What  dangers 
had  I  not  passed,  and  what  hand  but  that  of  Omnipotence 
could  have  preserved  me  amid  the  perils  of  the  past  few 
days  ?  A  strange  feeling  sprang  up  in  my  breast,  and,  un- 
worthy as  I  was,  I  breathed  a  fervent  aspiration  to  Him, 
who,  in  much  mercy,  had  permitted  me  to  live  to  repent  of 
the  past,  and  who  I  trusted,  with  an  abiding  faith,  would 
again  restore  me  to  my  pious  mother,  that  I  might  repair  in 
some  degree  the  wrong  I  had  done  her. 

With  slow  and  cautious  steps  I  again  resumed  my 
way,  ever  hoping  that  the  next  hour  would  bring  me  either 


92 


MAJOR  JONES. 


to  the  camp  I  had  left,  to  some  of  the  numerous  military 
posts,  or  to  some  settlement  of  the  whites.  But  night 
again  closed  around  me  in  the  lonely  wilderness.  By  the 
bright  moonlight  I  wandered  on,  until  I  came  to  a  public 
road.  Whither  it  led  I  knew  not,  but  that  it  would  direct 
me  to  some  settlement  I  was  certain,  and  taking  one  end, 
I  determined  ,  to  travel  as  long  as  my  strength  would  per- 
mit, or  until  I  reached  some  place  of  safety.  The  moon 
had  nearly  gone  down  ere  I  sought  a  place  of  rest.  Turn- 
ing into  a  thicket  at  some  little  distance  from  the  road,  I 
gathered  a  pallet  of  moss  and  laid  me  down  to  rest,  but 
not  to  sleep,  unless  that  condition  when  one  is  half  sleeping 
and  half  waking,  startled  at  intervals  by  horrid  visions, 
might  be  called  sleep. 

Various  and  strange  were  the  visions  shadowed  forth 
upon  my  sleeping  senses,  as  I  lay  on  the  moss-bed  in  the 
dark  and  solemn  woods.  Now  I  stood  by  the  gushing 
fountains  of  Fairmount— the  gardens  were  illuminated 
with  lamps  of  transcendent  brightness — the  gravelled 
walks  were  filled  with  gay  throngs  of  people — delicious 
viands  were  spread  around — soft  music  floated  upon  the 
breeze — the  song  and  dance  were  there,  and  joyous  faces 
greeted  me  on  every  side— but,  oh,  vision  of  loveliness ! 
Mary  hung  upon  my  arm,  and  the  rich  melody  of  her 
voice  poured  its  enchantment  on  my  ear,  in  accents  of 

love  The  illusion  passed.    ....  I  stood  beneath 

the  brilliant  chandeliers  of  the  gay  saloon— my  sisters,  my 


john's  alive. 


93 


friends  were  there — 'twas  a  joyous  company,  but  I  was  not 
happy-; — there  was  one  that  looked  coldly  upon  me — I 
gazed  upon  her  as  she  passed  me  with  averted  face — she 
leaned  upon  the  arm  of  Thaw,  who  bent  upon  me  a  smile 
of  triumph.  I  left  the  hall,  and  the  gay  assemblage  to 
meditate  alone.  .....    Again  the  scene  was  changed. 

  I  was  stretched  upon  a  sick-bed — my  mother's 

soft,  melancholy  eyes  were  bent  upon  me — she  called  my 
name,  but  I  could  not  speak — a  shroud  lay  upon  the  table, 

and  I  knew  that  I  was  dying   Then  the  din  of 

battle,  the  peal  of  arms  and  the  shout  of  the  foe  burst  upon 
my  ear — I  had  fallen,  and  I  was  crushed  to  the  earth  be- 
neath horses'  feet,  but  could  not  call  for  aid   The 

battle  ceased,  and  the  vision  passed  from  the  magic  mirror 

of  my  fancy   I  knew  that  I  was  upon  my  moss-bed 

— it  was  bright  moonlight,  and  I  cast  my  eyes  around  upon 
the  leaves  and  bushes — a  footfall  attracted  my  attention — 
I  listened — it  surely  was  no  dream — low  voices  whispered 
together,  and  then  a  swarthy  Indian  approached — behind 
him  were  many  more.  With  stealthy  step  he  drew  near — 
his  eyes  glared  with  demoniacal  fury — his  hideous  face  was 
besmeared  with  gore — a  bloody  knife  was  in  his  hand,  and 
clots  of  blood  hung  from  his  shaggy  scalp-lock.  I  would 
have  fled  but  could  not — I  would  have  plead  for  mercy  but 
my  tongue  was  paralyzed.  Brandishing  his  bloody  knife, 
he  hovered  over  me,  'till,  frozen  with  terror,  I  gasped  for 
breath.    He  bore  me  to  the  earth— his  knee  was  upon  my 


94 


MAJOR  JONES. 


breast — with  one  fiendish  yell  he  plunged  his  knife  deep  in 

my  side  I  awoke— just  as  an  owl,  that  had  perched 

itself  upon  a  tree  above  my  head,  sent  forth  its  wild,  start- 
ling hoot.  I  was  lying  upon  my  back,  trembling  in  every 
joint,  while  the  cold  perspiration  stood  in  large  drops  upon 
my  face.  I  turned  upon  my  side  and  drew  the  moss  about 
me,  but  when  I  again  lost  the  sense  of  pain  in  sleep,  it  was 
only  to  allow  my  mind  still  wilder  vagaries  in  the  world  of 
dreams. 

At  early  dawn  I  resumed  my  journey.  I  had  not  pro- 
ceeded far,  however,  when  I  discovered  numerous  moccasin 
tracks  in  the  sand,  and  several  strange  and  uncouth  figures, 
which  appeared  freshly  made.  As  these  indicated  the  pres- 
ence of  Indians,  I  resolved  to  leave  the  road  for  fear  they 
might  pursue  my  tracks,  if  they  did  not  meet  me  on  the 
way.  Striking  again  into  the  woods,  I  kept  a  constant 
lookout  for  Indians  as  I  travelled  on,  occasionally  pausing 
to  rest,  or  to  fill  myself  with  the  sparkle-berries  and  haws, 
which  I  found  in  great  abundance.  Night  again  began  to 
close  around  me,  still  in  the  lonely  wilderness.  My  wounds 
had  become  exceedingly  painful,  and  I  began  to  fear  that 
I  would  be  unable  to  proceed  farther.  As  the  sun  was 
sinking  beneath  the  horizon,  and  the  sombre  shadows  be- 
gan to  dissolve  into  darkness,  I  laid  me  down  upon  my 
rude  couch.  My  mind  was  oppressed  with  the  awful  thought 
of  the  sad  death  that  awaited  me,  alone,  in  that  desolate 
place,  and  my  heart  was  full  of  melancholy  forebodings, 


John's  alive. 


95 


when  the  distant  report  of  the  evening  gun  broke  joyfully 
upon  my  ear.  Words  will  not  express  the  joyful  emotions 
of  my  breast,  as  I  listened  to  the  deep  reverberating  sound, 
as  it  rolled  along  through  the  echoing  valleys,  until  hushed 
in  the  stillness  of  the  solitude  that  reigned  around.  I  was 
overcome  with  joy — not  wild,  ecstatic  joy — but  a  calm,  holy 
feeling  of  gratitude,  such  as  I  had  never  experienced  before, 
made  me  happy  in  the  prospect  of  approaching  relief  and 
safety ;  and  a  tear  stole  down  my  haggard  cheek  as  I  caught 
the  familiar  notes  of  the  tattoo,  that  came  faintly  upon 
the  breeze  as  if  to  assure  my  hope.  Marking  well  the  direc- 
tion of  the  sound,  I  soon  sank  into  refreshing  sleep,  regard- 
less of  my  physical  pain,  now  that  my  mental  agony  was 
in  a  measure  abated. 

With  the  early  dawn  I  rose  and  pursued  my  journey. 
My  progress  was  necessarily  slow,  owing  to  my  crippled 
condition  and  exhausted  strength,  and  it  was  towards  even- 
ing when  I  reached  the  margin  of  a  large  river,  down  which 
I  determined  to  proceed  until  I  should  intersect  the  road, 
at  which  point  I  confidently  expected  to  find  the  fort  whose 
gun  I  had  heard  the  preceding  evening.  An  hour's  walk 
brought  me  in  sight  of  the  "  flaunting  stars  and  stripes," 
floating  proudly  over  what  I  afterwards  learned  to  the  pine 
pickets  of  Picolata,  on  the  opposite  side  of  the  river.  On 
arriving  at  the  junction  of  the  road,  I  found  a  large  body 
of  troops  encamped,  preparatory  to  their  departure  for  Fort 
Drane.    I  was  too  much  overcome  by  the  intensity  of  my 


96 


MAJOR  JONES, 


feelings  to  answer  satisfactorily  any  of  the  many  questions 
that  were  eagerly  pressed  upon  me  by  the  deeply  sympa- 
thizing and  astonished  group  that  gathered  around  me.  I 
was  soon  conveyed  to  a  tent,  where  I  gave  vent  to  my  joy 
and  gratitude  in  a  flood  of  tears,  while  from  my  inmost 
heart  went  up  the  first  offering  of  praise  and  thanks  that  I 
had  ever  raised  to  the  throne  of  mercy. 

Such  was  the  swollen  and  inflamed  condition  of  my 
wounds  that  I  was  immediately  sent  across  the  river  to  Pic- 
olata,  where  I  was  put  in  care  of  the  surgeon,  who  pro- 
ceeded to  dress  them,  and  as  well  as  his  facilities  would 
allow,  to  administer  to  my  relief  and  comfort. 

On  the  following  day,  I  was  subjected  to  a  painful  sur- 
gical operation,  the  pain  of  which  exceeded  all  the  suffering 
of  my  past  life.  A  rifle-ball  had  passed  round  from  my 
breast  and  lodged  underneath  my  shoulder-blade,  which  it 
became  necessary  to  extract  in  order  to  heal  the  wound. 
My  whole  arm  was  exceedingly  swollen,  and  my  shoulder 
and  back  in  the  vicinity  of  the  wound  were  inflamed  to 
such  a  degree  that  the  slightest  pressure  upon  the  surface 
caused  the  most  acute  pain. 

I  will  not  attempt  to  describe  to  the  reader  the  excru- 
ciating agony  which  I  was  compelled  to  undergo  while  un- 
der the  hands  of  the  operator.  Those  whose  stoical  patience 
has  enabled  them  to  suffer  the  pangs  of  a  throbbing  tooth, 
day  after  day,  until  the  whole  face  has  become  swollen  and 
inflamed,  before  they  could  summon  courage  enough  to  ap- 


john's  alive. 


97 


ply  "the  rightful  remedy" — the  dentist's  forceps — and 
whose  eyeballs  have  started  from  their  sockets  as  they  felt 
the  knife  rattling  over  their  gums  with  as  much  freedom  a?T 
if  the  operator  were  opening  an  oyster,  can  form  a  slight 
idea,  a  faint  conception  of  my  suffering,  by  basing  their 
calculation  upon  a  just  scale  of  proportion ;  or,  in  other 
words,  by  the  rule  of  simple  multiplication,  taking  the  in- 
flamed gum  for  the  multiplicand,  and  my  lacerated  shoul- 
der and  back  for  the  multiplier. 

I  will  spare  the  reader  the  revolting  scene  of  an  army 
hospital,  and  pass  over  the  time  of  my  sojourn  at  Pico- 
lata  as  hastily  as  possible.  For  many  long  weeks  I  was 
confined  to  my  rude  camp-bed,  while  my  ears  were  filled 
with  the  imprecations  and  groans  of  the  miserable  tenants 
of  that  horrible  abode,  and  not  unfrequently  were  my  eyes 
greeted  with  the  unsightly  spectacle  of  some  mutilated  and 
ghastly  corpse  as  it  was  borne  unceremoniously  to  its  grave. 
The  conviction  that  I  too  would  soon  be  conveyed  to  my 
final  resting-place  had  settled  upon  my  mind,  and  such  was 
my  desire  to  undeceive  my  family  and  friends  that,  had  there 
been  any  one  among  my  attendants  who  seemed  capable  of 
sympathy  for  me  or  commiseration  for  my  fault,  I  should 
have  made  myself  known  to  him,  and  have  relieved  my 
conscience  from  the  painful  secret  which  had  so  long  rankled 
in  my  bosom. 

At  length  my  wounds  began  to  heal,  and  the  chills  and 

fever,  with  which  I  had  been  attacked  since  my  arrival  at 

7 


98 


MAJOR  JONES. 


Picolata,  began  to  yield  to  medical  treatment.  As  I  grad- 
ually recovered  ray  strength  I  resolved,  let  the  consequences 
be  what  they  might,  that  so  soon  as  I  was  able  I  would  re- 
turn to  my  home,  where  I  might  once  more  enjoy  the  friend- 
ship and  sympathy  of  my  friends.  Often,  after  I  had  suf- 
ficiently recovered  to  leave  my  room,  would  I  totter  down 
to  the  bank  of  the  beautiful  St.  John's,  and  seated  by  the 
water's  edge,  meditate  upon  the  past  and  resolve  for  the 
future.  I  found  it  impossible  to  trace  my  misfortunes  to 
any  other  source  than  to  my  own  reckless,  wayward,  in- 
domitable temper.  My  selfish  jealousy  had  been  the  cause 
of  my  original  despondency,  and  my  thoughtless  impetu- 
osity of  temper,  which  had  always  urged  me  to  extremities 
in  almost  every  act  of  my  life,  had  plunged  me  into  the 
bitter  deeps  of  misery  which  had  succeeded.  My  spirit  was 
subdued.  I  had  fed  long  enough  upon  the  husks  of  adver- 
sity, and,  like  the  prodigal  of  old,  was  ready  and  willing 
to  direct  my  steps  homewards,  where,  if  I  had  not  a  father 
to  meet  and  forgive  me,  I  felt  there  were  those  who  would 
gladly  welcome  me  back  to  life,  and  without  whose  forgive- 
ness life  was  valueless  and  death  tenfold  more  terrible. 

The  term  had  expired  for  which  I  had  enlisted,  and  I 
was  discharged  from  the  service,  with  several  other  volun- 
teers from  Georgia  and  Carolina,  with  whom  I  left  Pico- 
lata  for  St.  Augustine,  in  order  to  take  the  packet  from  that 
place  to  Charleston.  On  my  arrival  at  the  latter  place  I 
lost  no  time  in  procuring  a  passage  to  Philadelphia.  After 


john's  alive. 


99 


a  very  short  passage,  during  which  nothing  of  interest 
transpired,  our  good  brig  entered  the  capes,  and  passing  up 
the  noble  Delaware  with  a  fair  wind  and  favoring  tide,  we 
met  with  no  delay,  and  on  the  afternoon  of  the  second  day 
Philadelphia  with  her  lofty  towers  and  steeples  lay  spread 
out  before  us. 

I  cannot  describe  the  sensation  produced  in  my  mind  on 
once  more  beholding  the  familiar  objects  of  my  youth.  A 
thousand  joyous  recollections  were  revived  and  a  thousand 
bright  anticipations  created  as  my  eyes  rested  upon  thr 
scenes  of  past  pleasures.  What  would  I  ^not  have  given 
could  I  have  greeted  the  many  familiar  faces  that  met  me 
on  the  wharf?  But  I  had  resolved  first  to  ascertain  how 
matters  stood  before  I  ventured  to  make  myself  known 
even  to  my  own  family.  It  was  towards  evening  when  I 
sprang  upon  the  wharf.  Nearly  all  the  small  pittance  of  a 
soldier's  three  months'  pay  was  gone.  I  had  no  baggage, 
and  with  a  light  heart  and  yet  lighter  pocket  I  found  my- 
self once  more  upon  my  native  soil,  within  a  few  days  of 
two  years  after  my  supposed  suicide. 


100 


MAJOR  JONES. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

John  determines  to  reconnoitre  before  venturing  to  make  himself 
known— Ascertains  that  his  family  are  all  still  living— Visits 
Mary's  residence— Discovers  his  old  rival  in  the  act  of  pressing 
his  suit — The  ghost  acts  an  important  part — Mr.  Thaw's  encounter 
with  the  ghost — His  discomfiture. 

My  first  impulse  was  to  ascertain  whether  my  family 
were  still  all  living,  and  such  was  my  anxiety  to  be  assured 
that  my  poor  old  mother  had  not  fallen  a  victim  to  my 
rash  and  wicked  deception,  that  I  was  on  the  point  of  has- 
tening to  her  residence,  and  if  she  was  still  alive,  to  throw 
myself  at  her  feet,  confess  and  explain  all,  and  implore  her 
forgiveness.  But  she  was  a  firm  believer  in  the  super- 
natural, and  entertained  such  a  dread  of  ghosts  and  appa- 
ritions, that  I  was  sure  that  the  reappearance  of  her  own 
dear  son,  unless  previously  prepared  for  it,  would  be  a 
greater  trial  for  her  than  his  sudden  and  melancholy  exit. 

Almost  mechanically  my  feet  carried  me  to  the  door  of 
my  once  happy  home.  But  I  dared  not  to  enter.  For 
some  time  I  paced  up  and  down  the  sidewalk  in  front 
of  the  house.  A  strange  gentleman  entered  the  house, 
and  shortly  after  reappeared  with  my  two  sisters; 
a  feeling  of  deepest  contrition  sent  the  blood  to  my 
temples  as  I  noticed  that  they  were  dressed  in  second 
mourning,  doubtless  for  me.    The  windows  of  the  parlor 


John's  alive. 


101 


were  hoisted ;  and  as  my  sisters  stepped  into  the  street,  I 
saw  my  mother's  head  thrust  out.  "Take  your  shawls, 
girls,"  said  she  in  a  voice  that  harrowed  up  a  flood  of  tender 
recollections,  "it  will  be  chilly  when  you  return."  I  was  too 
much  elated  to  hear  the  reply  and  hastened  away,  leaving 
my  sisters  and  their  gallant  in  conversation  with  my 
mother,  happy  in  the  assurance  that  death  had  not  en- 
tered my  home  during  my  absence;  and  now  a  new  hope 
revived  within  me  that  all  might  yet  be  well. 

My  next  anxiety  was  to  ascertain  whether  Mary,  for 
whom  I  now  felt  the  tenderest  regard  springing  up  in  my 
bosom,  still  survived.  I  soon  found  myself  in  the  vicinity 
of  her  residence,  and  after  passing  to  and  fro  before  it  for 
some  time,  I  ventured,  when  no  one  might  observe  my 
movements,  to  steal  a  glance  within.  There  was  the  little 
parlor,  the  scene  of  so  many  pleasant  recollections,  where 
I  had  passed  so  many  happy  hours  with  her  whose  every 
smile  had  shed  a  ray  of  joy  upon  my  soul,  and  whose  every 
tone  was  music  to  my  ears ;  but  it  was  desolate.  Could  it 
be  possible  that  she  was  dead  ?  Or  was  she  worse  than 
dead, — married  to  another?  The  thought  was  maddening, 
— and  though  I  felt  that  I  deserved  no  better  fate,  yet  the 
uncontrolled  grief  which  she  had  manifested  at  my  funeral 
encouraged  me  to  hope  that  there  were  no  grounds  for  my 
latter  suspicion,  and  that  if  she  was  still  living,  she  would 
forgive  and  yet  be  mine. 

With  these  reflections  I  left  the  spot,  with  the  determina- 


102 


MAJOR  JONES. 


tion  of  again  returning  at  a  later  hour,  to  make  further  in- 
vestigations. Occasionally  passing  the  house  to  observe 
whether  there  was  yet  a  light  in  the  parlor,  I  continued 
my  rambles  through  familiar  scenes,  until  at  length  my 
attention  was  arrested  by  a  tall  gentleman,  who  entered  the 
house  over  which  I  was  keeping  such  faithful  vigil.  A 
light  soon  shone  from  the  parlor  window,  and  I  approached 
with  the  hope  of  satisfying  my  curiosity  on  a  subject  which 
increased  in  interest  the  longer  I  was  kept  in  suspense. 

Stepping  lightly  upon  the  little  veranda  which  extended 
along  the  whole  front  of  the  building,  I  cautiously  ap- 
proached the  window  and  looked  in.  A  tremor  ran  through 
my  whole  frame,  and  I  could  almost  hear  the  violent  throbs 
of  my  heart  as  I  beheld,  seated  near  the  centre-table,  my 
own  angelic  Mary,  lovelier  far  than  ever,  and,  like  my  sis- 
ters, still  in  her  mourning  weeds.  The  gentleman  whom  I 
had  seen  enter  sat  with  his  back  towards  me,  a  little  dis- 
tance from  her,  with  whom  she  was  engaged  in  cpnversation. 

"Will  you  never,"  said  he,  "give  over  wasting  your 
thoughts  upon  that  hair-brained  fellow?" 

My  breath  was  suspended  as  I  waited  for  her  answer. 

"I  beg,"  replied  Mary,  "that  you  will  drop  the  subject. 
I  have  often  intimated  to  you  that  my  affections  were  not 
in  my  power  to  bestow,  which  I  should  think  would  leave 
you  without  motive  for  recurring  to  a  matter  which  must 
ever  remain  a  source  of  sorrow  to  me." 

My  breath  came  free  again. 


JOHN'S  ALIVE. 


103 


"  Cruel  girl !"  exclaimed  the  exquisitely  dressed  spark,  as 
he  sprang  upon  his  knee  in  a  real  stage  attitude,  "  will  you 
never  relent  ?  Will  you  not  renounce  one  dead,  who,  when 
living,  was  unworthy  your  love,  and  by  bestowing  your 
affections  upon  one  who  can  appreciate  the  inestimable 
treasure,  and  whose  love  for  you  has  no  bounds— will  you, 
dearest  Mary — " 

"  Say  no  more,  and  do  get  up,  Mr.  Thaw." 

Thaw !  I  could  hear  no  more.  My  first  thought,  when 
I  heard  that  hated  name,  was  to  massacre  him  upon  the 
spot.  But  my  better  judgment  triumphed  for  once,  and  I 
contented  myself  by  compressing  my  clenched  fists  until 
the  blood  started  to  the  surface.  I  could  not  listen  longer, 
and  I  determined  to  break  up  the  courtship  for  that  night 
at  least.  I  resolved  to  bring  supernatural  power  to  my  aid, 
and  if  possible  to  bluff  off  my  rival  by  haunting  the  prem- 
ises. What  horrible  noise  should  I  make  that  would 
sound  ghost-like  was  my  next  study.  I  recollected  that 
several  years  before,  when  quite  young,  as  Mary  and  my- 
self were  passing  down  Arch  Street,  we  discovered  an  old 
sailor  lying  drunk  in  the  gutter.  As  we  approached  him  I 
remarked  to  her  that  he  was  dead,  and  that  the  body- 
snatchers  would  be  apt  to  get  him,  on  which  the  old  fellow 
raised  his  head  as  well  as  he  could,  and  shouted,  in  a  most 
ludicrous  tone :  "  John's  alive !  John's  alive !"  as  loud  as 
he  could  hollow  until  we  were  out  of  hearing.  There  was 
nothing  in  the  incident,  but  the  exclamation  afterwards  be- 


104 


MAJOR  JONES. 


came  a  byword  with  us,  and  often,  when  I  had  stolen  upon 
her,  I  had  startled  her  by  a  tap  upon  the  shoulder,  at  the 
same  time  that  I  exclaimed  in  her  ear :  "  John's  alive !"  I 
was  assured  that  she  would  at  once  recognize  my  voice  and 
our  old  byword,  which  she  knew  was  only  known  to  our- 
selves, and  which  no  doubt  she  had  last  heard  from  my  lips. 

Mr.  Thaw  still  refused  to  rise,  and  persisted  in  doing  the 
impassioned  lover  before  the  mortified  girl  in  a  truly  dra- 
matic style,  while  she  begged  and  entreated  him  not  to 
act  so. 

"  I  care  not,"  he  continued,  "  though  you  frown  upon  me 
and  repulse  me  a  thousand  times ;  I  would  not  yield  to  such 
a  rival  when  living,  much  less  when  dead.    Fll  " 

"  Do  get  up,  Mr.  Thaw,  and  do  not  act  so  foolish,"  inter- 
rupted Mary,  endeavoring  to  withdraw  her  hand,  which  he 
had  grasped  and  was  conveying  to  his  lips. 

"  I  will  not  rise  from  your  feet.  No  power  shall  move 
me  hence  until  you  promise  me  that — " 

"  John's  alive  !"  I  exclaimed  in  a  hollow  voice. 

"What's  that?"  gasped  the  startled  Thaw,  springing  to 
his  feet. 

"  It  is  he  !— it's  his  ghost !"  cried  the  fainting  girl,  as 
she  fell  back  in  her  chair  with  a  frantic  scream. 

My  object  was  attained,  and  I  suddenly  decamped,  leav- 
ing the  frightened  couple  to  their  reflections,  while  I  wended 
my  way  to  an  obscure  lodging,  where  I  intended  to  remain 


John's  alive. 


105 


until  I  could  devise  some  plan  of  making  myself  known  to 
my  friends. 

On  the  following  day  the  ghost  story  was  current  among 
the  gossips  of  the  neighborhood.  Various  exaggerated  ac- 
counts of  the  affair  were  in  circulation,  but  all  the  old  ladies 
agreed  as  to  my  identity,  and  pronounced  it  nothing  more 
than  right  that  the  cruel  authors  of  my  untimely  death 
should  be  visited  by  my  spirit.  I  liked  the  turn  the  mat- 
ter had  taken,  and  hoped  by  keeping  up  my  ghostly  visits 
to  drive  my  hated  rival  from  the  field,  though  I  was  not 
without  some  qualms  of  conscience  when  I  thought  of  the 
distress  which  my  scheme  would  necessarily  inflict  upon 
Mary,  against  whom  I  no  longer  felt  any  resentment,  since 
I  was  now  well  assured  that  she  remained  true  to  her  plighted 
faith.  Indeed  it  required  some  effort  to  overcome  my  mis- 
givings on  this  subject.  But  such  was  my  implacable  ha- 
tred to  Thaw,  and  so  strong  was  my  desire  to  consummate 
my  revenge  for  the  suffering  he  had  caused  me  that  I  could 
not  forego  the  opportunity  afforded  me  of  annoying  him, 
even  at  the  severe  cost  of  her  for  whom  I  now  entertained 
sentiments  of  regard  equally  devoted  and  sincere,  if  not  so 
ardent  and  intense,  as  my  first  fond  delirium  of  love. 

Accordingly,  on  the  following  night  I  determined  to  do 
the  ghost  to  perfection,  and  prepared  to  "  dress  for  the  char- 
acter," by  taking  a  sheet  from  my  bed. 

As  I  anticipated,  I  found  Thaw  in  attendance,  offering 
his  condolence  to  my  poor  terrified  Mary,  and  endeavoring 


106 


MAJOR  JONES. 


to  persuade  her  that  it  was  all  a  hoax,  attempted  to  be  prac- 
ticed upon  him  by  some  of  his  mischievous  acquaintances. 
After  listening  some  time,  I  placed  myself  full  before  the 
window,  and  when  he  asked  her  what  reason  she  had  for 
thinking  that  it  was  my  ghost,  and  she  replied,  "  Because 
it  said —  " 

"  John's  alive!"  I  exclaimed,  in  the  same  hollow  tone, 
as  I  strode  past  the  window. 

"  There  it  is  again !"  in  a  faint  voice  from  Mary,  and  a 
loud  "  Ugh !"  from  Thaw,  as  he  caught  a  glimpse  of  my  re- 
tiring form,  was  all  I  had  time  to  hear. 

Suddenly  depositing  the  sheet  out  of  sight,  I  hastened 
from  the  place ;  but  before  I  turned  the  corner,  I  noticed 
that  my  example  had  been  speedily  followed  by  Mr.  Thaw. 

I  had  succeeded  too  well  to  abandon  my  project,  and  I 
determined  to  watch  my  opportunity,  and  whenever  I  could 
do  so  with  safety,  to  give  them  a  call. 

On  the  following  night  I  observed  a  light  in  the  parlor 
rather  earlier  than  usual,  and  so  soon  as  I  conceived  that  I 
would  be  free  from  interruption  from  persons  passing  in  the 
street,  with  my  eyes  and  lips  well  smeared  with  burnt  cork, 
my  face  well  powdered,  and  my  sheet  as  before,  I  stepped 
lightly  upon  the  porch  and  stole  a  look  in  at  the  window. 
Two  or  three  of  Mary's  acquaintances  were  sitting  with  her, 
and  the  idea  occurred  to  me  that  they  were  watching  for  the 
ghost.  Though  Thaw  was  not  there,  I  did  not  like  to  dis- 
appoint them,  and  passing  slowly  past  the  window,  I  ex- 


"  I  grasped  him  by  the  ankles  and  .  .  .  tossed  him 
(108)  into  the  street." 


JOHN'S  ALIVE. 


109 


claimed  as  before,  "John's  alive!"    One  universal  scream 
came  from  the  inmates  of  the  parlor,  and  as  I  turned  to 
leave,  a  heavy  missile  whizzed  past  me,  just  grazing  my  side, 
and  passing  through  the  railing  in  my  rear,  carried  away 
two  or  three  pieces  by  its  force.    On  raising  my  eyes  in  the 
direction  from  which  it  came,  I  beheld  my  rival' coming  full 
tilt  to  meet  me.    What  was  to  be  done  ?    If  I  attempted  to 
escape  into  the  street,  the  hue-and-cry  which  he  might  raise 
would  certainly  cause  my  detection.    With  my  usual  pres- 
ence of  mind,  I  stood  motionless  and  still,  until  my  assail- 
ant was  about  to  clutch  me  in  his  grasp,  then  dropping 
suddenly  down,  I  grasped  him  by  the  ankles  and  tossed 
him,  partly  by  main  strength,  and  partly  by  aid  of  his  own 
impetus,  far  over  my  head  into  the  street ;  and  in  less  than 
three  seconds  from  the  moment  I  first  discovered  him,  was 
again  in  the  street.    To  remove  all  signs  of  the  cork  and 
powder  was  but  the  work  of  a  moment,  and  by  the  time  a 
crowd  had  been  collected  by  Thaw's  groans,  and  the  screams 
of  the  women,  I  was  mingling  with  the  astonished  and  in- 
quisitive spectators. 

"  Are  you  much  hurt,  sir?"  inquired  one,  of  the  bewildered 
Thaw. 

"  it's  a  ghost!"  gasped  he,  with  his  first  breath,  as 
he  rose  from  the  pavement,  against  which  his  head  and 
shoulders  had  come  in  rather  unpleasant  contact. 

"  Yes,  indeed,"  said  a  little  girl,  who  held  a  lamp  in  her 


110 


MAJOR  JONES 


hand,  "for  we  saw  it,  and  it  said  (  John's  alive/  as  plain  as 
anything." 

"  Oh  !  yes,  we  all  saw  it,  and  heard  it  too/'  exclaimed 
several  of  those  standing  upon  the  porch. 

"Did  you  see  it,  sir  ?"  I  inquired  very  earnestly  of  Mr. 
Thaw,  who  stood  trembling  in  every  joint  and  deadly  pale. 

"  I  was  watching  for  it,"  he  replied,  as  the  crowd  gath- 
ered round  him,  "  but  did  not  see  it  until  I  heard  it  speak. 
On  hearing  it  I  rose  up  and  threw  a  brickbat  at  it,  which 
passed  right  through  the  shadow,  but  it  never  moved.  Still 
thinking  it  might  be  somebody  I  rushed  towards  it,  and 
just  as  I  was  about  to  take  hold  of  it  it  vanished,  and  I 
knew  no  more  until  I  found  myself  on  the  bricks  here, 
dreadfully  stunned." 

"  They  say  it  is  werry  dangerous  to  take  hold  of  a  spirit," 
said  a  little  duck-legged  man,  with  eyes  like  saucers. 

"  To  be  sure  it  is,"  replied  a  tall,  broken-nosed  Irishman, 
"  for  didn't  Michael  McCracken  get  four  of  his  ribs  broke 
by  thrying  to  lay  hould  iv  one  that  was  walking  off  wid 
the  only  parr  of  throusers  he  had  in  the  world  ?" 

"  Is  it  possible !"  exclaimed  the  little  man,  casting  a  most 
credulous  gaze  into  the  speaker's  face. 

"  To  be  sure  it  is,"  replied  the  other,  "  for  didn't  Mike  til 
me  himself  the  nixt  niornin'  whin  I  wint  to  see  him,  and 
the  docther  was  puttin'  things  to  rights  wid  him  ?" 

"When  did  that  happen?"  asked  one.  "Was  it  this 
same  ghost  ?" 


John's  alive.  HI 

"Oh,  no;  this  was  a  fortnight  ago,  come  Sathurday 
night,  that  Mike  seed  the  ghost.  It's  abed  he  was,  in  his 
own  house,  sleepin'  as  harmless  as  a  suckin'  peg,  whin  he 
heard  somethin'  sneeze  like.  '  W  o's  thur?'  sis  he,  and  he 
seed  somethin'  white  at  the  fut  iv  his  bed.  'I'll  be  betther 
acquainted  wid  ye,  my  lark/  sis  Mike,  and  wid  that  he 
thurned  out.  <  Who  are  ye  ?'  sis  he.  <  I'm  a  spirit,  Michael 
McCracken,'  sis  the  ghost.  <  The  divil  ye  are,'  sis  Mike, 
not  belaving  a  word  iv  it.  <  Whisht !'  sis  the  ghost  as  it 
jerked  past  him  widout  touchin'  the  floor.  But  Mike  had 
a  dhrop  in  his  head,  and  wasn't  afeard  of  the  divel,  so  he 
wint  to  take  hould  iv  the  sperit,  whin  it  vanished  like  a 
snuff,  and  poor  Mike  knowed  no  more  till  he  found  him- 
self on  the  floor  in  the  mornin'  wid  four  ov  his  ribs  broke 
and  his  throusers  and  the  very  shate  off  the  bed  was  mis- 
sin'." 

"Mercy  on  us  !"  groaned  the  little  man. 

There  were  some  doubts  expressed  by  the  crowd  as  to  the 
genuineness  of  Michael's  ghost;  but  there  were  too  many 
witnesses  to  testify  to  the  appearance  of  the  one  which  had 
used  Mr.  Thaw  so  roughly  to  leave  any  doubt  upon  the 
subject. 

"It  is  now  two  years  since  the  man  drowned  himself,  I 
believe  ?"  said  one. 

"  Yes,  and  this  is  the  third  time  he  has  appeared  since 
Miss  Carson  came  from  the  country." 

"  There  must  be  something  wrong,  or  his  troubled  spirit 


112 


MAJOR  JONES. 


would  not  walk  the  earth  o'  nights  in  this  way,"  said  the 
little  man,  who  turned  to  each  speaker,  and  seemed  anxious 
to  hear  every  word  that  was  uttered  in  relation  to  the  affair. 

"It's  very  singular — very  singular,  indeed,"  said  the 
wondering  crowd.  . 

Mr.  Thaw  made  a  brief  examination  of  his  bruised  cra- 
nium, upon  which  he  discovered  several  prominent  devel- 
opments that  were  not  there  before,  adjusted  his  battered 
beaver  as  well  as  he  could,  and  went  limping  home,  per- 
fectly satisfied  that  he  had  encountered  a  spirit  from  the 
other  world. 

"  Well,"  thought  I,  as  I  left  the  astonished  crowd,  still 
pressing  their  inquiries  concerning  the  mysterious  appari- 
tion, and  discussing  ghost  stories  in  general,  u  if  my  dis- 
comfited rival  does  not  now  raise  the  siege,  then  he  is  indeed 
proof  against  ghosts." 


John's  alive. 


113 


CHAPTER  IX. 

John  begins  to  apprehend  that  he  is  carrying  the  joke  too  far — Seeks 
an  interview  with  an  old  friend— With  difficulty  establishes  his 
own  identity,  and  engages  him  to  prepare  his  family  for  his  recep- 
tion—The meeting— Convinces  Mary  that  he  is  no  ghost— Dis- 
covers a  new  relative — The  wedding  day  appointed — Two  grooms 
to  one  bride — The  wedding — The  ghost  again — The  astonished 
parson — The  explanation— The  consummation— The  end. 

On  the  following  morning  the  penny  papers  blazoned 
forth  the  full  details  of  the  ghost  story.  The  affair  had 
created  a  considerable  sensation  among  the  credulous  and 
marvel-loving  portion  of  the  community,  and  I  began  to 
fear  that  I  was  again  making  Philadelphia  too  hot  for  me — 
to  use  a  homely  but  very  significant  expression — should  I 
by  any  mischance  be  discovered.  My  vindictive  spirit  had 
been  somewhat  appeased  by  the  discomfiture  of  Mr.  Thaw, 
and  upon  reflection,  I  determined  to  discontinue  my  ghostly 
visits,  ere  I  should  have  fallen  into  my  old  error  of  carry- 
ing my  jokes  too  far,  if  I  had  not  done  so  already. 

I  was  now  extremely  anxious  to  make  myself  known  to 
Mary  and  my  family,  and  seriously  meditated  how  I  should 
again  come  to  life  without  frightening  them  all  out  of  their 
wits.  I  resolved  to  seek  an  old  friend  and  schoolmate, 
who  had  in  days  past  been  my  confidant,  and  make  him 
the  mediator  between  the  dead  and  living.    I  found  him 

8 


114 


MAJOR  JONES. 


at  his  law-office — he  had  married  since  he  attended  my 
funeral,  but  was  the  same  frank,  courteous  fellow  that 
I  left  two  years  before.  I  found  it  no  easy  matter  to  broach 
the  subject  to  him,  notwithstanding.  Requesting  a  pri- 
vate conversation  with  him,  I  declared  myself,  but  it 
was  not  until  I  had  narrated  to  him  all  the  circum- 
stances of  my  singular  adventures,  and  recalled  to  his 
mind  several  circumstances  connected  with  our  past  lives, 
that  he  seemed  willing  to  acknowledge  me;  and  though 
the  hearty  grip  of  the  hand  which  I  gave  him  when 
I  enjoined  him  to  secrecy  to  all  but  my  family  and 
Mary,  could  not  but  convince  him  that  he  was  conversing 
with  flesh  and  blood,  he  seemed  to  recoil  from  me  as  if  still 
unconvinced,  so  long  and  firm  had  been  his  conviction  of 
my  death.  After  gently  reproaching  me  for  my  conduct, 
and  being  cordially  assured  of  my  full  repentance,  he  took 
a  professional  view  of  the  matter,  and  consented  without 
fee  to  become  my  counsellor  and  attorney.  I  desired  him 
to  prepare  my  mother  and  sisters  for  my  reception  on  the 
following  day,  and  to  have  Mary  one  of  the  party.  He 
promised  to  do  so,  and  wTe  parted  to  meet  at  ten  in  the 
morning. 

Agreeably  to  appointment,  I  found  my  friend  at  his 
office,  who  informed  me  that  my  family  were  nearly  frantic 
with  joy  at  the  news  of  my  return,  and  that  Mary  was  so 
exceedingly  happy  to  learn  that  her  John  was  indeed 
alive,  and  that  I  was  ready  and  willing  to  forgive  her 


JOEN?S  ALIVE 


115 


for  all  the  suffering  she  had  caused  me,  that  she  had 
been  in  a  state  of  almost  hysterical  mirth  ever  since  he  had 
broken  the  matter  to  her. 

It  was  a  joyous  meeting  when  I  embraced  my  fond  old 
mother  and  affectionate  sisters— who  all  gave  vent  to  their 
overjoyed  hearts  in  a  flood  of  tears.  Mary  colored  to  the 
temples  as  she  approached  in  her  turn.  "  John's  alive ! "  I 
exclaimed,  as  I  sprang  forward  and  impressed  a  kiss  upon 
her  lips.  "  Tliafs  no  ghost/'  said  she,  as  she  turned  blush- 
ing away.  Next  came  the  strange  gentleman  whom  I  had 
seen  with  my  sisters  on  the  first  day  of  my  arrival.  He 
was  introduced  to  me  as  my  brother-in-law.  He  had  been 
married  to  my  eldest  sister  only  a  few  weeks,  and  was 
shortly  to  return  to  the  South,  his  place  of  nativity. 

After  the  first  tumultuous  greeting,  I  was  compelled  to 
detail  the  events  of  my  life  since  my  mysterious  departure, 
which  elicited  many  a  tear,  and  many  an  exclamation  of 
wonder  from  the  intensely  interested  and  sympathizing 
listeners.  After  dinner  I  drew  Mary  to  the  sofa,  where,  un- 
interrupted, we  recounted  all  that  had  passed,  and  con- 
versed seriously  and  rationally  of  the  future.    I  found  her 

all  my  heart  could  wish — fond,  generous,  and  forgiving  

and  I  regarded  her  as  a  rich  treasure,  the  possession  of 
which  would  abundantly  compensate  for  all  my  past  suf- 
ferings. 

From  her  I  learned  the  sad  history  of  her  own  sufferings 
during  my  absence,  and  though  the  recital  pained  me,  and 


116  MAJOR  JONES. 

caused  me  to  execrate  my  past  conduct,  yet  I  could  not  but 
feel  a  degree  of  gratification  at  the  evidence  of  her  unalter- 
able attachment.  She  had  spent  most  of  her  time  in  the 
country,  and  had  returned  with  my  youngest  sister  from 
Northumberland  only  a  few  weeks  previous  to  my  arrival 
in  Philadelphia.  Though  Thaw  had  been  importunate  and 
annoying  to  her  at  a  time  when  she  refused  to  see  any  com- 
pany, he  had  lost  sight  of  her  shortly  after  my  funeral,  and 
had  only  had  an  opportunity  of  forcing  his  society  upon 
her  since  her  return  from  the  country.  "  And,"  she  con- 
cluded, with  a  smile,  "  I  do  hope  the  fall  he  got  the  other 
night  has  effectually  abated  the  ardor  of  his  attachment/' 

It  was  evident  to  all  that  it  would  be  impossible  for  me 
again  to  make  Philadelphia  my  home,  and  that  I  would  be 
incurring  a  great  risk  by  even  permitting  it  to  be  generally 
known  that  I  was  still  living.  I  could  not  expect  to  make 
reparation  to  the  family,  the  sanctity  of  whose  vault  I  had 
violated,  and  should  it  be  discovered  that  my  suicide  was 
but  a  hoax,  curiosity  wTould  be  immediately  excited  to  know 
wrho  had  been  taken  from  the  river  and  buried  in  my  stead. 
Besides,  the  notoriety  which  my  recent  exploits  were  calcu- 
lated to  give  me,  when  it  should  be  found  out  that  Mr. 
Thaw's  ghost  was  no  other  than  myself,  was  calculated  to 
disturb  my  quiet,  if  not  to  derogate  from  my  standing  in 
society. 

My  brother-in-law,  who  was  a  young  physician,  suggested 
that  I  should  accompany  him  to  the  South,  which  I  con- 


john's  alive. 


117 


sented  to  do,  on  condition  that  Mary  would  make  one  of 
the  party.    This  proposition  met  the  approbation  of  my 
mother  and  sisters,  and  to,  crown  my  wishes,  Mary  readily 
yielded  to  my  proposal  of  a  speedy  marriage;  and  all  was 
arranged  for  the  consummation  of  our  happiness.   The  day 
was  appointed  for  our  wedding,  which  was  to  be  conducted 
with  as  much  privacy  as  possible,  on  that  day  week,  at 
which  time  my  brother-in-law  would  be  ready  for  his  de- 
parture.   In  the  meantime  I  kept  within  doors,  only  ven- 
turing into  the  street  at  night,  and  then  carefully  avoiding 
observation.    I  saw  Mary  frequently,  who  assured  me  that 
her  family  were  perfectly  reconciled  to  our  union,  since  the 
explanations  which  I  had  given  them  of  my  past  conduct, 
and  the  assurances  of  my  thorough  reformation.  During  the 
intervening  week,  Mary  informed  me,  much  to  my  surprise, 
that  Mr.  Thaw  had  recovered  from  his  fright,  and  had 
again  urged  his  pretensions  to  her  hand.    I  still  entertained 
a  desire  to  complete  my  revenge  upon  him,  whose  impor- 
tunities it  seemed  no  denial  or  entreaties  could  dissuade ; 
and  now  an  idea  occurred  to  me,  which,  if  I  could  secure 
the  co-operation  of  Mary,  would  cap  the  climax  of  the 
whole  affair.    After  much  persuasion,  I  succeeded  in  in- 
ducing Mary  to  become  an  accomplice  in  the  execution  of 
my  design,  which  I  urged  would  be  a  just  retaliation  for 
the  annoyance  he  had  been  to  me,  and  a  fit  reward  for  his 
pertinacity  in  thus  pressing  his  suit  against  her  known 
wishes.    It  was  accordingly  arranged  that  she  should  accept 


118 


MAJOR  JONES. 


that  gentleman's  proffered  hand,  and  appoint  the  following 
Wednesday,  the  day  designated  for  our  own  union,  for  the 
wedding  day,  leaving  the  issue  of  the  affair  to  me. 

Matters  being  thus  arranged  there  were  now  three  of  us 
preparing  for  the  wedding,  Mr.  Thaw,  Mary,  and  myself. 
The  auspicious  night  approached.  Thaw  was  in  ecstasies, 
and  might  be  seen  arm-in-arm  w7ith  his  groomsman,  a  fel- 
low of  his  own  kidney,  sauntering  up  and  down  the  street 
as  the  dusk  of  evening  approached  and  the  gay  company 
began  to  assemble,  almost  incapable  of  suppressing  his  in- 
effable delight.  My  sisters  and  brother-in-law  were  of 
course  invited.  Early  in  the  evening  a  considerable  num- 
ber of  young  persons  were  assembled,  principally  all  the 
personal  friends  of  Mary  and  my  sisters,  who  had  invited 
the  company,  Mr.  Thaw  being  content  only  to  bring  his 
groomsman.  The  parson  had  arrived,  and  everything  was 
in  readiness,  but  before  entering  the  parlor  Mary  assisted 
me  to  dress  the  ghost  in  a  superior  style. 

"There,"  said  she,  as  she  adjusted  the  bandage  about  my 
jaws  and  smoothed  down  the  folds  of  my  long  winding- 
sheet,  "you'll  do  for  John's  alive  now."  Then  shaking 
her  taper  finger  at  me  with  an  arch  look,  as  she  went  to 
join  the  company  in  the  parlor,  "  Don't  you  fail  to  be  there 
in  time.  Remember,  you  must  come  when  the  parson  says 
'  hold  their  peace.' " 

"  Never  you  fear.  I'll  be  there.  Tell  sisters  to  scream 
their  best,  and  don't  let  the  room  be  too  light." 


John's  alive. 


119 


"  My  stars,  John,  how  horrid  you  do  look  !  I'm  afraid 
you'll  scare  the  parson  off  too,  and  that'll  spoil  all." 

"  No  danger ;  he  ain't  afraid  of  ghosts.  But  if  he  goes 
to  run  you  must  all  catch  hold  of  him." 

Mary  entered  the  parlor,  and  I  took  my  post  at  the  door, 
where  I  might  through  the  keyhole  observe  the  movements 
of  the  wedding  party.  The  door  was  left  slightly  ajar,  and 
Mary  took  care  that  no  one  should  be  in  the  way  to  obstruct 
its  opening. 

Thaw  was  dressed  in  a  long-tailed  blue,  with  large  metal 
buttons,  brimstone-colored  pants  and  white  satin  vest,  and 
his  long  soap-locks,  which  had  just  then  come  into  fashion, 
were  combed  down  over  his  lantern  jaws,  and  glistened  with 
bear's  oil  and  pomatum  until  they  almost  vied  in  lustre 
with  his  glittering  buttons.  He  sat  in  a  fidget  for  some 
time,  devouring  with  his  great  sheep's  eyes  my  modestly 
attired  Mary,  whom  he  was  about  to  lead  before  the  parson. 

Everything  being  in  readiness  the  delighted  groom  led 
forward  his  blushing  bride.  The  good  parson  commenced 
the  ceremony  of  tying  the  matrimonial  knot  with  ail  the 
accustomed  solemnity,  while  Thaw  bent  upon  the  assem- 
blage a  look  of  complacent  satisfaction  that  spoke  plainer 
than  words  the  joyous  emotions  of  his  heart  on  the  eve  of 
such  an  auspicious  event.  There  was  a  deathlike  stillness 
in  the  room.    The  parson  proceeded : 

"  If  any  have  aught  to  say  why  this  couple  should  not 


120  MAJOR  JONES. 

be  united  in  the  holy  bands  of  wedlock  let  them  now  speak, 
or  forever  after  hold  their  peace." 

"  I  forbid  the  bans !"  I  groaned  in  a  solemn  tone. 

"  Now,  who's  that  ?"  said  Thaw  in  a  voice  that  betrayed 
at  once  his  rage  and  trepidation,  as  he  cast  his  eyes  fearfully 
over  his  shoulder,  and  amazement  was  depicted  in  every 
face  that  met  his  view. 

."John's  alive!"  I  exclaimed,  as  the  door  flew  open  as  if 
by  magic,  and  I  strode  slowly  into  the  room  in  my  ghostly 
attire. 

A  loud  scream  burst  from  the  affrighted  females.  Mary 
fell  into  my  sister's  arms,  who  screamed  her  prettiest. 
Thaw,  with  the  exclamation  of  "  Lord  preserve  us  V  in  his 
mouth,  fell  sprawling  over  his  terrified  groomsman,  who 
was  endeavoring  to  make  his  way  through  the  parson's  legs 
to  the  door.  Even  those  who  were  in  the  secret  shrunk  in 
the  corners  or  hastened  from  the  room,  while  the  good  par- 
son stood  with  uplifted  hands,  the  picture  of  astonishment 
and  wonder. 

"I  come  to  claim  my  bride!"  I  continued,  as  Thaw  and 
his  man  disappeared  through  the  door.  Then  hastily  di- 
vesting myself  of  the  white  sheet  in  which  I  was  envel- 
oped, and  removing  the  powder  and  cork  from  my  face,  I 
commenced  to  apologize  to  the  parson,  who  seemed  even 
more  than  ever  amazed. 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,  sir,  for  the  interruption  which  my 
strange  and  rather  unceremonious  appearance  has  occa- 


"John's  alive  !  I  exclaimed,  as  the  door  flew  open."  (121) 


John's  alive. 


123 


sioned.  I  am  very  sorry  that  circumstances  should  have 
rendered  such  a  course  necessary.  I  would  be  very  loath, 
indeed,  to  break  up  a  wedding  party,  and  rather  than  the 
affair  should  prove  a  failure,  with  the  lady's  consent,  I  will 
gladly  supply  the  place  of  her  absconded  lover." 

The  old  gentleman  started;  but  my  sisters  and  Mary 
coming  to  my  aid,  who  were  his  personal  acquaintances, 
matters  were  soon  adjusted,  and  the  face  of  the  good  par- 
son soon  assumed  its  wonted  calmness  and  benignity  of  ex- 
pression. 

"  Well,"  said  he,  with  a  long  breath,  "  young  people  are 
full  of  their  tricks,  but  I  never  expected  to  be  called  upon 
to  marry  a  ghost." 

Producing  the  license  the  ceremony  proceeded  without 
further  interruption,  and  John  Smith  and  Mary  Carson 
were  duly  pronounced  man  and  wife.  Thaw  left  the  city 
in  the  night  line  for  New  York,  having  discovered  that  a 
trick  had  been  played  off  upon  him,  and  with  my  happy 
bride,  in  company  with  my  brother  and  sister,  I  took  my 
departure  on  the  following  morning  for  the  sunny  South, 
where  I  am  now  settled,  after  all  my  hardships  and  adven- 
tures, the  happiest  John  alive  ! 


GOING  ASHORE. 


 Neat,  trimly  dress'd, 

Fresh  as  a  bridegroom ;  and  his  chin,  new  reap'd 

Show'd  like  a  stubble  land  at  harvest-home  ; 

He  was  perfumed  like  a  milliner; 

And  'twixt  his  finger  and  his  thumb  he  held 

A  pouncet-box,  which  ever  and  anon 

He  gave  his  nose,  and  took 't  away  again. 

King  Henry  IV. 

Gon. — Now  would  I  give  a  thousand  furlongs  of  sea  for  an  acre  of 
barren  ground ;  long  heath,  brown  furze,  anything ;  the  wills  above  be 
done !  but  I  would  fain  die  a  dry  death. 

Tempest. 

Keader,  were  you  ever  at  sea  ?  If  you  were  not,  your 
knowledge  of  the  world,  however  extensive,  is  only  partial. 
A  first  voyage  at  sea  is  like  an  introduction  into  a  new 
world,  which,  in  every  respect,  materially  differs  from  that 
we  inhabit.  The  elements  themselves  are  not  more  at  va- 
riance than  are  the  customs,  usages,  and  conventional  forms 
of  maritime  life,  and  those  by  which  society  is  governed  and 
regulated  on  terra  firma;  and  the  dweller  on  dry  land 
finds  himself  not  less  at  fault  in  his  first  intercourse  with 

(125) 


126 


MAJOR  JONES. 


the  sons  of  Neptune,  than  would  a  finny  inhabitant  of  the 
world  of  waters,  were  he  to  find  himself  in  the  midst  of  a 
reduction  or  commercial  convention.  It  will  be  long  ere  I 
forget  the  wonders  that  burst  upon  my  astonished  senses, 
when,  for  the  first  time,  I  beheld  the  sun  drowned  in  the 
sea,  and  the  broad  arch  of  heaven  resting  upon  its  waters. 
Perhaps  they  are  rendered  more  vivid  in  my  mind  by  the 
recollection  of  an  adventure  which  came  nigh  being  the 
closing  scene  of  my  career. 

It  was  a  bright,  beautiful  morning  in  the  month  of  Sep- 
tember, 1830,  that  our  vessel  neared  the  island  of  Key 
West.  Business  of  the  most  imperative  nature  demanded 
that  I  should  pay  a  visit  to  the  island ;  and  as  the  captain 
had  promised  to  touch  at  that  port  principally  for  my  own 
accommodation,  and  as  the  wind  was  unfavorable  for  mak- 
ing the  harbor,  it  was  proposed  that  the  jolly-boat  be  sent 
ashore,  while  the  vessel  would  "  lie  off  and  on/'  until  our 
return.  Accordingly,  the  boat  was  got  in  readiness  for  the 
voyage. 

Among  our  passengers  was  a  Mr.  J.  Theophilus  Hill,  of 
New  York,  a  Broadway  exquisite  of  the  first  order.  Mr. 
J.  Theophilus  was  about  twenty-one  years  of  age,  of  tall 
stature,  effeminate  in  appearance  and  manners,  and  possessed 
about  as  small  a  stock  of  the  commodity  called  common- 
sense,  as  any  other  of  the  same  kidney.  From  the  lofty 
proportions  of  his  legs,  and  the  almost  total  vacancy  of  his 
garret  story,  one  would  have  judged  that  he  was  born  in 


GOING  ASHORE. 


127 


the  "  decline  of  the  moon/'  which  fact  (if  we  may  apply  the 
principle  to  the  growth  of  such  vegetables),  would  account 
for  his  having  run  entirely  to  root.  But  it  would  be  a  waste 
of  time  to  attempt  a  particular  description  of  Mr.  Hill. 
Suffice  it  to  say,  he  was  one  of  that  class  of  petty  aristocracy 
so  common  in  our  large  cities,  and  which  are,  of  all 
others,  the  most  intolerable  and  disgusting  to  the  man  of 
sense.  The  aristocracy  of  Europe  has  something  about  it 
to  entitle  it  to  the  respect  of  those  who  have  been  reared 
under  those  institutions,  and  whose  national  pride  finds  vent 
in  giving  honor  to  the  titled  dignitaries  of  the  land.  The 
aristocracy  of  learning  and  talent,  in  this  or  any  other  coun- 
try, is  justly  entitled  to  and  ever  receives  the  deference  of 
those  who  are  capable  of  appreciating  the  nobler  attributes 
of  our  nature.  But  the  upstart  clique,  who  style  themselves 
the  first  circle,  and  who  lead  the  fashions  and  comprise  the 
ton  of  our  large  cities — springing  as  they  have  in  many 
instances,  from  a  community  of  thrifty  old  tallow-chandlers 
and  soap-boilers,  who,  without  education  or  refinement 
themselves,  knew  not  the  importance  of  cultivating  the 
minds  of  their  children— is,  perhaps,  the  most  contemptible 
of  all  circles. 

Mr.  J.  Theophilus  was  now,  for  the  first  time  in  his  life, 
absent  from  the  city  of  his  birth,  and  the  circle  of  exquisite 
fellows  in  whose  society  he  had  moved,  and,  as  may 
readily  be  supposed,  manifested  in  his  deportment  all  the 
vanity  and  ignorance  of  a  conceited  coxcomb,  which  ren- 


128 


MAJOR  JONES. 


dered  him  the  butt  not  only  of  his  fellow-passengers  but 
the  crew. 

The  necessary  arrangements  were  completed,  and  we 
were  about  "coming  in  stays/'  as  the  sailors  call  it,  in 
order  that  the  boat  might  be  lowered  from  the  davits, 
when  Mr.  Theophilus  issued  from  the  cabin,  dressed  a  la 
bon  ton,  while  the  fumes  of  eau  de  Cologne,  with  which 
his  clothes  were  scented,  might  have  been  "nosed"  above 
all  the  odors  of  tar  and  bilge- water. 

"I  say,  capting!  capting!"  said  he,  in  his  shrill,  small 
voice,  as  he  flourished  a  fine  embroidered  handkerchief 
about  his  countenance,  "  I  believe  I  will  make  one  of  the 
go-ashore  party  myself—  eh,  capting  ?" 

"  As  you  please,  sir,"  replied  our  courteous  captain,  "but 
I  would  advise  you  to  remain,  unless  your  business  is 
urgent.  It's  a  long  pull  to  that  lighthouse,  and  the  boat  I 
fear  is  leaky." 

"  Business ! — my  father  retired  from  business  five  years 
ago.  I'm  never  bothered  with  business.  I  only  wish  to 
see  the  natives.  They  must  be  rare  creatures — eh,  cap- 
ting !— never  seen  New  York,  I  s'pose— must  be  perfect 
characters,  split  me  ! " 

"If  that  is  all,"  replied  the  captain,  "you  will  be  but 
poorly  paid  for  your  trouble.  The  inhabitants  of  the  isl- 
and are  civilized  beings,  and  do  not  differ  materially  from 
other  citizens  of  the  United  States." 


GOING  ASHORE.  129 

"Eh,  capting!  what? — do  you  call  them  citizens  of  the 
United  States?    Is  Key  West  in  the  United  States?" 

"  It  is  an  island  belonging  to  our  government." 

"Is  it?— well,  if  I  hadn't  forgot  it,  split  me." 

The  lady  passengers,  of  whom  there  were  several,  had 
come  on  deck  to  see  us  oft*.  Mr.  Hill  bowed  and  scraped, 
and  grinned  for  a  moment,  then  resuming,  he  said : 

"Besides,  capting,  I  am  dying  for  something  good  to 
eat.  I  believe  I  shall  perish  before  the  end  of  our  voyage. 
I  have  not  enjoyed  a  mouthful  since  I  eat  the  last  of  the 
preserves  and  cake  which  my  dear  ma  put  in  my  trunk,  if 
I  have,  split  me.  And,  ladies " — continued  he,  running 
his  hand  into  his  pocket  and  jingling  some  silver  change — 
"I'll  bring  you  something  nice,  depend  upon  it — some- 
thing fit  to  eat,  if  it's  to  be  had  among  the  natives  for 
money,  split  me." 

"  I'm  sorry,  sir,"  said  the  captain,  his  face  mantling  as 
he  spoke,  "  I  am  sorry  that  my  table — " 

"  Ah,  no  apologies,  capting — no  apologies.  No  doubt 
you  have  done  your  best,  but,  capting,  you  know  it  de- 
pends a  great  deal  how  one's  been  raised.  I  have  always 
been  accustomed  to  the  very  best,  split  me." 

The  ladies  begged  hirn  not  to  expose  his  precious  life  for 
their  accommodation,  assuring  him  that  they  were  well  sat- 
isfied with  the  fare  of  our  captain's  table.  To  which  Mr, 
Hill  replied : 

"Oh,  well,  it's  just  as  one's  raised." 

9 


130 


MAJOR  JONES. 


The  captain  turned  to  him  with  a  smile,  and  advised 
him,  if  he  desired  to  go,  to  change  his  clothes,  reminding 
him  that  his  fine  suit  would  suffer  in  such  an  expedition. 

"What  did  you  remark,  capting?"  replied  Mr.  J.  The- 
ophiJus,  giving  a  look  of  pride  at  his  "  long-tail  blue"  and 
shining  broadcloth  pants,  which,  as  was  the  fashion  in  that 
day,  were  tight  at  the  knees  and  very  wide  at  the  bottom, 
where  they  were  neatly  strapped  down  over  a  pair  of  fine 
morocco  boots. 

"  You  had  better  put  on  some  old  clothes  ;  those  will  be 
injured  in  that  leaky  boat." 

"  Old  clothes !"  exclaimed  Mr.  J.  Theophilus,  with  a 
stare;  "old  clothes  !  Why,  capting,  I  never  had  any  old 
clothes  in  my  life." 

"  Indeed  J"  replied  the  captain.  "  Do  as  you  please,  Mr. 
Hill." 

"All  aboard  !"  said  one  of  the  sailors,  as  he  dropped  the 
oars  into  the  boat  and  prepared  to  "  lower  away." 

"  Goocl-by,  ladies,"  said  Mr.  Hill,  as  he  crawled  upon 
the  taffrail;  "don't  be  alarmed  for  my  safety,  my  dear 
creatures;  there's  no  danger,  and  I'll  bring  you  something 
nice,  if  I  don't,  split  me." 

A  tin  bucket  was  thrown  into  the  boat.  Two  sailors,  the 
mate,  myself,  and  Mr.  Hill  then  took  our  places,  and  the 
boat  was  lowered  into  the  water.  In  the  next  moment  we 
were  hid  in  the  trough  of  the  sea  or  setting  lightly  on  the 
curling  caps  of  the  waves,  while  the  brig,  with  her  sails 


GOING  ASHORE. 


131 


square  set  and  right  before  the  wind,  was  fast  disappearing 
from  our  view. 

I  took  my  station  in  the  stern  and  grasped  the  tiller ;  the 
mate  took  his  post  as  pilot  in  the  bow,  and  the  sailors  plied 
the  oars,  while  Mr.  Hill  occupied  a  middle  seat.  In  the 
confusion  of  getting  our  places  we  had  not  discovered  the 
leaky  condition  of  the  boat  until  we  were  nearly  foundered 
with  water,  which  gushed  in  streams  from  every  joint. 
The  oakum  with  which  it  had  been  caulked  was  forced  out 
in  many  places  by  the  current,  and  such  was  the  rapidity 
with  which  the  boat  filled  that  even  the  mate  became 
alarmed  and  made  signals  of  distress  to  the  brig,  which, 
however,  were  unperceived  by  her  crew.  We  were  fast 
sinking,  and  it  became  necessary  to  keep  the  boat  in  the 
trough  of  the  sea  to  prevent  her  going  down  imme- 
diately. 

"  Oh,  Lordy  !"  exclaimed  Mr.  H.,  "  we're  gone !  Oh, 
Lordy  !    What  shall  we  do  ?    I  can't  swim  !" 

"  And  if  you  could  it  would  do  you  no  good,"  said  the 
mate,  as  he  gave  over  all  hopes  of  attracting  the  attention 
of  the  brig.  "  Our  only  chance  is  to  keep  the  boat  afloat 
*  until  her  planks  swell." 

"  Dip,  d — n  it,  dip !"  said  one  of  the  sailors. 

The  bucket  was  floating  between  his  legs.  Mr.  Hill 
seized  it  with  an  "  Oh,  Lordy !"  and  essayed  to  bale  out  the 
water.  » 

"  Dip,  dandy,  dip !"  exclaimed  the  other,  as  he  dropped 


132 


MAJOR  JONES. 


his  oar,  and  prepared  to  do  the  same.  "  Dip,  you  dog,  it's 
neck  or  nothing  now." 

"  Oh,  Lordy  !"  and  the  bucket  flew  faster  and  faster, 
though  scarce  removing  a  pint  of  water  at  a  time. 

u  Hand  it  to  me !"  said  the  sailor. 

"  Oh,  Lordy  l"  gasped  Mr.  Hill  j  then  turning  hastily 
round  to  comply  with  the  request,  in  a  fit  of  nervous  trepi- 
dation he  tumbled  heels  over  head,  bucket  and  all,  into  the 
sea.  The  rattle  of  the  bucket  as  it  struck  the  edge  of  the 
boat,  and  a  faint  "  Oh,  Lordy ! 99  from  Mr.  Hill,  was  suc- 
ceeded by  the  cry  of : 

"  Man  overboard l" 

There  was  a  slight  bustle.  In  an  instant  the  floating  dandy 
was  fished  up,  but  all  efforts  to  recover  the  bucket  were  inef- 
fectual. Mr.  Hill  looked  like  a  wilted  poppy  as  he  seated 
himself  in  the  bottom  of  the  boat,  clinging  convulsively  to 
the  sides.  His  blooming  ruffles  were  gone,  his  exquisitely 
pointed  shirt  collar  no  longer  maintained  its  erect  position, 
and  his  shining  beaver,  which  had  set  so  gracefully  upon 
the  side  of  his  head  in  the  morning,  was  now  the  property 
of  covetous  old  Neptune.  His  face  was  pale,  and  his  head 
hung  upon  his  shoulders.  He  was  sick,  and  he  heeded  not* 
the  dirty  water  as  it  swept  fore  and  aft  at  every  motion  of 
the  sea,  drenching  him  from  head  to  foot.  He  had  swal- 
lowed a  mouthful  or  two  of  sea-water,  and  such  was  the 
refined  sensibility  of  his  stomach  that  it  did  not  agree  with 
him.   It  was  not  what  he  had  been  "  raised  in."  For  some 


GOING  ASHORE. 


135 


time  Be  sat  in  silence,  and  when  he  spoke  his  first  question 
was: 

"  Do  you  think  it'll  turn  over  again  ?" 

"  Take  care  you  don't  turn  over  again/'  was  the  reply. 

"  Oh,  Lordy,  if  my  dear  ma  only  knew  this — " 

"What  would  she  have  done  for  you  just  now?  I 
think  you'll  stay  aboard  next  time,  and  let  the  natives 
alone." 

"  Oh,  Lordy !  how  sick  I  do  feel !"  said  Mr.  Hill,  as  the 
salt  water  oozed  from  his  thin,  blue  lips.  "  If  ever  I  see 
New  York  again  I  guess  I'll  not  get  into  such  another 
scrape — if  I  do,  split  me !" 

By  this  time  the  planks  of  the  boat,  which  had  been 
rendered  leaky  by  long  exposure  to  the  sun,  had  swollen 
considerably,  and  we  soon  found,  by  the  active  application 
of  our  hats,  that  we  were  gaining  on  the  leak.  So  soon  as 
a  sufficient  quantity  of  water  had  been  removed  to  render 
the  boat  manageable,  the  sailors  resumed  their  oars,  and  we 
"  kept  her  away  "  for  a  reef  of  coral,  which  rose  above  the 
water  about  a  mile  distant.  Approaching  the  reef  from  the 
leeward  we  ran  the  bow  of  the  boat  upon  the  crust  of  coral, 
and  having  baled  her  as  clear  as  possible,  proceeded  to  caulk 
the  leaks  with  our  handkerchiefs  and  such  other  articles  of 
clothing  as  might  be  spared.  Mr.  Hill  was  nearly  crazed 
at  the  prospect  of  escaping  a  watery  grave.  He  chattered 
like  a  magpie,  and  in  the  overflow  of  his  zeal  and  magna- 
nimity tore  off  a  skirt  of  his  "  long-tail  blue,"  and  con- 


136 


MAJOR  JONES. 


tributed  it  to  the  common  stock,  declaring  that  if  he  was 
in  New  York  he  could  caulk  the  boat  with  bank  bills. 

Just  as  we  were  about  to  put  to  sea,  we  discovered  a  pilot- 
boat  bearing  down  for  us  under  full  sail.  We  were  all 
overjoyed  at  the  prospect  of  relief,  for  we  were  much 
fatigued,  and  Key  West  was  still  some  eight  or  ten  miles 
distant. 

While  we  were  awaiting  her  approach,  we  were  aroused 
by  a  cry  from  Mr.  Hill,  who  exclaimed,  "Oh,  Lordy! 
Fm  bit ! — Fin  poisoned !  Oh,  Lordy  ! " 

He  had  discovered  a  sea-egg,  as  they  are  called,  lying 
upon  the  coral,  where  the  water  was  only  a  few  inches 
deep.  Supposing  it  to  be  a  soft  substance,  from  the  ap- 
pearance given  to  it  by  the  undulation  of  the  waves,  he 
grasped  it  in  his  hand,  when  his  fingers  were  severely 
pierced  by  the  sharp  and  spiral  projections  which  sur- 
rounded it,  the  points  of  which  were  polished  and  sharp 
as  needles.  Several  of  the  thorns  had  broken  off  in  his 
flesh,  in  order  to  extract  which  it  became  necessary  that 
Long  Tom  should  perform  a  surgical  operation,  in  which 
he  was  not  very  expert,  as  his  instruments  were  dull,  and, 
of  course,  gave  his  patient  much  pain. 

"  You  mustn't  try  to  rob  old  Nep's  hen's-nest  in  that 
way,  Mr.  Splice,"  said  Tom,  as  he  wiped  the  blood  from 
his  jack-knife,  "  'case  you're  sure  to  get  cotch'd." 

"  Oh,  Lordy  !  "—roared  Mr.  Hill—"  if  my  dear  ma  only 
knew — oh,  how  it  aches !" 


GOING  ASHORE. 


137 


The  pilot-boat  took  us  aboard,  and  with  our  boat  in  tow, 
soon  landed  us  on  the  beach  at  Key  West. 

We  need  not  remark  that  Mr.  Hill  was  a  subject  of  quite 
as  much  curiosity  to  the  natives,  as  he  had  supposed  they 
would  be  to  him.  As  we  made  our  way  into  the  town,  the 
people  stared  at  him ;  and  his  woebegone  exterior,  added 
to  his  silly  air  and  conceited  bearing,  made  him  still  more 
a  subject  of  ridicule.  Even  the  negroes  turned  to  gaze  as  he 
passed,  and  often  were  they  heard  to  exclaim,  "  I  reckon 
dat  man's  done  been  racked"  But  what  most  mortified 
our  hero  was  the  fact  that  he  did  not  find  a  man  among  the 
natives  that  knew  anything  about  the  house  of  Vanderfelt 
&  Hill,  though  he  found  many  who  knew  all  about  New 
York. 

It  was  towards  evening  when  we  set  out  for  the  brig, 
which  was  now  in  sight,  lying-to,  to  receive  us.  Our  boat 
had  been  thoroughly  repaired,  and  as  the  men  bent  to  the 
oars,  she  skimmed  through  the  waves  with  the  velocity  of 
a  bird.  Our  conversation  naturally  turned  upon  the  events 
of  the  day,  and  many  a  hearty  laugh  was  enjoyed  at  the 
expense  of  the  unfortunate  Mr.  J.  Theophilus,  who  took 
no  part  in  the  hilarity  of  the  hour,  but  sat  sullen  and  mo- 
rose, nursing  his  wounded  hand,  and,  very  probably, 
weighing  in  his  mind  the  value  of  the  lesson  he  had 
learned. 

It  was  a  delightful  evening.  The  fresh  breeze  fanned 
our  sunburnt  faces,  and  the  heavens  displayed  all  the  va- 


138 


MAJOR  JONES. 


riegated  lights  and  colors  of  a  southern  sunset,  as  the  fleecy 
clouds,  rolled  up  in  interminable  banks,  like  mountains  of 
snowy  mist,  caught  and  reflected  in  a  thousand  brilliant 
hues  the  last  rays  of  the  declining  orb  of  day.  We  soon 
brought  up  alongside  of  our  good  brig,  and  shortly  after  I 
sat  upon  her  deck  in  the  bright  moonlight,  listening  to  Mr. 
HilPs  account  of  the  adventure,  which  he  portrayed  to  the 
ladies  in  the  most  thrilling  detail.  The  sea-egg,  in  partic- 
ular, was  dwelt  upon  with  especial  emphasis.  He  had 
never  heard  nor  read  of  such  eggs  before,  and  he  more 
than  once  inquired  of  the  sailors  what  kind  of  fowl  they 
belonged  to.  The  trip  ashore  was  a  subject  of  amusement 
for  the  crew  during  the  remainder  of  the  voyage. 


KECOLLECTIONS 

OF  THE 

FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF 


1836. 


NUMBER  ONE. 

THE  ALAEM. 

"  To  arms !  to  arms !" 
Gerald.— Why,  the  fellow's  fears  peopled  every  bush  with  lurking 
foes,  each  rustling  leaf  sounded  in  his  ear  a  dread  alarm.    No  wonder 
that  he  overrated  thus  his  foe. 

Burges.— -Aye,  but  in  the  end  his  fright  was  turned  to  good  account. 

Old  Play. 

It  was  on  a  bright,  beautiful  morning,  such  as  is  peculiar 
to  that  romantic  country,  that  the  army  of  General  Scott 
lay  encamped  on  the  summit  of  an  elevated  piece  of  ground 
in  the  vicinity  of  Fort  Drane.  Our  forces  had  been  con- 
centrating for  several  days,  preparatory  to  a  decisive  move- 
ment against  the  enemy.  Upwards  of  two  thousand  men 
were  busily  engaged  in  burnishing  up  their  arms,  prepar- 
ing provisions,  and  putting  everything  in  readiness  for  the 
march. 

(139) 


140 


MAJOR  JONES. 


I  was  sitting  in  the  shade  of  my  tent,  with  some  three 
or  four  of  my  messmates,  packing  our  knapsacks,  and  care- 
fully dividing  our  rations  of  sugar  and  coifee,  salt  and  pep- 
per, which  was  to  last  us  until  our  return  from  Tampa, 
when  the  whole  camp  was  suddenly  aroused  by  the  abrupt 
appearance  of  a  horseman,  who  came  dashing  up  the  hill, 
shouting  out:  "Ingins!  Ingins!"  at  the  top  of  his  voice. 
He  was  mounted  upon  a  jaded  nag,  which,  judging  from 
its  hobbling  gait  and  projecting  ribs,  had  been  on  half-ra- 
tions for  the  past  month  as  well  as  ourselves,  and  as  he 
came  galloping  into  camp,  hat  and  coat  off,  hair  flying,  with 
the  harness  and  trace-chains  dangling  at  his  horse's  feet,  he 
looked  indeed  the  fit  herald  of  approaching  danger.  None 
who  beheld  him  could  doubt  for  a  moment  that  he  had  seen 
the  Indians. 

"Ingins!  Ingins!"  he  exclaimed,  as  his  Eosinante 
fetched  up  near  the  centre  of  the  camp,  "  Ingins !  Ingins  !" 
Then  halting  for  breath  he  resumed  :  "  Five  hundred  In- 
gins right  dowD  here  by  my  fence !" 

"What?"  «  Where?"  inquired  twenty  voices. 

"  Why,"  said  he,  as  the  crowd  gathered  round  in  eager 
anxiety,  "I  was  ploughin'  in  my  field,  about  a  mile  down 
the  road  here,  just  now,  and  all  at  wonst  I  seed  about  fifty 
Ingins  in  the  edge  of  the  bushes,  close  by  the  fence." 

"  Oh,  only  fifty !"  said  one. 

"I'll  bet  he  only  saw  a  bush  shaken  by  the  wind,"  said 
another. 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836.  141 

"  Did  they  shoot  at  you  ?" 

"No;  but  they  would  a'  kiln  me  no  doubt  if  I'd  let  'em 
got  close  enough ;  but  as  soon  as  I  seed  em  I  unhitched 
Darby  and  come  here  as  hard  as  I  could  split." 

The  officers,  after  a  short  consultation  with  the  terrified 
man,  who  still  persisted  in  the  assertion  that  there  were  at 
least  fifty  Indians  in  the  neighborhood  of  his  field,  ordered  a 
detachment  of  fifty  men  from  the  company  of  which  I  was 
a  member  and  about  fifty  regulars  to  be  in  readiness  to 
march  in  five  minutes. 

There  was  a  hasty  snatching  of  arms,  and  as  we  knew 
that  only  fifty  would  be  permitted  to  go,  there  was  the 
greatest  competition  to  get  into  the  line  first.  In  less  than 
three  minutes,  the  orderly  commenced  counting  from  the 
right,  and  as  he  came  to  the  fiftieth  man  in  the  line,  he  de- 
sired the  remainder  to  fall  back. 

"Oh!  let  me  go,  sergeant,"  said  half  a  dozen  in  the 
most  persuasive  tone. 

"  Only  fifty  is  the  order,"  replied  the  officer. 

There  were  several  disappointed  faces  on  the  left;  but 
the  order  was  imperative.  Some  endeavored  to  exchange 
places  with  those  who  had  been  more  fortunate  in  getting 
into  the  line;  but  not  one  could  be  induced  to  resign  his 
opportunity  of  getting  "  a  pop  at  the  Indians." 

In  less  than  ten  minutes  from  the  first  alarm,  the  detach- 
ment was  on  its  way  to  the  little  plantation  where  the  In- 
dians were  said  to  have  been  seen.    The  house  was  distant 


142 


MA*OR  JONES. 


from  the  fort  about  a  mile,  and  was  situated  on  the  edge  of 
a  small  hummock,  which  extended  to  some  distance  on  the 
right  and  left  of  the  little  inclosure,  in  which  our  inform- 
ant had  been  ploughing.  After  charging  through  and 
scouring  the  hummock  in  the  vicinity  of  the  field,  without 
even  discovering  any  signs  of  Indians,  the  detachment  was 
about  to  return,  when  it  was  proposed  to  examine  another 
part  of  the  thicket  some  distance  from  the  house.  Accord- 
ingly, leaving  a  small  party  of  mounted  men,  who  had  ac- 
companied us  from  the  camp,  to  make  farther  investigation 
upon  the  premises,  we  proceeded  to  the  head  of  the  hum- 
mock. Our  detail  was  divided  into  two  detachments,  one 
of  which — accompanied  by  the  few  friendly  Indians  who 
had  been  brought  along  as  guides — moved  up  on  the  right 
and  the  other  upon  the  left  of  the  hummock;  while  the 
regulars,  taking  a  circuit  through  the  woods  gained  the 
head  of  the  thicket,  and  advanced  into  it,  with  a  view  of 
routing  the  Indians,  who,  should  they  attempt  escape,  would 
of  a  certainty  come  in  contact  with  either  one  or  the  other 
of  our  detachments,  which  were  flanked  out  on  either  side, 
so  as  not  only  to  command  the  hummock,  but  the  high 
ground  in  the  vicinity. 

We  had  arrived  at  the  designated  point,  formed  in  ex- 
tended line,  and  were  calmly  awaiting  the  issue  of  events, 
when,  as  I  stood  facing  the  hummock,  I  perceived  some 
object  moving  in  the  thicket.  As  I  caught  but  a  glimpse 
of  the  body  through  the  thick  foliage,  its  color  resembled 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836.  143 


that  of  an  Indian.    A  thrill  of  excitement  ran  through 
every  nerve,  and  just  as  I  was  about  to  raise  my  gun,  the 
object  gave  a  sudden  bound  towards  me,  and  the  next  mo- 
ment my  Indian  was  a  deer,  standing  not  twenty  paces  from 
me,  with  head  erect,  presenting  one  of  the  fairest  broadsides 
that  ever  tempted  the  aim  of  the  hunter.    Davy  Crockett ! 
what  a  fair  shot !    Who  could  have  withstood  the  tempta- 
tion !    There  it  stood,  perfectly  unconscious  of  my  presence 
—snuffing  the  air  with  distended  nostrils— while  its  body 
stood  out  in  bold  relief  from  the  trunk  of  a  huge  burnt  live 
oak  in  the  rear.     Involuntarily,  as  if  by  instinct,  my 
musket  was  brought  to  my  face.    Another  moment  and  that 
deer  had  never  left  his  tracks  alive.    But  just  as  I  was  about 
to  pull  the  fatal  trigger,  a  murmur  broke  upon  my  unwill- 
ing ear ,— "  Don't  fire  !    Pass  the  word  not  to  fire !"  was 
uttered  by  fifty  mouths.    It  came  from  the  officer  in  com- 
mand.   Still  I  held  my  gun  upon  the  deer,  nor  did  I  re- 
move my  finger  from  the  trigger.    In  spite  of  orders,  my 
finger  would  pull ;  harder  and  harder  it  pressed  upon  the 
trigger,  till  at  length,  taking  alarm  at  the  clamor  among 
the  men,  who  all  seemed  deeply  interested  in  the  fate  of 
the  poor  deer,  and  exceedingly  fearful  that  I  did  not  hear 
the  order,  it  bolted  again  into  the  thicket  from  whence  it 
had  come. 

" Goddess  Diana!"  thought  I,  as  I  brought  my  gun  to 
an  order,  "  where  were  you  then  ?  Would  that  the  antlers 
of  that  deer  were  in  the  throat  of  the  man  who  passed  the 


144 


MAJOR  JONES. 


order  not  to  fire."  But  I  was  not  permitted  long  to  in- 
dulge in  this  revery  of  disappointment  and  chagrin.  A 
minute  had  not  elapsed  before  crack ! — crack ! — crack !  came 
the  report  of  a  dozen  rifles  from  the  centre  of  the  thicket  be- 
fore us.  Every  eye  was  piercing  into  the  thick  hummock— 
every  man  grasped  closely  his  gun— while  a  deathlike  still- 
ness prevailed  throughout  the  line.  Every  countenance 
glowed  with  eager  expectation,  as  they  stood 

"  Like  greyhounds  in  the  slips," 

awaiting  the  onset.    The  next  moment  the  enemy  was  full 

in  view,  and  the  terrific  war-whoop  !  did  not  burst  upon 

our  ears ;  but  the  same  buck,  which  had  so  tempted  my 
discipline  but  a  minute  before,  with  his  white  ensign  flying, 
came  dashing  from  the  thicket.  Poor  deer !  he  had  found 
the  friendly  Indians  on  the  other  side  less  formal  than  us, 
and  having  received  a  broadside  from  them,  had  returned 
to  our  side.  As  he  reappeared,  however,  he  met  with  a 
far  different  reception.  Coming  out  above  me,  the  man 
nearest  him  fired ;  the  deer  turned  up  the  line,  with  his  white 
tail  spread  to  the  breeze;  he  darted  like  lightning  past,  under 
the  fire  of  the  whole  line.  Shot  after  shot  missed,  until, 
near  the  head  of  the  line,  he  encountered  some  who  had 
killed  their  buck  before.  These  soon  put  an  end  to  the 
fun.  A  few  bounds  more,  and  the  noble  buck  was  num- 
bered among  the  slain. 

The  fi  ring  had  attracted  the  attention  of  the  horsemen 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836. 


145 


who  came  galloping  up  at  full  speed,  eager  to  participate 
in  what  they  thought  a  real  engagement. 

"WeVe  got  one,  major  !"  exclaimed  our  officer,  as  one 
of  them  charged  up  to  the  spot. 

"Ah!  eh!  where ?"  ejaculated  the  major,  in  a  single 
breath,  while  his  face  glowed  with  excitement.  "  Where? 
where?" 

"  There,  he  lies  behind  those  palmettoes." 

Hastily  reining  his  horse  to  the  spot,  and  raising  himself 
in  his  stirrups,  he  gazed  over.  Seeing  the  prostrate  deer, 
he  sat  down  in  his  saddle,  and  giving  the  officer  a  look, 
half-disappointment  and  half-reproach,  replied, 

"Oh!  is  that  all?" 

The  regulars,  when  they  heard  the  firing,  were  not  less 
deceived ;  and  expecting  that  we  were  engaged  with  the 
Indians,  they  advanced  cautiously,  each  man  taking  care  to 
cover  himself  by  the  trees.  They  were  now  in  hearing,  and 
as  the  firing  ceased,  and  they  could  hear  the  general  shout 
that  we  had  "  killed  one,"  they  came  on  hastily,  as  if  anx- 
ious to  be  "in  at  the  death,"  though  they  had  enjoyed  but 
a  sorry  chance  in  the  chase. 

"  Huzza !  we've  got  him."  ' 

"  Where  is  he  ?  "  shouted  the  lieutenant,  as  he  emerged 
from  the  thicket. 

"  There  he  lies,  dead  as  a  herring,"  answered  our  officer, 

pointing  to  the  clump  of  palmettoes. 

The  lieutenant  rushed  to  the  spot,  but,  like  the  major,  he 

10 


146 


MAJOR  JONES. 


soon  perceived  the  hoax,  and  turning  away,  discovered  a 
not  less  ludicrous  change  of  countenance. 

We  were  soon  joined  by  the  other  detachments.  The  few 
friendly  Indians  gathered  round  the  deer,  and  gazed  with 
their  hungry  eyes  as  though  they  would  have  devoured  it 
on  the  spot. 

"  Echoe  inelis  che!"  said  one,  as  he  turned  grinning 
away,  at  the  same  time  unconsciously  licking  his  tawny 
lips. 

"  Enca,"  replied  another  quaint-looking  fellow,  who  had 
been  examining  the  body  in  hopes  of  discovering  a  rifle-shot 
among  the  wounds;  "  enca,  echoe!  good  too  much;"  then 
turning  with  an  air  of  disappointment  and  slapping  his 
hand  upon  his  gun,  he  exclaimed:  "holawagus  che!  no 
good." 

Our  detachment  being  now  concentrated,  all  joined  in  a 
hearty  laugh  at  the  adventure.  We  retraced  our  steps  to 
the  camp.  As  we  drew  near  we  were  encountered  by  nu- 
merous stragglers,  eager  to  learn  the  result  of  the  battle.  Of 
course  we  told  them  that  we  had  killed  one,  and,  pointing 
them  to  the  horse  in  the  rear  on  which  the  deer  was  borne, 
they  no  sooner  saw  the  blood  than  they  bolted  off  to  tell 
the  news.  By  the  time  we  arrived  in  camp  it  was  currently 
reported  that  twenty  Indians  had  been  killed  in  the  affray. 

A  meeting  was  soon  convened  of  those  who  claimed  to 
have  hit  the  deer.  Fortunately  there  were  but  three  ball- 
holes  in  his  hide,  or  there  had  not  been  a  mouthful  apiece 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836. 


147 


for  the  claimants.  Matters  had  been  adjusted,  and  the  three 
who  seemed  to  have  the  best  right  were  busied  in  butcher- 
ing the  venison.  Two  of  them  were  my  personal  friends, 
and  I  sat  by  them  as  they  were  engaged  in  dividing  out  the 
meat.  .  It  was  splendid  venison,  and  as  I  watched  the 
butchering  operations,  and  my  mouth  watered  for  some  of 
the  steaks,  I  could  not  but  think  how  easily  I  might  have 
killed  the  same  deer. 

"If  it  had  not  been  for  the  orders  of  the  officers," said 
I,  "  I  could  have  saved  the  whole  company  the  trouble  of 
firing  at  that  deer.  I  never  saw  a  prettier  shot  in  my  life." 

"  That's  a  fact,"  replied  one ;  "  it  was  a  shame  they  did 
not  let  you  fire.    You  could  not  have  missed." 

"  It  would  have  vexed  me  had  I  been  in  the  same  situa- 
tion," said  the  second. 

The  other  individual  seemed  not  to  heed  what  was  being 
said.  He  was  one  of  those  who  in  such  cases  sympathize 
with  no  one,  or,  in  other  words,  he  was  a  complete  No.  1. 

"I  say,  gentlemen,  suppose  we  give  Micconopy*  the 
other  quarter.  One  is  as  much  as  I  want,  and  I  do  think 
he  has  a  right  to  a  part  of  the  venison,  as  he  could,  had  he 
been  allowed  the  same  privileges  we  were,  easily  have  ob- 
tained the  whole." 


*  My  nickname  in  camp.  It  was  given  to  me  by  one  whose  familiar 
cognomen  was  not  more  enviable,  viz.,  Gopher.  Mine,  literally  trans- 
lated, signifies  pond  king  (micco,  king;  nophy,  pond).  The  other  is  a 
species  of  land  turtle  found  in  Florida  and  some  parts  of  Georgia. 


148 


MAJOR  JONES. 


"  Agreed/'  said  the  other ;  "  I  don't  want  more  than  a 
quarter  of  fresh  meat  at  a  time/' 

"  Yes,  but  the  Indians  had  not  fired  when  he  had  the 
chance  to  shoot,  you  know/'  said  the  third. 

"  Oh,  well,  devil  the  odds ;  let's  give  him  the  other  quar- 
ter anyhow." 

The  other  looked  a  demurrer,  but  he  was  overruled,  and 
the  fourth  quarter  was  awarded  to  me.  I  gladly  accepted 
it,  and  I  dare  say  Mess  No.  7  have  not  yet  forgotten  the 
delightful  steaks  it  supplied,  nor  the  fine  soup  which  was 
made  from  the  bones  on  the  following  day. 


NUMBER  TWO. 

RETURN    FROM    THE    PRAIRIE  —  MOONLIGHT.  SCENE  

BURIAL  OF  THE  DEAD. 

The  chase  was  done,  and  the  bugle  had  sounded  a  halt. 
Our  straggling  army,  which  had  but  an  hour  before  been 
squandered  through  the  tangled  wood  and  dense  hummock, 
in  search  of  the  flying  enemy,  was  formed  in  order,  and  we 
were  about  to  retrace  our  steps  to  camp.  We  had  heard 
the  shrill  war-whoop,  the  sharp  crack  of  the  rifle,  and  the 
peculiar,  though  not  very  agreeable,  whistle  of  the  enemy's 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836.  149 


bullets  as  they  came  whizzing  over  our  heads,  or  splashed 
in  the  muddy  water  at  our  feet.  But  we  were  unharmed. 
Not  a  man  was  touched,  and  we  felt  ourselves  victors, 
while  in  possession  of  the  field,  though  we  had  not  fired  a 
musket.  True,  our  bayonets  had  "  looked  daggers'  points" 
at  the  enemy,  and  the  lengthened  scratches  of  the  big-toe 
nails  in  the  mud  afforded  abundant  evidence  that  they,  not- 
withstanding their  vaunting  yells  and  fierce  onset,  had  pre- 
ferred rather  to  evade  than  come  to  the  point. 

It  was  a  hardfought  battle,  that  battle  of  the  "  Spotted 
Lake,"  if  we  take  into  consideration  the  racing  and  chasing, 
wading  and  swimming,  bogging  and  floundering',  together 
with  the  feats  of  "  ground  and  lofty  tumbling"  performed, 
though,  like  most  subsequent  Florida  battles,  it  ended  in 
smoke.  There  was  fighting  enough  done,  but  there  were  no 
Indians  caught;  there  was  powder  enough  burned,  but  there 
were  more  wounded  pine  trees  discovered  after  the  battle 
than  wounded  Seminoles  ;  and  I  am  strongly  of  opinion  that 
there  was  more  turpentine  than  Indian  blood  spilled  on  that 
occasion.  Few  of  us  by  that  day's  exploit  were  covered 
with  glory,  though  every  mother's  son  of  us  got  well  be- 
spattered with  mud.  None  were  covered  with  scars,  but 
many  had  their  garments  torn  most  copiously. 

" This  minds  me  of  Waterloo"  said  a  comrade,  up  to  his 
armpits  in  mud  and  water,  as  we  were  returning  through 
the  lagoon. 

"  There !  there  goes  the  other  flap  of  my  coat-tail,"  said 


150 


MAJOR  JONES. 


another,  as  he  was  endeavoring  to  extricate  himself  from  a 
web  of  briers  with  which  he  had  become  so  completely 
mixed,  that  it  was  difficult  to  distinguish  himself  among 
the  brambles. 

"  Moses  in  the  bulrushes,  young  as  he  was,  stood  a 
better  chance  than  we  do  of  ever  getting  out." 

" 1  don?t  see/'  said  my  file-leader,  uttering  a  slight  im- 
precation between  his  teeth,  as  he  rose  from  the  ground  upon 
which  he  had  just  left  a  full-length  impression  of  himself, 
"  I  don't  see  how  them  infernal  red-skins  got  out  of  the 
way  so  quick.  I  couldn't  run  a  mile  a  month  in  such  a 
swamp."- 

"  Look  out  behind  there  !" 

"  Thunder  and  lightning !  what  do  you  let  the  bush  back 
in  that  way  for  ?    YouVe  knocked  my  eye  out !" 

"  It  hung  to  my  coat — couldn't  help  it." 

"Give  me  your  hand,  somebody!"  called  out  a  little 
duck-legged  fellow,  whose  head  just  stuck  out  of  a  quag- 
mire, which  the  fallen  leaves  had  hidden  from  his  observa- 
tion. 

"  Now,  then !  oh-he-o !"  cried  his  friend  as  he  -drew  him 
forth;  "it's  well  you  spoke,  for  I  was  just  going  to  pick 
up  your  cap." 

"Are  you  amphibious?"  asked  a  rather  quizzical  mess- 
mate. 

"No,"  replied  the  man  in  black  mud,  " but  I  expect  t<> 
be  before  we  get  home." 


THE  FLORIDA   CAMPAIGN   OF  1836. 


"  There  you  go  again,"  cried  a  dozen,  as  down  went  one 
over  a  palmetto  root. 

"  Come  here  and  Til  help  you  up,"  said  another. 

"  Just  you  mind  your  own  business,"  was  the  reply,  as 
the  stumbler  gathered  up  his  musket  and  jell  into  place. 

Thus  were  we  discoursing  as  we  clambered  through  the 
intervening  thicket  on  our  return  to  the  prairie,  where  we 
had  on  the  morning  " stripped  for  the  fight."   On  reaching 
the  open  ground  we  found  our  drummers  standing  sentry 
over  our  knapsacks,  canteens,  etc.,  which,  when  we  had  re- 
covered, we  resumed  our  march  with  the  army.    Till  now 
I  had  seen  but  one  dead  and  one  wounded  man,  and  those 
I  had  passed  at  a  time  when  nearly  the  whole  army  except 
our  own  company  was  engaged,  and  when  the  roar  of  mus- 
ketry, the  yell  of  the  Indians,  and  the  shout  of  "  Hurrah 
for  Georgia !"  which  burst  from  our  troops,  drowned  all 
thoughts  of  either  the  dead  or  dying;  and  the  sight  of  one 
poor  fellow,  who  lay  beneath  a  shady  live-oak,  slowly 
breathing  his  last,  with  no  one  to  receive  his  dying  word 
but  a  stranger  surgeon,  at  that  moment  excited  no  emotion 
within  my  breast.    But  now  the  dead  and  wounded  were 
collected  together,  and  the  exciting  scenes  which  had  before 
borne  the  mind  away  from  the  contemplation  of  such  ob- 
jects, were  past  and  gone,  and  as  I  regarded  the  lengthened 
train  of  white  litters  on  which  our  unfortunate  comrades 
were  borne,  I  could  not  divest  my  mind  of  the  melancholy 
reflections  naturally  suggested  by  such  a  spectacle.  But 


152 


MAJOR  JONES. 


what  has  the  soldier  to  do  with  sympathy  ?  His  rugged 
calling  requires  a  heart  tempered  as  his  steel ;  and  as  I 
thought  of  the  stern  nature  of  our  duty,  and  the  darker 
hours  which  were,  perhaps,  yet  in  reserve  for  our  own  corps, 
I  inwardly  struggled  to  suppress  those  feelings  which  I  felt 
under  other  circumstances  it  would  have  been  a  virtue  to 
indulge. 

The  camp  was  distant  from  the  place  where  we  had  en- 
gaged the  Indians  about  two  miles.  To  this  place  the  killed 
and  wounded  were  conveyed  upon  litters  constructed  of 
blankets,  and  borne  upon  the  shoulders  of  the  men.  As 
we  moved  forward  through  the  thick  hummocks  and  over 
fallen  trees,  it  was  painful  to  hear  the  groans  of  the 
wounded  as  at  times  they  were  dragged  rudely  over  some 
opposing  obstacle  or  jostled  against  the  trees.    Though  the 
aggregate  of  killed  and  wounded  was  small,  yet  it  was  a 
painful  sight  to  see  even  those  few  thus  borne  from  the  field, 
and  many  a  manly  breast  burned  with  the  spirit  of  re- 
venge, as  we  recollected  that  they  had  fallen  by  so  treach- 
erous, so  base  a  foe.    It  was  nearly  dusk  when  we  reached 
the  camp.    The  place  selected  for  the  deposit  of  our  bag- 
gage wagons  was  situated  upon  an  elevated  piece  of  ground, 
which  had  been  inclosed  by  a  rough  breastwork,  and  left 
in  possession  of  about  three  hundred  men,  who  had  been 
detailed  from  each  corps  in  proportion  to  its  size. 

Those  at  the  park  could  distinctly  hear  the  firing,  and  as 
a  friend  afterwards  informed  me,  each  discharge  of  our  ar- 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF   1836.  153 

tillery,  as  it  was  heard  above  the  roar  of  the  musketry, 
seemed  to  produce  an  electric  effect  upon  the  entire  camp. 
Some  cheered  and  shouted,  some  danced  and  jumped  about 
the  inclosure,  while  others  seized  their  muskets  and  leaping 
astride  the  breastworks,  seemed  determined  to  participate 
in  the  fray.  Of  course  they  felt  the  most  intense  anxiety 
to  learn  the  result,  and  as  we  approached  within  hearing 
distance  those  of  our  own  corps  who  had  been  left  behind 
pressed  their  inquiries  with  the  most  earnest  solicitude : 

"Who's  killed?" 

"  Nobody !"  from  half  a  dozen. 

"Who's  wounded?" 

"  Nobody!" 

"Tom !" 

"  Here  !"  answered  a  voice  from  the  ranks. 

"Hurrah!"  came  from  the  breastworks  in  reply.  "I 
knew  they  couldn't  shoot  you,  Tom." 

As  we  marched  in  and  formed  our  encampment  each 
corps  was  questioned  in  like  manner  by  those  who  had  been 
left  behind ;  but  it  was  not  the  fortune  of  all  to  receive  the 
same  cheering  intelligence.  Every  company  had  not  been 
so  fortunate,  and  it  will  be  long  ere  I  forget  the  deep  ex- 
pression of  pain  manifested  by  the  changing  countenance 
and  filling  eye  of  a  Xxniisianian,  who  asked : 

"  Where  is  Robertson?"* 


*  Mr.  Eobertson  was  a  gallant  young  soldier  belonging  to  the  Lou- 
isiana volunteers.    He  had  distinguished  himself  on  several  occasions, 

13 


154 


MAJOR  JONES. 


"He  is  killed,"  was  the  startling  reply. 

So  soon  as  v:  were  dismissed  preparations  were  made  for 
satisfying  our  craving  appetites.  Kations  were  drawn,  our 
camp-fires  lighted,  and  as  we  engaged  in  cooking  and  eat- 
ing, the  events  of  the  past  day,  its  dangers  and  its  hard- 
ships, were  soon  forgotten  in  the  enjoyment  of  our  bacon 
and  biscuits. 

In  the  midst  of  our  enjoyment,  however,  and  just  as  I 
had  snugly  packed  away  the  remnants  of  my  scanty  rations, 
and  located  myself  in  a  comfortable  position  for  the  night, 
my  back  resting  in  a  niche  formed  by  the  roots  of  a  lofty 
pine,  it  was  announced  that  our  corps  were  detailed  for 
picket  guard.  Without  a  murmur,  we  shouldered  our 
muskets  and  again  formed  in  company.  It  fell  to  my  lot 
to  be  placed  on  the  first  relief. 

Like  nSbst  parts  of  Florida  our  encampment  more  resem- 
bled a  beautiful  meadow,  with  here  and  there  a  lofty  pine, 
than  ordinary  uncultivated  woodland,  being  as  it  was,  clear 
from  underwood,  and  carpeted  with  a  luxuriant  growth  of 
long  grass. 

It  was  a  lovely  night.  The  moon  shone  brightly,  cast- 
ing a  soft  mellow  light  over  the  surrounding  landscape, 
and  reflecting  her  pale  disk  on  the  still  waters  of  the  little 

and  his  loss  was  deeply  lamented  by  the  army  generally,  but  particu- 
larly by  the  gallant  volunteers  from  his  own  State.  He  was  shot  through 
the  head  on  the  first  fire  of  the  enemy,  and  died  after  lingering  several 
days.    His  wound  was  at  first  considered  mortal. 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836. 


155 


lake  that  slumbered  at  the  base  of  the  gently  sloping  hill 
upon  which  our  army  was  encamped.  Upon  its  brink,  where 
a  tall  pine  threw  its  lengthened  shadow  far  over  its  silver 
surface,  had  been  assigned  my  post.  It  was  light  as  day, 
and  I  could  see  from  one  extremity  of  our  encampment  to 
the  other,  and  could  distinguish  many  sentinels  as  they  stood 
at  their  posts.  Like  myself  they  were  weary,  and  they 
rested  upon  their  arms,  or  leaned  against  some  friendly  pine, 
apparently  meditating  upon  the  events  of  the  day  which  had 
just  closed.  The  scene  was  one  calculated  to  inspire  the 
contemplative  mind  with  sober  thoughts,  and  to  chasten  the 
feelings  by  its  calm  and  influence : 

"  The  birch  trees  wept  in  fragrant  balm, 
The  aspens  slept  beneath  the  calm ; 
The  silver  light,  with  quivering  glance, 
Played  on  the  water's  still  expanse ; 
Wild  was  the  heart  whose  passion's  sway 
Could  rage  beneath  the  sober  ray  ;" 

and  doubtless  many  a  grateful  heart,  in  that  still  hour,  was 
paying  its  orisons  to  Him  who  had  preserved  us  unharmed 
amid  the  perils  of  savage  warfare.  The  great  mass  of  the 
army  were  already  stretched  upon  the  ground.  Hundreds 
of  gallant  spirits,  whose  breasts  on  the  morning  of  that  day 
had  glowed  with  intensest  excitement,  were  now  steeped  in 
silent  forgetfulness;  perhaps  reviewing  in  their  dreams  the 
thrilling  incidents  that  had  passed ;  or  perhaps,  borne  on 
wings  of  fancy,  were  enjoying  the  blessed  presence  of  friends 


156 


MAJOR  JONES. 


and  relatives  at  home.  All  was  still.  Not  a  breeze  or 
sound  broke  the  unruffled  calm  of  nature,  save  at  intervals 
might  be  heard  the  faint  and  plaintive  yell  of  some  lone 
savage  in  the  gloom  of  the  far-off  hummock,  where,  not  un- 
likely, he  was  searching  for  some  one  of  his  tribe,  who  had 
not  been  found  since  the  battle. 

While  leaning  upon  my  gun,  enjoying  the  calmness  of 
the  scene,  and  indulging  in  my  own  fugitive  reflections,  I 
observed  a  slight  movement  in  the  vicinity  of  the  Louis- 
iana line,  at  the  opposite  extreme  of  the  encampment.  In 
the  dim  distance  I  could  observe  a  small  body  of  men,  and 
as  the  rays  of  the  moon  caught  upon  their  bayonets,  I  could 
perceive  that  their  arms  were  reversed.    It  was  a  corps  of 
Louisianians  preparing  to  bury  an  unfortunate  comrade,  who 
had  fallen  in  the  battle.    It  was  a  melancholy  spectacle, 
such  as  was  calculated  to  excite  emotions  of  no  ordinary 
character;  and  as  the  shrill  but  harmonious  tones  of  some 
ten  or  fifteen  fifes  broke  suddenly  forth  upon  the  stillness 
of  the  night,  accompanied  by  the  solemn,  monotonous  beat 
of  a  single  muffled  drum,  the  plaintive  music  touched  a 
chord  of  feeling  which  vibrated  with  the  keenest  sensibility. 
Never  before  did  the  notes  of  that  beautiful  hymn  breathe 
such  sweet,  such  plaintive  melody,  as  when  they  rose  amid 
that  wild  scene  and  were  echoed  back  from  the  gloomy 
depths  of  the  trackless  forest.  Slowly  the  little  group  move, 
with  measured  tread,  to  the  spot  appointed  for  the  last  rest- 
ing-place of  their  deceased  friend.  Wrapped  in  his  blanket, 


THE  FLORIDA   CAMPAIGN  OF  1836. 


157 


they  laid  him  upon  his  lowly  pillow,  then  returning  the  turf 
upon  the  grave,  they  left  him  there,  to  slumber, 

uOna  spot  without  a  name, 
Far  hidden  from  the  search  of  fame," 

and,  in  silence,  retraced  their  steps. 

Thus,  thought  I,  terminates  man's  aspirations  after  glory. 
Doubtless  the  inmate  of  that  rude  grave  had  been  actuated 
by  the  same  sentiment  of  patriotism,  the  same  love  of  glory, 
which  glows  so  brightly  in  the  bosom  of  every  citizen- 
soldier.  A  noble  spirit  of  devotion  to  his  country  had 
impelled  him  to  leave  his  home,  and  to  encounter  the  pri- 
vations and  perils  of  savage  warfare.  Doubtless  he  had 
anticipated  his  reward  in  the  smiles  of  an  approving  coun- 
try, the  gratulations  of  admiring  friends,  and,  above  all, 
the  inward  consciousness  of  having  done  his  duty,  than 
which  the  patriot  soldier 'has  no  richer  recompense.  ^But, 
I  said  to  myself,  what  were  all  those  bright  and  glorious 
day-dreams  to  him  now?  With  him  "life's  fitful  fever" 
is  over,  and  to  him  the  world's  applause  is  but  idle  breath. 

"  No  more  upon  his  ear  will  come 
The  war-beat  of  the  gathering  drum, 
Or  the  trumpet's  roaring  blast," 

but  all  forgotten  by  the  chronicles  of  fame,  he  will  sleep 
,    on  until  the  morning  of  the  final  reveille,  when,  if  he 
have  the  countersign  of  an  upright  life,  he  will  rise  to  be 
marshalled  in  the  ranks  of  the  blessed,  and  to  participate 


158 


MAJOR  JONES. 


in  the  rewards  of  the  just,  which  are  worth  ten  thousand 
lives  of  earthly  fame  and  glory. 

*  *  *  *  *  * 

Just  before  sunrise  the  funeral  dirge  again  breathed 
forth  its  solemn  strain.  Two  more  were  consigned  to  the 
grave.  At  early  dawn  the  bugle  sounded  for  the  march, 
the  line  was  formed,  and  we  were  soon  compelled  to 

"  Leave  them  where  breezes  play 
'Mid  palm  trees  waving  high, 
And  flowers  exert  such  pleasing  sway, 
That  death  itself  aside  might  stray, 
Forgetting  where  they  lie." 


NUMBER  THREE. 

PICKET    GUARD      STORMY  NIGHT —  SNUG  QUARTERS- 
PATRICK  FAGAN  AND  THE  GEORGIA  STAG. 

Reader,  did  you  never,  when  some  dire  mischance  has 
befallen  you,  in  the  course  of  the  vicissitudes  of  life,  enter- 
tain for  a  moment  the  impious  thought,  that  of  all  other 
mortals  you  had  been  singled  out  as  the  victim  of  relent- 
less fate?  Have  you  not  at  such  times  felt  a  murmuring 
spirit  within  you,  which  almost  ventured  to  reproach  the 
Great  Dispenser  of  good  and  eyil  with  injustice?  You  have. 


THE  FLORIDA   CAMPAIGN  OF  1836.  159 


Well,  it  was  with  just  such  instigations  of  the  devil  in 
my  heart,  that  I  shouldered  my  musket,  and  repaired  to  the 
guard  tent  to  take  the  place  of  a  member  of  the  company 
who  had  reported  himself  sick.  I  say  it  was  with  just 
such  feelings  that  I  shouldered  my  musket.  Do  not  think, 
most  amiable  reader,  that  I  harbored  such  a  thought  for 
more  than  a  minute,  or  longer  than  merely  to  allow  time 
for  reflection.  And  when  you  learn  the  circumstances, 
though  you  cannot  find  it  in  your  pious  heart  to  sanction, 
either  in  yourself  or  me,  so  wicked  a  thought,  yet  I  doubt 
not  that  the  peculiar  nature  of  my  grievance  will  excite 
your  sympathies  in  my  favor,  and  in  some  degree  palliate 
the  momentary  impulse  of  frail  human  nature. 

Guard  duty  is  at  any  time  the  veriest  drudgery  of  a 
soldier's  life,  and  in  inclement  weather,  but  for  mere  opin- 
ion's sake,  I  had  about  as  leave  be  under  guard  as  on 
guard,  particularly  when  the  prisoners  are  accommodated 
with  a  shelter.  I  had  been  on  guard  only  a  day  or  two 
previous,  and  was  the  first  on  the  list  to  be  detailed  on  the 
following  day.  It  was  about  four  o'clock  in  the  afternoon, 
and  the  fast-gathering  clouds  and  drizzling  rain  gave  token 
of  an  approaching  storm.  I  was  snugly  nestled  in  my  tent 
with  my  messmates,  congratulating  myself  with  the  reflec- 
tion that  I  had  escaped  a  stormy  night  on  picket  guard, 
and  really  sympathizing  with  those  poor  fellows  whose  fate 
it  was  to  keep  their  vigils  on  such  a  night,  when  I  heard 
my  name  called  by  the  orderly.    I  looked  out  at  a  small 


160 


MAJOR  JONES. 


aperture  in  the  tent  which  had  been  left  open,  not  being 
disposed  to  get  wet  unnecessarily.  "  What's  wanting?"  I 
inquired. 

"  Get  your  gun  (a  tremor  ran  through  my  whole  frame) ; 
get  your  gun,  sir,  and  report  yourself  to  the  officer  of  the 
guard  as  substitute  for  — who  has  reported  himself  un- 
able to  do  duty.  You  must  be  in  haste,"  he  added,  as  he 
turned  away. 

"  But,  sergeant,  sergeant,  I'm — " 
"  You're  next  on  the  list,"  was  the  stern  reply. 
The  thing  was  settled.  There  was  no  appeal,  no  hope  of 
release,  and,  what  was  worse,  no  sympathy,  for  as  I  picked 
up  my  musket  and  prepared  to  depart  from  the  crowded 
tent,  one  remarked  in  reply  to  my  grumbling:  "We'll 
have  more  room,  boys,"  and  I  thought,  as  I  gave  them  a 
parting  look,  that  their  countenances  expressed  something 
more  than  mere  gratification  at  their  own  escape. 

On  my  arrival  at  the  guard-tent  I  was  incorporated  in 
the  third  relief,  which  chanced  to  be  entirely  composed  of 
members  of  my  own  company.  The  picket  guard  and 
supernumerary  guard  were  standing  huddled  round  a  large 
blazing  log-fire  in  sullen  silence,  with  their  necks  bowed  in 
stubborn  defiance  to  the  drizzling  shower,  which,  as  the 
night  approached,  increased  to  a  drenching  storm,  while 
some  ten  or  a  dozen  drunken  regulars-  lay  sprawled  upon 
the  ground  in  what  was  called  the  guard-house,  in  glorious 
unconsciousness  of  the  rain  that  descended  into  their 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836. 


161 


weather-beaten  faces.  I  elbowed  my  way  to  the  fire,  and 
stood  in  sad  contemplation  of  my  misfortune. 

A  few  hours  elapsed  and  it  was  night — and  such  a  night ! 
'Twas  black  as  Stygian  darkness  j  not  a  star  ventured  to 
peep  through  the  impenetrable  gloom,  nor  a  single  brighter 
spot  in  the  sable  canopy  above  to  indicate  an  approaching 
calm.  There  was  one  in  the  crowd  assembled  round  that 
fire,  and  only  one,  the  temperature  of  whose  mind  did  not 
seem  to  harmonize  with  the  scene.  He  was  the  same  eccen- 
tric, jovial,  good-humored,  devilish,  mischievous  fellow  in 
sunshine  or  in  storm,  on  the  march  or  in  camp ;  "  he  was 
indeed  a  fellow  of  infinite  jest,  of  most  excellent  fancy," 
and  so  far  from  allowing  adverse  circumstances  to  affect  his 
humor,  it  was  his  wont  to  indulge  most  in  his  merry  wit 
when  the  contrast  was  greatest  with  the  sullen  humor  of 
those  around.  Thus  we  stood  grouped  round  the  fire  until 
the  order:  "  Fall  in,  third  relief!"  summoned  us  to  depart. 
We  were  soon  distributed  upon  our  respective  posts,  much 
to  the  gratification  of  the  poor  fellows  whom  it  was  our  duty 
to  relieve.  Shortly  after  we  were  posted  the  storm  in- 
creased, the  rain  descended  in  torrents,  and  the  wind  roared 
in  the  tops  of  the  lofty  pines.  In  spite  of  my  good  peter- 
sham and  blanket  to  boot,  I  was  soon  drenched  to  the  skin. 
I  felt  the  cold  water  trickling  down  my  back  as  I  stood  by  a 
tree  hugging  my  musket,  which  in  spite  of  all  my  efforts,  was 
as  wet  as  myself.  I  could  have  crawled  under  an  oyster- 
shell  to  escape  the  pelting  storm,  but  there  was  no  shelter 

11 


162 


MAJOR  JONES. 


for  me,  not  so  much  as  a  dry  knot-hole,  and  I  was  obliged 
to  weather  it  out.  Two  long  hours,  and  like  Florida  miles, 
they  seemed  the  longest  I  had  ever  experienced,  at  length 
elapsed,  and  my  heart  leaped  with  joy  when  I  heard  the  sen- 
tinel next  to  me  call  out :  "  Who  goes  there?"  In  a  few 
minutes  more  I  heard  the  tramp  of  feet  approaching.  Judg- 
ing from  the  sound,  for  it  was  as  dark  as  Egypt,  when  they 
had  approached  within  challenging  distance,  I  hailed  : 
"  Who  goes  there  ?" 

"  Belief/'  was  the  reply  of  a  well-known  voice. 
"  Stand,  relief;  advance,  sergeant,  and  give  the  counter- 
sign." 

"  Clinch,"  whispered  the  sergeant. 
" Countersign's  correct;  advance,  relief." 
"Forward,   relief;   halt!    Advance,   number  seven; 
report." 

After  giving  the  sentinel  the  proper  charge,  I  took  my 
place  in  the  rear,  and  we  moved  off.  Several  other  senti- 
nels were  relieved  in  like  manner,  and  we  had  nearly  com- 
pleted the  round  of  the  picket,  when  the  sergeant,  who  was 
a  regular  and  a  strict  old  disciplinarian,  ordered  a  halt. 

"Where's  number  'leven?"  said  he;  "his  post  must  be 
near  here,  but  he  has  not  challenged."  He  then  groped 
about  in  the  bushes  for  a  minute  or  two,  and  returned. 
"  I  think  it  was  at  this  tree  number  'leven  was  posted." 

"  Perhaps  we've  passed  his  post,"  remarked  one  of  the 
relief. 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836.  163 


The  old  sergeant  again  made  diligent  search  among  the 
logs  and  bushes,  but  without  effect.  The  line  occupied  by 
the  picket  guard  was  on  the  brow  of  a  hill,  so  that  it  was 
difficult  even  in  the  dark  to  miss  the  post  so  wide  as  to  be 
out  of  challenging  distance. 

"  May-be  he's  asleep  ?"  remarked  the  sergeant. 

"  May-be  he's  dead,  you  mean ;  none  but  a  dead  man 
could  sleep  on  post,  such  a  night  as  this." 

"  I'll  call  him,"  said  the  sergeant.  "  Sentinel !  sentinel 
number  'leven !"    No  answer. 

"  Who  was  posted  on  this  post,  fellows  ?"  asked  one. 

"  The  Euga  Dick,  the  big  buck  of  the  water,  the  Georgia 
stag/'  replied  a  hoarse  sepulchral  voice,  which  seemed  to 
come  from  underneath  the  ground. 

"Oh,  it's  that  rascal  Tom,"  remarked  several  in  the 
same  breath ;  and  then  there  was  a  general  laugh  among  the 
men.    But  the  old  sergeant  was  bewildered. 

"Where  did  that  voice  come  from?"  he  inquired  in 
evident  surprise. 

Before  he  could  be  answered,  the  same  voice  broke  forth 
in  the  same  unearthly  tones : 

"Oh,  young  man,  come  and  take  me,  and  marry  me, 
And  call  me  your  own, 
For  I  swear  and  declare,  I  am  tired 
Aliving  alone." 

The  song  led  us  to  the  spot,  but  still  no  one  could  be  seen. 
"  Here  he  is !"  exclaimed  one,  at  the  same  time  he  gave 


164 


MAJOR  JONES. 


a  kick  against  a  flour-barrel  in  which  the  songster  was  en- 
sconced. The  kick  had  the  effect  to  slue  the  barrel  round, 
and  another  sent  it  rattling  down  the  hill. 

"Hello— quit  that— stop— stop— it !"  came  from  the 
barrel,  as  it  went  rattle-te-clink  down  the  hill,  till  it  was 
stopped  by  a  log,  and  the  next  moment  a  form,  whose 
snowy  whiteness  was  even  discernible  in  the  blackness  of 
the  night,  came  crawling  out  of  the  open  end  of  the  barrel. 
"  Who  goes  there  ?"  said  the  man  in  white. 
The  old  sergeant  knew  not  what  to  say ;  he  endeavored 
to  mutter  some  words  of  reproof,  but  Tom  was  too  clever 
a  fellow  to  get  mad  with,  and  as  the  whole  relief  joined  to 
extenuate  his  fault,  the  old  fellow,  considering  it  was  a 
"  rainy  night,  anyhow,"  consented  to  laugh  at  the  joke,  and 
say  nothing  about  it.    The  truth  of  the  matter  was,  Tom, 
not  being  disposed  to  stand  two  hours  in  a  pelting  storm' 
had,  after  having  been  placed  upon  his  post,  strayed  up 
into  the  camp,  where  he  found  an  empty  flour-barrel,  which 
he  carried,  as  near  as  he  could  guess  in  the  dark,  back  to  his 
post,  into  which  he  crawled  with  his  musket,  and  where  he 
might  have  remained  "as  snug  as  a  bug  in  a  rug"  till 
morning,  but  for  our  intrusion. 

On  our  arrival  at  the  guard-tent,  there  had  been  quite  an 
accession  to  the  list  of  prisoners.  Among  the  rest  was  a  little 
Irishman,  by  the  name  of  Patrick,  who  having  indulged 
most  too  freely  in  the  "crayther,"  was  now  as  merry  and 
profane  as  a  madman.    He  was  lying  sprawled  out  on  the 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836.  167 


ground,  face  upwards,  railing  away  against  the  officers  to  his 
heart's  content.  He  attracted  the  attention  of  the  Georgia 
Stag,  who  coiled  himself  near  him,  and  watched  his  oppor- 
tunity for  a  quarrel.  Patrick  was  complaining  of  the  regu- 
lations of  the  camp. 

"It's  these  d — d  ponies  that's  made  all  the  bother," 
said  he. 

"Whom  do  you  call  ponies?"  demanded  Tom,  rising 
erect  as  he  spoke.  "  You  Irish  rascal,  if  you  call  me  a 
pony,  I'll  take  your  scalp  in  the  twinkling  of  an  eye." 

Patrick  .was  taken  by  surprise,  and  commenced  at  once 
to  explain. 

"  Oh,  it  wasn't  the  likes  o'  ye  that  I  meant,  at  all  at  all; 
it's  these  d— d  rig'lar  officers  that  I  mane — they're  what  I 
call  ponies." 

Tom  accepted  the  explanation,  and  lay  down;  but  just 
as  Patrick  felt  himself  at  liberty  to  rave  against  the  ponies 
as  much  as  he  pleased,  he  was  again  interrupted  by  Tom, 
who,  flourishing  a  large  bowie-knife  over  the  head  of  the 
prostrate  Irishman,  declared  that  he  was  a  pony,  and  that 
he  would  cut  his  throat  from  ear  to  ear,  if  he  said  another 
word  against  them. 

"You  don't  know,"  said  he,  with  a  boasting  air,  "whom 
you  are  dealing  with.  I  am  Ruga  Dick,  the  big  buck  of 
the  water,  the  Georgia  Stag.  Tie  my  leg  to  a  swinging 
limb,  and  I'll  whip  all  the  Irish  in  Ireland." 

Patrick  stared  for  a  moment  as  if  confused  in  his  under- 


168 


MAJOR  JONES. 


standing,  and  again  begged  off;  but,  perhaps  perceiving 
his  antagonist  rather  too  ready  to  accept  his  apology,  he 
in  turn  rose  to  a  sitting  posture  and  bullied  Tom. 

"  It'll  not  do  for  the  likes  o'  ye  to  thry  to  scare  me.  By 
the  powers,  man,  do  you  know  who  you're  talking  to  ?  If 
ye  don't,  make  yerself  aisy  I'll  break  ivery  bone  in  the  d— d 
dirty  skin  iv  ye." 

Tom  in  turn  affected  to  be  dreadfully  alarmed,  and  made 
every  apology.    Patrick  lay  down  again,  but  continued  : 

"  Yer  a  pony,  are  ye  ?  hut,  the  divil  ye  are !  Well,  ye 
better  not  come  any  iv  yer  blarney  about  Patrick  Fagan  or 
he'H  be  the  death  iv  ye.  Don't  thry  to  stop  me  from 
spakin'  me  mind,  if  ye  are  Georgia's  bull  or  stag,  or  what- 
iver  ye  are.  Me  tongue's  me  own  if  I  am  a  riglar,  and  no 
man  shall  stop  my — " 

Just  here  Tom  deliberately  raised  his  leg  and  dropped  it, 
mud,  boot,  and  all,  plump  into  Patrick's  mouth.  As  if 
thunderstruck  Patrick  lay  for  a  moment  with  the  boot  in 
his  mouth,  then  with  both  hands  he  gave  the  leg  a  shove 
over  his  head,  severely  scraping  his  face  and  nose  by  the 
operation.  Then  rising  to  a  sitting  posture,  with  his  mouth 
and  eyes  half-filled  with  mud,  he  demanded  in  a  voice  that 
spoke  his  rage : 

" B?  the  howIv  Saint  Patrick,  what  do  ye  mane?" 
"Mean?"  says  Tom,  quite  unconcerned. 
"  Yis,  what  do  ye  mane  by  putting  yer  dirty  fut  in  me 
mouth  ?" 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836.  171 

"  Oh,  was  that  your  mouth  ?  I  beg  your  pardon,  Mr. 
Fagan,  I  didn't  mean  to  do  it.  I  beg  your  pardon,  my 
darling;  just  let  me  wipe  off  the  injury,  Mr.  Fagan/'  and 
he  drew  his  coat-sleeve  across  his  face. 

"Stop,  stop,"  said  Patrick,  "yer  makin'  it  worse  nor  it 
was." 

"  How — what  ?"  inquired  Tom. 

"  Why,  ye've  plasthered  me  eye  up  wid  dough,"  replied 
Fagan.  as  he  scraped  away  at  his  half-whitewashed  coun- 
tenance. 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,  Mr.  Fagan,"  said  Tom,  as  he  gath- 
ered up  a  handful  of  pine  straw  and  leaves,  and  offered  to 
polish  him  off  as  clean  as  a  whistle. 

"  Niver  mind,  niver  mind,"  replied  Patrick,  as  he  con- 
tinued to  spit  and  brush  away  at  his  mouth  and  eyes. 

Fagan  becoming  satisfied  that  the  sudden  blockading  of 
his  port  of  entry  was  the  result  of  accident,  manifested  no 
further  disposition  of  hostility,  and  again  stretched  himself 
upon  the  ground,  and  presently  resumed  his  tirade  against 
the  officers.  But  what  was  his  surprise,  when,  in  the  midst 
of  his  eloquence,  the  same  muddy  boot  was  again  thrust  in 
his  mouth.  This  could  be  no  accident,  and  Patrick  whirled 
up  in  a  fury. 

"  Now,  Mr.  Georgia  Stag,  what  the  divil  do  ye  mane  ?" 
"  Now,  Mr.  Fagan,  what  do  you  mean  by  biting  me  like 
a  dog  when  I'm  asleep?" 

"  Is  it  biting  ye,  ye  dirty  bla'guard  ye?    Didn't  ye  put 


172 


MAJOR  JONES. 


yer  dirty  fat  in  me  mouth,  and  may  the  divil  burn  ye  for 
it,  ye  white-whiskered  liar,  ye." 

"You  try  to  bite  me  again,  you  Irish  bull-dog,  and  Til 
kick  your  teeth  down  your  throat." 

Patrick  was  stumped,  and  as  in  all  probability  a  similar 
misunderstanding  would  occur  if  he  remained  where  he  was, 
he  resolved  to  get  rid  of  a  bad  acquaintance  the  best  way  he 
could,  so  he  staggered  off  to  the  officer  of  the  guard. 

"Lieutinant,"  said  he,  "I  can't  sthop  under  that  shanty 
ony  longer." 

"Why  not?"  demanded  the  officer. 
"  Bekase  there's  a  chap  there  that's  all  the  time  putting 
his  d — d  dirty  fut  in  me  mouth." 

"  Well,  keep  your  mouth  shut  then,"  was  all  the  satisfac- 
tion poor  Patrick  received,  and  he  walked  off  in  search  of 
a  spot  where  he  might  rest  secure  from  the  intrusions  of  the 
Georgia  Stag,  a  character  entirely  beyond  his  comprehen- 
sion. 

After  the  desertion  of  Mr.  Fagan  Tom  also  withdrew 
from  the  guard-tent  and  joined  the  party  around  the  fire. 
He  was  covered  with  dough,  and  he  found  no  difficulty  in 
obtaining  a  place  in  the  crowd,  for  each  avoided  coming  in 
contact  with  him,  as  they  would  avoid  having  their  ward- 
robes starched  to  excess. 

When  he  had  taken  a  survey  of  the  dejected  counte- 
nances assembled  round  the  fire,  he  uttered  a  hoarse  laugh, 
and  commenced  his  favorite  song : 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836. 


173 


"Oh,  young  man,  come  and  take  me,"  etc. 

A  half-drowned  fellow  who  stood  near  him,  with  the 
visor  of  his  cap  behind,  to  turn  the  water  from  his  shoul- 
ders, and  his  blanket  gathered  tightly  round  his  shrivelled 
form,  asked  in  a  plaintive  tone  of  voice, 

"  Tom,  how  do  you  stand  it  ?  don't  you  think  this  a  little 
too  tough  ?" 

"  Pooh,  man,  this  is  the  glory  of  the  camp ;  you  are  now 
enjoying  the  pleasures  of  a  soldier's  life,"  and  slapping  the 
interrogator  upon  the  shoulder,  he  sang, 

"  Ah,  the  delights  that  a  soldier  knows,"  etc. 

"Delight,  indeed;  well,  they're  welcome  to  it  for  me. 
I'd  rather  be  a  negro  on  a  rice-plantation  for  life,  than  a 
soldier  for  twenty-four  hours." 

"  What's  that  you  say,  6  red  horse?'  If  you  say  anything 
against  the  life  of  us  soldiers,  I'll  pull  one  of  your  bushy 
whiskers  off.  Ha!  ha!  boys,  you  don't  appreciate  the  bless- 
ings you  enjoy." 

"  How  happy's  the  soldier  who  lives  on  his  pay, 
Spends  half  a  crown  out  of  a  sixpence  a  day; 
He  fears  neither  devil,  nor  bailiffs,  nor  bombs, 
But  pays  all  his  debts  with  the  roll  of  his  drums. 
With  his  row — with  his  row  de  dow,  dow,"  etc. 

The  merry  humor  of  the  singer  was  irresistible,  and 
though  the  storm  raged  and  the  smoke  streamed  into  our 
faces,  the  reckless  spirit  of  our  comrade  soon  became  infec- 


174 


MAJOR  JONES. 


tious,  and  when  he  came  to  the  chorus,  several  voices 
joined  in 

"With  his  row— with  his  row  de  dow,  dow,"  etc. 

The  rain  continued  to  descend  without  intermission ;  to 
sleep  was  impossible;  there  was  no  refuge  from  the  storm, 
and  our  only  alternative  was  to  cluster  round  the'  fire,  and 
endeavor  to  keep  warm  if  we  could  not  keep  dry.  The 
warm  steam  rose  from  one  side  while  the  cold  stream  ran 
down  the  other.  It  was  a  horrible  night,  and  horribly  did 
some  of  the  old  soldiers  curse  their  stars  that  they  should 
be  on  guard  on  such  a  night;  and  I  must  confess  that  I 

could  scarce  refrain  from  wishing  that  's  toothache 

might  last  a  thousand  years,  just  because  he  had  chosen  to 
indulge  it  on  that  particular  night. 

After  the  expiration  of  four  hours,  we  were  again  sum- 
moned to  resume  our  posts.    Towards  morning  the  clouds 
cleared  away,  the  rain  ceased,  and  the  glorious  sun  rose  in 
all  its  splendor,  imparting  a  cheering  and  a  genial  warmth 
to  all.    The  lively  notes  of  the  morning  reveille  banished 
all  recollections  of  past  suffering,  and  as  the  parade  and 
pageant  of  military  usage  brought  us  into  action,  and  ex-  ' 
cited  in  us  a  spirit  of  emulation,  the  breast  of  the  patriot 
soldier  experienced  an  emotion  of  pleasure  which  richly  re- 
paid him  for  all  the  privations  and  hardships  which  his 
duty  to  his  country  required  that  he  should  suffer. 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OP  1836.  175 


NUMBER  FOUR. 

FORT  DRAKE — NIGHT    IN   CAMP — PATRICK  FAGAN  AND 
PHELIM  O'BRIEN — JOHNNY  HOGAN  AND  THE  GHOST. 

How  often  in  my  moments  of  retrospection  does  memory 
revert  to  the  pleasant  sojourn  of  our  corps  in  the  encamp- 
ment at  Fort  Drane,  previous  to  our  march  with  General 
Scott  to  Tampa.  Beloved  Lang  Syne! — how  many  are 
the  thrilling  associations  connected  with  the  recollection  of 
our  adopted  home.*  With  the  remembrance  of  thy  tented 
field  and  rude  defence,  thy  sultry  plain  and  shady  groves, 
are  associated, 

.    .    .    "  The  neighing  steed,  and  the  shrill  trump, 
The  spirit-stirring  drum,  the  ear-piercing  fife, 
The  royal  banner,  and  all  quality, 
Pride,  pomp,  and  circumstance  of  glorious  war." 

To  those  who  participated  in  those  trying  scenes,  that 
once  familiar  spot  will  be  stamped  on  the  tablets  of  their 
memory  as  a  bright  oasis  in  the  wilderness;  nor  will  it  be 
less  dear  to  the  recollection  of  Georgians  as  the  homestead 
of  him  who  was  their  friend  in  the  hour  of  privation  and 
peril, — the  brave  and  generous  Clinch. 

*  During  the  marches  and  counter-marches  performed  by  the  corps 
while  in  Florida,  Fort  Drane,  or  Lang  Syne,  was  always  spoken  of  as 
our  adopted  home. 


176 


MAJOR  JONES. 


For  some  three  or  four  weeks  after  our  arrival  at  the  fort 
we  were  obliged  to  remain  inactive,  with  little  other  duty 
to  perform  than  what  pertained  to  the  security  and  comfort 
of  our  camp.    When  not  on  guard  or  engaged  in  drilling, 
the  time  was  spent  in  sauntering  about  the  parade-ground,  or 
lying  in  the  shade  of  our  tents,  discussing  the  "camp  news" 
of  the  day,  and  in  exchanging  ideas  upon  topics  connected 
with  the  approaching  campaign.    After  tattoo,  it  was  cus- 
tomary to  assemble  round  our  camp-fires,  where  the  hours 
passed  merrily  off,  till  the  dying  embers  and  our  heavy 
eyelids  admonished  us  to  retire  to  our  tents.    Not  unfre- 
quently  were  we  entertained  at  our  nightly  conversaziones 
by  a  straggling  regular  or  so,  whom  we  always  welcomed 
to  a  seat,  with  a  cordiality  proportioned  to  their  convivial 
powers,  and  many,  indeed,  were  the  strange  stories  and 
quaint  jests  with  which  they  "did  beguile  us  of  our  ears," 
not  unfrequently  "setting  the  whole  camp-fire  in  a  roar." 

One  dark  night  we  were  seated  round  a  cheerful,  blazing 
fire;  the  little  barber,  who  boasted  his  English  nativity, 
had  just  concluded  his  favorite  song, 

"The  sea,  the  sea,  the  hopen,  hopen  sea," 

in  the  execution  of  which  he  imagined  himself  not  a  jot 
behind  Braham,  when  Patrick  Fagan  came  staggering  up, 
and  seated  himself  upon  the  slab  which  had  been  raised  to 
the  dignity  of  a  bench  by  the  insertion  of  two  wooden  legs 
at  each  end. 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836.  177 


"  The  top  iv  the  mornin'  til  ye,  gintleinen,"  said  Patrick, 
as  he  seated  himself. 

"  You're  mistaken,  Patrick,  it's  not  morning  yet,"  re- 
plied one  in  answer  to  what  was  meant  as  a  most  courteous 
salutation. 

"Well,  well,  it's  all  wan  betwixt  friends,"  replied  Pat, 
evidently  bothered  at  the  blunder  he  had  committed.  "  It's 
all  wan  betwixt  friends.  I  know  what  grammar  is  as  well 
as  the  next,  but  ye  see,  the  fact  is,  gintlemen,  I'm  a  little 
beside  mesilf,  jist  at  this  present  writin',  for  I  seed  a  nagur 
the  night  wid  a  heart  as  white  as  the  best  of  yees." 

"  How  do  you  know  his  heart  was  white,  Patrick?  " 

"Why,  ye  see,  I  happened  to  come  across  the  chap  jist 
as  he  was  comin'  out  iv  a  petate-hole  wid  a  bag  iv  the 
petates.  'Look  here,  blacky,'  sez  I.  'Stop/  sez  he,  'don't 
say  a  word,'  sez  he ;  and  wid  that  he  pulled  out  a  bottle, 
and  shuck  it.  6  It's  rum,'  sez  he;  and  I  hadn't  more  nor  put 
it  till  me  head  afore  he  was  out  o'  sight." 

"  Give  me  your  hand,  Patrick  Fagan,"  cried  a  dozen  in 
a  breath. 

a  I  knew  your  people  in  Ireland,"  said  one. 
"  You're  a  gentleman  of  the  first  liquor"  said  another. 
"  I'll  stand  to  your  back,  and  see  your  brains  knocked 
out,"  exclaimed  a  third. 

"I'm  your  friend  in  prosperity,"  said  the  fourth. 
"  Sthop !  sthop ! "  cried  Patrick,  as  they  all  rushed  round 

12 


178 


MAJOR  JONES. 


him  in  their  pretended  eagerness  to  participate  in  his  good 
fortune.  " Sthop !  sthop  !  gintlemen,  it's  all  gone;  divil 
the  clhrop's  left  in  the  world." 

"  Gone  ! "  exclaimed  one,  in  a  desponding  voice. 

"All  gone!  "  cried  another  ;  "  out,  you  guzzler ! " 

"  Ain't  you  ashamed  of  yourself,  Patrick  Fagan,  to  swill 
down  a  whole  bottle,  without  treating  your  particular 
friends !" 

Patrick  felt  the  sudden  "  haul  of  the  wind/'  and  would 
have  given  the  coat  on  his  back  if  he  had  not  mentioned 
the  circumstance. 

"  Oh,  it's  divil  the  dhrop  there  was  more  nor  a  good 
dhram  in  the  bottle,  and  there's  Phelim  O'Brien  that  drunk 
the  best  part  o'  that." 

"  Don't  lie  about  it,  Pat.' 

"  By  my  troth,  it's  the  truth  that  I'm  spakin' — here's 
Phelim  comin',  and  you  can  ax  him." 

Phelim  O'Brien  was  a  tall,  robust  fellow,  rather  above 
the  middle  stature,  with  a  good-humored  Irish  face;  and 
being  a  man  of  some  intelligence,  his  society  at  the  camp- 
fire  was  as  much  relished  for  his  better  qualities,  as  was 
that  of  little  Patrick  for  his  ignorance  and  stupidity.  As 
Phelim  approached,  Patrick  called  out : 

"  Didn't  I  trate  you  to  the  best  part  iv  the  bottle,  Phe- 
lim O'Brien?" 

Phelim  stopped  short,  and  throwing  all  the  contempt 


"Sthop,  gintlemen,  its  all  gone;  divil  the  drop's  left 

in  the  world."  (179) 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  18  36.  181 


into  his  face  which  his  features  were  capable  of  expressing, 
replied : 

"  If  the  looking  into  an  empty  stable  is  stalin'  the  horse 
that's  gone,  then  I  drunk  your  liquor.  Divil  the  dhrop 
above  what  would  wet  the  tip  iv  my  tongue  did  ye 
lave  me." 

Patrick  raised  both  hands  as  well  as  he  could,  and  ex- 
claimed: "Oh,  murther!  at  the  ungrateful  blackguard." 

As  Phelim  took  his  seat  on  the  opposite  side  of  the  fire, 
the  general  laugh  excited  by  Patrick's  discomfiture  quite 
drowned  the  execrations  which  followed  his  exclamation. 

The  conversation  then  took  a  change,  and  Phelim,  whose 
left  arm  was  in  a  sling  from  a  wound  received  at  the  battle 
of  the  Withlacoochie,  gave  us  many  interesting  particulars 
connected  writh  that  gallant  affair,  not,  however,  without 
frequent  interruption  from  Patrick,  who  swore  that  "  Phe- 
lim O'Brien  could  bate  the  divil  himself  at  a  lie." 

"  It's  very  dark  to-night,"  remarked  one,  as  we  heard 
the  picket-guard  challenging  the  relief. 

"  You  may  say  that,"  replied  Patrick,  who  seemed  anx- 
ious to  have  a  share  in  the  conversation,  "and  if  I  was  as 
big  a  liar  as  Phelim  O'Brien,  I'd  keep  a  sharper  lookout 
io-night  for  the  divil  nor  iver  I  did  for  Indians." 

Phelim  cast  a  look  around  the  fire  expressive  of  his  con- 
tempt for  the  speaker,  but  deigned  no  reply. 

"I  should  not  like  to  be  on  picket-guard  to-night," 
said  one,  as  he  gave  the  burning  chunks  a  stir. 


182 


MAJOR  JONES. 


"  Nor  I,  especially  if  I  had  the  post  by  the  tree  in  rear 
of  the  pickets,"  said  a  fellow  in  a  half-gape  and  half-yawn. 

u  That  ghost  that  came  so  nigh  frightening  W  to 

death  will  be  there  to-night,  for  certain.  Poor  fellow,  I 
fear  he'll  never  recover  his  wits  ;  he  don't  know  the  bult 
from  the  muzzle  of  his  musket,  ever  since  he  fired  it  that 
night." 

"  That  was  the  ghost  of  ould  Hicks,"  replied  Patrick. 
"  It's  no  wonder  he  comes  afther  yees,  whin  ye  wint  an 
pulled  the  ould  body  out  iv  his  grave.  But  I'll  tell  ye 
what,"  continued  he  with  a  drunken  leer,  "  I'd  like  to  capti- 
wate  another  black  ghost  wid  a  bag  o'  porates  and  another 
bottle  o'  rum,  any  time." 

"  Did  you  ever  see  a  ghost,  Pat  ?"  inquired  one  in  a  seri- 
ous tone  of  voice. 

"To  be  sure ;  there's  plinty  o'  them  in  the  ould  counthry, 
but  they  hates  the  smell  of  whusky  as  the  divil  hates  houly 
wather." 

"  That  accounts  for  your  escape  then,  Pat ;  your  breath 
was  always  too  strong  for  them." 

"  That's  a  fact,  for  didn't  I  always  take  a  dhrop  when- 
iver  I  wint  to  a  wake,  or  wheriver  they  were  ?" 

"  Well,  boys,  it's  near  bed-time ;  let  us  have  a  ghost  story 
and  adjourn.  Come,  Phelim,  you  are  from  the  old  country, 
tell  us  of  the  ghosts." 

"  Fll  tell  you  about  Johnny  Hogan's  ghost,  but  that's 
no  story,  for  it's  thrue  as  preachin'." 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  18  3  6. 


183 


"  Well,  huzza  for  Johnny  Hogan's  ghost !— silence,  boys, 
for  Johnny  Hogan's  ghost." 

"  Til  warrant  Phelim's  as  good  at  a  lie  as  the  next/9 
muttered  Patrick. 

"  Silence,  silence !  for  Johnny  Hogan's  ghost !" 

When  the  whole  company  had  relapsed  into  profound 
silence,  Phelim  resumed  in  a  serious  tone  of  voice : 

"  It  was  whin  I  belonged  to  the  23d  Infantry,  and  we 
were  stationed  near  a  small  town  in  the  south  iv  Ireland, 
that  the  matter  which  I'm  goin  to  tell  yees  happened. 
Johnny  Hogan  was  a  messmate  o'  mine,  and  a  clever  fellow, 
too,  in  his  way,  but  the  whole  regiment  couldn't  perduce 
his  equal  for  blusterin'  and  braggin'.  Take  his  word  for  it, 
an  he  wasn't  afeard  iv  witches,  fairies,  ghosts,  hobgobblings, 
nor  even  the  divil  himself,  and  when  the  men  who  had 
seed  evil  spirits  prowlin'  about  when  they  were  on  post 
tould  him  about  thim,  he  always  laughed  at  them  for 
cowards,  and  swore  by  the  Houly  Saint  Patrick,  he  would 
shoot  the  first  wan  iv  thim  that  tuck  it  into  his  head  to  pay 
him  a  visit.  One  dark  night,  jist  such  a  night  as  this,  it 
happened  to  be  Johnny's  time  to  be  on  picket-guard. 
Johnny  Hogan  had  bin  on  post  about  an  hour,  whin  the 
church-bell  of  the  village  struck  twelve,  and  just  as  the 
last  stroke  died  away,  he  heard  a  deep  groan,  proceedin'  out 
o'  the  ground  close  to  where  he  was  standin',  and  whin  he 
turned  to  look,  what  should  he  see  but  a  tall  white  figure 
risin'  slowly  out  o'  the  ground.    Johnny's  hair  stood  up 


184 


MAJOR  JONES. 


like  bristles,  and  he  gasped  for  breath,  but  he  was  deter- 
mined to  challenge  the  awful  tall  figure,  if  it  was  ghost  or 
divil.  So  he  brought  his  gun  to  his  shoulder  and  called 
out  in  a  faint  voice,  1  Who  goes  there?'  for  he  didn't 
know  but  it  was  somebody  thrying  to  fool  him.  The  tall 
figure  niver  spoke  a  word,  but  seemed  to  get  taller  and 
taller,  and  stretched  out  his  long  arm  towards  Johnny,  and 
beckoned  to  him  as  if  he  wanted  to  say  something  private 
wid  him.  But  Johnny  stood  his  ground  like  a  man,  and 
axed  him  again  like  a  true  souldier,  (  Who  goes  there? 
Speak/  sez  he,  'or  I'll  fire!'  and  wid  that  he  cocked  his  gun ; 
but  the  tall  figure  niver  minded  the  click  o'  the  lock,  no 
more  nor  it  had  been  a  pop-gun.  That  kind  iv  scared 
Johnny  worse,  for  he  knowed  nothin'  but  a  ghost  could 
hear  the  click  iv  his  musket  widout  speakin'.  His  knees 
begun  to  feel  weak,  but  he  was  determined  not  to  back  out, 
and  was  jist  going  to  pull  the  thrigger,  when  the  tall  figure 
said  in  a  hollow  woice: 

" i  I've  come  for  ye,  Johnny  Hogan,  and  you  must  go  wid 
me  to  the  cowld,  cowld  grave,'  and  thin  he  guv  an  awful 
groan,  and  stretched  out  his  arms  wide  enough  to  grasp 
the  whole  regiment. 

" '  I  can't  lave  me  post  widout  orders/  sez  Johnny. 

"/  Follow  me/  sez  the  ghost. 

"  6  Niver/  sez  Johnny. 

"  6  Then  I'll  take  ye  wid  me/  sez  the  ghost. 

" e  I'll  see  ye  d— d  first !'  sez  Johnny,  pluckin'  up  cour- 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF   1836.  185 

age,  seein'  the  ghost  talked  the  same  brogue  wid  himself. 
Wid  that  the  tall  figure  walked  towards  Johnny  wid  his 
arms  reached  out  to  take  hould  iv  him. 

" '  Stand  and  give  the  countersign  !'  sez  Johnny. 

"  6  The  grave/  sez  the  ghost. 

"  '  Not  correct/  sez  Johnny,  and  wid  that  he  fired  ;  but 
the  ghost  niver  stopped  at  all,  though  he  wasn't  more  nor 
a  foot  from  the  muzzle.  The  nixt  moment  he  had  Johnny 
around  the  waist. 

" '  Sargeant  o'  the  guard !  Sargeant  o'  the  guard !— mur- 
ther!— Houly  Saint  Patrick  pertect  me!'  shouted  Johnny, 
as  he  felt  the  cowld  arms  o'  the  ghost  around  him.  He 
heard  a  deep  groan  '  To  the  grave/  thin  the  ghost  guv  him 
a  squeeze,  and  Johnny  niver  know'd  anything  more  till  he 
found  himself  in  the  guard-tint,  where  he  had  been  carried 
by  the  relief." 

«  Then  it  wasn't  a  ghost  after  all  ?"  inquired  several, 
who  had  sat  in  breathless  silence  during  the  whole  narra- 
tion. 

"  No,  it  was  all  a  trick  played  on  Johnny  by  a  mess- 
mate, to  cure  him  iv  his  braggin'  purpinsities." 

"  But  wasn't  he  afraid  Johnny  would  shoot  him  ?" 

"  Not  wid  no  ball  in  his  gun ;  he  tuck  care  to  draw  the 
ball  before  Johnny  wint  on  post.  He  got  the  sheet  and  a 
little  flour  from  the  drummer's  wife,  and  afther  he  guv 
Johnny  the  squeeze,  and  left  him  sinseless  upon  the  ground, 
he  ran  into  his  tent,  brushed  the  flour  from  his  face,  and 


186 


MAJOR  JONES. 


was  among  the  first  to  hear  the  awful  account  of  the  whole 
matther  from  Johnny,  who  liked  never  to  recover  from  the 
fright,  and  couldn't  spake  a  word  till  he'd  swallowed  a  pint 
iv  the  crathur." 

Patrick,  who  had  become  envious  of  the  popularity  which 
Phelim  had  acquired  at  the  fire,  now  became  very  insolent 
and  quarrelsome  with  his  rival. 

"  It's  a  big  lie  from  beginning  to  ind,"  said  he,  with  a 
contemptuous  sneer  at  the  narrator,  who  sat  on  the  end  of 
a  log,  smoking  a  short  pipe  which  he  held  in  his  teeth. 

"Now  jist  keep  yer  tongue  to  yerself,  ye  little  spalpeen," 
replied  Phelim,  kindling  at  the  insolence  of  one  whom  he 
considered  so  far  his  inferior.  "  If  the  gintlemen  hadn't 
more  perliteness  nor  you  have  breedin',  they'd  ordher  ye 
away  from  the  fire." 

"  as  welcome  here  as  yerself,  ye  lying  thief  o'  the 
world ;  didn't  ye  stale  the  captain's  rations,  ye  bla'guard  ?" 

"  Yer  a  liar  !"  replied  Phelim. 

The  next  moment  the  pipe  which  he  was  smoking  was 
broken  into  twenty  pieces  by  Patrick,  who  sprang  like  a 
cat  across  the  fire,  and  dealt  him  a  blow  full  in  the  mouth. 
In  another  moment  the  dexter  arm  of  the  wounded  Phelim 
was  raised,  and  descended  upon  the  head  of  poor  Patrick 
with  the  force  of  a  sledge-hammer,  which  sent  him  with 
such  velocity  to  the  ground,  that  his  heels  flew  up,  and  he 
actually  made  two  distinct  kicks  heavenward  before  his 
lower  extremities  again  reached  the  earth.    Phelim  then 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836.  187 


picked  up  a  barrel-stave  and  addressed  the  prostrate  Pat- 
rick : 

"  Now  gather  yerself  up,  and  take  yerself  off  from  here, 
or  Fll  break  ivery  bone  in  the  d — d  dirty  hide  iv  ye." 

After  a  moment  Patrick  Fagan  did  gather  himself  up 
and  take  himself  away,  casting  a  subdued  look  at  the  com- 
pany about  the  fire,  as  he  took  his  departure,  but  without 
uttering  a  word. 

It  had  now  grown  late ;  the  smouldering  chunks  were 
nearly  extinguished,  and  we  retired  to  our  tents  to  dream 
of  Johnny  Hogan  and  the  ghost. 


NUMBER  FIVE. 

THE  GENERAL'S  HORSE. 

During  the  whole  campaign  I  do  not  believe  that  there 
was  a  single  court-martial  convened  in  the  wing  of  the 
army  to  which  our  corps  belonged,  and  I  am  certain  that 
there  was  not  a  single  individual  in  the  company  who  was 
either  officially  arrested,  tried  or  punished.  The  greatest 
penalty  inflicted  upon  any  of  our  members  was,  on  one  or 
two  occasions,  when  a  rather  turbulent  fellow  was  required 
to  keep  in  his  tent  for  a  few  hours,  by  our  own  officers.  The 
very  judicious  remarks  of  Colonel  Lindsay,  on  mustering 


188 


MAJOR  JONES. 


us  into  service  were  not  made  in  vain ;  and  I  shall  always 
consider  that  the  brief  address  delivered  to  us  on  that  occa- 
sion produced  much  of  that  spirit  of  subordination  and  sol- 
dier-like bearing  for  which  our  corps  were  so  highly  com- 
plimented by  our  commanding  generals,  Scott  and  Clinch. 

But  the  same  cannot  be  said  of  other  branches  of  the 
Florida  army.  Indeed  quite  the  reverse  was  the  case  in 
some  of  the  volunteer  battalions  belonging  to  the  left  wing, 
or  Colonel  Lindsay's  command.  Speaking  of  these  troops, 
one  of  their  commanding  officers  remarked  that  "  one  might 
storm  h — 11  with  such  men,  if  he  could  but  command  them," 
which  would  seem  to  imply  that  want  of  discipline  was  their 
greatest  fault.  Courts-martial  with  them  were  as  common 
as  reveille. 

While  our  wing  was  encamped  on  the  beach,  at  Tampa, 
a  friend  who  belonged  to  Colonel  Lindsay's  command,  which 
was  then  encamped  in  the  vicinity  of  Fort  Brooks,  on  the 
opposite  bank  of  the  Hillsborough,  invited  me  to  dine  with 
him.  Accordingly,  after  procuring  permission  to  leave  the 
camp,  I  accompanied  my  friend  to  his  quarters.  He  was 
admirably  well  skilled  in  the  cuisine  of  the  camp,  and  was 
aufait  in  the  science  of  frying  fritters,  in  which  particular 
he  excelled  to  such  an  eminent  degree  as  to  render  it  the 
common  boast  of  his  mess,  that  when  he  was  cook, 

.  .  .  "  Every  paunch,  till  it  can  hold  no  more, 
Is  fritter  filled  as  well  as  heart  can  wish." 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836.  189 


And  then  he  was  a  perfect  Ude  in  the  art  of  boiling  peas, 
to  cook  which  I  have  often  tried,  but  always  failed,  until 
initiated  by  him  into  the  culinary  mystery.  In  return  for 
his  kindness  I  showed  him  how  to  make  a  Withlacooehee 
Razee*  and  by  our  united  skill  a  dinner  was  produced  such 
as  had  not  greeted  my  palate  for  many  a  day ;  and  with  a 
canteen  of  sour  wine,  which  we  procured  from  the  sutler, 
we  were  enabled  to  make  a  sumptuous  meal. 

We  had  completed  our  repast,  and  were  sitting  beneath 
the  shade  of  my  friend's  tent,  talking  of  events  in  either 
army ;  he  telling  me  the  "  fortunes,  sieges  he  had  passed," 
and  I  recounted  mine  to  him,  when  our  attention  was  at- 
tracted by  a  dialogue  something  like  the  following : 

"  I  don't  care  a  d — n !  I  didn't  come  here  to  build  brick 
ovens  for  other  folks  to  bake  bread  in.  I  came  here  to 
hunt  Indians." 

"  Yes,  but  you  know  that's  the  general's  orders,  and  you 
must  take  your  turn  with  the  rest." 

"  I  tell  you  I'm  no  brick  mason,  and  I'm  not  agoing  to 
do  any  such  thing." 

*  The  Withlacooehee  Kazee  was  a  very  popular  dish  with  the  Blues, 
and  takes  its  name  from  having  been  invented  by  them  at  a  time  when 
their  rations  were  very  short,  while  encamped  on  the  banks  of  the  With- 
lacooehee. On  that  occasion  the  haversacks  were  emptied  of  the  crumbs 
of  bread  which  were  left,  which,  being  put  into  a  tin-cup  with  a  few 
small  pieces  of  bacon  or  fat  pork,  were  stewed  to  what  was  called  "  a 
perfect  razee."  It  afterwards  became  a  popular  dish,  and  whole  biscuits 
were  often  broken  up  and  stewed  in  like  manner. 


190 


MAJOR  JONES. 


"  Yes,  but  you  must  !" 
"JNTo,  but  I  won't!" 

"Then  you'll  have  to  ride  the  general's  horse  again,  as 
sure  as  fate." 

"  Well,  I'd  rather  do  that  than  tote  brick  and  mortar." 
"  Then  I  must  report  you." 

"  Well,  report  and  be  d— d,  for  what  I  care.  Let  them 
build  the  oven  who  want  biscuits  baked  in  it — I  bake  my 
bread  in  the  ashes." 

"  Very  good  ;  I  shall  report  you,"  was  the  reply,  and 
the  dialogue  ceased. 

"  What's  all  that  about  ?"  I  inquired  of  my  friend,  who 
had  been  laughing  heartily  all  the  while. 

"  Why/'  says  he,  "  they  had  us  building  a  large  oven  here, 
to  bake  army  bread  in;  for  which  purpose  a  detail  of  three 
men  from  each  company  is  regularly  taken  every  day.  They 
had  me  there  yesterday,  making  mortar  all  day.  But 
they've  detailed  Bill  Jenkins  to-day,  I  see,  who  would 
rather  fight  than  work  at  any  time,  and  would  rather  ride 
the  general's  horse,  as  they  call  it,  than  either." 

"I  wonder  who  wouldn't/'  I  replied;  "I'd  take  that 
job  off  Bill's  hands  myself,  for  the  remainder  of  the  cam- 
paign.'' 

"  You  would,  eh  !"  smiled  my  friend ;  "  I  fear  you'd  rue 
it  if  you  did.  I  rather  expect  our  general's  horse  is  not  the 
nag  you  take  him  to  be." 

"  No  ?    What,  is  he  skittish  ?" 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  183  6.  191 


"  Oh,  no  ;  gentle  as  a  lamb." 
"  Bad  gait  then,  I  suppose  ?" 

"Not  at  all,  wouldn't  know  that  he  was  moving  in  a 
day's  ride." 

"  What  are  his  objectionable  qualities,  then  ?"  I  inquired 
with  some  curiosity. 

"  Nothing  that  you  have  hinted  at,"  replied  my  friend 
laughingly ;  "  if  you'll  step  out  here  upon  the  parade-ground 
I'll  show  him  to  you." 

We  took  a  few  steps  from  the  tent  and  my  friend  pointed 
to  a  large  rough  pine  log  which  was  supported  by  three 
legs  raised  about  ten  feet  from  the  ground. 

"  There,"  said  he,  "  there  is  our  general's  horse;  if  you  are 
anxious  to  mount,  he  is  at  present  at  your  service,  though 
I  think,  from  what  the  corporal  said,  Bill  Jenkins  will 
take  an  airing  on  him  this  evening." 

Of  course  I  declined  the  honor. 

"  Then  this  is  the  way  you  punish  delinquents,  is  it  ?" 

"Yes,  we  either  mark  time,  or  ride  the  horse;  some 
prefer  walking,  others  like  to  ride.  Bill's  sure  to  take  the 
horse." 

I  had  some  little  curiosity  to  see  the  termination  of  Bill's 
case  ;  the  more  so  as  my  friend  had  described  him  to  be  a 
droll  genius,  and  one  who  generally  took  such  matters  very 
coolly,  and  bore  their  affliction  with  the  resignation  of  a 
soldier. 

Bill's  contempt  of  orders  was  immediately  laid  before  the 


192 


MAJOR  JONES. 


court-martial  then  in  session,  and  the  corporal  returned  to 
see  judgment  executed  upon  him. 

"  I  told  you  so,  Bill,"  said  the  corporal  approaching, 
"you  are  to  mount  the  horse." 

"  Well,  I  always  said  if  ever  I  volunteered  to  hunt  In- 
dians again,  that  I  should  prefer  belonging  to  a  horse-com- 
pany," said  Bill ;  "  I'm  ready  ;  where's  the  hostler  ?" 

The  corporal  posted  off  after  the  supernumerary  guard, 
whose  duty  it  is  on  such  occasions  to  guard  the  prisoner, 
but  who,  when  there  is  no  special  duty  of  this  kind  to  per- 
form, generally  lies  in  the  shade  and  sleeps,  while  he  whose 
luck  it  is  to  belong  to  the  regular  guard  is  doing  duty.  The 
corporal  approached  a  large,  lazy-looking  fellow,  who  lay 
snoring  in  the  shade  of  an  orange  tree,  and  shaking  him  by 
the  leg, 

" I  say,  Johnson,  Johnson,  wake  up  and  get  your  gun; 
you  must  go  and  do  duty  at  the  horse." 

J ohnson  rolled  over  on  his  back  and  rubbed  his  eyes. 

"  What— eh — I  don't  belong  to  that  relief— I'm  su-per- 
nu-mer-ray-ry— oh" —  and  went  to  sleep  again. 

"  Pshaw  ! — pshaw  ! — wake  up,"  said  the  corporal,  giving 
a  harder  shake  than  before. 

"  Hello !  hello !"  grunted  Johnson,  rubbing  his  eyes  as  if 
he  would  rub  them  out,  "  what  do  you  want  ?" 

The  corpora]  explained,  and  Johnson  got  upon  his  feet, 
stretching,  gaping,  and  grumbling.  The  corporal  marched 
his  prisoner  off  to  his  horse.    Johnson  was  as  mad  as  ven- 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836.  193 


geance  at  Bill,  who  only  laughed  at  the  ill-humor  of  his 
hostler,  as  he  called  him,  reminding  him  that  such  little  jobs 
were  common  to  folks  concerned  in  livery  stables.  After 
coaxing  his  charger  to  be  gentle,  and  complaining  of  the 
manner  in  which  he  had  been  curried  and  fed,  for  all  which 
neglect  he  blamed  Johnson,  Bill  asked  the  corporal  for  a  "  leg 
up/'  and  mounted.  As  soon  as  fairly  settled  in  his  seat,  he 
commenced  urging  him  forward,  as  if  he  were  backing 
horse  flesh  "  for  true." 

"  Get  up— get  up,  you  lazy  tacky!"  said  Bill.  "I  say, 
Mr.  Hostler,  give  me  a  switch  ;  this  is  a  donkey  '  vot  von't 
go/  as  the  song  says." 

"I  wouldn't  be  such  a  fool,"  said  Johnson,  as  he  paced 
to  and  fro  by  the  side  of  the  horse,  looking  sulkily  at  the 
ground  without  raising  his  head. 

"  Hut-tut !"  said  Bill,  "  don't  be  crusty,  my  old  boy;  I 
know  you  feel  a  little  chagrined  to  see  me  so  well  mounted, 
while  you  are  on  foot,  but  who  knows  but  it  may  be  your 
turn  next?" 

"  Not  by  a  jugful,"  said  Johnson,  tartly,  "I  don't  make 
such  a  fool  of  myself." 

"  Well,  Johnson,  perhaps  you  would  make  a  fool  of  your- 
self; 'taint  every  one  can  bear  promotion,, you  know." 

"  Oh,  you're  a  fool,  and  I  wish  you  was  out  of  the  com- 
pany, for  you're  eternally  putting  some  one  to  trouble.  I 
needn't  done  a  turn  to-day,  but  for  you  ;  now  I've  got  to 

13 


194 


MAJOR  JONES. 


walk  up  and  down  here  all  day  in  the  sun,  just  because  you 
are  too  d — d  lazy  to  do  your  share  of  the  work." 

"  Don't  take  it  so  hard,  my  dear  fellow ;  my  Eozinante 
can  carry  double,  and  if  you'll  just  stir  him  up  with  vour 
frog-sticker  there,  till  we  come  to  a  stump,  you  may  get 
on  behind." 

"  How  smart !  I  wish  you  wouldn't  talk  to  me." 

"  Well,  now,  I  didn't  mean  to  offend.  I've  seen  the  time 
Fd  be  glad  to  get  a  seat  behind." 

Thus  Bill  Jenkins  continued  to  bore  and  gibe  the  surly 
supernumerary,  until  he  wrought  upon  his  choler  to  such 
a  degree  that  he  even  threatened  to  pull  him  off  the  horse 
and  beat  him.  When  Johnson  was  relieved,  "the  new 
body-guard,"  as  Bill  called  him,  was  harassed  in  like 
manner. 

Presently  the  officer  of  the  day  and  one  or  two  of  the 
commanding  general's  staff  passed  near  the  horse.  On  seeing 
them  approach,  Bill  commenced  patting  his  Eozinante  on 
the  side. 

"  Who-a — who-a  !  gentle,  my  bonny  nag, — whoa — * 
who-a  !"  said  Bill,  as  with  his  left  hand  he  raised  his  cap  to 
salute  them. 

The  officers,  endeavoring  not  to  notice  him,  altered  their 
course  so  as  to  avoid  approaching  nearer. 

"  Don't  be  alarmed,  gentlemen,  he'll  not  kick ! — who-a — 
who-a,  gentle  now !  He's  very  tractable,  even  the  thunder  of 


THE  FLORIDA  CAMPAIGN  OF  1836. 


195 


the  Withlacoochee  couldn't  startle  him — who-a,  bonny !  I 
would  recommend  him  to  the  general  himself." 

The  officers  laughed  outright  and  passed  on. 

Thus  Bill  Jenkins  sat  upon  his  horse  like  the  bronze  statue 
at  Charing  Cross,  regardless  of  the  penetrating  rays  of  the 
sun,  or  the  gibes  and  jeers  of  his  fellow-soldiers,  until  even- 
ing parade,  when  he  was  released ;  and  though  I  did  not 
envy  him  his  ride,  I  could  not  but  admire  the  waggish 
sangfroid  which  he  exhibited  in  turning  into  sport,  even 
the  infliction  of  a  ride,  before  the  whole  army,  upon  the 
"  General's  Horse." 


WHAT  HAPPENED  IN  THE  SUGAR- 
CAMPS 


OF  THE  MAHONING  VALLEY. 


"Maple-sugar!  what's  maple-sugar?"  asked  my  little 
grandson,  whose  attention  had  been  attracted  by  a  placard 
in  a  shop-window  bearing  these  words. 

"  It  is  a  kind  of  sugar,"  said  I,  "  made  from  the  sap  of 
the  maple-tree." 

"  Trees,  grandpa !  How  can  the  people  grind  the  trees  ?" 

"  They  don't  grind  the  trees,  as  we  do  the  cane,"  I  re- 
plied ;  "  they  tap  them." 

"  Tap  them !"  he  repeated.  "  How  tap  them,  grandpa  ? 
What  for?" 

"  To  obtain  the  sap  from  which  the  sugar  is  made." 

But  this  explanation  did  not  satisfy  the  curiosity  which 
the  placard  had  excited,  and,  after  I  had  procured  for  him 
a  few  small  cakes  of  the  "  maple-sugar,"  which  he  declared 
was  "as  sweet  as  candy,"  I  was  compelled  to  go  into  a  long 
explanation  of  the  manner  in  which  maple-sugar  is  obtained 

(197) 


198 


MAJOR  JONES. 


from  the  sap  of  the  maple-tree,  so  different  from  the  process 
by  which  cane-sugar  is  made. 

And  this  explanation  carried  me  back  half  a  century  to 
the  days  of  my  boyhood,  and  brought  up  recollections  of 
some  of  the  happiest  hours  of  my  life  spent  in  the  sugar- 
camps  near  my  native  village  in  Ohio.  How  strange  that 
a  trivial  circumstance  should  have  awakened  in  my  mind 
the  recollection  of  scenes  and  occurrences  of  early  childhood, 
as  vividly  as  if  they  were  of  yesterday !  But  so  it  is.  As 
we  advance  in  life,  daily  passing  events  fade  from  our  rec- 
ollection almost  with  their  occurrence,  seemingly  crowding 
each  other  from  our  thoughts,  while  the  impressions  of  our 
youthful  days  remain  indelibly  impressed  upon  the  tablets 
of  our  memory.  While  I  write,  the  scenes,  incidents,  and 
pleasures  of  my  experience  in  the  sugar-camps  of  the 
Mahoning  Valley,  more  than  fifty  years  ago,  are  fresher  in 
my  recollection  than  many  of  the  most  important  events  of 
my  life  that  have  occurred  within  the  few  years  past. 

"  Sugar-making  time  !"  How  many  pleasant  memories 
are  associated  in  my  mind  with  these  words — memories  of 
boyhood,  of  parents,  family,  home,  in  the  wild  West,  long, 
long  ago !  But  I  must  not  indulge  the  reflections  which 
these  memories  inspire.  I  have  something  to  say  about 
maple-sugar  making,  and  a  little  story,  a  true  story,  con- 
nected therewith,  to  relate ;  and  to  this  task  I  address  my- 
self, before  my  thoughts  are  driven  into  another,  perhaps  a 
neutralizing,  channel. 


THE  SUGAR -CAMPS  OP  MAHONING  VALLEY.  199 


What  is  now  the  flourishing  city  of  Ravenna,  at  the  time 
of  which  I  write,  about  the  year  1816,  might  have  been 
very  appropriately  called  a  Western  "  white-oak  opening." 
It  was,  however,  called  a  town,  and,  though  comprising 
only  some  twenty  or  thirty  families,  with  as  many  hewn 
log  and  frame  houses,  two  taverns,  three  or  four  stores,  a 
school-house,  blacksmith's  shop,  two  doctors'  and  two  or 
three  lawyers'  offices,  shoemaker  and  tailor  shops,  claimed 
some  importance  in  the  new  world  of  the  Western  Reserve 
as  the  county-seat  of  Portage  County.    As  such,  of  course, 
it  had  a  court-house  and  a  jail— the  former  a  rather  preten- 
tious, two-story,  frame  building,  which  served  also  for  a 
church ;  the  latter  a  substantial  structure  of  hewn  logs. 
The  town  occupied  the  crown  of  a  gentle  eminence,  the 
main  streets  or  roads  leading  away  from  the  public  square 
.  in  the  centre  at  right  angles,  in  strict  conformity  with  the 
points  of  the  compass— the  court-house  being  in  the  centre 
of  the  square,  and  so  exactly  upon  the  summit  that  the  water 
which  fell  from  the  eaves  on  the  south  side  flowed,  through 
various  channels,  into  the  Atlantic  Ocean,  while  that  which 
fell  from  the  north  side  found  its  way  into  the  Gulf  of 
Mexico.    This  is  a  notorious  and  not  uninteresting  fact, 
and,  if  the  levels  have  not  changed  with  everything  else 
since  that  day,  the  rains  of  summer  and  the  dissolving 
snows  of  winter  take  the  same  directions  from  the  roof  of 
the  grander  edifice  which  now  occupies  the  site  of  the  old 
court-house  of  my  boyhood  days. 


200 


MAJOR  JONES* 


This  portion  of  the  Western  Reserve,  or  the  "  New  Eng- 
land Western  Reserve,"  as  it  was  called,  had  received  its 
pioneer  settlers  only  a  year  or  two  before  the  breaking  out 
of  the  War  of  1812.    Up  to  within  a  very  short  period 
before  the  war,  the  country  had  been  occupied  almost  ex- 
clusively by  the  Indians  (the  name  of  the  tribe  I  forget), 
who  had,  however,  entirely  disappeared  after  the  close  of 
the  war,  in  which  they  had  been  engaged  as  allies  of  the 
British.    The  surrounding  forests  still  contained  traces  of 
them,  such  as  ruined  huts,  mounds,  and  graves,  and  the 
nursery  was  entertained  with  stories  of  their  savage  cruelty, 
while  the  walls  of  the  taverns  and  other  public  places,  and 
some  private  houses,  were  adorned  with  rudely  drawn  and 
gaudily  painted  pictures,  representing  scenes  of  the  fearful 
massacres  which  they  had  perpetrated  in  the  vicinity. 

Small  farms  had  been  laid  out  for  the  distance  of  a  mile 
or  two  around  the  town,  but  beyond,  the  country  was  almost 
an  unbroken  wilderness.  The  land  was  of  the  richest 
quality,  and  the  timber  extremely  heavy,  so  that  the  open- 
ing of  farms  by  the  settlers,  most  of  whom  were  poor  and 
obliged  to  rely  upon  their  own  labor,  was  a  slow  and  tedious 
operation.  But,  already  the  hardy  pioneer  had  made  his 
mark  upon  the  primeval  forest,  and  had  begun  that  system 
of  persevering,  self-reliant  industry,  frugality,  and  enter- 
prise, which  was  not  long  in  converting  the  idle  wilderness 
into  fruitful  fields,  and  which  has  since  built  towns  and 
large  cities,  railroads,  canals,  and  manufactories,  and  made 


THE  SUGAR -CAMPS  OF  MAHONING  VALLEY.  201 

Ohio  one  of  the  wealthiest  and  most  populous  States  of  the 
Union. 

In  the  northeasterly  direction,  some  three  or  four  miles 
from  the  Eavenna  settlement,  lay  the  valley  of  the  Mahon- 
ing. This  valley  was  densely  and  heavily  timbered,  so 
densely  that  the  sunlight  was  scarcely  ever  reflected  from 
the  bosom  of  the  small  stream  which  gave  it  its  name,  and 
which,  fed  by  numerous  tributary  brooklets,  pursued  its 
tortuous  course  to  unite  its  crystal  waters  with  those  of  the 
Beaver  River,  which  flows  into  the  Ohio.  The  forests  of 
the  valley  comprised  the  usual  variety  of  trees  peculiar  to 
this  portion  of  the  West — various  species  of  the  oak,  beech, 
ash,  hickory,  walnut,  poplar,  birch,  and  maple — the  sugar- 
maple  largely  predominating.  Hence  the  valley  might  have 
been  called  one  vast  sugar-camp.  As  such  it  had  been  used 
by  the  Indians,  traces  of  whose  rude  system  of  sugar-culture 
were  still  to  be  seen,  the  only  visible  evidences  that  these 
trackless  solitudes  had  ever  been  invaded  by  man.  There 
was  a  solemn  grandeur  and  beauty  in  the  wild,  unbroken 
forest,  where  the  thick-standing  trees  reared  their  stately 
trunks  far  above,  and  the  interlacing  branches,  even  when 
stripped  of  their  foliage,  afforded  but  glimpses  of  the  blue 
canopy  overhead.  No  path  save  the  faded  trail  of  the  now 
departed  Indian,  or  the  dim  trackway  of  the  wild  deer, 
traversed  this  vast  solitude.  No  sound  but  the  cry  of  the 
panther,  the  howl  of  the  wolf,  or  the  hoot  of  the  owl,  at 
night,  or  the  call  of  the  wild  turkey,  and  the  drum  of  the 


202 


MAJOR  JONES. 


pheasant,  in  the  daytime,  waked  the  echoes  of  those  sylvan 
depths.  Even  the  hunter  scarcely  ever  penetrated  the  dark 
and  trackless  woods  in  search  of  game,  which  at  that  time 
he  found  in  abundance  nearer  the  settlements. 

Only  in  the  spring  was  the  valley  invaded,  and  then  only 
during  "sugar-making  time."  This  occurred  about  the 
middle  of  March,  and  continued  generally  about  three 
weeks,  extending  sometimes  into  April,  according  to  the 
backwardness  or  forwardness  of  the  season.  At  this  season 
it  was  customary  to  locate  what  were  called  sugar-camps  in 
the  Mahoning  Valley,  and  those  who  worked  them  not  only 
made  sugar  enough  to  supply  their  families  for  the  year, 
but  a  considerable  surplus  for  sale.  "  Sugar-making  time" 
was  looked  forward  to  with  great  interest,  especially  by  the 
young,  not  only  because  it  brought  that  most  delicious  of 
all  sweet  things— hot  maple-sugar— but  because  it  afforded 
an  opportunity  for  the  enjoyment  of  the  novelty  and  free- 
dom of  camp-life  in  the  woods.  It  was  fashionable,  too, 
among  the  families  of  the  settlement,  to  go  "a-sugar- 
making;"  and  the  children  whose  fathers  had  no  sugar- 
camp  were  esteemed  especially  unfortunate.  The  labor  of 
sugar-making  was  very  rough  and  arduous,  but  there  was 
something  so  attractive  in  camp-life,  that  young  men,  who 
had  no  special  fondness  for  hard  work,  were  always  on 
hand  at  "sugar-making  time." 

My  father  was  the  fortunate  lessee  of  a  very  large  sugar- 
camp,  comprising  about  one  thousand  of  the  finest  sugar- 


THE  SUGAR  -CAMPS  OF  MAHONING  VALLEY. 


203 


maple  trees.  This  camp  had  in  former  years  been  worked 
by  the  Indians.  A  tragedy  had  occurred  there,  and  more 
than  one  wild  legend  had  invested  the  place  with  a  fearful 
interest  in  the  minds  of  the  ignorant  and  superstitious. 


*  * 


* 


In  the  care  of  a  hired  man,  a  young  German  by  the 
name  of  Muttinger,  in  whom  my  mother  placed  every  con- 
fidence, I  had  been  permitted  to  go  to  the  camp,  to  remain 
till  the  close  of  the  season,  which  was  nearly  spent.  The 
camp  was  worked  by  three  young  men,  including  Mut- 
tinger, under  the  direction  of  my  father,  who  paid  it  fre- 
quent visits,  but  rarely  remained  in  camp  over  night.  I 
staid  in  camp  some  two  weeks,  all  of  which  time,  until  the 
last  night,  was  to  me  one  uninterrupted  experience  of  en- 
joyment.   I  was  a  favorite  with  the  young  men,  especially 
with  Mr.  Muttinger,  who  allowed  me  the  largest  liberty, 
and  did  everything  in  his  power  to  make  my  time  pass 
happily.    He  permitted  me  to  ride  on  the  sledge  with  him 
when  he  went  to  gather  sap,  showed  me  how  to  broil  bacon 
on  the  end  of  a  stick,  and  how  to  bake  hoe-cakes ;  let 
me  eat  as  much  sugar  as  I  could,  made  sugar-eggs  and 
sweethearts  and  other  sugar  toys  for  me,  allowing  me  occa- 
sionally to  have  a  "stirring  off"  of  my  own,  for  which 
purpose  he  fixed  me  up  a  miniature  boiling-place  for  my 
kettle,  and  took  care  that  I  had  a  snug  place  in  the  straw 
and  blankets  at  night.    Every  day  had  its  pleasures  and 
excitements.    A  deer  or  a  turkey  was  killed — there  was 


204 


MAJOR  JONES. 


lots  of  sugar,  lots  of  good  eating,  and  lots  of  fun— and, 
surfeited  with  enjoyment,  I  went  nightly  to  my  straw  and 
blankets  to  enjoy  sound  sleep  and  pleasant  dreams.  The 
only  drawback  to  my  perfect  happiness  was  the  conscious- 
ness that  each  day  drew  nearer  the  time  for  breaking  up 
the  camp. 

The  red  buds  were  beginning  to  tip  the  spray  of  the 
maple  trees,  showing  that  the  sugar-making  season  was 
near  its  close.  The  flow  of  sap  had  already  begun  to 
diminish,  and  some  of  the  smaller  camps  in  the  valley 
were  breaking  up.  The  close  of  the  season  was  a  period  of 
visiting  and  merry-making  among  the  sugar-makers,  many 
of  whom  were  Germans,  who  had  their  families,  wives  and 
daughters  with  them,  and  every  night  there  was  a  frolic 
in  some  one  of  the  camps.  Occasionally  we  had  friendly 
visits  from  our  neighbors,  but,  as  a  general  thing,  our  camp 
was  avoided,  especially  by  the  young  boys  and  girls,  in 
consequence  of  certain  superstitious  associations  connected 
with  its  history. 

I  have  before  alluded  to  the  fact  that  a  mysterious 
tragedy  had  occurred  in  our  camp.  An  old  squaw,  the 
wife  of  a  noted  Indian  chief,  who  had  been  left  alone  in  the 
camp  for  a  short  time— so  the  story  ran— was,  on  the  re- 
turn of  her  friends,  found  dead,  her  head  and  shoulders 
resting  in  a  kettle  of  boiling  syrup.  By  some  it  was  sup- 
posed that  she  had  fallen  into  the  kettle.  But  there  were 
also  suspicions  of  foul  play,  and  a  white  man,  a  trapper,  of 


THE  SUGAR -CAMPS  OF  MAHONING  VALLEY.  205 

notorious  bad  character,  between  whom  and  the  chief  there 
existed  an  old  feud,  was  strongly  suspected  of  having  mur- 
dered his  wife  in  revenge.  Shortly  after  the  death  of  the 
squaw,  the  trapper  mysteriously  disappeared,  and  it  was 
uncertain  whether  he  had  fled  or  had  been  disposed  of  by 
the  Indians.  The  grave  of  the  squaw,  marked  by  a  mound 
of  earth  and  logs,  was  situated  only  a  short  distance  from 
our  boiling-place,  and  was  passed  by  the  sugar-makers  in 
the  twilight,  or  later  in  the  night,  with  feelings  of  super- 
stitious dread,  while  it  was  strictly  maintained  by  many 
that  the  old  squaw's  ghost  did  not  rest  quietly,  but  roamed 
through  the  camps,  especially  in  dark  and  stormy  nights. 
Several  had  seen  her  apparition,  and  the  stories  that  were 
related  of  her  appearance  were  of  the  most  frightful  and 
harrowing  character. 

One  evening  two  or  three  young  men  from  the  adjoining 
camps  paid  us  a  visit.  After  supper,  while  they  were  seated 
before  the  fire  on  the  rough  puncheon  benches,  enjoying  their 
pipes  and  the  contents  of  a  stone  jug,  conversation  turned 
on  the  mysterious  death  of  the  old  squaw,  and  the  strange 
stories  that  were  in  circulation  about  her  spirit-wanderings 
through  the  camps.  None  of  the  party  present  had  ever 
seen  her  ghost  with  their  own  eyes,  but  other  persons, 
friends  of  theirs,  in  whose  assertions  they  placed  the  fullest 
reliance,  had  seen  her  more  than  once,  on  dark  stormy 
nights,  riding  at  full  speed  through  the  thick  woods,  on 
the  white  horse  which  she  rode  in  her  lifetime,  and  which, 


206 


MAJOR  JONES. 


it  was  said,  was  killed  and  buried  with  her.  The  descrip- 
tions which  they  gave  of  her  frightful  appearance,  and  the 
shrieks  which  she  uttered,  as,  on  her  phantom  steed,  she 
clashed  through  the  dark  forest,  her  long,  grizzly  hair 
streaming  out,  and  her  garments  flapping  in  the  wind, 
made  my  hair  stand  on  end,  and  the  blood  chill  in  my 
veins. 

It  was  said  that  the  family  to  which  the  old  squaw  be- 
longed were  rich,  and  as  it  was  the  custom  of  the  Indians 
to  bury  the  personal  property  of  their  dead  with  them,  it 
was  generally  believed  that  her  grave  contained  a  large 
amount  of  treasure. 

"  It  would  be  a  good  thing,"  said  one,  "  to  dig  up  the 
old  squaw,  and  get  the  money  that  they  buried  with  her." 

"  And  the  silver  bands  and  rings,  and  brooches  as  big 
as  a  pewter  plate,  that  she  used  to  wear,"  remarked  another. 

"  Yes,  that  would  be  very  nice ;  and  all  that  silver  is  no 
good  in  the  old  woman's  grave.  But  I'd  like  to  see  the 
chap  that  would  run  the  risk  of  being  haunted  all  the  rest 
of  his  life,  by  digging  her  up !" 

"  Pooh !  nonsense  !"  exclaimed  Muttinger,  knocking  the 
ashes  from  his  pipe.  "  Dat  ish  all  nonsense,  all  fool-talk. 
If  I  be  sure  dere  vas  money  in  de  old  voman's  grafe,  I 
wouldn't  mind  to  go  for  it,  no  more  dan  shmokin'  mine 
bipe." 

"But  suppose  her  ghost  was  to  come  after  you,  Muttin- 
ger, what  then  ?" 


THE  SUGAR -CAMPS  OF  MAHONING  VALLEY.  207 


"  Ghost  der  tuyfel !  I  ain'd  afraid  of  no  old  voman  spooks, 
vat  scare  leetle  childrens  in  de  night-time." 

Muttinger  had  been  a  soldier  in  the  war,  and  had,  accord- 
ing to  his  account,  been  in  many  battles,  and  one  of  his  weak- 
nesses was  to  boast  of  his  bravery. 

A  long  and  rather  excited  discussion  was  closed  with  a 
wager  of  a  jug  of  whiskey  that  Muttinger  would  not  dare, 
on  the  following  day,  to  dig  up  and  bring  away  the  relics 
of  the  old  squaw.  This  bet,  having  been  duly  ratified  and 
attested  by  a  general  shaking  of  hands,  the  young  men  left 
for  their  respective  camps. 

On  the  following  day,  Muttinger  was  evidently  reluc- 
tant to  perform  what  he  had  undertaken,  but,  impelled  by 
his  bet  and  the  hope  of  plunder,  after  vainly  endeavoring 
to  persuade  others  to  accompany  him,  he  braced  his  waver- 
ing courage  with  a  stiff  drink  of  whiskey,  and  set  out  alone 
on  his  sacrilegious  enterprise. 

An  hour  afterwards  he  returned  to  camp  with  his  plun- 
der, which  consisted  of  an  old,  battered,  brass  kettle,  a  rusty 
rifle-barrel,  some  brass  mountings,  a  tomahawk,  several 
clay  pipes,  a  pair  of  silver  armlets,  a  number  of  silver  rings, 
brooches,  and  other  trinkets,  with  the  jaw-bone  of  the  old 
squaw,  which  latter  he  exhibited  in  a  spirit  of  triumphant 
bravado. 

The  news  of  the  robbery  of  the  old  squaw's  grave  soon 
spread  among  the  camps,  and,  during  the  afternoon,  many 
came  to  view  the  relics.    All  reproached  Muttinger  for 


208 


MAJOR  JONES. 


what  he  had  done,  but  especially  for  bringing  away  the 
jawbone,  which  they  urged  him  to  replace  in  the  grave. 
But  Muttinger  seemed  to  grow  reckless  under  the  remon- 
strances of  his  friends,  and  exercised  his  wit  in  ridiculing 
their  sensibility. 

"  Take  it  back,  Muttinger,  if  you  don't  want  to  see  the 
old  squaw's  ghost  this  very  night,"  said  one. 

"Der  tuyfel!"  exclaimed  Muttinger;  "what  the  old 
voman  want  mit  her  jawbone?  She  can  do  mitout  that, 
just  like  she  don't  vant  no  more  her  brass  kettle." 

"  Lookout  if  she  don't  come  after  it  before  to-morrow 
morning." 

"  Vel,  maybe,"  said  Muttinger.  «  Den  I  vill  put  it  vere 
she  can  see  it,  and  she  don't  get  it  if  she  don't  climb  for  it." 

So  saying,  he  climbed  up  one  of  the  forks  of  the  boiling- 
place,  and  fastened  the  jawbone  conspicuously  on  the  top. 
Coming  down,  he  laughed  heartily  at  the  idea  of  the  old 
squaw's  ghost  climbing  for  the  missing  portion  of  her 
anatomy. 

As  evening  approached,  the  visitors  departed,  each  with 
a  solemn  warning  to  Muttinger  to  be  on  the  lookout  for  a 
visit  from  the  old  squaw's  ghost.  But  Muttinger  was  too 
full  of  whiskey  to  feel  any  apprehension  of  any  other  spirits, 
and  only  laughed  at  their  admonitions. 

That  night  there  was  to  be,  in  the  settlement,  some  three 
miles  distant,  a  grand  wedding;  a  wedding  of  the  good  old 
frontier  fashion— with  a  ball  and  a  supper— to  which  every- 


THE  SUGAR -CAMPS  OF  MAHONING  VALLEY.  209 


body  was  invited.  One  of  our  sugar-makers  had  gone  home 
with  a  sledge-load  of  sugar  and  molasses,  leaving  in  camp 
only  Muttinger,  a  young  man  named  Wolf,  and  myself. 
Wolf  was  extremely  anxious  to  go  to  Captain  Smith's  wed- 
ding, but,  before  he  could  do  so,  it  was  necessary  for  him 
to  get  Muttinger's  consent  for  him  to  be  absent  for  the 
night.  To  obtain  this,  he  offered  to  cut  all  the  wood  nec- 
essary for  the  night,  and  made  many  strong  appeals  and 
tempting  promises,  all  without  effect.  Muttinger  was  un- 
willing to  be  left  alone  to  do  all  the  work  of  the  camp. 
Wolf,  however,  accidentally  struck  him  in  a  tender  place, 
and,  by  what  he  meant  for  reproach,  accomplished  what  he 
failed  to  gain  by  persuasion. 

"  I  see,"  said  he,  "  you  are  afraid  to  stay  here  alone.  You 
are  afraid  the  old  squaw  will  come  after  you." 

"  'Fraid,  der  tuyfel !"  exclaimed  Muttinger,  starting  up. 
"Me,  a  soldier  who  has  fight  enough  times  mit  tousands 
live  Indians !  Me  Afraid  of  old  squaw  !  Chop  all  de  wood, 
und  go  und  dance  mit  the  gals,  like  you  please.  If  the 
old  squaw  comes  here,  Villiam  und  me  vil  dance  mit  her." 

Wolf  took  Muttinger  at  his  word.  He  soon  cut  and 
piled,  near  the  boiling-place,  enough  wood  to  keep  the  ket- 
tles boiling  during  th.e  night.  Then  mounting  the  only 
horse  left  in  camp,  he  was  soon  on  his  way  to  Captain 
Smith's  wedding,  not  even  waiting  for  supper,  which  Mut- 
tinger set  about  preparing. 

I  was  very  hungry,  and  enjoyed  with  a  relish  a  slice  of 

14 


210 


MAJOR  JONES. 


bacon  broiled  before  the  fire  on  the  end  of  a  sharpened 
stick,  a  piece  of  corn  hoe-cake,  and  a  bowl  of  milk.  Mut- 
tinger  ate  ravenously,  and  was  in  an  unusually  good  humor. 

As  the  shades  of  night  drew  on,  the  stars  peeped  out 
overhead,  and  the  fire  sent  forth  a  soft,  mellow  radiance 
upon  surrounding  objects,  lighting  up  the  foreground  of  the 
wild  scene,  as  it  deepened  the  shadows  beyond ;  while  the 
blue  smoke,  mingled  with  the  paler  vapor  of  the  boiling- 
kettles,  and  illumined  w7ith  bright,  red  sparks,  curled  up- 
ward to  the  midnight  sky.  Muttinger,  who  seemed  rest- 
less, was  unusually  busy  about  the  kettles,  spilling  the  sap 
which  he  attempted  to  dip  from  one  kettle  to  another,  and 
piling  on  the  wood  wTith  unwonted  prodigality.  As  he 
moved  around  he  endeavored  to  keep  me  engaged  in  conver- 
sation, and,  when  I  failed  him,  he  whistled  or  sang  his 
favorite  German  airs. 

Fatigued  with  the  day's  exercise  and  enjoyment,  and 
drowsy  from  the  effects  of  a  heavy  supper,  I  was  not  in  a 
talkative  mood,  and  as  I  sat  upon  my  puncheon  stool,  looking 
into  the  fire,  watching  the  fantastic  figures  which  my  fancy 
pictured  in  the  eddying  smoke,  it  was  with  difficulty  that  I 
could  keep  awake.  Muttinger  tried  every  expedient  to 
arouse  me.  As  he  was  taking  a  drink  from  his  brown  jug, 
he  insisted  on  making  a  toddy  for  me,  which  he  said  would 
keep  me  "  bright  avake  all  de  vile."  The  sugar  in  it  com- 
mended the  prescription  to  my  taste,  and  I  tested  its  virtues 
pretty  liberally. 


THE   SUGAR -CAMPS   OF   MAHONING   VALLEY.  211 


Muttinger  lighted  his  pipe  and  seated  himself  to  enjoy  a 
smoke,  at  the  same  time  to  entertain  me  with  one  of  his 
stories  of  the  war,  which  he  knew  I  so  much  loved  to  hear. 

"  Vil  you  keep  bright  avake,  now?''  he  asked. 

•'Oh.  yes."  I  replied,  "if  you  will  tell  me  about  the 
battle  of  Brady's  Lake,  where  you  killed  so  manv  In- 
dian.-." 

"  Yel,"  said  Muttinger,  "  you  don't  go  to  sleep,  und  I 
vil  tell  you  all  about  de  big  fight  vat  ve  had  mit  the  In- 
dians dat  time.  Vel,  it  was  a  bright,  sthar-like  night,  just 
like  to-night  " —  As  he  spoke,  he  raised  his  eye- — his 
dropped  from  his  hand,  and  his  gaze  seemed  riveted  upon 
the  top  of  the  boiler-pot,  where  the  old  squaw's  jawbone 
shone  in  the  firelight. 

"  Look !  look !"  he  exclaimed,  in  a  husky,  tremulous  voice. 

It  was  either  the  erree:  the  whiskey  on  my  imagina- 
tion, or  of  the  flickering  firelight,  that  made  the  jawbone 
appear  to  me  as  if  it  were  in  motion. 

"  Oh!"  said  I,  "  it's  biting  at  us,'"  and  I  ran  to  our 
camp-bed  and  covered  my  head  in  the  blankets. 

I  could  hear  Muttinger  talking  to  himself,  but  whether 
in  English  or  in  his  native  tongue  I  could  not  tell. 

The  next  moment  he  — ize:l  me  bv  the  arm  and  raised  me 
to  my  feet. 

"  Don't  you  be  a  little  fool  cowart  like  dat,''  said  he.  "  Xo 
old  deat  squaw's  jawbone  don't  hurt  you,  Billv.  Come, 
sthay  mit  me." 


212 


MAJOR  JONES. 


"  Fm  afraid,"  I  replied.  ts  I  don't  want  to  look  at  it 
any  more." 

"  Vel,"  said  he,  "I  vil  put  it  vere  it  don't  scare  nobody." 

He  climbed  up  the  post,  and,  seizing  the  jawbone,  threw 
it  in  the  midst  of  the  fire  under  the  kettles.  Then,  taking 
me  in  his  lap,  he  endeavored  to  banish  my  foolish  fears,  by 
assuring  me  that  when  the  old  jawbone  was  burned  up  it 
could  hurt  nobody. 

"  But,"  said  I,  "  Mr.  Stough  says  the  old  squaw's  ghost 
rides  all  over  these  woods  on  a  white  horse,  and  I'm  afraid 
she'll  come  after  her  jawbone.  It  was  wicked  to  take  it 
from  her  grave,  and  worse  to  burn  it  up." 

By  this  time  the  sky,  which  in  the  early  part  of  thb 
night  had  been  clear,  began  to  be  overcast  with  drifting 
clouds,  and  a  strong  wind  swept  in  fitful  gusts  among  the 
tree-tops. 

Muttinger  seemed  very  restless  and  disturbed  in  his  mind. 
He  tried  to  dissipate  my  fears,  but  it  was  very  evident  that 
he  was  himself  not  entirely  free  from  apprehensions  of  evil. 
He  talked  incoherently,  took  another  heavy  drink,  and 
whistled  and  sang  terribly  out  of  tune.  He  relit  his  pipe,  and 
made  me  sit  by  him  on  the  bench,  near  the  mouth  of  the 
cabin.  He  grew  more  and  more  restless,  large  drops  of  per- 
spiration stood  on  his  forehead,  and  at  every  gust  of  wind 
or  strange  noise,  he  would  start  almost  to  his  feet,  exclaim- 
ing, "  Vat's  dat?" 

For  myself,  my  superstitious  fears  had  been  wrought  up 


THE  SUGAR -CAMPS  OF  MAHONING  VALLEY.  213 

to  a  fearful  pitch,  not  less  by  the  events  of  the  night  than 
by  the  recollection  of  the  frightful  stories  I  had  heard  of 
the  old  squaw's  ghost,  and  my  only  refuge  was  the  cover 
of  the  blankets  or  in  clinging  close  to  Muttinger. 

Muttinger,  who  by  this  time  had  become  fearfully  demor- 
alized, sought  to  brace  his  courage  by  frequent  draughts 
from  his  jug,  and  insisted  on  my  taking  another  toddy. 

After  I  had  recovered  from  the  coughing-fit  which  a 
drop  the  wrong  way  had  occasioned,  he  slapped  me  en- 
couragingly on  the  back,  and  said : 

"Dat's  right,  Billy!  Spunk  up,  spunk  up,  now,  and 
don't  never  be  'fraid  of  spooks  nor  nothing.  I  tell  you 
dere  never  vas  no  such  tings  in  all  de  world." 

Whether  it  was  the  effect  of  the  double  dose  of  toddy  or 
the  reassuring  speech  of  my  companion  I  cannot  say,  but  I 
did  feel  a  little  more  at  ease,  and  was  gradually  becoming 
oblivious  of  the  frightful  imaginings  that  had  oppressed  my 
mind,  when  a  shrill,  unearthly  scream,  seemingly  from  the 
depths  of  the  dark  forest,  broke  upon  our  ears. 

"Gott  in  himmel!  vat's  dat?"  shouted  Muttinger, 
springing  to  his  feet  and  grasping  me  by  the  arm. 

I  felt  each  separate  hair  rise  on  end,  and  my  heart,  after 
a  sudden  bound,  ceased  to  beat.  Muttinger  stood  with  open 
mouth  and  suspended  breath,  his  eyes  glaring  wildly  in 
the  direction  whence  the  unearthly  sound  came. 

Another  wild,  blood-curdling  scream,  nearer  than  the 
first,  caused  Muttinger  to  spring  forward,  still  holding  to 


214 


MAJOR  JONES. 


my  arm.  As  we  reached  the  space  between  the  mouth  of 
the  hut  and  the  boiling-place,  there  dashed  suddenly  past 
us,  in  the  rear  of  the  blazing  fire,  a  white  horse  bearing  a 
gigantic  female  form,  with  flowing  garments,  and  long 
white  hair  streaming  on  the  wind. 

I  was  speechless  and  fixed  to  the  spot.  Muttinger  gave 
one  agonized  yell  and  bounded  from  me,  as  the  phantom- 
horse  wheeled  round  the  camp-fire  toward  us,  and  another 
wild  scream  pierced  the  night.  I  only  remember  that 
Muttinger  disappeared.  I  reeled  to  the  puncheon  bunk, 
falling  upon  which  I  plunged  my  head  under  the  straw  and 
blankets. 

Whether  I  became  suddenly  insensible  from  fright,  or 
the  liquor  I  had  drunk  stupefied  my  senses,  I  never  was 
able  satisfactorily  to  determine.  But  in  that  moment  ended 
my  experiences  of  that  fearful  night.  When  I  awoke  to 
consciousness,  it  was  to  feel  the  strong  grasp  of  some  one 
who  was  endeavoring  to  draw  me  from  my  hiding-place, 
and  from  whom,  with  screams  of  terror,  I  struggled  to 
escape. 

"  Why,  what  in  the  name  of  creation  is  the  matter  with 
you,  Willy?  Who's  been  here?  Where's  Muttinger?" 
were  the  first  words  I  comprehended.  Looking  up,  I  found 
myself  in  the  hands  of  John  Wolf,  who  regarded  me  with 
utter  astonishment. 

Rubbing  my  eyes  and  looking  round  for  a  moment,  I 
began  to  comprehend  the  situation.    It  was  bright  daylight. 


THE  SUGAR -CAMPS  OF   MAHONING  VALLEY.  215 

Mr.  Wolf  had  returned,  and  I  was  safe.  The  fire  was 
out,  and  only  the  half-burned  logs  and  chunks  remained, 
from  which  the  thin,  blue  smoke  curled  up  into  the  bright 
morning  sunlight.  There  was  a  strong  smell  of  burnt  sugar 
in  the  air,  and  the  kettles  were  cold  and  black,  some  of 
them  half-full  of  charred  sugar.  As  Mr.  Wolf  surveyed 
the  scene  in  utter  dismay,  he  repeated  his  question : 

«  Why,  what  upon  earth  has  happened?  What  has  be- 
come of  Muttinger?" 

"He's  carried  off  by  the  old  squaw's,  ghost!"  was  the 
only  solution  I  could  give  to  the  mystery ;  and,  having  by 
this  time  become  wide  awake,  I  related  to  Mr.  Wolf  the 
frightful  events  of  the  night  as  they  occurred. 

I  had  hardly  finished  my  narrative  before  several  per- 
sons from  the  adjoining  camps  arrived.  Each  had  a  mar- 
vellous story  to  relate  of  strange  noises  heard  and  strange 
sights  seen  in  the  valley  during  the  night.  One  had  heard 
the  most  unearthly  screams ;  another  had  seen  the  ghost  of 
the  old  squaw  careering  madly  through  the  woods,  on 
her  white  horse ;  while  another  told  that,  as  he  and  two  or 
three  more  were  playing  cards  by  their  camp-fire,  the 
phantom  steed  and  its  ghostly  rider  dashed  almost  over 
them,  frightening  the  party  nearly  out  of  their  senses. 
Others  from  different  parts  of  the  valley  came  in,  each 
with  some  fearful  tale  of  the  ghostly  doings  of  the  night. 

"But  what  has  become  of  Muttinger?"  was  the  general 
inquiry,  and  I  was  obliged  to  rehearse  my  story,  as  afford- 


216 


MAJOR  JONES. 


ing  the  only  explanation  of  his  mysterious  disappearance. 
The  fearful  anxiety  on  that  individual's  account  was  finally 
relieved  by  the  arrival  of  one  of  the  Stough  boys,  from  his 
father's  camp  on  the  opposite  side  of  the  Mahoning,  about 
half  a  mile  distant.  From  him  we  learned  that  about  mid- 
night Muttinger  came  running  into  his  father's  camp,  so 
paralyzed  with  fear  that  lie  could  scarcely  articulate,  his 
eyes  glaring  wildly,  his  face  pale,  and  his  clothes  torn  and 
dripping  wet.  In  answer  to  their  questions,  he  only  ground 
out  something  about  the  old  squaw's  ghost,  and  soon  fell  to 
the  ground  in  a  hard  convulsion.  They  forced  some  whiskey 
down  his  throat,  rolled  and  rubbed  him,  and  sent  for  the 
nearest  doctor,  who  had  been  with  him  since  daylight,  but 
who  had  little  hopes  of  his  recovery. 

All  this  not  only  corroborated  my  story,  but,  in  the 
minds  of  the  superstitious  sugar-makers,  confirmed  the 
ghostly  legends  which  had  been  previously  current  among 
them ;  and  the  excitement  throughout  the  valley  became 
intense.  Fortunately,  it  was  about  the  breaking  up  of  the 
sugar-making  season,  or  much  loss  would  have  been  sus- 
tained by  the  immediate  abandonment  of  the  camps  which 
took  place.  Many  could  not  be  prevailed  upon  to  remain 
another  night,  but  packed  up  and  left  that  day,  while 
those  who  were  unable  to  leave  so  precipitately  took  good 
care  not  to  be  alone  after  nightfall. 

Muttinger,  partially  restored  from  the  effects  of  his  fright, 
was  sent  home,  but  for  several  days  was  in  a  very  precari- 


THE  SUGAR -CAMPS  OF  MAHONING  VALLEY.  217 

ous  condition.  It  was  many  weeks  before  he  was  consid- 
ered to  have  recovered  his  right  mind.  His  account  of  the 
appearance  of  the  ghost,  its  pursuit  of  him  through  the 
woods,  and  his  narrow  escape  by  crossing  a  running  stream 
—which  he  did  by  plunging  into  the  half-frozen  Mahon- 
ing, nearly  up  to  his  neck— was  truly  thrilling,  and  was  as 
religiously  believed  by  most  of  his  hearers  as  by  himself. 

There  were  some  incredulous  persons,  however,  who 
laughed  at  the  story  of  the  old  squaw's  ghost,  and  gave  a 
different  explanation  of  the  thrilling  events  of  that  memora- 
ble night.  For  Graves,  who  made  the  bet  of  a  jug  of  whis- 
key with  the  boasting  Muttinger,  was  known  to  be  a  most 
incorrigible  wag  and  practical  joker.  It  had  been  ascer- 
tained that  farmer  Sap's  white  filly  was  missing  from  the 
stable  on  that  night  ;  and  it  was  rumored  that  the  farmer's 
daughters,  one  of  whom  was  Joe's  sweetheart,  had  assisted 
him  in  getting  up  a  ghostly  costume,  similar  in  every  par- 
ticular to  that  in  which  the  old  squaw's  ghost  made  its 
night-ride  through  the  sugar  camps  of  the  Mahoning 
Valley. 

Joe  Graves  stoutly  denied  any  knowledge  of  that  night's 
doings ;  but  this  was  accounted  for  by  the  fact  that  it  would 
have  been  dangerous  for  him  to  have  done  otherwise — at 
least  while  Muttinger  was  about. 


\ 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  TOLA. 

A  FRONTIER  SKETCH. 


CHAPTER  I. 

It  was  a  sultry  afternoon  in  June.  The  Governor  had 
given  a  small  dinner  party,  and  a  select  company  were 
seated  around  the  table,  in  the  dining  hall  of  the  old  Execu- 
tive Mansion,  an  airy,  but  not  very  imposing  structure, 
pleasantly  situated  on  an  elevation,  embowered  in  shrub- 
bery, distant  about  a  mile  east  from  Tallahassee.  Ample 
justice  had  been  done  to  the  bountiful  repast,  and  the  gen- 
tlemen were  sipping  their  sherry,  and  the  ladies  mincing 
the  confections,  while  they  listened  to  a  rather  prosy  story 
from  one  of  the  guests. 

Suddenly,  a  suppressed  cry  from  one  of  the  ladies  startled 
the  company.  Following  the  gaze  of  the  terrified  lady,  all 
eyes  were  directed  towards  the  door  leading  from  the  rear 
porch  into  the  dining-room,  where  stood  still  and  statue- 
like a  tall,  gaunt,  bare-legged  Indian,  his  shoulders  inclining 
forward  with  a  slight  stoop,  and  his  elfin  locks  hanging 

(219) 


220 


MAJOR  JONES. 


over,  and  partly  obscuring  the  view  of  his  face.  Imme- 
diately in  his  rear,  in  the  shadow  of  the  vines  that  clam- 
bered over  the  trellis,  stood  another  tawny  half-naked  form, 
motionless  and  statue-like  as  his  companion. 

Bidding  the  ladies  not  to  be  alarmed,  the  Governor  rose 
from  his  seat,  and  turned  towards  the  Indians  in  the  door. 
As  he  did  so,  the  nearest  drew  from  his  bosom  a  small  roll 
of  dirty  brown  paper,  and  seemingly  without  moving  a 
muscle  of  his  face,  or  changing  the  stolid  expression  of  his 
countenance,  said : 

"  Gublerner?" 

"I  am  the  Governor/'  said  his  Excellency.  "Wha^ 
brings  you  here  ?" 

"Snezer  make  talk  me,  Yohoto,  fetch  'em,"  at  the  same 
time  extending  the  hand  in  which  he  held  the  package. 

The  Governor  received  it,  and,  removing  the  brown 
wrapper,  took  from  it  an  unsealed  and  rudely  folded  let- 
ter, which  he  hastily  perused,  while  the  company  kept  per- 
fect silence. 

The  Indians  proved  to  be  runners  from  the  Apalachicolas, 
a  small  tribe,  who  resided  on  the  river  of  that  name,  dis- 
tant about  one  hundred  miles  from  Tallahassee,  and  the 
paper  which  they  bore  was  a  communication  from  a  sutler, 
or  storekeeper,  a  white  man  who  resided  among  them.  So 
soon  as  the  Governor  had  mastered  the  rather  difficult 
chirography,  and  acquainted  himself  with  the  contents  of 
the  document,  he  communicated  the  same  to  the  company, 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  IOLA.  221 

the  purport  of  which  was  that  Colonel  Blount,  as  he  was 
called,  the  chief  of  the  tribe,  had  been  robbed  by  thieves. 

"  Here's  a  job  for  you,  sir,"  said  his  Excellency  to  me. 
"  This  business  must  be  attended  to  immediately.  Colonel 
Blount's  house  was  broken  open  night  before  last,  and  rob- 
bed of  a  considerable  sum  of  money  and  other  property. 
The  thieves  are  known  to  be  lurking  in  the  nation,  and 
steps  must  be  taken  for  their  arrest  and  punishment  imme- 
diately." 

I  could  not  exactly  see  where  my  duty  lay  in  the  matter, 
and  what  job  for  me  could  grow  out  of  the  circumstance. 

As  the  company  rose  from  the  table,  and  adjourned  to 
the  veranda  to  enjoy  the  evening  breeze,  the  Governor 
directed  Old  Ned,  the  butler,  to  conduct  the  Indians 
to  the  kitchen  and  see  that  their  wants  were  bountifully 
provided  for,  as  it  was  evident  they  were  both  tired  and 
hungry. 

After  some  time  spent  in  conversation,  during  which  the 
rights  and  the  wrongs  of  the  Indians  were  freely  discussed, 
and  much  sympathy  expressed  for  the  poor  old  chief,  and 
execrations  of  the  robbers,  especially  by  the  ladies,  the 
guests  took  their  leave,  and,  entering  their  carriages,  de- 
parted for  the  city. 

The  Governor,  summoning  me  to  his  office,  at  once  set 
about  arranging  his  plans.  After  some  deliberation  it  was 
determined  that  I  should  be  dispatched  to  the  Nation, 
armed  with  a  proclamation  from  the  Governor,  offering  a 


i 

222 


MAJOR  JONES, 


reward  for  the  apprehension  of  the  robbers,  a  letter  to  the 
marshal  of  the  Ocheese  District,  in  which  the  reserve  of 
the  Apalachicolas  was  situated,  instructing  him  to  summon 
the  civil  officers  and  a  posse  of  citizens,  if  necessary,  and 
use  all  diligence  for  the  capture  of  the  burglars,  and  the 
recovery  of  the  stolen  property.  The  papers  were  to  be  got 
ready  for  me  at  once,  and  I  was  to  take  my  departure  early 
in  the  morning.  For  the  journey  as  far  as  Aspalaga,  on 
the  Apalachicola  river,  I  was  to  be  furnished  with  a  horse 
and  light  Jersey  wagon,  in  which  to  take  with  me  the  Indian 
runners.  V, 

From  Aspalaga  I  was  to  make  my  way  to  Ocheese  and 
lola,  the  Indian  town,  by  steamer,  if  I  was  lucky  enough 
to  meet  one  of  the  river  boats  on  her  downward  passage  to 
Apalachicola,  or,  if  I  missed  the  boat,  by  canoe. 

The  enterprise,  or  adventure,  was  exactly  to  my  liking, 
and  I  promptly  accepted  the  commission,  and  at  once  set 
about  making  the  necessary  preparations  for  the  trip.  The 
balance  of  the  evening  was  occupied  by  the  Governor  in 
preparing  his  proclamation,  letters,  and  the  written  instruc- 
tions by  which  my  proceedings  were  to  be  governed.  I  set 
old  Uncle  Ned  to  rigging  up  the  harness  and  putting  the 
wagon  in  order,  while  I  busied  myself  in  cleaning  my  dou- 
ble-barrelled gun  and  pistols,  preparing  ammunition  and 
rations  for  myself  and  the  two  Indians.  I  retired  early  to 
bed  that  I  might  make  an  early  start  in  the  morning,  but 
so  thoroughly  was  my  mind  occupied  with  the  adventure 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  IOLA.  223 

before  me,  that  it  was  far  in  the  night  before  sleep  visited 
my  eyes. 

Early  in  the  morning  everything  was  in  readiness  for  my 
departure.  The  horse  selected  for  the  service  was  a  fine 
animal,  but  unfortunately  rather  large,  both  for  my  harness 
and  the  shafts  of  my  wagon.  My  equipment  consisted  of 
a  valise  containing  my  papers  and  a  change  or  two  of  under- 
clothing, a  double-barrelled  gun,  a  couple  of  blankets,  and 
a  wooden  chest,  in  which  were  contained  provisions  for  my- 
self and  my  hardy  companions,  the  Indians,  and  which,  oc- 
cupying a  position  in  the  rear  of  the  spring-seat  of  the 
vehicle,  served  as  a  seat  for  them.  The  Governor  accom- 
panied me  to  town,  where  I  was  to  receive  the  proclamation, 
which  had  been  printed  during  the  night,  and  receive  my 
final  instructions.  On  our  way  to  town,  as  we  made  the 
gentle  descent  to  the  Cascade  branch,  I  observed  that  the 
horse  held  hard  and  seemed  inclined  to  get  away  from  the 
wagon,  but  as  we  ascended  the  elevation  on  the  other  side, 
all  seemed  to  be  right,  and  the  matter  passed  from  my 
thoughts. 

At  the  old  Planters'  Hotel  I  found  several  friends,  who 
were  curious  to  know  the  purpose  of  my  journey,  and  dur- 
ing the  few  minutes  I  had  to  wait  on  the  Governor's  move- 
ments, a  considerable  crowd  gathered,  attracted  by  my  out- 
fit and  the  Indians,  who  sat  bolt  upright,  silent  and  motion- 
less as  statues,  on  the  chest.  My  arrangements  being  com- 
pleted, I  bade  good-bye  to  the  crowd,  and  set  out  on  my 


224 


major  jones. 


journey.  Taking  the  Quincy  road,  a  hundred  yards  brought 
me  to  the  brow  of  the  hill,  down  which  the  rough  uneven 
road,  with  deep  ditches  on  either  side,  descended  for  a  dis- 
tance of  some  four  hundred  yards.    As  we  commenced  the 
descent,  I  noticed  the  same  disposition  on  the  part  of  my 
horse  to  keep  away  from  the  wagon,  which  he  had  before 
manifested,  and  which  I  endeavored  to  restrain.    But  all 
my  efforts  were  in  vain.    His  speed  increased  in  spite  of 
the  exertion  of  my  utmost  strength.    Rising  from  my  seat 
I  threw  my  entire  weight  upon  the  lines,  but  without  the 
least  effect.   The  horse  was  now  in  a  full  canter,  the  bright 
shoes  of  his  hind  feet  flashing  above  the  swingle-tree  at 
every  leap,  and  the  little  Jersey  almost  rising  from  the 
ground  in  its  fearful  velocity.    Leaning  back  upon  the 
lines,  and  turning  my  head,  even  in  the  imminent  peril  of  the 
moment,  I  was  almost  forced  to  laugh  at  the  ludicrous  appear- 
ance  of  the  Indians,  who  were  evidently  for  the  first  time 
enjoying  a  ride  in  a  wagon.    Their  usually  stolid  counte- 
nances beamed  with  delight,    "  Chilocco  hides  cki  !"  ex- 
claimed one  to  the  other,  who  responded  with  a  hearty 
"  Eoca       I  could  but  think  that  if  they  knew  the  "  chi- 
locco" was  running  away,  and  the  imminent  danger  which 
threatened  them,  they  would  not  be  so  contented  with  their 
situation,  nor  so  decided  in  their  good  opinion  of  the  horse. 
Faster  and  faster  we  sped.    Bracing  my  feet  against  the 
front  of  the  wagon,  I  made  one  last  desperate  effort  to  check 
the  horse's  headlong  speed,  when  the  left  rein  snapped  and 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  IOLA. 


225 


the  next  moment  he  leaped  the  ditch  and  the  fore-wheels  of 
the  wagon  came  in  violent  collision  with  the  low  bank  on 
the  opposite  side.  I  was  sensible  of  a  terrific  shock ;  in  an 
instant  all  was  chaos,  confusion  and  darkness. 

With  returning  consciousness,  I  found  myself  attempting 
to  rise  from  the  ground.  A  sudden  and  deadly  pain  in  my 
breast  stopped  my  breath,  and  I  again  sank  down  on  the 
ground  in  the  most  intense  agony.  The  pain  left  me  as 
suddenly  as  it  came,  and  as  I  drew  a  deep  breath  and 
looked  up,  I  beheld  my  two  travelling  companions  stand- 
ing over  me,  regarding  me  with  countenances  so  ludicrously 
anxious  that  I  was  forced  to  smile,  to  which  they  instantly 
responded  wTith  demonstrations  of  joy.  First,  in  their  half- 
Indian,  half-English  gibberish  they  congratuluated  me  on 
my  safety,  and  then  began  to  relate  their  own  experiences. 
One  had  a  severe  cut  in  the  temple,  the  other  a  large  gash 
in  his  leg,  and  both  of  them  had  received  severe  scratches 
and  bruises.  They  were  evidently  much  surprised  at  the 
catastrophe,  and  were  as  unsparing  of  their  abuse  of  the 
horse  as  they  had  been  warm  in  his  praise.  "  Chilocco  ho- 
lanagos  chi !"  grunted  one ;  "  Enea — dam  loscohicpus  chi  ! 
too  much  ! "  grunted  the  other,  as  they  examined  their  hurts. 

Rising  to  my  feet  I  surveyed  the  wreck,  which  strewed 
the  ground  in  every  direction.  In  the  road  were  the  hind 
wheels  of  the  wagon,  entirely  detached  from  the  body, 
pieces  of  which  were  scattered  around.  A  little  distance 
off  were  fragments  of  my  camp-chest — here  a  ham,  there  a 

15 


226 


MAJOR  JONES. 


cold  chicken  or  a  loaf  of  bread— tin-plates,  tin-cups,  spoons, 
knives  and  forks  were  scattered  about  promiscuously.  My 
fine  double-barrelled  gun  lay  in  the  ditch,  broken  off  at 
the  stock,  and  near  it  a  little  whiskey  bottleTatmost  the 
only  thing  that  had  not  shared  the  general  smash.  Some 
thirty  yards  from  the  road,  near  a  large  log,  were  the  fore- 
wheels  of  the  wagon,  and  a  portion  of  the  shafts,  but  no 
horse  was  to  be  seen.  A  faintness  came  over  me,  and  I  sat 
down  upon  a  log  to  compose  myself,  while  the  Indians 
groped  about  among  the  debris  after  the  provisions.  Their 
eyes  soon  spied  out  the  bottle  of  whiskey,  which  they 
brought  to  me.  I  recommended  them  to  bathe  their 
wounds  with  it.  But  after  they  had  succeeded  in  drawing 
the  cork,  they  gave  me  to  understand  that  they  preferred 
to  take  an  internal  application  of  it,  and  both  helped 
themselves  to  good  long  drinks  from  the  bottle. 

How  long.  I  had  remained  insensible  on  the  ground,  I 
had  no  means  of  knowing.  Some  time  must  have  elapsed 
during  my  unconsciousness,  for  no  horse  was  to  be  seen  in 
the  open  woods.  The  last  I  had  seen  of  him  was  his  flash- 
ing heels  as  he  leaped  the  ditch.  Looking  up  the  road 
towards  town,  I  saw  several  persons  hurrying  in  my  direc- 
tion. They  proved  to  be  friends,  who  seeing  the  horse 
dashing  through  the  streets  with  a  portion  of  the  harness 
hanging  to  him,  concluded  that  some  accident  had  hap- 
pened, and  had  hastened  to  my  assistance.  With  them  I 
returned  to  town. 


THE  BURGLARS  OP  IOLA. 


227 


I  discovered  that  I  was  pretty  severely  bruised,  but  I 
concealed  ray  injuries  as  much  as  possible  from  the  Gov- 
ernor, for  fear  he  might  determine  to  send  some  one  to  the 
Nation  in  my  stead.  It  was  concluded,  however,  to  defer 
my  journey  until  the  next  day,  and  to  dispatch  the  Indians 
back  to  the  Nation  with  copies  of  the  printed  proclama- 
tion and  information  that  a  messenger  from  the  Governor 
would  be  there  as  soon  as  possible. 

The  next  day,  after  the  departure  of  the  Indians,  it  so 
happened  that  Mr.  Bacon,  the  sub-agent,  came  to  town  on 
some  matter  of  business.  The  Governor  insisted  that  he 
should  accompany  me  to  the  Nation,  as  he  was  in  duty 
bound  by  virtue  of  his  office,  to  use  his  best  endeavors 
to  discover  and  arrest  the  man  who  had  committed  the 
robbery. 

Mr.  Bacon  was  a  large,  red-faced  man,  very  fat,  and 
without  doubt  one  of  the  laziest  men  that  ever  lived.  He 
was  rheumatic  and  suffered  from  a  chronic  inflammation  of 
the  eyes,  which  he  aggravated  by  the  habitual  use  of  whis- 
key. Mr.  Bacon  met  the  Governor's  proposition  with  com- 
plaints of  his  bodily  infirmities,  which  unfitted  him  for  the 
exposure  which  he  would  necessarily  have  to  endure  on 
such  a  mission,  and  pleaded  earnestly  to  be  excused.  But 
the  Governor  would  take  no  refusal,  and  as  it  was  by  favor 
of  his  Excellency  that  the  sub-agent  held  his  sinecure,  he 
was  compelled  to  yield  his  objections. 

Another  small  wagon,  similar  to  the  one  in  which  I  had 


228 


MAJOR  JONES. 


first  set  out,  having  been  provided,  Mr.  Bacon  and  my- 
self started  the  next  morning  on  our  journey,  the  old  man 
in  anything  but  a  pleasant  humor.    His  horse,  which,  with 
its  owner,  had  been  pressed  into  service,  was  a  fine  animal 
and  worked  well,  but  in  the  very  bad  condition  of  the 
road,  owing  to  recent  heavy  rains,  with  such  a  dead  weight 
of  Bacon  and  accompanying  baggage,  the  stoutest  horse  in 
Christendom  would  have  stalled,  and  so  did  he  at  everv 
hill  and  every  boggy  place,  when  "I,  being  the  youngest," 
he  said,  "  ought  to  get  out  and  walk."    Sometimes  his 
horse,  Butler,  as  he  called  him,  would  come  to  a  dead  halt. 
On  such  occasions  I  was  more  than  compensated  for  the  in- 
convenience to  myself,  by  the  amusement  afforded  by  the 
unloading  and  reloading  of  Bacon  which  necessarily  took 
place,  accompanied  as  that  operation  invariably  was  with 
volleys  of  imprecations  and  groans,  and  ludicrous  lamenta- 
tions from  my  ponderous  companion,  who  declared  that  he 
expected  nothing  else  than  to  be  laid  up  with  the  rheu- 
matism for  a  month,  for  getting  his  feet  wet.    In  his  par- 
oxysms he  abused  the  Governor  for  sending  him  on  "sich 
a  cussed  business,"  and  uttered  the  bitterest  maledictions  on 
the  heads  of  the  infernal  red-skins,  who  were  the  innocent 
cause  of  his  trouble. 

We  got  on,  however,  without  any  serious  impediments, 
until  we  arrived  at  Aspalaga,  on  the  Apalachicola,  which 
we  reached  on  the  evening  of  the  following  day.  Here  we 
were  to  leave  our  conveyance  and  proceed  by  water  to  Iola. 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  IOLA. 


229 


Much  to  our  discouragement,  we  learned  that  the  boat  in 
which  we  had  anticipated  going  that  distance,  had  rather 
anticipated  us,  and  had  passed  down  the  river  but  a  few 
minutes  previous  to  our  arrival.  Our  only  alternative  then 
was  to  make  the  best  of  our  way  down  the  river  in  a  canoe, 
and,  in  the  hope  that  we  might  overtake  the  boat,  which 
would  probably  be  detained  at  Ocheese,  an  intermediate 
town,  distant  about  twenty  miles  from  Aspalaga,  until  the 
following  morning,  we  resolved  to  set  forth  immediately. 

Accordingly  after  supper,  and  after  Mr.  Bacon  had  re- 
galed himself  with  a  little  gin  and  sugar,  which  he  recom- 
mended as  an  excellent  antifogmatie,  and  in  which  indul- 
gence he  justified  himself  on  the  ground  that  there  was  a 
heavy  fog  on  the  river,  we  procured  a  canoe  and  pushed 
off.  I  shall  never  forget  that  night.  It  was  just  dark  as 
we  launched  our  little  tottering  barque  into  the  broad,  deep 
waters  of  the  Apalachicola,  which  was  then  unusually  high 
and  rapid.  As  Mr.  Bacon  wedged  his  ponderous  weight 
into  one  end  of  the  canoe,  my  end  rose  out  of  thewate^  like 
the  bowsprit  of  a  seventy-four,  and  though  I  had  seated 
myself  in  the  stern,  I  soon  found  my  end  of  the  canoe  con- 
verted into  the  bow. 

"  Steady — steady,  Mr.  Secretary,"  said  Mr.  Bacon.  "  I 
don't  half  like  this  ;ere  craft." 

"  True,"  said  I,  "  it  is  a  rather  gincumbob  sort  of  a  thing, 
as  Tom  Tafrail  would  say,  but  I  think  with  our  ballast  it 
is  quite  safe." 


230 


MAJOR  JONES. 


"  Humph — safe,  eh?— why,  it  would  turn  bottom-up 
with  an  ager  shake;  you  can't  trim  such  a  thing  as  this 
'ere,  unless  you  chew  your  tobacco  in  the  middle  of  your 
mouth." 

We  had  but  one  paddle,  and  Mr.  Bacon  objected  even  to 
use  that ;  first,  because  he  was  too  lazy  to  use  it  himself;  and 
secondly,  because  he  feared  if  I  attempted  to  propel  the  boat 
with  it,  I  might  by  my  efforts  upset  it.    We  therefore  con- 
tented ourselves  by  gliding  along  with  the  current,  which, 
to  tell  the  truth,  was  not  very  slow  travelling.    We  had 
not,  however,  proceeded  far,  before  it  became  so  dark  that 
we  could  see  neither  shore,  and  scarcely  could  we  distin- 
guish each  other  as  we  sat  in  the  opposite  ends  of  the  boat. 
It  was  by  no  means  pleasant.    Dark  and  cheerless,  with 
nothing  to  break  the  silence  of  the  night  save  now  and  then 
the  hoarse  bellow  of  an  alligator,  the  faint  rippling  of  the 
little  whirlpools,  or  the  more  rapid  dashing  of  the  water  as 
it  broke  over  some  sawyer  or  snag  in  the  middle  of  the 
current.    Mr.  Bacon  was  as  "  dumb  as  the  town-clock  of 
Killarney,"  save  when  some  uncommon  rustling  of  the 
water  denoted  that  a  breaker  was  in  the  vicinity,  when  he 
would  grunt  forth  with  an  effort :  "  Lookout  ahead  there, 
Mr.  Secretary,  or  the  next  thing  we'll  be  split  from  stem 
to  stern  by  some  of  these  'ere  d— d  dancing  sawyers." 

I  took  a  cigar  from  my  pocket,  and,  by  the  assistance  of 
a  locofoco,  lighted  it  and  commenced  smoking. 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  IOLA. 


231 


"Have  you  any  more  of  them 'ere  cigars?"  asked  my 
companion. 

"  I  have,"  I  replied,  "  best  Vanillas— will  you  smoke?" 
"  Yes,  thank  you,  if  for  nothing  but  to  keep  the  mus- 
keeters  off." 

"  But  you  must  meet  me  half  way ;  if  I  go  to  your  end  of 
the  boat,  we'll  certainly  founder." 
"  I  reckon  not,"  said  he. 

But  I  was  determined  to  give  him  some  trouble,  and  in- 
sisted that  it  would  not  be  safe  to  approach  to  his  end  of 
the  canoe.    He  hesitated;  I  gave  my  cigar  a  puff,  and  the 
spicy  fumes  of  the  fragrant  Vanilla  rolled  aft  and  passed  his 
olfactories.    He  shrugged,  gaped,  then  grunted,  and  finally 
made  a  move  towards  me  with  both  hands  firmly  grappled 
to  the  sides  of  the  canoe.    We  approached  each  other;  the 
boat  rocked  like  a  cradle.   "  Cautious,  cautious,"  murmured 
he.    I  passed  the  cigar  to  him ;  he  groped  for  it,  took  it,  and 
I  gave  him  a  light.  After  assuring  himself  that  his  cigar  was 
fairly  lit,  he  passed  back  my  lighted  cigar  and  commenced 
his  retreat.    In  turning  to  go  to  my  end,  I  half  accidentally 
and  half  on  purpose  stumbled,  so  as  to  somewhat  disturb 
the  equilibrium  of  our  boat.    Mr.  Bacon  became  terrified, 
tottered  and  fell  over  back,  in  his  hurry  to  regain  his  seat, 
when,  unfortunately,  his  hat  became  dislodged  from  his 
head,  and  of  course  tumbled  into  the  river.    Mr.  Bacon's 
affection  for  his  hat  was  so  strong  that  he  was  induced  to 
make  one  desperate  effort  to  regain  it,  in  which  he  nearly 


232 


MAJOR  JONES. 


upset  the  canoe.    Fortunately,  however,  we  only  dipped  a 
few  quarts  of  water,  and  Mr.  Bacon  sat  down  in  his  place, 
cursing  the  cigars  and  lamenting  the  loss  of  his  beaver. 
What  was  a  little  remarkable,  however,  he  had,  amidst  all 
his  terror,  retained  his  cigar,  which,  in  a  few  minutes  after 
he  regained  his  seat,  lighted  up  his  countenance  at  intervals, 
as  he  puffed,  grunted,  and  cursed  by  turns.    He  soon  be- 
came pacified,  however,  and  tying  up  his  head  with  his 
pocket-handkerchief,  resumed  his  former  gravity  and  non- 
communicativeness,    Though  I  could  not  help  but  laugh 
whenever  I  saw  his  sullen  visage  and  turbaned  head  by  the 
light  of  his  cigar,  it  was  quite  plain  that  the  agent  did  not 
enjoy  the  joke. 

We  glided  on.  After  Mr.  Bacon's  cigar  gave  out,  I  en- 
deavored to  induce  him  to  accept  another.  But  no,  he 
was  as  fixed  as  the  rudder-post  of  a  schooner.  He  would 
not  run  such  another  risk  for  all  the  cigars  in  Florida.  It 
was  past  midnight,  and  we  had  not  yet  reached  Ocheese. 

"Keep  her  to  the  right  bank,  now/'  said  Mr.  Bacon, 
"  we  might  pass  the  town  in  the  dark." 

Accordingly  I  veered  the  course  of  the  canoe  until  we 
could  hear  the  water  rippling  among  the  driftwood  on  the 
right  bank  of  the  river.  I  became  most  intolerably  sleepy, 
as  well  as  Mr.  Bacon,  who  now  began  to  yawn  and  gape 
more  and  more.  I  endeavored  to  enter  into  conversation, 
but  then  I  had  all  the  talking  to  do  myself  On  no  subject 
would  he  converse,  and  the  only  topic  that  could  elicit  an 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  IOLA. 


233 


observation  from  him  was  the  hapless  circumstance  of  losing 
his  hat,  which  he  said  was  entirely  my  fault. 

We  floated  onward  without  anything  remarkable  occur- 
ring until  about  two  o'clock  in  the  morning,  when  we  ar- 
rived at  Ocheese,  which  place  we  would  most  probably 
have  passed  in  the  dark  but  for  the  barking  of  the  dogs. 
As  the  bow  of  our  canoe  touched  the  shore,  Mr.  Bacon  gave 
a  long,  deep-drawn  groan,  which  probably  he  had  been 
saving  up  for  the  last  mile.  We  got  on  shore,  dragged  the 
bow  of  our  canoe  on  to  the  beach,  and  after  a  little  search, 
succeeded  in  finding  lodgings.  Much  to  our  gratification 
we  learned  that  the  steamboat  would  not  leave  until  the 
following  day. 


CHAPTER  II. 

On  the  following  morning  we  took  our  passage  in  the 
steamboat  for  Iola,  in  company  with  an  officer  of  the 
Ocheese  district.  We  arrived  at  the  Indian  town,  w7hich 
is  beautifully  situated  on  the  bank  of  the  river,  early  in  the 
day,  from  whence  we  went  in  company  with  the  sutler  and 
interpreter  to  the  house  of  the  old  chief,  who  resided  about 
a  mile  from  the  shore.  The  old  man  wTas  heartily  glad  to 
see  us,  and,  although  much  indisposed  from  fever,  com- 
menced, as  soon  as  we  had  seated  ourselves  on  the  slabs  be- 
fore his  door,  to  narrate  the  circumstances  of  the  robbery. 


234 


MAJOR  JONES. 


A  few  days  previous  to  the  night  on  which  the  robbery 
was  committed,  Colonel  John  Blount  had  received  a  large 
sum  of  money  from  the  government,  in  compliance  with  the 
terms  of  the  treaty  which  had  been  made  with  his  tribe  for 
their  removal  to  Texas.    Of  this  fact  his  white  neighbors 
had  gained  intelligence  by  some  means,  and  they  deter- 
mined to  possess  themselves  of  the  treasure  at  all  hazards. 
Luckily  for  the  life  of  the  old  chief,  business  had  called  him 
from  home  that  night,  for  it  was  evidently  the  intention  of 
the  robbers  to  murder  him.    They  broke  down  the  door  of 
his  lodge  with  an  axe,  entered  the  house,  and  rushing  to  the 
bed,  cut  and  stabbed  it  in  every  direction,  until  satisfied  of 
the  absence  of  their  intended  victim ;  then  seizing  the  two 
trunks  which  they  were  aware  contained  the  treasure,  as 
well  as  everything  else  of  value  which  the  old  chief  pos- 
sessed, they  departed.    There  were  three  robbers  concerned 
in  the  transaction,— Oaks,  Eawls,  and  Strafford ;  the  latter 
of  whom  was  a  thief  of  some  considerable  notoriety  on  the 
frontiers  of  Georgia,  previous  to  his  removal  to  Florida, 
where  he  was  not  less  renowned  for  his  many  acts  of  daring 
villany. 

The  wife  of  Colonel  Blount,  who  happened  to  be  the  only 
person  in  the  house,  except  two  children,  who  slept  under 
the  bed,  saved  her  life  by  springing  from  the  bed  before  the 
robbers  entered,  and  secreting  herself  between  it  and  the 
wall,  where  she  remained  until  they  departed.  She  knew 
the  individuals  well,  and  could  not  be  mistaken  as  to  their 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  IOLA. 


235 


identity,  for  it  was  not  their  first  intrusion.  After  learning 
the  details  of  the  affair  from  the  old  chief  himself,  we  ex- 
amined the  door  and  bed.  The  door  had  been  split  from 
its  hinges,  and  the  mosquito-bar  bore  evident  marks  of 
violence. 

"This  is  too  bad!"  remarked  the  officer  to  the  sutler,  a 
rather  hard-favored  man,  who  resided  in  the  Nation,  and 
who  had  married  an  Indian  wife.  "  This  is  too  bad  !  The 
perpetrators  of  this  outrage  should  be  brought  to  justice. 
But  I  fear  our  chance  is  but  a  poor  one,  for  if  we  catch 
them,  which  is  very  doubtful,  unless  we  find  the  property 
in  their  possession,  there  is  no  evidence  to  convict  them." 

"  They  ought  to  be  hung  on  suspicion,  then,"  said  he, 
"  for  a  set  of  more  audacious  rascals  never  went  at  large." 

"  You  know  them,  then,"  said  I  ? 

"  To  be  sure  I  do,"  replied  the  sutler ;  "  didn't  I  save 
one  of  the  d — d  rascal's  lives  night  before  last !" 

"Night  before  last?"  inquired  the  officer;  "then  you 
have  seen  them  since  they  committed  the  robbery?" 

"  Oh,  yes,  and  it  is  only  since  they  got  wind  of  your 
coming  that  the  other  two  devils  have  disappeared  from 
the  settlement." 

"  What !"  I  replied,  "  have  they  the  effrontery  to  show 
themselves  in  the  Nation  even  after  the  perpetration  of 
such  an  outrage?" 

"  Yes;  Strafford  was  at  my  store  the  morning  after  the 
robbery  was  committed,  and  swore  that  he  would  take  the 


236 


MAJOR  JONES. 


life  of  the  first  Indian  or  any  one  else  who  dared  to  assert 

that  he  had  a  hand  in  it.    But,  I  reckon  he'll  not  bully 

about  this  tan-yard  in  a  while  again." 

"Then,  you  think  he  has  fled  for  good,  do  you?"  said 

Mr.  Bacon,  and  his  countenance  brightened  up  with  hope. 
"  I  think  he's  bled  for  good.    If  he  ain't  out  of  trouble 

by  this  time,  then  I'm  no  surgeon." 

"  What  do  you  mean,  Mr.  Sutler?"  I  inquired;  " I  don't 

comprehend  you." 

"  Well,  I  see  you  haven't  heard  all  the  particulars  of  the 
business,  so  I'll  tell  you  all  about  it.    You  must  know  the 
next  morning  after  the  robbery,  Strafford  came  down  to  the 
store  and  bullied  about  there  all  day.    A  great  many  In- 
dians were  there  also,  and  every  one  of  them  was  satisfied 
that  Strafford  had  been  concerned  in  the  robbery  of  Colonel 
Blount,  but  none  dared  to  say  so  in  his  hearing.  Strafford 
knew  they  suspected  him,  and  was  mighty  quarrelsome  all 
day.    Towards  night  he  got  into  a  quarrel  with  an  Indian 
nigger,  and  struck  him.    The  nigger  ran,  and  Strafford 
after  him,  until  the  nigger  drew  his  knife  and  cut  Strafford 
twice  in  his  left  arm ;  then  Strafford  ran,  and  the  nigger 
gave  chase  and  cut  him  again  in  the  back,  rather  severe  for 
his  comfort.    Strafford  ran  into  my  store,  and  was  so  badly 
hurt  that  he  begged  me  to  give  him  a  bed,  and  send  for 
his  wife.    Well,  I  couldn't  turn  the  fellow  out  of  doors, 
though  he  had  threatened  to  cut  my  throat  not  an  hour  be- 
fore, so  I  let  him  lay  down  in  the  back  room,  and  sent  for 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  IOLA.  237 

his  wife,  as  he  requested.    It  was  now  pretty  near  dark. 
"  For  God's  sake/'  said  Strafford,  " tie  up  these  'ere  cuts,  or 
I  shall  bleed  to  death."    I  wouldn't  be  very  sorry  for  that, 
thought  I ;  but  still  I  couldn't  help  feeling  a  little  sorry  for 
him,  seeing  he  was  so  tamed,  so  I  got  some  bandages  and 
commenced  binding  up  his  wounds  while  the  Indians  were 
yelling  and  talking  very  loud  outside  the  house.    While  I 
was  stooping  over  him,  bang  comes  a  pistol-shot  through 
the  chinks  of  the  wall.    "  My  God !"  groaned  Strafford, 
"  they've  shot  me.    Where's  my  wife  ?"    He  wasn't  mis- 
taken about  it.    The  ball  struck  him  in  the  left  shoulder, 
but  unfortunately  took  but  little  effect.    Although  I  had 
hoped  my  trouble  was  at  an  end,  I  had  to  bind  up  his  new 
wound,  and  while  I  was  doing  it  he  fell  to  begging  me  to 
keep  the  Indians  off,  for  he  was  hurt  to  death.    I  went  to 
the  door,  as  he  requested,  but  I  hadn't  left  him  a  second, 
before  crack  comes  a  rifle-shot  through  the  window.  I 
heard  Strafford  groan.    "  Oh,  they've  killed  me,"  said  he, 
and  I  was  really  in  hopes  that  he  had  told  the  truth  for 
once  in  his  life.    I  told  the  Indians  to  go  away,  that  they 
had  killed  him,  and  they  went  away  satisfied.    I  then  re- 
turned to  Strafford  and  found  the  devil  still  aiive,  though 
the  last  shot  had  been  well  aimed,  and  had  struck  him  in 
the  breast.    Shortly  after  his  wife  came  in,  and  commenced 
dressing  his  last  wound.    She  staid  all  night  with  him,  and 
I  sat  up  all  night  to  keep  her  from  stealing.    In  the  morn- 
ing his  brother  came  down  with  some  more  of  the  gang, 


238 


MAJOR  JONES. 


and  carried  him  home,  where  he  is  at  this  time,  if  he  is  not 
dead,  which  is  more  than  probable." 

"  Poor  devil,"  said  Mr.  Jones,  the  officer,  "  pity,  but  he 
has  come  to  the  end  of  his  rope." 

"  Yes,"  grunted  Mr.  Bacon,  "  it  will  save  a  deal  of  trou- 
ble and  expense  if  he  is  dead." 

I  listened  to  the  statement  of  the  sutler  with  no  common 
feelings.  Although  I  knew  Strafford  to  be  a  consummate  vil- 
lain, I  could  not  but  feel  sorry  for  him,  just  because  no  one 
else  pitied  him.  That  he  had  committed  the  robbery  I  had 
not  a  doubt,  but  then  to  be  hunted  and  shot  like  a  dog,  and 
to  have  even  his  surgeon  hope  for  his  death,  I  could  not  but 
pity  his  situation. 

"  What  are  the  latest  accounts  from  the  other  thieves  ?" 
I  inquired. 

"  On  the  return  of  the  runners  from  Tallahassee,  they 
took  the  hint,  and  are  among  the  missing,"  said  the  sutler. 
"  It  is  rumored  that  Rawls  has  gone  down  the  river  on  one 
of  the  steamboats,  and  that  Oaks  is  still  skulking  about  the 
Nation.  Immediately  after  the  robbery  intelligence  was 
sent  to  the  marshal  of  the  district  below,  and  he  is  expected 
up  in  to-day's  boat.  If  he  comes  we  shall  probably  hear 
from  Rawls." 

As  the  boat  was  hourly  expected,  it  was  proposed  to  go 
down  to  the  store  and  await  its  arrival.  We  had  not  waited 
long  before  the  boat  arrived,  and  with  it  the  marshal.  As 
we  anticipated;  Rawls  had  been  arrested  and  sent  to  Apa- 
lachicola. 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  IOLA. 


239 


The  marshal,  whom  I  shall  call  Mr.  Jordan,  was  a  mar- 
shal to  all  intents  and  purposes,  and  was  just  the  man  we 
stood  in  need  of.  He  was  a  short,  thick,  stout,  hard-visaged, 
thorough-going  sort  of  man,  and  one  who  feared  nothing 
human.  He  was  a  terror  to  all  land  pirates,  few  of  whom 
ever  escaped  him,  if  once  he  got  upon  their  track.  Mr. 
Bacon  was  delighted  at  his  arrival,  and  hailed  him  with  a 
cordial  shake  of  the  hand. 

"  Ah,"  said  he,  "  I'm  right  glad  you've  come,  Mr.  Jordan, 
we'll  have  little  more  to  do  now." 

"Oh, ho!"  said  Mr.  Jordan,  "you're  here,  are  you,  old 
stick-in-the-mud !    Why,  I  didn't  expect  to  see  you  here  in 

fortnight,  at  least." 

"  0h>  y°u  know  it  was  my  duty  to  come  and  do  all  I 
could  to  catch  these  'ere  robbers." 

"  Exactly ;  well,  what  have  you  done  ?" 

"  Why  we  haven't  done  much  yet;  we  only  got  here  this 
morning." 

"Well,  Mr.  Sutler,  what's  the  latest  news  respecting 
those  housebreakers  ?" 

So  soon  as  the  marshal  learned  Strafford's  condition,  he 
said  he  would  pay  him  a  professional  visit  immediately. 

"  S'pose  we  wait  till  morning,  Mr.  Jordan,"  said  Mr. 
Bacon.    "It's  some  ways  to  Strafford's  house." 

This  delay  would  not  suit  the  marshal.  He  was  deter- 
mined to  see  Strafford  immediately.  The  sutler  furnished 
three  ponies,  and  in  company  with  the  marshal  and  my- 


240 


MAJOR  JONES. 


self,  rode  out  to  see  Strafford.  We  found  him  at  the  house 
of  his  brother-in-law.  He  lay  upon  a  miserable  bed,  and 
as  much  resembled  a  dead  as  a  living  man.  Mr.  Jordan 
went  up  to  the  bed  and,  touching  him  upon  the  shoulder, 
informed  him  that  he  was  his  prisoner.  Strafford  was  too 
far  gone  to  notice  us.    A  faint  groan  was  his  only  reply. 

"  I  think  you  might  let  him  die  in  peace,"  said  a  miser- 
able, half-clad,  squalid-looking  creature,  who  claimed  to  be 
his  "  sister  dear,"  and  who  now  approached  the  bed,  and 
attempted  to  cry. 

"  Don't  be  alarmed,  good  woman,  I'll  not  hurt  him," 
said  Mr.  Jordan. 

"  Oh,  I  know  you,"  she  replied ;  "  you've  come  here  tov* 
carry  my  poor  brother  to  jail,  'cause  some  of  them  infernal 
red-skins  has  been  telling  a  pack  o'  lies  on  him,  so  they 
has  ;  but  he's  as  innocent  as  I  is,  so  he  is.    But  he'll  soon 
be  out  of  their  reach,  so  he  will." 

"  Don't  get  into  a  passion,  gentle  creature ;  it  don't  be- 
come you,"  said  Mr.  Jordan,  with  a  look  that  spoke  how 
little  he  regarded  her  eloquence. 

" That's  jist  like  you,"  sobbed  the  woman;  "a  body 
couldn't  expect  no  better  from  the  likes  o'  you.  You  ought  to 
be  ashamed  of  yourself,  so  you  ought,  to  be  mislisten  a  poor 
man  on  his  dying  bed." 

After  examining  Strafford  minutely,  Mr.  Jordan  con- 
sented to  allow  him  to  remain  where  he  was,  on  the  assur- 
ance of  his  brother-in-law  and  sister,  that  they  would  sur- 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  IOLA. 


241 


render  him  up  so  soon  as  he  was  able  to  leave  his  bed,  and 
we  departed. 

"  Do  you  think  he'll  live,  Mr.  Jordan  ?"  inquired  I, 
soon  after  we  left  the  house. 

"  Live  !  to  be  sure  he  will ;  nothing  but  a  hemp  cravat 
will  ever  kill  that  devil.  Shooting  is  nothing  for  him;  he's 
had  as  many  ball-holes  in  his  skin  as  he's  got  fingers  and 
toes." 

"Those  wounds  are  severe/'  said  the  sutler,  "but  he's 
an  alligator,  every  inch  of  him." 

"  He  looked  like  a  corpse,"  said  I,  "and  I  noticed  that, 
when  he  breathed,  bloody  froth  came  from  that  wound 
in  his  breast." 

"  I  saw  that  too,"  said  Mr.  Jordan,  "  but  notwithstanding, 
I  wouldn't  be  much  surprised  if  he  made  his  escape  before 
this  time  to-morrow." 

"  We'd  better  set  old  Bacon  to  watch  him,"  remarked 
the  sutler. 

"  Set  him  to  watch  ! — set  a  toad  to  watch  a  hoe-cake," 
said  Mr.  Jordan. 

We  arrived  at  the  store  about  sundowm,  where  the  sut- 
ler's Indian  wife  served  us  up  a  pretty  good  supper,  after 
which  we  listened  to  a  rehearsal  of  the  robbery,  and  the 
transactions  subsequent  to  it.  Mr.  Bacon  had  found  lodg- 
ings with  the  interpreter,  and  Mr.  Jones  at  the  house  of 
the  old  chief,  and  lucky  was  it  for  him  that  he  had,  for 

16 


242 


MAJOR  JONES. 


he  would  have  had  business  on  his  hands  had  he  remained 
at  the  store. 


CHAPTEE  III. 

We  were  seated  on  the  porch  before  the  door  of  the  store 
smoking  our  cigars,  when  an  Indian  negro  came  to  inform 
us  that  Oaks,  with  his  mother  and  Strafford's  sister,  were 
quartered  for  the  night  at  Strafford's  house,  distant  from  the 
store  about  three  miles. 

"  Are  you  certain  it  was  Oaks  you  saw?"  inquired  Mr. 
Jordan  of  the  negro. 

"  Yes,  massa ;  me  see  7m  mysef." 

"Let  me  have  a  horse,  Mr.  Sutler/'  said  Mr.  Jordan ;  "if 
he  is  not  caught  to-night,  he'll  not  be  found  to-morrow." 

The  sutler  did  not  like  to  leave  his  store  at  night,  and 
recommended  that  the  marshal  should  call  on  those  at 
Colonel  Blount's  to  accompany  him.  But  Mr.  Jordan  was 
not  inclined  to  ride  three  or  four  miles  out  of  his  way  to  get 
assistance  to  take  one  man. 

"  Never  mind,"  said  he,  "  if  this  boy  will  go  along  for 
company's  sake,  I'd  rather  old  Bacon  should  not  be  dis- 
turbed in  his  sleep,  for  all  the  service  he'd  be." 

"  Boy,"  thought  I ;  "  but  I'll  go  to  convince  him  that 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  IOLA. 


243 


I'm  not  the  boy  he  takes  me  for.  Let  me  have  a  pony, 
too,  Mr.  Sutler/'  said  I,  "  and  I'll  go  with  Mr.  Jordan, 
with  pleasure." 

"  That's  right,"  said  Jordan.  "  But  you  must  tote  a  pair 
of  pistols,  youngster,  and  if  you  have  occasion  to  shoot, 
don't  shut  both  eyes." 

I  felt  rather  squeamish  at  this,  for  I  was  aware  that  we 
were  to  deal  with  a  gang  of  desperate  outlaws ;  but  I  con- 
trived not  to  betray  my  fears,  and  since  I  had  volunteered 
to  go,  determined  to  go  resolutely. 

A  few  moments  were  spent  in  preparation,  and  Mr.  Jor- 
dan and  myself  took  our  departure  fully  armed  and  equipped. 

There  was  no  moon,  and  by  the  time  we  reached  Straf- 
ford's house  it  was  quite  dark,  so  that  our  approach  could 
not  have  been  discovered  until  we  were  within  hearing  dis- 
tance. The  house  stood  in  a  small  inclosure  and  was  built 
of  hewed  logs.  We  dismounted,  tied  our  horses  to  the 
fence,  and  then  approached  the  house.  All  was  still— no 
light  was  to  be  seen,  nor  a  sound  to  be  heard.  Mr.  Jordan, 
after  cautioning  me  not  to  speak,  approached  the  door  and 
knocked.  Thump,  thump,  thump,  went  his  fist  against  the 
door,  but  no  one  answered. 

"  Holloa  the  house !— holloa !"  called  out  Mr.  Jordan  at 
the  top  of  his  voice. 

Still  no  reply. 

"  Holloa,  I  say,  open  the  door,"  said  Mr.  Jordan ;  then 
listening  a  few  seconds  with  his  ear  close  to  the  door,  he 


244 


MAJOR  JONES. 


turned  to  me  and  said  he  thought  he  heard  footsteps  on  the 
floor. 

"Go  round  to  the  other  side  of  the  house/'  whispered 
Mr.  Jordan,  "  and  see  if  there  is  a  door  on  that  side.  Step 
lightly,  and  return  and  let  me  know." 

After  ascertaining  that  there  were  two  doors  to  the  house, 
I  returned  for  further  orders. 

"  Go  back,"  said  he,  "  and  take  your  station  near  the 
door,  and  do  as  I  direct  you,  but  do  not  speak  until  I  ad- 
dress myself  to  you." 

"  Do  you  think  he's  in  there  ?"  I  asked. 

"  I'm  certain  some  one's  there,  and  I'm  inclined  to  think 
Oaks  is  there,  or  they  would  open  the  door.  There  may 
be  half  a  dozen,  and  I  do  not  wish  to  let  them  know  our 
force  until  I  ascertain  something  farther  about  them." 

Accordingly  I  took  my  station  at  the  door. 

"  Come,  come,  now,  open  the  door  and  give  me  a  bed  by 
the  fire,"  resumed  Mr.  Jordan.  "I'll  pay  well  for  my 
night's  lodging." 

"Who  are  you?"  squalled  a  female  voice,  which,  from 
its  cracked  tone,  we  took  to  be  that  of  old  Hecate  herself. 

"  I'm  a  lone  chap  who  has  got  lost  in  the  woods." 

"  Well,  you  must  keep  on,"  replied  the  voice,  "  there's 
no  one  here  but  me  and  my  daughter,  and  I'll  warrant  you 
I'm  not  gwain  to  let  a  strange  man  in  the  house." 

Mr.  Jordan  pleaded  strongly  for  admission,  but  without 
effect. 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  IOLA. 


245 


"  Well,"  said  he,  "  if  you  won't  let  me  in,  you  certainly 
can't  object  to  my  sleeping  on  your  porch." 

"  Yes,  but  I  will,  though,"  replied  the  voice.  "You'd 
better  be  off,  now,  I  tell  you,  'cause  if  my  husband  comes 
home  and  finds  you  here,  it's  a  chance  if  you  ever  go  away 
alive." 

"  I'll  risk  that,"  said  the  marshal ;  "  I'll  warrant  your 
husband's  a  cleverer  fellow  than  you  are.  So,  since  you 
won't  act  like  a  Christian  and  open  the  door,  I'll  knock  no 
more,  but  make  the  best  I  can  of  the  soft  side  of  a  puncheon 
till  morning." 

The  old  woman  raved  at  a  tremendous  rate ;  she  swore 
if  he  did  not  go  away,  she  would  shoot,  scald,  burn,  and. 
play  the  mischief  with  him.  The  marshal  endeavored  to 
pacify  her,  then  aggravated  her,  then  laughed  at  her,  and 
finally  quarrelled  with  her  because  she  would  not  let  him 
sleep.  The  old  woman  became  more  and  more  uneasy ;  it 
was  plain  that  she  suspected  us,  and  unfortunately  for  our 
scheme,  I  was,  at  just  about  this  stage  of  the  game,  seized 
with  an  irresistible  desire  to  sneeze,  which  in  spite  of  all  I 
could  do  betrayed  my  presence  to  the  inmates  of  the  house. 
The  sneeze  did  not  escape  the  notice  of  the  old  woman, 
and,  though  the  marshal  swore  it  was  nothing  but  a  cat, 
which  like  him,  being  shut  out  of  doors,  had  taken  cold, 
she  was  not  to  be  deceived. 

"  I  know  you,  you  sneakin',  skulkin'  scoundrels.  There's 
a  gang  of  you  now  prowlin'  about  a  lone  woman's  house. 


246 


MAJOR  JONES. 


But  IVe  found  you  out.  You've  come  here  after  my  son, 
but  thank  God,  he's  out  of  your  reach,  so  he  is.  You'd 
better  go  home." 

"  Well9  old  woman,  you're  about  half-right,"  said  Mr. 
Jordan,  aso  just  unbar  your  door  and  let  us  be  satisfied  that 
he's  not  with  you,  and  we'll  go  home." 

"  j^ow,  I'll  stick  you  up  with  opening  the  door,  won't  I ! 
Go  home,  I  tell  you !  If  you  was  any  kin  to  decent  white 
folks  you'd  be  ashamed  to  disturb  anybody  so.  But  you 
may  stand  there  and  bawl  till  you're  tired.  I'll  not  let  you 
under  my  roof,  that's  what  I  won't." 

The  old  woman  now  pretended  to  go  to  sleep.  Mr.  Jor- 
dan couldn't  get  a  word  from  her.  The  novelty  of  the 
adventure  kept  me  wide  awake,  but  the  marshal,  who  was 
something  of  a  vocalist,  either  for  his  own  amusement,  or 
for  the  annoyance  of  the  old  woman,  indulged  in  singing 
songs : 

"  There's  meetin's  of  pleasure,  and  partin's  of  grief, 
But  an  inconstant  lovyer  is.  worse  nor  a  thief: 
A  thief  he  will  rob  you,  and  steal  all  you  have, 
But  an  inconstant  lovyer  '11  take  you  to  the  grave." 

"  I  know  what  you're  hintin'  up,  you  old  screech-owl, 
you ;  but  I  reckon  if  the  truth  was  known,  you're  as  big  a 
thief  as  anybody,"  interrupted  the  old  woman. 

Mr.  Jordan  resumed : 

"  0,  let  me  in  this  aye  night, 
O,  let  me  in  this  aye  night,"  etc. 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  IOLA. 


247 


The  old  woman  acted  'possum  for  some  time,  but  finally 
her  temper  got  the  better  of  her,  and  she  broke  forth : 
"  You  mean,  stinking  white  Ingin  devils,  you,  go  home  I" 

"  We  won't  go  home  till  morning, 
We  won't  go  home  till  morning, 
We  won't  go  home  till  morning, 
Till  daylight  doth  appear." 

This  was  not  to  be  borne ;  the  old  woman  broke  forth  in 
a  torrent  of  abuse,  by  far  excelling  anything  I  ever  heard 
before  or  since,  to  which  Mr.  Jordan  replied  by  singing : 

"  Pray,  Goody,  please  to  moderate  the  rancor  of  your  tongue, 
Why  flash  those  sparks  of  fury  from  your  eyes  ? 
Bemember  when  the  judgment's  weak,  the  prejudice  is  strong, 
A  stranger  why  will  you  despise  ? 
Ply  me,  try  me, 

Prove  ere  you  deny  me,"  etc*,  etc. 

Finally,  finding  that  the  marshal  paid  no  regard  to  her, 
the  old  woman  became  silent,  and  Mr.  Jordan  continued 
his  medley  until  his  attention  was  arrested  by  the  noise  of 
footsteps  within  the  house.  He  listened  for  a  few  moments 
and  all  was  still,  but  when  he  resumed  his  song  the  noise 
was  heard  again.  He  hummed  a  tune  for  awhile  in  an 
undertone,  and  after  a  short  pause,  called  out  to  me : 

"  Look  out  there,  gentlemen,  on  the  other  side.  He's 
trying  to  crawl  out  at  the  chimney-top.  The  moment  you 
see  his  head  against  the  sky,  pull  trigger  on  it!" 


248 


MAJOR  JONES. 


The  next  moment  I  could  distinctly  hear  some  one  clam- 
bering down  the  chimney. 

"  That's  right/'  said  Mr.  Jordan,  "  you'd  stand  a  bad 
chance  coming  out  at  the  chimney-top.  A  whiter  man 
than  you  would  show  against  the  sky." 

"  I  reckon  a  body  can  make  up  a  fire  in  their  own  house," 
said  the  old  woman,  "  without  being  shot  for  it." 

"Go  to  bed,  old  Meg,"  said  the  marshal,  "it's  not  time 
to  make  a  fire  yet  these  two  hours." 

"I'll  not  ax  you,  you  drotted  thief!"  replied  the  old 
dame.  "  You  won't  let  a  body  sleep,  so  I'm  gwain  to  sit 
up  till  morning." 

I  was  now  satisfied  that  the  object  of  our  pursuit  was 
within,  and  of  course  "  opened  my  eyes  tight,"  and  listened 
attentively  to  every  noise  within  the  house.  The  old  woman 
continued  thumping  about  the  house,  apparently  endeav- 
oring to  make  all  the  noise  she  could,  as  if  she  wished  to 
engross  our  entire  attention.  But  Mr.  Jordan  was  too  wide 
awake  for  her.  He  heard  in  spite  of  all  her  clatter  a  slab 
of  the  floor  raised, 

"  Look  out  there,  gentlemen,  they're  letting  him  out  un- 
der the  floor.  Keep  a  sharp  lookout,  and  shoot  him  if  he 
attempts  to  escape." 

"  Never  fear  us,"  I  replied.  "  We  heard  the  plank  move, 
and  are  on  the  lookout  for  him." 

"  Stand  a  one  side,"  said  Mr.  Jordan,  after  a  short  pause, 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  IOLA. 


249 


I  think  I  see  his  stilts  sticking  through  the  floor,  and  I'd 
like  to  sprinkle  them  with  a  few  buck-shot." 

"My  God!"  squalled  old  Meg,  " don't  shoot  under 
there,  you'll  kill  all  my  geese !" 

And  the  next  moment  a  noise  like  that  of  a  man  spring- 
ing on  the  floor  was  distinctly  heard. 

"  Well,  don't  let  your  geese  stick  their  legs  through  the 
floor,"  said  Mr.  Jordan,  "for  of  a  dark  night  like  this,  it  is 
not  easy  to  tell  a  goose  from  any  other  two-legged  animal." 

Daylight  was  now  fast  approaching,  and  it  was  evident 
to  all  concerned,  that  the  game  was  about  to  be  blocked. 
The  old  woman  raved  for  a  while,  but  finding  that  all  she 
could  say  could  not  dislodge  the  marshal  from  his  post, 
she  became  quiet,  and  we  could  hear  nothing  but  a  low 
whispering  and  a  slight  rustling  within  the  house.  It  was 
evident  that  some  new  scheme  was  about  to  be  adopted, 
but  what  it  was  was  not  easy  to  divine.  The  east  was  al- 
ready gray,  and  I  felt  that  the  important  crisis  was  about 
approaching.  My  contemplations  were  of  a  serious  character. 
It  might  be  that  there  were  more  than  one  in  the  house, 
and  when  daylight  should  discover  to  them  our  meagre 
force,  might  they  not  overpower  the  marshal ;  and  then  the 
old  woman  might  eat  me  alive,  or  her  son  might  shoot 
me  with  my  own  pistols.  I  awaited  the  next  move  of  the 
marshal  with  some  little  agitation,  and  was  not  sorry  that 
the  house  was  between,  so  that  he  could  not  detect  me. 


250 


MAJOR  JONES. 


But  a  few  minutes  more  elapsed  and  it  was  quite  light. 
The  old  woman  now  commenced  to  unbar  the  door. 

"  I  reckon,"  said  she,  "  you'll  not  shoot  me  if  I  go  to  get 
some  wood  for  my  fire." 

"  You  can't  go, yet/'  said  Mr.  Jordan  in  a  very  stern 
tone.  "  You'll  catch  your  death  if  you  go  out  in  the  dew 
so  early." 

"  And  what's  that  to  you,  you  oudacious  varmit !"  said 
old  Meg,  as  she  was  about  to  step  out  on  the  porch,  at  the 
same  time  pulling  the  door  shut  after  her. 

"  Go  in,  you  old  hellian  !"  said  the  marshal  in  an  angry 
tone. 

"Did  you  ever  see  such  insurance!"  squalled  old  Meg. 
She  paused  for  a  moment,  then  muttering  curses  between 
her  toothless  gums,  she  sprang  for  an  axe  which  lay  upon 
the  porch.  The  marshal  set  one  foot  upon  the  handle  of  the 
axe,  then  drawing  a  pistol  from  his  belt  pointed  it  with  a 
grim  look  at  her  head, — 

"Do  you  see  that,  you  old  hag?  Go  in  and  be  quiet 
until  I  permit  you  to  go  after  wood,  or  I'll  spatter  your 
brains  against  the  door-sill." 

There  was  something  in  the  manner  of  the  marshal  that 
awed  even  old  Meg,  and  she  went  into  the  house  muttering. 
Next  came  the  girl,  who  likewise  wanted  to  go  after  wood. 
A  look  from  the  marshal,  however,  was  a  poser  for  her,  and 
she  shrank  from  the  door. 

It  was  by  this  time  quite  daylight.  Mr.  Jordan  beckoned 


(252)  "Good  morning,  to  your  night-cap." 


THE   BURGLARS  OF  IOLA. 


253 


me  to  come  round,  and  we  opened  the  door  and  walked 
in,  pistols  in  hand,  when,  not  at  all  to  oar  surprise,  we 
found  the  gentleman  over  whom  we  had  kept  such  faithful 
watch  the  whole  night  seated  on  the  side  of  a  miserable- 
looking  bed,  dressed  in  woman's  clothes. 

"Good  morning  to  your  nightcap,"  said  Mr.  Jordan, 
approaching  him  and  laying  his  hand  upon  his  shoulder. 
"  As  I  have  a  little  business  with  you,  I'll  trouble  you  to 
accompany  me  to  the  store  this  morning."  Then  turning 
to  old  Meg,  who  was  calling  us  all  the  hard  names  in  her  vo- 
cabulary, and  out  of  whose  reach  I  took  good  care  to  keep, 

"  Ah  ha!  old  Meg,  IVe  caught  your  goose  at  last;  you 
couldn't  get  him  out  of  the  chimney-top,  through  the  floor, 
nor  in  petticoats.  Well,  IVe  always  heard  you  were  a 
tartar  to  come  up  to ;  but,  Meg,  to  say  the  truth,  I  don't 
think  you're  the  woman  you're  cracked  up  to  be." 

I  need  not  say  that  old  Meg  retorted  in  a  style  becoming 
a  woman  of  her  character.  She  cursed  the  marshal  for 
everything  she  could  think  of.  Then  turning  to  me  she 
said  I  was  a  pretty  little  bantam,  to  be  strutting  about  with 
pistols  in  my  belt,  and  swore  she  could  run  a  regiment  of 
such  things  with  her  broomstick.  The  marshal  laughed 
at  her,  and  for  my  part,  so  she  kept  her  hands  off,  I  little 
regarded  her  raillery. 

The  old  woman  wanted  to  put  her  son  down  the  plank 
in  the  floor  and  to  change  his  clothes,  but  the  marshal  would 
not  wait ;  so  tying  his  prisoner's  hands  behind  his  back, 


254 


MAJOR  JONES. 


we  mounted  our  horses  and  set  off  for  the  store  with 
Mr.  Oaks  between  us  in  his  mother's  best  frock  and  cap. 
On  our  arrival  at  the  store,  the  Indians  pressed  around  to 
see  the  este  hoketucky,  and  many  were  the  jokes  in  which 
they  indulged  at  the  expense  of  our  prisoner. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

Shortly  after  our  arrival  at  the  store,  we  were  joined 
by  Mr.  Bacon,  and  those  who  had  found  quarters  for  the 
night  at  the  house  of  the  old  chief.  As  the  morning  ad- 
vanced, several  of  the  settlers  in  the  vicinity  of  the  In- 
dian town,  who  had  been  attracted  by  the  Governor's  pro- 
clamation, also  came  to  our  assistance.  Mr.  Bacon  was 
delighted  with  our  success,  and  expressed  his  regret  that  we 
did  not  afford  him  an  opportunity  of  participating  in  the 
adventure.  Our  prisoner  was  exceedingly  chopfallen,  and 
assuming  an  air  of  frankness,  quite  at  variance  with  his 
calling,  confessed  his  guilt.  He  persisted  in  representing 
himself  as  an  injured  innocent,  or  as  he  expressed  it,  a 
"  deluded  young  man,"  who  had  been  inveigled  from  the 
path  of  rectitude  by  the  infamous  Strafford,  who  he  aver- 
red had  not  only  almost  forced  him  to  become  his  accom- 
plice, but  what  was  still  more  infamous  in  his  eyes,  had 


THE  BURGLARS  OP  IOLA.  255 

cheated  him  in  the  division  of  the  plunder.  He  gave  us 
all  the  particulars  of  the  robbery,  and  offered  to  surrender 
his  share  of  the  money  and  goods  if  we  would  send  an 
escort  with  him  to  his  home,  which  was  distant  from  the 
store  some  six  or  eight  miles.  It  was  finally  arranged  that 
Mr.  Bacon,  with  four  of  the  young  men  who  had  volunteered 
their  services,  should  go  with  Oaks  to  his  house  and  obtain 
the  property,  while  a  second  party  were  to  visit  Strafford  to 
inquire  after  his  health,  leaving  the  marshal  and  me  to 
snatch  a  little  sleep  on  the  sutler's  cot.  Horses  were  soon 
in  readiness,  and  Mr.  Bacon,  with  his  prisoner  well  pinioned, 
set  off  at  the  head  of  his  escort,  certainly  manifesting  more 
life  and  animation  than  he  had  since  he  left  Tallahassee. 

Old  Meg,  who  had  in  the  meantime  made  her  appearance 
at  the  store,  mounted  on  her  pony,  now  joined  the  caval- 
cade, much  to  the  annoyance  of  Mr.  Bacon,  who  seemed 
very  desirous  of  avoiding  any  collision  with  a  woman  of 
her  well-known  prowess.  The  marshal  laughed  as  he  saw 
the  fat  old  gentleman  cut  his  suspicious  eye  at  the  withered 
old  hag. 

"  8ee  how  Mr.  Bacon  rides  round  old  Meg/'  said  he,  as 
they  moved  off.  "  I  wouldn't  be  surprised  if  the  old  woman 
outgeneralled  him  yet." 

We  had  perhaps  slept  a  couple  of  hours,  and  I  was 
dreaming  of  a  grand  combat  with  old  Meg  in  a  black  cave, 
in  a  gloomy  forest!  I  had  fired  two  pistols  at  her,  still 
she  did  not  fall !    I  attempted  to  escape,  but  the  door  was 


256 


MAJOR  JONES. 


barred.  "With  one  skinny  hand  she  grasped  me  by  the  hair, 
with  the  other  she  brandished  a  ponderous  knife  all  covered 
with  blood!  Her  red  eyes  gleamed  upon  me,  and  her 
cracked  voice  screeched  in  my  ear,  "I've  got  ye  now!" 
In  another  moment  she  would  sever  my  head  from  my 
shoulders!  I  tried  to  call  for  help,  but  my  breath  was 
gone — I  could  not  speak!  What  would  have  been  the 
result  of  the  horrible  encounter  I  have  yet  to  dream,  for 
just  at  this  painful  crisis  Mr.  Jordan  came  to  my  assistance, 
and  slapping  me  heartily  upon  the  shoulder,  exclaimed, 
"  Get  up,  my  little  bully !  here's  more  work  for  us." 

On  recovering  my  bewildered  senses  I  learned  that  the 
party  who  had  been  sent  to  ascertain  if  Strafford  was  yet 
alive,  had  returned  and  reported  " non  est  inventus"  as  the 
sheriff  would  say.  On  arriving  at  the  house  where  we  had 
left  him  the  evening  previous,  they  found  the  place  entirely 
abandoned.  Not  a  soul  remained,  and  they  were  obliged 
to  return  without  being  able  to  give  us  the  slightest  intelli- 
gence respecting  the  object  of  their  search.  From  a  man 
who  had  come  to  the  store  that  morning  on  business,  we 
learned  that  he  had  met  Strafford  on  his  way,  mounted  on  a 
horse,  and  armed  with  a  gun  and  pistols,  and  that  he  told 
our  informant  in  reply  to  his  inquiries,  that  there  was  a 
party  after  him,  to  take  him  for  a  robbery  which  he  never 
committed,  and  that  he  was  determined  not  to  be  taken 
alive. 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  TOLA. 


257 


"He  said  he  wouldn't  be  taken  alive,  eh?"  inquired  the 
marshal. 

"  Yes,"  replied  the  stranger,  "  he  said  he  had  been  cut 
and  shot  all  to  pieces  by  the  Indians,  and  that  he'd  be 

d  d  if  he  didn't  shoot  the  first  man  that  attempted  to 

put  hands  on  him." 

"  Well,  we'll  give  the  fellow  a  chance  to  try  his  pluck. 
It's  immaterial  to  me  whether  I  take  him  to  Tallahassee 
as  a  live  pork  or  a  dead  hog." 

Mr.  Jordan  then  questioned  the  stranger,  with  a  view  of 
ascertaining  where  it  was  most  likely  Strafford  had  gone. 
No  intelligence,  however,  of  a  satisfactory  nature  could  be 
drawn  from  him,  and  as  no  time  was  to  be  lost,  the  marshal, 
after  formally  summoning  the  new-comer  to  make  one  of 
the  party,  prepared  to  start  in  search  of  his  absconded 
prisoner. 

With  a  view  of  instituting  a  thorough  search  for  Strafford, 
the  marshal  divided  his  force,  which  now  consisted  of  some 
ten  or  twelve  men,  each  armed  with  a  gun  and  well  mounted, 
into  two  parties ;  one  of  which,  under  the  direction  of  the 
interpreter,  proceeded  to  search  the  woods  and  swamps 
below  the  town,  where  it  was  known  that  Strafford  had  some 
friends  among  the  settlers,  while  the  other,  under  the  guid- 
ance of  the  marshal,  set  off  in  the  direction  of  the  place 
where  he  had  been  seen  that  morning  by  our  informant. 
My  eagerness  for  adventure  would  not  permit  me  to  remain 
behind,  although  the  fatigues  and  exposure  of  the  past  night 

17 


258 


MAJOR  JONES. 


had  rendered  me  much  better  qualified  for  the  bed  than  the 
saddle.  On  our  way  to  the  lagoon,  near  which  there  were 
some  old  deserted  cabins,  in  which  it  was  supposed  Strafford 
would  take  refuge,  we  had  to  pass  near  to  Colonel  Blount's 
house.  On  arriving  opposite  the  old  chief's  wigwam,  the 
marshal  desired  the  party  to  halt  until  he  should  procure 
three  or  four  Indians  to  accompany  us,  to  serve  in  trailing 
out  the  object  of  our  search.  I  rode  with  Mr.  Jordan  to 
the  shanties,  which  stood  but  a  few  hundred  yards  from  the 
road,  where  we  soon  obtained  three  Indians,  and  returned. 
On  reaching  our  party  we  missed  the  stranger,  who  we  were 
informed  had  desired  to  ride  on  in  advance  until  he  reached 
his  home  for  the  purpose  of  bathing  his  eyes,  which  he  said 
were  sore,  promising  to  be  ready  to  accompany  us  to  the 
lagoon  place,  on  our  overtaking  him.  The  marshal  shook 
his  head. 

"  My  suspicions  are  confirmed/7  said  he,  "and  our  chance 
of  taking  Strafford  is  now  but  a  sorry  one." 

"  Why  so  ?"  inquired  one  of  the  party. 

"  Why,  the  fellow  whom  you  have  let  escape  you,  I  am 
quite  sure,  is  no  better  than  Strafford.  He  will  gain  suffi- 
cient time  by  his  ruse  to  inform  Strafford  of  our  approach, 
who,  if  he  once  escapes  into  the  lagoon,  will  be  out  of  our 
reach,  and  we  might  as  well  waste  our  time  looking  for  a 
needle  in  a  haystack." 

"  I  think  he's  hardly  as  mean  as  that,"  said  one. 

"  I  had  my  suspicions  before,"  replied  the  marshal,, 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  IOLA. 


259 


"and  now  I  am  quite  sure  his  business  to  the  store  this 
morning  was  only  that  of  a  spy.  But  there  is  no  time  to 
be  lost;  put  whip  to  your  horses  and  follow  me,  and  he 
shall  have  but  little  time  to  put  his  designs  into  execution, 
if  he  is  as  treacherous  as  I  suspect  him  to  be." 

So  saying,  the  marshal  dashed  off  at  full  gallop,  and  we 
all  followed,  leaving  the  Indians,  who  were  on  foot,  to  ply 
their  shanks'  horses  as  best  they  might. 

Half  an  hour's  ride  brought  us  to  the  man's  house,  where 
we  found  him  all  alone,  sitting  in  his  porch.  He  stated  that 
he  felt  too  unwell  to  accompany  us,  but  directed  us  to  the 
old  houses,  which  were  only  about  a  mile  distant.  Mr. 
Jordan  spent  no  time  in  words,  though  his  eye  flashed  as 
he  regarded  the  individual,  of  whom  his  worst  suspicions 
were  now  confirmed. 

"  All  haste,  men !"  said  he,  and  off  we  started  in  the  di- 
rection of  the  lagoon,  with  the  Indians,  who  had  overtaken 
us,  close  at  our  heels.  The  dilapidated  old  buildings  were 
soon  in  sight.  A  halt  was  ordered,  and  the  men  disposed 
in  such  manner  as  to  cut  off  all  retreat  from  the  buildings. 
At  an  appointed  signal  we  all  approached,  riding  up  from 
every  direction  to  the  spot,  when  we  dismounted,  fastened 
our  horses  and  entered  the  ruins.  But  the  bird  had  flown. 
Abundant  signs  of  recent  occupancy  were  discernible,  the 
character  of  which  left  no  doubt  on  our  minds  that  Strafford 
had  been  there.  In  one  building  was  a  bed  of  moss,  and 
strewed  around  upon  the  floor  were  several  bloody  bandages. 


260 


MAJOR  JONES. 


In  another  was  a  bag  of  corn,  and  the  recent  tracks  of  a 
horse,  which  might  be  traced  to  some  distance  in  the  direc- 
tion of  the  lagoon.  The  Indians  were  present,  and  evinced 
much  of  their  native  cunning  and  skill,  in  tracing  out  facts 
from  signs  and  appearances,  developing  in  one  instance  a 
method  of  chronological  calculation,  quite  novel  in  its  char- 
acter, and  certainly  peculiar  to  themselves.  Upon  the  floor 
were  several  marks  of  tobacco-spittle ;  these  attracted  the 
attention  of  the  Indians,  and  after  examining  them  minute- 
ly, and  observing  the,  rays  or  sharp  projections  of  ambia 
which  usually  shoot  forth  from  the  main  body  as  it  falls 
upon  ail  even  surface,  and  carefully  noting  the  degree  in 
which  they  were  absorbed  by  the  wood,  they  were  enabled 
to  compute  the  time  to  a  fraction  since  the  last  spittle  had 
fallen  upon  the  floor.  They  asserted  with  great  confidence 
that  Strafford  had  not  been  gone  more  than  fifteen  minutes 
before  our  arrival.  The  Indians  found  no  difficulty  in 
tracing  the  tracks  of  the  horse  in  one  direction,  and  those 
of  men  in  another,  until  the  latter  reached  the  lagoon. 
Further  it  was  impossible  to  follow,  without  the  aid  of  a 
canoe,  as  the  water,  which  inundated  a  cypress  swamp  of 
several  miles  in  extent,  was  in  places  very  deep.  A  canoe 
had  doubtless  been  brought  up  from  the  river  by  some  of 
Strafford's  gang,  in  which  he  had  effected  his  escape. 

With  a  rueful  countenance  the  marshal  abandoned  the 
pursuit,  and  we  directed  our  course  towards  the  Indian 
town.    As  we  passed  the  house  of  the  man  who  doubtless 


THE  BURGLARS  OF  IOLA. 


261 


had  thwarted  our  efforts  to  recover  our  prisoner,  we  found 
it  vacant;  the  guilty  scamp  had  secreted  himself,  doubtless 
fearing  to  meet  the  indignant  marshal.  And  it  was  well 
for  him  that  he  was  not  found,  for  Mr.  Jordan  held  that 
lynch  law  was  an  excellent  remedy  "  in  certain  cases  made 
and  provided,"  and  was  as  ready  to  execute  a  writ  from 
that  as  a  higher  court. 

It  was  late  in  the  evening  before  we  reached  the  store. 
Mr.  Bacon  came  running  out  to  meet  us  as  we  dismounted. 

"  Whar's  Strafford  ?"  he  eagerly  inquired. 

"  Gone  to  ,"  replied  Mr.  Jordan,  in  a  crabbed  voice. 

"Did  you  get  the  money?" 

"  Em — eh — no,"  stammered  Mr.  Bacon. 

"  The  devil  you  didn't !    Where's  Oaks  ?" 

"  Why  he's  gone  too." 

"  Gone !— gone  where  ?  You  certainly  didn't  let  him  get 
away  when  you  had  his  arms  tied  behind  his  back,  did  you  ?" 
"  Why,  that  old  woman — " 

"  I  thought  so,"  interrupted  Mr.  Jordan, "  the  old  woman 
was  too  much  for  you.    Just  what  I  expected." 

f(  But,  Mr.  Jordan,  don't  you  know — " 

"  Yes,  I  do  know  you're  not  the  man  to  be  trusted  with 
a  prisoner  and  a  woman  like — " 

"  That  'ere  old  she-devil.  You  don't  think,  Mr.  Jordan, 
that  I  could  be—" 

"  Bamboozled  out  of  your  prisoner,"  interrupted  Mr. 
Jordan  in  return. 


262 


MAJOR  JONES. 


Mra  Bacon  assumed  a  very  indignant  attitude,  and  run- 
ning both  hands  into  his  pockets,  fastened  his  oyster  eye 
upon  the  marshal. 

"Now,  Mr.  Jordan,  you  don't  mean  to  insinewate  any- 
thing injurious  to  my  character,  because — " 

"Well,  how  was  it,  then,  Mr.  Bacon,— how  did  it  hap- 
pen ?" 

"Why,  Til  tell  you.  Arter  we  started  from  here  this 
morning,  we  all  rode  along  quiet  enough  until  we  got  'most 
there.  Oaks  said  his  arm  hurt  him,  and  wanted  us  to  let 
him  loose.  Well,  he  talked  so  good  I  thought  we  mought 
as  well  do  so,  and  we  untied  his  hands.  When  we  got 
near  the  house,  the  old  woman  rode  on  ahead  a  little,  and 
got  in  the  house  before  we  got  there.  Oaks  was  before  the 
rest,  and  was  walking  up  to  the  house  just  as  I  was  getting 
off  my  horse.  The  boys  were  tying  their  horses,  when 
what  should  we  see,  but  the  old  woman  jump  out  of  the  door 
with  a  double-barrelled  gun  and  give  it  to  her  son,  who 
broke  like  a  quarter-horse  for  the  swamp,  which  was  close 
by.  As  soon  as  she  gave  Oaks  the  gun  she  run  back  into 
the  house  and  hollered  out,  6  Fire  on  the  d—d  rascals  V  and 
Fll  swar  I  saw  three  guns  sticking  through  the  chinks." 

"  Bah !"  exclaimed  the  marshal. 

"  The  boys,"  continued  Mr.  Bacon,  not  minding  the  in- 
terruption, "  all  took  after  Oaks,  as  I  thought,  and  just  as  I 
was  puttin'  my  leg  over  my  horse  to  follow,  out  comes  the 
old  woman  with  a  big  stick,  and  tuck  me  a  pelt  aside  of 


THE  BURGLARS  OP  XOLA. 


263 


my  head  that  knocked  me  clean  over  t'other  side,  and  be- 
fore I  could  get  out  of  the  tanglernents,  she  give  me  two  or 
three  licks  that  liked  to  knock  the  breath  out  of  me,  and 
then  run  off." 

"  You  let  her  whip  you,  then,  and  you  had  a  gun!" 
exclaimed  the  marshal,  unable  any  longer  to  repress  his 
laughter. 

"  I  had  sot  my  gun  down  by  a  tree,  and  while  I  was  catch- 
ing my  horse,  the  old  critter  must  have  stole  it." 

"  And  you  lost  your  gun  in  the  bargain !" 

"  Why,  arter  I  got  out  of  the  old  vixen's  clutches,  I  looked 
about  and  the  boys  were  all  gone,  so  I  didn't  go  back." 

Only  one  of  the  party  who  had  accompanied  Mr,  Bacon 
was  present,  who  excused  his  own  conduct  on  the  ground 
that  the  balance  of  the  party  all  ran  for  life  as  soon  as  they 
saw  the  old  woman  with  the  gun.  He  stated  that  he  en- 
deavored to  rally  them,  but  when  they  heard  old  Bacon 
shouting  murder,  they  hurried  off,  leaving  him  for  dead. 
The  marshal  was  exceedingly  vexed  at  the  fortunes  of  the 
day,  but  when  he  heard  the  poor  old  man's  tale,  and  beheld 
his  scratched  countenance  and  torn  coat,  which  was  split 
,  up  to  the  collar,  he  could  not  but  laugh  at  all  that  had 
passed. 

Another  day  was  passed  in  useless  search  for  Strafford 
and  Oaks,  and  on  the  following  morning  I  took  my  depar- 
ture in  the  steamboat  for  Aspalaga.  On  my  arrival  home 
I  gave  his  Excellency  a  detailed  account  of  all  that  had 


264 


MAJOR  JONES. 


transpired.  After  hearing  me  patiently  to  the  end  he 
exclaimed : 

"  Well,  I  must  say  you  have  made  a  pretty  mess  of  it, 
indeed  !  Pity  but  you  had  drowned  old  Bacon  when  you 
had  him  in  the  canoe." 

Thus  ended  our  crusade  against  the  Burglars  of  Iola 
neither  of  whom  was  ever  taken,  though  one  of  them  was 
afterwards  shot,  somewhere  in  Georgia,  while  in  the  act  of 
stealing  a  horse.  A  representation  of  the  affair  was  made 
to  the  government,  and  I  believe  Colonel  Blount  was  fully 
indemnified  previous  to  his  removal  to  Texas,  where  he 
died  a  few  years  since. 


